My (26F) boyfriend (31M) has a 6-year-old son from a previous relationship. He sees him every other weekend, Friday night through Sunday afternoon, sometimes Monday morning if he doesn’t have school. I’ve been with him a little over a year now, and I like his son, I really do, but I wouldn’t say I’ve bonded deeply with him.
Here’s the issue: anytime parenting comes up, discipline, sleep training, picky eating, whatever, my boyfriend acts like an expert. He constantly lectures my sister (who has a toddler full-time) and even tries to give advice to me, even though I don’t have kids.
I finally snapped after he tried to tell my sister she was “spoiling” her toddler. I said, “You have him four days a month. That doesn’t make you a full-time parent. You’re more like an uncle with visitation.”
He got really quiet and then said, “Wow, that’s messed up.” Now he’s barely talking to me, and his mom called me “cruel and disrespectful.”
I get that it was blunt, maybe even harsh, but I was tired of him acting like a parenting expert when he’s barely present. AITAH?
Comments
I mean, harsh but true 🤷 unless he was around for a few years at the beginning of their life, he doesn’t have the experience.
Harsh
Nta it’s true
Oh well, truth hurts. He should keep his trap shut and worry about being more of an active parent.
It was harsh but sometimes harsh is necessary
YTA and get ready to be the ex.
ESH – he shouldnt be lecturing anyone
But he is a parent. You didnt need to be so cruel
NTA, hey, it’s okay to call out someone when they’re being overly confident about something they don’t fully grasp, you did good.
Truth Hurts 🤷🏻♀️
Kinda harsh even if he isn’t a full time parent he’s still a parent
He’s still a parent though that was uncalled for yta
You right
ESH. He’s an AH for giving unsolicited advise & your the AH for not being civil.
That’s what he gets for yapping about a subject he knows nothing about.
Also that’s LOW for visititation and usually a red flag. Why so little time???
100% right a real parent should want to see there child more. 4 days a month seems like his duty and for him to make himself feel better
ESH.
OP is the ahole for belittling bf being an involved parent, but not enough to her standard. He is a parent. He is involved.
BF is the ahole for thinking he is an expert and belittling the experience and parenting style of another.
You were 100% right and thats why his feelings are hurt now. He needed to hear that. Is this someone you see yourself having a future with? Someone who doesnt handle his responsibilities?
YTA
YTA
We dont know his situation but either way what you said was really fucked up. You could have just told him to stop trying to insert his opinion where it wasnt wanted or something but to attack him in that way? Yeah id be done with you.
I mean ESH. You’re the one dating a parent who is, in your own words, more like an uncle with visitation.
You really think that’s a sound future investment? Then going all in to criticize him for having opinions on parenting?
It’s not that your wrong, it was harsh but true- but why are you even with him?
You don’t seem to like him much and he’s obviously not a great or invested parent to his kids. What are you doing? Lol
YTA
Seems like you were trying to get back to him for talking down to your sister instead of having a normal conversation about what’s bothering you like an adult.
You fixed nothing, and only hurt his feelings.
YTA
like, he should shit with other people’s kids, but you were WAY outta bounds.
Depends why he has 4 days a month, has he done anything to get more time? If not then truth hurts NTA. You cannot be a present parent 4 days a month, you just can’t.
Wow. YTA. Why are you with a man who’s a bad parent then? Hope you never want to have kids because he’s clearly not long term material to you.
Question; why does he only have his kid 4 days a month?
While 50/50 custody has become more of the norm, it’s not a given. Especially if the split is when the child is very young.
It was pretty cruel to say that to him.
But he really should keep his mouth shut with the unsolicited advice.
ESH
INFO: why does he only see him 4 days a month? Is he trying to get more time?
ESH.
You are an AH for that comment and you know that. It was unnecessarily cruel. At least he is putting in effort and staying involved, and you don’t know the details of the custody arrangements or child support decisions.
He’s an AH for criticizing anyone else’s parenting. He needs to learn to mind his own business and that he’s not an expert.
ESH There is nothing wrong with being a weekend parent if that is the way the custody agreement is. On the other hand he shouldn’t have been lecturing your sister about parenting.
Ewaa he told his mommy on you ? 😂😂😂
You are completely right.People who don’t have kids full time should not be advising other s about parenting
YTA; ESH. He definitely needed to be spoken to about his own conduct. But you chose a hurtful, belittling way of speaking to him. You could have said, “BF, I want you to know that sometimes you tell people how they should be parenting their children. People don’t generally appreciate criticism or even advice for which they haven’t asked.”
But you’re asking about your conduct. You humiliated him in front of your sister. He won’t be able to forget that. I don’t have high hopes for your relationship.
NTA
If he doesn’t want the comment to hurt then he should work on making it not true by spending more time with his child.
YTA
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. You don’t even have a child – who are you to comment on who is or is not a “real” parent??
NTA. Even if he were a full-time dad, anyone who lectures a parent who is going through the toddler years is a jerk. And if he’d ever been a more involved dad, he’d know better.
YTA. He was inconsiderate, but you went nuclear. Way uncalled for and you will be an ex soon. There’s no way to come back from that.
4 times a month? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t even a part time parent. You’re NTAH to him, but you’re doing yourself a disservice by being with him.
So he reports issues with your relationship back to his mom? Yikes…
The way you presented it was harsh… but accurate.
He needed to be called out for criticizing your sister’s parenting when he only has responsibility for his son 4 days a month.
YTA.. I went back and forth on this. While I get that his lecturing is bothersome… you could have spoken to him about in a different way. We don’t know the context of why he only has weekend visits….maybe that is the arrangement he agreed to with the ex..or maybe that is what the court decided. What I see from what you are telling us is that he DOES actually see and take care of his child. Maybe he read some parenting books to help himself. But to say he isn’t a real parent when he does see and care for his child is wrong.
YTA. That was horribly insulting, and not justified by what he said to your sister. Many parents who do not have visitation time suffer a great deal of stress from not being able to spend a lot of time with their kid and really fear that their kid will move on without them.
He shouldn’t be lecturing your sister, though he may be overcompensating for his own anxiety for not being able to parent his own kid. And you’re his girlfriend, aren’t you supposed to be supportive? Instead you say about the meanest thing that can be said to a parent.
YTA 100%.
Yes you are.
Is he an ass lecturing people, yes. But you telling him he isn’t a parent is horrible.
You don’t seem to respect your boyfriend. Why are you dating him?
ESH. He shouldn’t have been giving unsolicited advice or lectures
You shouldn’t have insinuated that he’s less than a real parent because he only has him four days a month. He probably wishes he could have him more time, and I can almost guarantee he pays child support. It may even be a sore spot for him. Being a parent may be a huge part of.his identity, and since circumstances (most likely the courts) have dictated this schedule, he now feels he needs “to show he’s a parent” by talking about it/boasting/giving out unsolicited advice
It’s also entirely possible that he was living with his baby mother during the toddler years and that he is well versed in toddler care and discipline. Or that the custody arrangement was more balanced back then. He still should keep his opinions to himself unless asked or if your sister’s kid is being a disruption
Edit:
Forgot to ask
>and even tries to give advice to me, even though I don’t have kids.
What exactly does that mean?
It’s entirely possible that he tried very hard to get more time. If his ex was uncooperative, depending on the jurisdiction/state, this could easily have been what he ended up with. We cannot reliably judge that without more info
Is it his choice to only have his child 4 days a month or is it because of his ex.? If it’s his choice, then that’s messed up.
ESH. He’s absolutely out of bounds telling other people how to parent, but what you said was deeply cruel.
Lmao uncle with visitation. Dude needs to get a new girlfriend.
Ur basically saying all parents with joint custody are just aunts/uncles with visitation.
I think YATAH, not for rejecting his advice, but how you did it. The problem is not with how often he sees his child, but rather with him being an obnoxious know-it-all. You should have called him out on his behavior, but not hit him with such an emotional and guilt-inducing response.
I truly don’t see the appeal in dating deadbeat parents.
I mean.. it’s pretty harsh. but FAFO. Anyone who has a kid FT knows you don’t tell others how to parent when they don’t ask .. we are all just trying to survive. it’s way easier to have judgment and opinions when you get to give them bakc.
Um….you have a point. Thats not a deadbeat dad or anything — but being a “weekend warrior” does NOT make you an expert. Especially to someone who has their child 24/7. God that shits annoying. I have mom friends who do every other week that forget I have mine every week lol. Thats effed up. Your bf needs to grow up.
Guys, has anyone considered that it might be for the kid’s benefit. Make it easier to manage for classes/school etc.
I mean does he call his kid regularly, show up for his games when it isn’t his weekend? I mean the way you’re talking about it makes it sound like he acts like a dad for six days and disappears the rest.
My dad was working in another country for a good 10 years of my life. We spoke once a week (time zones) for 20 min and he spent a week here for Christmas and we spent our summers with him for a 1-2 months (and also visited our family during summer for a week or two)
Hes a fabulous dad, we may not have been around 24/7 but he was available 24/7. Bad day? he was there to call. He would always pick up, still does in his sleep even though he’s retired.
If hes a shit dad tell him so, if he isnt though then its a dick thing to say.
Dad of a toddler here.
I wake up at 5am to work 12 hours a day, come home, and immediately take over play time, reading books, making her dinner, doing bath time, teeth brushing, pajamas, and bedtime stories.
I don’t take my work boots off until 9pm, which is when I get in bed.
You are not a whole parent if you interact with a kid 4 days a month.
You’re not a farmer if you have half a dozen carrots in your backyard planter. You’re not a mechanic because you’ve changed your car’s oil. You’re not a doctor because you made chicken soup for someone with a cold.
Sorry if that upsets you, my man.
Yes, you are. Part time parent is still a parent.
He is probably a poor parent if the court only gave him two weekends a month, either that or his ex is just vindictive with a good lawyer.
And poor parent or great parent, unsolicited advice from any parent is almost always unwelcome, most parents are already doing everything they can to get it right, to include asking for help when they see they need it. He is also TAH.
You would not be TAH for just calling him out on unsolicited parenting advice that no one asked for.
ESH. He shouldn’t be lecturing anyone about parenting, because nobody should. OP also shouldn’t talk shit to him about his parenting, none of her business.
Kinda YTA even though you’re right
Without details it’s extremely hard to understand his custody. He seems to be a good father when he has the kid. But we don’t know why he doesn’t have 50/50. For men, getting 50/50 of a young child is extremely difficult. You may have rubbed salt in the wound of an issue he had with his ex in terms of trying to get custody.
He wasn’t even being mean to you and you took a jab
ESH. He shouldn’t be lecturing but he is a parent and this was purposefully and unnecessarily cruel
you are an idiot imo
YTA
Many people offer unearned and bad parenting advice. It’s not a good look, but it’s very common. Not an asshole move, it’s naive, rude and immature.
What you said to him was 💯an asshole thing to say. Could have been handled much better. And it’s a cut to something that he most likely feels very strongly about, and also feels bad about.
Enjoy being single lmao
shitty thing to say.
Yes you are, your entire post is an asshole comment.
He shouldn’t be acting like an expert and giving unsolicited advice but yes, you’re the arsehole here.
He’s doing more than my dad ever did! At least he shows up for his kid!
Yes, I’m not sure of the exact situation but courts tend to heavily favor Moms it can be difficult for Dads to get more time if the other parent sucks I’ve seen that so many times
Annoying giving parenting advice, absolutely. Your comment was rude as hell calling him an uncle. Full time or not hes still a dad.
While true, it does sound like YTA.
YTA. Most likely, he hasn’t been allowed to see his child more, and that’s upsetting enough as it is without you saying something like he’s not a real parent. His Mum is right.
Him talking about the kids or giving advice to your sister is probably filling a gap.
You’re the asshole.
yeah that’s a huge asshole thing to say, true or not. I would seriously contemplate leaving somebody that said that to me.
This comparison is ridiculous. You’re a complete wretch and I hope he gets rid of you soon. On the one hand, we have someone who gives their opinion unnecessarily and without being invited to give it. That happens ALL THE TIME. It is improbable that this is the first time you’ve dealt with that situation. There are of course countless ways of dealing with it that are socially acceptable, even biting, and that are quite effective. To jump immediately to questioning his parenthood is appalling and unforgivable. You are not only TA, but a raging A.
> He got really quiet and then said, “Wow, that’s messed up.”
He’s right, that is messed up. You hit him right in gut because you were irritated by him. You struck at what is probably that guy’s biggest insecurity and many men only get every other weekend even though they’d rather have more time. You told him he wasn’t a real dad. Smh. A lot of people tell you, you’re nta, but I’d hasard a guess that there aren’t many single dads among them and they lack empathy because they can’t relate. If I was him, then I would be deeply hurt, and him being an irritating know it all doesn’t justify your words.
Yes. Full stop.
YTA
You know that. You put it in the last paragraph. Blunt and harsh.
Yes
YTA. THat was cruel and uncalled for.
YTA. He is a parent who loves and worries about his kid full time, and the fact that he doesn’t have more parenting time may be a pretty painful subject for him.
So he’s a blowhard about giving other people unwelcome parenting advice. Probably because he has a big chip on his shoulder about having such limited parenting time with his child, and you just made that chip way bigger with your needlessly cruel comment.
It sounds like you don’t even like this guy, much less love him or you wouldn’t hurt him like that. Why are you even together? Break up and find someone you love and respect, and let your boyfriend do the same.
YTA. I’m autistic and even I learned you can’t say this to people. You can think it, but you should NEVER say it if you want to keep having a relationship with that person.
If you only get your kid 2 weekends a month it means that’s all he gets with his custody, it didn’t make him any less of a Dad because of a cookie cutter family court system that is geared towards the Mom always giving Dads 2 weekends a month (this is standard).
I’m sure he’d be every day Dad if he could, but instead he gets to sit around and made to feel like even less of a Dad from his baby Momma with only 2 weekends a month and now you with your comment on top of it not helping.
He’s probably saying all that stuff to your Sister because he’s not able to fully be a parent, but directing it wrong, but it’s because him not being able to parent his own kid is messing him up, may even be jealousy seeing other people with their kids full time in a way he can’t.
I’m basically saying being a parent and only getting to see your kid 2 weekends a month has to be rough, at least he’s keeping up with it a lot don’t so he’s a good parent to the limit he is allowed, if he wasn’t he’d be a bad parent, it’s lose lose sometimes when it comes to your kid and parental separation. I don’t think your the AH, but i think the touchy subject of his kid is not the way to handle his comments of which he also shouldnt be saying to your Sister, you’d be better in private saying you don’t think your Sister likes input about her kid as much as he wouldn’t want have input about his. Just giving a different direction to look at it. Hope it works out.
Yes you are a complete Ass imo. I definitely would be breaking up with you if i was him. I been through this myself and the animosity grew so much that the relationship went south quickly.
Yes. Yes you are.
Nah I disagree with others here. That is a bitch thing to say and I would leave your ass if I was that guy. Plenty of better ways to go about it.
Do you know the context of why he has such little visitation? That was the standard amount when I was young and I don’t know what it is now, but that could be a significantly sour point for him that he only gets to see his kid that little.
He’s wrong to be lecturing other people on how do to anything though, whether he is more of a parent or not.
YTA if you had enough of him acting as a parenting expert, then tell him your sister have more experience than him, no reason to go nuclear and insult him personally.
He is a parent. You don’t know the reason he has four days a month. Family law can be really dirty. This is incredibly hurtful. If I were him, I would note your labeling of me. If it were a pattern, I would wonder why you were emotionally abusive and if I’d want to be with you long term.
YTA, sometimes situations require to shut up or a different approach, that was one of them.
YTA!
I think you should do some soul searching about why you felt the need to be so cruel to get your point across, when you could have set a simple boundary like an adult. It’s borderline sociopathic to me that you are even debating whether it was “harsh” or not.
YTA. That was needlessly cruel. You could have said a million different things instead of stabbing him in the heart with that comment. It was certainly not productive.
If someone is offering unwanted advice, then establish clear boundaries and stick with them. Telling someone that their input isn’t wanted can sting their pride for a bit, but they’ll generally get over it. Attacking their status as a parent, on the other hand, is much more hurtful and harns communication in the long run.
In the future, it may be productive for you to consider several things before saying something in the heat of the moment. Give yourself time to cool down. Consider how you would feel in their position. Think about what your goal is, and tailor your comment to achieve that goal, instead of to blow off steam. Most hurtful things are said in the heat of the moment, without due consideration of the consequences. Also, remember empathy. You want to communicate with empathy in order to elicit empathy.
What you said was bad. It’s not too late to talk it through, and repair the damage.
Yeah you’re an asshole
YATAH! Parenting is not about time alone it is also about quality. Besides do you know the circumstances that exist that he has his son on the schedule he does? In any case you two should go your separate ways … I would hate to see the fights you two would have regarding parenting!
I guess he’s a parent enough to pay child support and probably other expenses
YTA. Instead of addressing the real issue, unsolicited advice, you chose to personally attack him.
Yes. Yes you are
If I had a kid I only see twice a week, and you called me an Uncle with visitation. We’d be done. I get his “expertise” was annoying but your own sister with a kid sounds to have minded less than you.
YTA. There’s a way to express your displeasure without being this rude.
Insulting your partner this way is not how you maintain healthy communication in a relationship.
You should have limited your remarks to requesting he stop with the unsolicited parenting advice. Absolutely unnecessary to take a digs at his custody situation and question his parenting ability.
I think you owe him an apology for what you said and need to work on communicating the problems you’re having with someone in a more productive manner.
True, yes. Asshole, yes.
Yta
ESH.
He doesn’t need to be giving unsolicited parenting advice. Nobody wants that regardless of where it comes from unless they’re seeking it. Thats just an automatic asshole.
But what you said to him was an incredibly low blow. Where I am that is the standard given to noncustodial parents. My ex has the kids that often. He isn’t a piece of shit dad. He works, he calls, he tries where he can. If he can take them extra, he tries to. But ultimately the COURTS decided 4 days a month is enough. If I wanted to stick to the rules, I could stick to the 4 days a month and holiday schedule and be done with it. Who is to say his children’s mother isn’t doing the same thing? You have left that information out, so we are left to assume that maybe she is sticking to the letter just as he is.
And if that is truly how you feel, you may need to exit from the relationship. This situation may not be a good fit for either of you if it’s that easy to be cruel to each other and feel justified.
Yes. YTAH.
Being the good time parent isn’t being a parent. You aren’t wrong. Still probably an ass though.
YTA for sure.
It’s uncalled for and moronic from him to give unwanted advice and he should be made to stop overstepping.
But that doesn’t take away from the fact the he does have a child and he is a father, to question that so bluntly by his own partner must feel pretty shit. Did he wish to have the kid for only 4 days a month? It might be due to other shortcomings of his that this is the situation he has, but denying fatherhood to a father for mansplaining is really an overreaction in my opinion.
Yes. TA. Support him in doing as much as he possibly can— keeping commitments and spending time with his son. Instead of trying to destroy your BF. If he is scincerely doing his best and cares about his son his child will benefit from the time they have together.
I mean the lectures on his end aren’t exactly necessary. But equally if he’s a parent, he’s a parent so maybe he is just trying to offer advice and it is coming across a bit too harsh or like he’s a know it all.
I personally think YTA.
Everyone is concerned about the length of time he has his kid. If you’re not the main parent, you can’t physically have them 24/7…bear in mind kids have school and other family members etc…
He’s had his kid consistently since you’ve been with him for a year. If he was ‘not a real parent’ he wouldn’t be doing it. He would either have removed himself completely or just be absolutely sporadic with it.
I know people, and I personally have had to go to court and all sorts just to see my kid. And this was nothing but spite from an ex. Everything was fine for 2 whole years until I started dating. The person wasn’t around my kid and I never mentioned it, but apparently my energy was different and she could ‘tell’.
And then all of a sudden I was getting last minute cancellations… or trying to reschedule on specific days/times she knew I was working. And ignoring messages, not updating me, causing 101 problems.
If I could have my daughter full time I would. But anyone who had the audacity to say I was not a ‘real parent’ would most likely not be around for much longer.
And in your case, you don’t have kids, so without trying to be horrible. He’s probably thinking what do YOU know?
The amount of guys I’ve met who have battled and battled for their kids and are putting up with madness due to spite is not even funny.
I’ve also had a scenario where I did date someone who was the opposite. Didn’t have kids and tried to put their opinion left, right and centre. Doing way too much.
There’s tact and then there’s having no tact.
There’s interference and then there’s slotting yourself into the position you should be in and not overstepping.
TL:DR
I think you could have just asked him to chill out instead of seeming like a know it all. Instead of such a hurtful comment.
Low blow and incredibly unnecessary.
Very true but yes, YTA. Dating someone you don’t respect isn’t good for anyone.
Like others have said, the lack of information about his custody is pretty bad when it comes to deciding who’s in the wrong. Does he pay child support? Is there some kind of custody arrangement that prevents him from having his kid more often? All I can see is your boyfriend being overbearing and offering unwarranted advice, and you responding with something profoundly hurtful rather than having a conversation about it. As it is now, I don’t think that this is how grown adults in their late 20s, early 30s should act on both sides. Without more context, ESH.
Yes, YTA and a big one at that. You’re also pretty heartless to say this to him as he is already in a very difficult situation. He is trying to be a good parent and as far as you know he’s looked into things to make his best attempt. There are no instructions here.
That said, you need to pack your bags and go. If you want a future here, you’ll never have it. That kid is there forever and he is never going to forget what you said. His Mom was right about you, you’ve acted cruel and disrespectful.
NTA Unless he’s a danger to the mother and child, maybe he should take the steps to becoming more of a parent instead of lecturing everyone in his vacinity about it.
Tell anyone who isn’t an MD or DO they’re not a “Real Doctor” when they hold a doctoral level degree and let me know how that goes. I think the sentiment will be similar.
my dad wasn’t that bad, and he only got me every other weekend just like your BF. but that’s a court order, so even if he wanted me more, it was up to my mom, not him. you aren’t wrong, but you are rather hateful for saying that, you could have just said it’s rude to parent other people’s kids.
my dad even knew he wasn’t a parent. he told my mom one time “you’re with him all the time, you can discipline him and still spend happy time with him, my time is limited so i focus on the fun, not the discipline.” anyways, he’s in prison now so idk where i’m going with this, good luck i hope this helped.
I am going with ESH based only on this post alone not having all the details. This is because you don’t know what was said or if he even had the opportunity to have his kid more. Sometimes the best thing is for this parenting time especially if the kid is in a different school in another district.
However, you are right that he shouldn’t be giving that much of an opinion when he is not the full time custodial parent to the other kids he is making comments about. My wife and I are the fun aunt and uncle but have a rule that we let the actual parents be the parents and don’t give our opinions unless asked. Especially since we shouldn’t be the ones to do that without firsthand experience with their kids all the time.
ESH. You suck for what you said, if that’s the visitation he’s allowed via the courts that’s the visitation he’s allowed. Unfortunately for most dads they do not get equal time to parent. They just don’t with how custody works a lot of the time. My BIL gets his daughter Wednesdays and Weekends, would he like her more? Yes. Would he like them to not even be splitting time parenting? Yes. But that’s how the cookie crumbled. And moms still get more in terms of parenting rights when it comes to the courts. I think it’s unfair. He went to court and tried to fight for more but things still ended up not being evenly split. But then of course the mom bitches she’s doing it all. Well, then why didn’t she give him more of what he wanted custody wise? Because control, that’s why.
He sucks for gate keeping parenting and thinking he’s an authority on the subject. We are all figuring out parenting as we go. No one has the answers.
Assuming your boyfriend is a good dad and not a deadbeat, I’m going to say your YTA. My daughter’s dad and I separated when she was 4. He wasn’t as active as I was because he worked 50 hours a week, but he did his best. He read all the parenting books, he did his research on evidence based parenting techniques, etc. He can only see her once a week now due to him working so much. He gets one day off a week and spends it with our daughter. In my eyes, he is a real parent. Lots of “real” parents work a full time job or two jobs. Some “real” parents travel for work, or are in the military. That doesn’t make them less of a parent. Also, you don’t have to be a “real” parent to give parenting advice. My boyfriend, who is my daughter’s stepdad and has no children of his own, always gives great tips for me to deal with my daughter.
Like I said, assuming your bf makes the effort to see his child as much as he can, then YTA. Now, if he isn’t, I wanna say ESH. Your bf needs to mind his business and you need to check your attitude and your feelings. This relationship will not work if you let you bottle up your feelings. You are clearly feeling a type of way. Explore that instead of snapping at him.
YTA big time. And so is everyone else on this post agreeing with her.
I agree he should shut it with the unsolicited advice, but to tell him that he’s not even a real parent because he “only has son four days a month”, I agree with your BF, that’s messed up. And I agree with his mother, it’s cruel and disrespectful. He was in a relationship with his son’s mother, for how long we don’t know, but it sounds like, given that he has regular, consistent visitation, that he’s a present parent. You don’t stop being a parent just because the relationship with the mother ends and your visitation goes down. Grow tf up.
There are a number of reasons why he only has his son for a limited amount of time. Maybe it has something to with his work schedule or the mother’s work schedule? Have you actually sat down and asked why he only has his son every other weekend? You should. You might learn something and then won’t make such AH comments to him.
Unless there a troubling circumstances, family court almost always gives full custody to the mother. That’s just how it is a lot of the time. That’s how it was with my parents when they got divorced. My mom got full custody, my dad got us every other weekend. There were no “reasons” for it, that’s just the agreement they came to. My dad told me once that he agreed to it in order for it to not devolve into a messy custody dispute. Did only seeing him every other weekend make him “not a real parent”? ABSOLUTELY NOT. He is a great dad and has always been nothing more than a phone call away if we every needed anything.
You’re such and AH for that comment. A massive, gaping AH for that comment. Break up with this man, because you clearly have no respect for him.
YTA. He’s annoying for being a know-it-all and presuming to give unsolicited parenting advice. But you went for the freaking jugular. There had to be hundreds of better ways of saying this. Unless you really hate this guy and wanted to make him feel small and attacked, you really messed this up.
A man who can’t consider your harsh words as feedback and who is also problematic when talking to his sister, is a walking red flag. Hard to see up close, friend…
This is cruel, honestly.
That’s crazy harsh to tell your partner. Especially for your reasoning. It is also crazy disrespectful.
Yta. What an awful thing to say to anyone Nevermind your partner.
Yeah man, a few days here and there is easy, what’s the worse that can happen, they barely sleep, keep them going on a diet of sugar, hand them back to mummy wired to feck and exhausted….
100% ESH – he is the asshole for giving the unwanted parenting “advice” but you are the asshole for the unnecessary dig about his custody arrangement. Honestly as a dad who has kids that don’t live with me full time, if this was sad to me I would break up with the person.
First, your boyfriend needs to learn that giving ANYONE unsolicited parenting advice is never ok. It was harsh but I can sense the frustration has been building up. He’s no less his son’s father but he’s not active in kids life enough to be able to make these statements. He’s not speaking from experience because he’s been there, he’s speaking based upon what?
Honestly, if he keeps it up, I would start saying “oh, when did you deal with this with jack (made up son’s name)?” But, really, leave this guy. He sounds like a KNOW IT ALL. And why isn’t he more involved with his kid?
Man I showed up ready to say YTA, but parenting other people’s kids is something you DO NOT do, full stop. He brought it on himself.