I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for a little over a year. He’s overall a good guy, but he’s been dropping comments lately about my weight. Things like “Are you sure you want dessert again?” or “Your clothes would fit better if you dropped 10 pounds.”
For reference, I’m a size 10. Not that it should matter, but I’m active and confident. He knew my body when he met me.
Last weekend, he made a “joke” in front of his friends: “I better marry her before she gets any bigger.” His friends laughed. I didn’t.
Later, when we were alone, he asked why I was being “sensitive” and said, “I’m just trying to motivate you to look your best.”
So I said, “Oh cool. Should I start making comments about your receding hairline and beer gut too? Because your baldness is honestly the least of your dating problems.”
He got real quiet and then accused me of being cruel and insecure.
Was I too harsh? AITAH for hitting where it hurts after months of subtle digs?
Comments
NTA.
He shouldn’t expect to be able to dish it out without taking it.
But also? I would seriously reconsider this relationship.
He poked the bear, and the bear reminded him he’s not exactly a lion. If he can’t handle a taste of his own medicine, maybe he shouldn’t be serving it in the first place. You didn’t hit below the belt you just stopped turning the other cheek. NTA.
NTA dude can dish it but can’t take it, what an ass.
Throw this one back OP. He’s insecure and a bully.
NTA, but it was petty. The mature thing would have been to say that the comments and jabs he is making are hurting your feelings and making feel disrespected. But I like your way of dealing with it too.
His reaction says a lot about him. Getting huffy about the same thing being done to him once is immature at best. Red flag. Maybe take a look at other similar instances in the relationship.
Oh so he can make those comments more or less directly for weeks/months but you can’t open your mouth once? The good thing is that it doesn’t hurt you because you know he’s wrong, but it seems he got hurt because what you said was true. Serves him right.
Sorry to say, but this seems like red flags. I don’t know how the relationship is aside from these comments, but he is trying to control you and your physical appearance but isn’t applying the same standards to himself (beer belly). You should take this as a red flag and look at other parts of your relationship, behaviours etc and see if you should reconsider the relationship objectively.
NTA-
I don’t really see the “good guy” you’re talking about?
This is actually pretty textbook “bad guy” behavior….
Please end this, this is how emotional abuse starts
NTA because he started making weird ass comments on your body first. I think it’s time to rethink that relationship and walk away
Ah yes he’s one of the dish it out but can’t take it lot
Why are you with him again? This sounds horrific. Have some respect for yourself
You did well. Now leave him, he’s shown you who he is. NTA.
Girl. NTA. Your boyfriend is. You can do better than this douchebag
If this is real, why are you still dating him?
NTA , just playing him at his own game , shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it
NTA-Leave this bald headed clown.
NTA. Also, don’t stick with this guy. Lots of women end up gaining weight when they get older through no fault of their own, and he’s not gonna stick around after that.
Is size 10 even that big?
He can dish it but he can’t handle it? He should keep his mouth shut and work on himself instead of being a jerk about your weight.
Get rid of him he’s a douche. Partners shouldn’t belittle you, and they definitely shouldn’t do it in front of your social circle for a laugh? Yuck.
NTA but also op you can do better. You don’t need be with an insecure man who is going to comment on your weight night and day. I’m the same size as you and not once in 6 years has my partner mentioned my weight. Or told me I could look better. I’m proud of you for dishing it back but also, think you deserve better.
He is negging you, find someone better
NTA. Perfect response. You should’ve said it in front of his friends though like he did, they would’ve laughed harder and rightfully shamed him. You are who you hang out with, buncha dicks who body shame women apparently. Probs time to end that relationship, I can’t imagine he’s all that great outside of constantly insulting you. Though I would think that alone would be enough to leave.
You deserve better
If you’re cruel and insecure, then what the heck is he?
Motivating you means building you up. You don’t motivate anyone by tearing them down.
He’s being an ass. And HITAH, not you.
You are both making each other self-conscious which hurts your egos.
Break up.
Seriously why do people stay in a relationship with people who openly disrespect or are just straight up assholes. He’s insecure and just asking for you to break up with him, so just do it. Pull the bandaid off and fuck off with your life.
NTA
Saying those things to you in private is messed up. In front of friends is so crazy. Think about is this something you wanna live with forever?
He deserved it. Great clap back btw. NTA.
Nope, NTAH, fuck that dude, you should never ever publicly embarrass your woman like this. There are ways to motivate and ways to create disdain guess which one he chose? Honestly he sounds like a dipshit
Nope nta. He deserved it.
He’s the one being cruel and insecure. The moment he said I better marry her… I would’ve said I’ll never marry you I’m done with you we’re over. I don’t date bullies. Shalom you’re loved 💔
He’s not a great guy.
NTA but toss this one back.
NTA, but why on earth are you still dating this AH???
NTA – but you should mention his stomach and gaining girth while he is with his friends.
If he is willing to put you down in front of friends, then this will be a lifetime of put downs.
If he is really worried about your size (and size 10 is below average size), then that is a huge red flag.
NTA he sounds like an asshole though the way he’s speaking about your weight – firstly size 10 isn’t big in any way? And say you had put on a lot of weight and he was worried for your health or it was affecting his attraction to you making jokes in front of friends definitely is not the way. Sounds like he got a taste of his own medicine as the saying goes. Hopefully he will realise it doesn’t feel nice and he will have more respect.
What is it with people? “He’s a great dad/boyfriend/husband/fiancé, but…” and then a list of things demonstrating that he’s not only not “great” but doesn’t even pass the smell test for being an acceptable acquaintance.
OP, he’s not great. He’s a bully who is trying to pick at your self-confidence, probably partly to make himself feel good and partly to make you think you can’t do better than him. Don’t fall for it.
NTA. Gave the bully a taste of his own medicine and he couldnt handle it. You should have said it around his friends to really embarrass him. Hope you leave his ass, you deserve so much better.
Dump him. He will only get worse, and life is too short to spend it with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Your partner should lift you up, not bring you down on purpose.
You don’t need his “motivation”. Dude is a jerk. He can “joke” about you, but thinks it’s cruel when you say something about him. I don’t recommend you move forward with this guy.
NTA. Tell him you will start your weight loss journey the day he leaves for Turkey to get a hair transplant. By the time his hair starts to grow in you’ll have dropped 10 pounds.
Why is it that some overweight men don’t ever see themselves as overweight and say this shit to women. He had it coming
NTA. If he can’t take it, he shouldn’t dish it out.
You can tell him that’s how he’s made you feel too, when he says stupid shit like that. Maybe that will motivate him to stfu.
So when he insults you over your weight, he’s just being “honest,” but when you point out that he had a gut and is balding, you’re “cruel” and “insensitive.”
Why is it okay for him to put you down in private and in front of his friends, but you make one mention of his appearance, and you’re being mean?
Why are you with this guy?
NTA
Oh honey, don’t be with someone that doesn’t respect you.
🚩Disrespecting you in front of others🚩Putting you down🚩Being dismissive of your feelings and then 🚩Gaslighting you🚩Immature AF
These are not “qualities” of a good guy🤷🏻♀️
Guy can’t take what he serves.
NTA girl he started it but sounds like you definitely ended it lol
NTA. Your boyfriend is a dick.
It’s a mindset I don’t understand. When I met my wife she was a skinny, curvy gal with a true hourglass figure. She was HOT. 14 years later, with PCOS and two kids and she’s in a much bigger body. And you know what? She’s still an absolute smoke show as far as I’m concerned. I’m just as attracted to her as the day we met, if not more so.
If a few pounds are enough to get your boyfriend to make negative comments about your body, then there’s something missing in that relationship.
Sorry op, but your boyfriend sounds immature and like a total asshole who doesn’t respect you and doesn’t know your value. I would honestly leave this guy. He clearly doesn’t get the message and nobody should have to put up with this kind of behaviour. He is your bully, not your boyfriend.
NTAH – just giving him a taste of his own medicine and I would carry on doing that every time he makes a jab about your weight. (Or better still get a new BF – you can do so much better than this one!)
NTA
Amazing how these idiots have the self awareness of a teaspoon
NTA – Hell no you weren’t too harsh – fuck that guy. He’s a prick.
NTA. “I should marry him before he gets any balder // before his beer gut can hold his dinner plate.”
NTA but why are you dating your bully…?
NTA but why are you with such a cruel man? He makes fun of you in front of his friends? 🚩
He dishes it out but can’t take it? 🚩
Buy him a bottle of Rogaine as a parting gift and find someone better.
NTA. How is someone that mocks you & makes cruel & unnecessary comments about you to his friends a good guy? Open your eyes, girl.
My abusive mom used to talk to me like that, you sure you want a boyfriend like my mom?
If you make fun about someones apperance you should be able to deal with the backlash, NTA
NTA. Drop the dead weight now.
NTA. Every time he brings up your weight, bring up his beer gut. He has no room to talk.
No, if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all, what comes around goes around, take what you give, adages he’s clearly not heard. You were right to flip it back.
Yea, there are WAY BETTER men out there… You should upgrade to a better version
NTA. Also, lose this jackass.
What I fail to understand is guys with guts make fun of women’s appearance, when it is easier for men to lose weight. So who is really the gender to be ridiculed when it comes to weight management? Not that it is appropriate to make fun of anyone appearance, but if beer gut baldly brings it up, it is all fair game.
Nope he can dish it out, he needs to be able to take it… I hope you kicked his ass to the curb now.
“hEs A gOoD gUy”… guy does some of the worst shit ever, oh internet, never change (jk, please change).
He is not a good guy. Does he even like you, or does he just see you as a decoration for his world?
Dragging you in front of friends is the worst. Of course there are things you want for your partner and vice versa, but your partner isn’t a punch line to make your friends laugh. Horrible.