AITAH for telling my cousin’s wife that he cheated on her with my sister

r/

Yeah. Buckle up.

So I (27F) recently found out that my cousin Mark (29M) has been cheating on his wife Lena (28F) for almost a year. The person he’s been cheating with is my older sister Kara (30F).

I found out by accident. Kara asked me to grab her iPad one day and I saw messages pop up on the screen. I wasn’t snooping or anything, they were just there. Very explicit messages. When I confronted Kara she didn’t even deny it. Just said it was complicated and they didn’t mean for it to happen.

I was disgusted. I’m not super close to Mark but I’ve always liked Lena. She’s kind, she’s good to our family, and they have a two-year-old. The whole thing made me sick.

So I told her. I met up with Lena, showed her the messages, and told her everything. She cried, said thank you, and left.

Now my entire family is a disaster. Kara is furious and says I destroyed her relationship. Mark is blowing up my phone saying I ruined his family and should have stayed out of it. My dad says I did the right thing. My mom is mad I didn’t go to her first. Lena took their kid and left. No one knows if she’s coming back.

I still don’t feel bad for telling her. They were sneaking around behind everyone’s back and Lena didn’t deserve to be lied to like that. But now that everything’s blown up I’m starting to wonder if I crossed a line.

AITAH

Comments

  1. Infinite_Aioli_4897 Avatar

    It is always interesting how the cheaters blame everyone else for ruining their family or relationship. Never take responsibility for their own actions. NTA

  2. Financial-Parfait181 Avatar

    your cousin is sleeping with your sister, who is also his cousin?

  3. Kindly-Push-3460 Avatar

    NTA, this is just the fall out from cheating. You did the right thing.

  4. ngroat Avatar

    SWEET HOME ALABAMA

    NTA

  5. Successful_Dog_8982 Avatar

    NTA. Cheating is also lying. And you’d be just as guilty in lying if you didn’t say anything. You’d be complicit in the cheating, so good on you for letting the truth out.

  6. anna_replika Avatar

    So cousins have been hooking up? And your uncle/auntie haven’t been mentioned. And surely your dad wants to beat Mark to a pulp?

  7. SigmaNero20 Avatar

    Your father is the one the is right. You did the right thing. Never doubt that.

  8. Warm_Sport1760 Avatar

    NTA. Simple as that

  9. ParticularPath7791 Avatar

    NTA. The cheaters are the ones that destroyed relationships.

  10. Kaleidoscopicx Avatar

    NTA but what on actual earth was your cousins thinking…..that’s so wrong on many levels

  11. theworldisonfire8377 Avatar

    Typical cheater behavior, to blame anyone but themselves because that would require taking accountability and admitting they did a fucked up thing. NTA.

  12. FaeryTale16 Avatar

    NTA you know you did the right thing. This was a gross, incestuous « relationship » and they have no one to blame but themselves. I feel really bad for Lena:(

  13. InvisibleBlueRobot Avatar

    NTA, but you basically asked for this by putting yourself in the middle of a massive family drama. What did you think would happen? Kara would hug you and be happy? Mark would call you for a drink out and say sorry for putting you in this situation? Next time, very quietly and annonymously rat everyone out, so you have plausible deniability and act as shocked as everyone else.

  14. TaterTot8 Avatar

    THANK YOU FOR SAYING SOMETHING.
    Tired of hearing people say “mind your business” when someone is being played the fuck out with like zero idea of it happening and yet EVERYONE else around them knows. Happened to me when I was only 19. Very much naive and madly in love. It really broke me and I wish someone would have warned me or told me. I had to find out by myself.

    Thank you for being a decent human being. Anyone that disagrees is disgusting and has zero morals. How would they like it? Oh of course they wouldn’t.

    You didn’t break up anything. It was already broken to begin with!! Lena deserves to live a life without LIES.

  15. ProfessorX2022 Avatar

    Anybody who tells you you’re wrong, ask them if they condone cheating and if yes/maybe, is their answer; ask their partners to look out and that too in front of them! Cheaters will always blame others and not look at their fraudulent behavior!

  16. Crazy_Suspect7534 Avatar

    NTA. You didn’t destroy anything, they did. You just shined a light on the mess they made. Lena deserved to know the truth, especially when a child’s involved. If your sister and cousin wanted to keep their “relationship” intact, maybe they shouldn’t have snuck around like trashy high schoolers. Don’t let their guilt become your problem just because you told the truth.

  17. throeaways1942 Avatar

    Aren’t they cousins?? That is just gross. It’s good that you blew it out of the water for many reason.

  18. Bramble3713 Avatar

    NTA – your dad has your back, your mom sounds a bit self absorbed (why didn’t you tell me first? For what, so you could attempt damage control before Lena found out?)

    You did the right thing OP – not only is your cousin being unfaithful to his wife, but is engaging in incest with your sister.

    Lena has every right to take her kid and leave, she doesn’t owe anyone anything and shouldn’t be expected to come back. Imagine finding out your husband is cheating – bad enough, but that he is cheating on you with his COUSIN – Shameful!

  19. SneakySalamder6 Avatar

    NTA but I need to ask about the moms response. Why is she mad you didn’t tell her first? Everyone is an adult. What right does she have to be informed above all?

  20. neri2b Avatar

    Your Dad is right, NTA, and your sister is pretty delusional… You didn’t ruin her relationship, SHE RUINED SOMEONE’S MARRIAGE.

  21. HerbieC026 Avatar

    NTA. Those who cheat have to deal with the consequences when they are found out. It’s not your fault. His wife deserved to know.
    Good for you for not being complicit in the cover up of it.

  22. Beautiful-Elephant34 Avatar

    NTA, and isn’t anyone appalled that cousins were banging?!

  23. kingdurrrr817 Avatar

    No one talking about the INCEST?!?!

  24. JCSnapme Avatar

    NTA you done the right thing you spared her a life of putting up with a cheat forever and if them two sick people decide to carry on then well they deserve each other

  25. BeautifulTerm3753 Avatar

    So sweet home Alabama is screwing his cousin. And you ruined his family ….. right

    Cheaters never take accountability for their mess. You did the right thing!

  26. DenizenKay Avatar

    Calling our incest and cheating is NEVER crossing the line.

    NTA. Good on you for doing the right thing no matter the consequences.

  27. Best_Instruction5111 Avatar

    It always shocks me how people will blame anyone but the cheaters for ruining relationships.

  28. Excellent_Lion_4929 Avatar

    Alabama is that you.

  29. Any-Expression2246 Avatar

    Down the road nobody with a brain will care you exposed this. You did the right thing. It’s always messy at first, but Lena deserved to know, and the people who say otherwise are idiots.

  30. AdorableBab1 Avatar

    You didn’t blow up their lives you just stopped covering for the wreckage. If truth ruins a family, maybe the lie wasn’t holdin it together to begin wit.

  31. mi_nombre_es_ricardo Avatar

    >Kara is furious and says I destroyed her relationship. Mark is blowing up my phone saying I ruined his family

    1. they had no relationship, she was a side piece. 2) she is his cousin. 3) he did that all by himself.
  32. 1000thatbeyotch Avatar

    NTA. The person being cheated on always deserves to know. If your sister and cousin didn’t want to get caught, then they should have stayed away from each other.

  33. weird_science1015 Avatar

    You absolutely did the right thing. Absolutely

  34. Happy-Elephant7609 Avatar

    So your sister was sleeping with her cousin? We just gonna gloss over that?

  35. warm_breezy_spring Avatar

    NTA, doing the right thing is still right, even if everything is blown up now. Just think about Lena and the kid, nobody else. They 100% deserve to not be living a lie. Good job!

  36. Savings_Telephone_96 Avatar

    Actions have consequences. You’re NTA. Lena deserved to know.

  37. cryssHappy Avatar

    You had no line to cross, what you did was common decency. Mark and Kara crossed one of the biggest lines around. I wish someone had told me when my now ex was cheating on me. Instead I was gaslighted for another year.

  38. Okpspades Avatar

    Asshole? No. I am curious as to WHY you did it, tho.

  39. False-Leg-5752 Avatar

    So many of these shitty creative writing stories start with “buckle up”

  40. Late-Perspective8366 Avatar

    You did the right thing.

  41. Maximum_Weekend247 Avatar

    Are we just gonna breeze by the fact that the cousins are sleeping together?

  42. Feisty_Irish Avatar

    NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. Your cousin’s wife had the right to know what was happening behind her back.

  43. youneedbadguyslikeme Avatar

    Ok is he your cousin by blood or marriage? What in the Alabama am I reading here?

  44. Sad_Disaster_ Avatar

    This is fake. How did you show ‘Lena’ the messages if you just saw them pop up on your sisters iPad when you grabbed it? Did you also learn the iPad password and take it with you? Smh they never try with these fake posts anymore

  45. AnneKnightley Avatar

    NTA – Mark and Kara are the ones who destroyed everything.

  46. Collielover1983 Avatar

    NTA -The only people who ruined anything are the cheaters. Aren’t they related or did I read that wrong?

  47. Few-Elk-4670 Avatar

    NTA. I would want someone to tell me. I would be incredibly pissed if people around me knew my spouse was cheating and didn’t tell me.

  48. Aggressive_Life9328 Avatar

    I mean, yeah, you’re the asshole. But that’s okay. Sometimes being an asshole is warranted. Like this instance.

    Lena was the victim and she didn’t even know it.

  49. al3442 Avatar

    NTA. They crossed the line, you just informed the innocent parties of it

  50. IndependentBluejay15 Avatar

    It’s not your fault they cheated don’t feel bad for doing the right thing.

  51. CocoaAlmondsRock Avatar

    You weren’t the lying, filthy, selfish cheaters.

    You told the truth.

    NTA.

  52. TitleKind3932 Avatar

    NTA. You know who are to blame? Your sister and your cousin. You know, someone who has been cheated on has the right to find out one way or another that their spouse is a cheating jerk. And you did the right thing. There’s this classic saying: don’t shoot the messenger. Kara has no right to be angry at you because she has herself to blame from trying to steal someone else’s husband. Mark has no right to be angry with you because he’s the one who cheated. Lena took off for good reasons and even if she had found out through other means she would have taken off, if Mark didn’t want Lena to leave he should have considered that before sticking his tools where they don’t belong, he ruined his own marriage, not you. Your dad is cool. And your mother, what would she have done? The way she thinks you should have gone to her first sounds like she would have come up with a plan to hide the affair, cover things up to save the peace. That’s not a solution. That’s aiding a wrong. What makes it even more disgusting is that your cousin is your sister’s cousin too!

  53. deathboyuk Avatar

    >Yeah. Buckle up.

    and

    >blowing up my phone 

    so, GPT then.

  54. catladyclub Avatar

    So not only is he a cheater but with his COUSIN!!! I would expose them and let the chips fall where they may. If I was Lena I would dip out too. Too many boundaries were crossed. Cheating is one thing but with a cousin? EWWW NTA

  55. TomatoFeta Avatar

    If you did it because it was right, then you did it because it was right.

    If you did it because you have a crush on Lena, then [comment removed by user].

  56. Odd-Boysenberry-9454 Avatar

    NTA she deserved to know. It wouldn’t have blown up the family if he didn’t cheat on his wife….with his own cousin????? Or did I miss something here

  57. Twig-Hahn Avatar

    I think the part that is sick is that it’s your cousin. these are cousins who are doing this. Just gross. Shalom you’re loved 💔

  58. kimba_b3ar Avatar

    I was desperately hoping this was some half-sister and your cousin was only your cousin but after reading the comments um nope 🙂 actual cousins

    Did they really just think that no one would ever find out??? Blowing my mind over here.

    Edit to add: also you’re NTA and you would have been TA if you hadn’t told imo

  59. runningmurphy Avatar

    You don’t even mention how it’s incest.

  60. Twig-Hahn Avatar

    I also wonder why he would tell anyone about what’s going on with him and your sister that’s just sick shalom you’re loved 💔

  61. Aggressive-Coffee-39 Avatar

    Are you and Kara full biological sisters? Is Mark your actual cousin?

    It reads like they are blood related, but unless she is like a half sibling from the opposite side or Mark is a cousin like mine and my best friends kids are “cousins” I do not understand why the family is not as upset about that as the cheating. Just feel like the incest should be more upsetting than it seems to be

    NTA

  62. mattycbro Avatar

    Cheating and incest. Hell ya

  63. pheonixarise Avatar

    They were the ones that were wrong and they would have been found out eventually either through you or some other means.

    You just ripped the band-aid off. Even though it hurt everyone now, it’s better in the long run.

    You don’t have to feel guilty and stressed for holding on to that information, and Lena doesn’t get more of her life wasted because you allowing the lies to drag on.

    NTA

    ETA: I know what they did was incestuous, but just to put that aside, she did the right thing whether it was, or wasn’t.

  64. Long-Cat7477 Avatar

    Your cousin was cheating on his wife with his cousin (your sister)? First or second cousin? If first thats just… Second or third… still weird but… Not the asshole for sure. I would have handled it a bit differently, however… not the asshole. I’d have gone to your mother first to see what she’d say, etc. If you felt she was going to sweep it under the rug… then yeah, blow it up and tell Lena.

  65. DonaldMaralago Avatar

    Hwhat in the Alabama?!?! NTA

  66. Azula-the-firelord Avatar

    >Kara is furious and says I destroyed her relationship.

    This reaction seen in person would make me so angry, I would lose control of myself and beat her to de#th.

  67. RedonReddit67 Avatar

    NTA. They’re mad that their lies were found out. You did right by Lena, who was innocent in this.

  68. Crazy_Atmosphere53 Avatar

    Nta those two definitely deserve each other.

  69. cannadaddydoo Avatar

    Your sister and cousin are…cousins?

  70. YuansMoon Avatar

    “They didn’t mean for it to happen.”

    What a fuckin liar.

    NTA

  71. Personal_Chicken_598 Avatar

    So your cousin was sleeping with your sister who I assume is also his cousin? Seems very Alabama

  72. Randane Avatar

    They crossed a line. You’re just being blamed.

  73. paigelynn1222 Avatar

    Assholes get angry when people find out how shitty they actually are. 😁

  74. Icy_Yam_3610 Avatar

    So many questions How long has this been happening? Did it start as kids/ teens? Are they aware there are 8.062 people in the world so there are billions of people that it would be more appropriate to be sleeping with?

    Sister – assshole cheater cousin sleeper with deserves nothing is wrong

    Mark same as sister

    Your mom i kinda understand she probably could have used a heads up but being mad at you instead of the one doing it is crazy

    Aunt and uncle I kinda get them acting like it’s nothing I imagine they can’t handle it and are closing their eyes and plugging their ears to protect themselves.

    Over all NTA 100 percent

  75. AdReasonable1128 Avatar

    NTA. You told the truth when no one else would. They’re mad because the secret’s out, not because you did anything wrong. Cheating and keeping it in the family? Nah. That was never gonna end quietly.

  76. seaxvereign Avatar

    NTA.

    Cheaters deserve to be exposed.

    Furthermore, family should always be at the forefront of holding their own accountable for their bad decisions…even if other familynis involved here…..yikes on that one.

    Funny how dad says you did the right thing, but mom says that you should have come to her first….

    Translation: mom almost assuredly wanted to cover it up.

    Which begs the question…… why? Why would she want to run cover for a cheater and refuse to hold your sister accountable?

    Sisterhood uber alles?

    Or…..perhaps even covering for her daughter as it strikes a little close to her own demons?

  77. FeelingNarwhal9161 Avatar

    Kissing cousins…

  78. issoequeerabom Avatar

    Of course not! Quiet the opposite!

  79. Mbt_Omega Avatar

    NTA, what the 🪕 is going on?! Keeping it all IN the family would be disgusting, even if they were both single. I don’t know how you got through talking about those incestuous weirdos without vomiting.

  80. Business_Guitar3929 Avatar

    NTA, you did the right thing in telling Lena…but if Mark is your cousin then isn’t he also your sister’s cousin???

  81. Anglophile007 Avatar

    Would you have wanted to know? That’s your answer right there. Let the family be mad, you weren’t the one cheating.

  82. Househipposforsale Avatar

    So she’s sleeping with her cousin?

  83. notsoreligiousnow Avatar

    NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. Mark and Kara were the ones to blow up their families for their nasty affair.

  84. LolliMuse Avatar

    NTA. The fact that Kara and Mark are more angry with you than remorseful says everything.

  85. Nice-Mountain-7073 Avatar

    NTA – You did nothing wrong.

    Your sister and cousin are upset that now they’re known for incest and infidelity. Just the latter can follow you around for years, the former is a lifelong label they now both get to wear. He broke apart his own family.

  86. BabyKuma100 Avatar

    You did the right thing. Idc what anybody says, if you were in that situation you’d want to be told too? That’s crazy, your sister is terrible and so is her husband.

  87. xXDarkTwistedXx Avatar

    NTA, neither is Lena and your dad. You did the right thing, Lena deserved to know. It’s ironic how cheaters get mad when their cheating gets exposed and blame everyone else for destroying their family, they take no accountability at all. The audacity.

    What would your mother have done? Tell you not to say anything, to stay out of it and pretend you know nothing?

    Why is your sister even mad? Because she got exposed for having sex with her (and your) cousin?

    Cheating is bad enough as it is, but with your own cousin? Absolutely vile and disgusting. I’m pretty sure incest is illegal, so I’d be reporting it to the authorities too.

    Kara and Mark are homewreckers, they’ve only got themselves to blame. Good job for speaking up. And good on Lena for leaving, I hope she files for divorce and full custody.

  88. Ok_Surprise9206 Avatar

    NTA. Cheaters should be outed and shamed regardless of the circumstances. Mark destroyed his own life. I’m glad your dad supported you. What was your mom’s reasoning for her wanting you to come to her first? To try and keep the peace I suppose

  89. Zealousideal_Fail946 Avatar

    Better for the truth to come out – clean up is always messy. Just block people, stay away from visiting them, etc. until it blows over. Basically, Memorial Day weekend? Go on a hike with friends instead of attending a family BBQ

  90. martinfaced Avatar

    I didn’t need to read any of it after the title. You are NOT an ass hole. Cousins who fuck should be exposed so the whole world knows how gross they are and to be shamed appropriately.

  91. lucalla Avatar

    I miss Alabama

  92. shep2105 Avatar

    Everyone is so butt hurt that the liars and cheaters secret has been exposed? They all think everyone should be complicit in keeping those secrets?

    You did the right thing. So, she’s screwing her cousin? Ick factor there.

  93. WynterYoung Avatar

    Would this be sweet home alabama since they are also cousins? Lol. But honestly, NTA. She may have never found out, had more kids, got stuck, etc. You did right by her. Your cousin and sister are pos for doing this and especially for blaming you. They just didn’t like they had to face the consequences.

  94. PreviousMotor58 Avatar

    You did well. They ruined their own families by cheating on their partners.

  95. frankisback66 Avatar

    If this is actually real, obviously NTA, but it’s so obvious that I doubt this is genuine.

  96. Mindless_Ad_6045 Avatar

    Wait a minute, what in the Alabama bullshit is this. They guy is fucking his own cousin

  97. Agreeable-Body-7278 Avatar

    NTA. So Kara is having an affair with her cousin? Yuck 🤢

  98. Star03c Avatar

    NTA. You did right by telling them. It would have eaten you alive, and she shouldn’t be left in the dark, caring for their child while he’s out trying to create another? Very irresponsible.

  99. mb1zzle Avatar

    I love the sentence “I didn’t mean for it to happen”. So what happened, you tripped, fell, and landed on his dick?

  100. Free_Fishing_5116 Avatar

    “So I told her. I met up with Lena, showed her the messages, and told her everything.”

    Very kind of Kara to send you the messages so that you can show them to Lena.

    Very believable.

  101. popculturetommy Avatar

    Holy Incest, Batman!

  102. IHateTheStupidMods Avatar

    NTA

    This is so sick. You did the right thing.

    Updateme

  103. Ok_Detective5412 Avatar

    Lmao Kara thought being the mistress was a good relationship? Your dad is right and your mom is just mad that she didn’t have the tea first.

    NTA, Lena deserves better. Kudos for having the balls to tell her the truth.

  104. ZoSoTim Avatar

    You’re not the one at fault here. The cousin and your sister are.

  105. Short_Patient_7910 Avatar

    NTA. You didn’t ruin anything, they did.

  106. kale_boriak Avatar

    Your dad is right.

    Lena is right.

    You were right.

    Your mom is ridiculous.

    Mark and Kara need some serious help. I’m assuming she’s not a step sister or anything and they are cousins too, right?

  107. XemptOne Avatar

    So how did you get the messages off Karas ipad to show Lena?

  108. Lilhobo_76 Avatar

    NTA (but that won’t stop them from blaming you). Give it time… it’ll shake out one way or another. It’s up to mark to fix what he broke… but don’t poke the tiger anymore!

  109. General_Progress8102 Avatar

    NTA Is this common in your family I feel like everyone’s reaction is weird besides maybe your dad’s and the wife your mom is upset you didn’t tell her like lady your daughter is F*ing her cousin the order in which you was told is the least of your worries and your cousin has zero accountability like sir had ya not porked ya cousin you would have a wife

  110. MuthrPunchr Avatar

    Why are parts of your family so ok with cousin fucking?

  111. coasthippie Avatar

    What they did is wrong but maybe you should have confronted him first for him to man up and fix things or end things. You wouldn’t make it in prison with loose lips and involving yourself in business don’t be surprised when 1 day you eat on a coworker and the deal with you in a different manner. I will say I personally would have said something to but …

  112. Useful-Ad-2409 Avatar

    I think your sister is being very charitable calling what she has a “relationship.”

  113. jstmahi Avatar

    just gone through your previous posts and I believe this post is rage baitjust

  114. HLOFRND Avatar

    Even with all other things being equal, a cheater puts their partner in danger for STIs.

    Whenever the question is “should I tell?” I always think about what I would want people to do for me. Yes, please tell me!

  115. Timely-Profile1865 Avatar

    NTA

    You did not blow up anything, the cheaters always use this bs line ‘You ruined our lives!’

    Fuck them

    They did the action, they cheated, they are 100% responsible for the fallout.

    You did the right thing and should be applauded.

    Always expose cheaters, always. (Even if it has to be done in some anonymous means)

  116. Terrible-Practice944 Avatar

    Def NTA and ew! When I was like 16, I had a first cousin cousin make suggestive movements at me. I’m uncomfortable around him to this day….and it was many years ago–(he *still* stares.) Simply wigged me out… Anyway, also when I was young, had a boyfriend for years, who wanted to marry me, he said. but, he cheated a LOT, and gaslighted me and I never had “proof”. I SO wish that one of his/our friends would have just told me, I’m sure they all knew. I wasted a lot of my emotions, energy and young years with that extreme narcissistic AH. That’s what I regret. Your SIL is so much better off and now can freely live without that headeache after she heals. SO GOOD on YOU! You not only are NTA, you absolutely did the right thing! The anger by them will pass, and if not, Oh well! Don’t let their indignities get to you. Like others have said it’s their guilt to deal with. You did NOTHING wrong. Hold that line, ignore their BS. Literally, look at them like theyre ridiculous, and walk away.

  117. Tremenda-Carucha Avatar

    NTA… I mean, come on, who does that? Cheating with your cousin? And then Kara’s just like “eh, it happened”? Shocking!

  118. Low-Wrangler9740 Avatar

    So your cousin Mark had an affair with your sister, but isn’t your sister Marks cousin as well? What in the Arkansas?

  119. GhostOfChar Avatar

    You didn’t cheat and exposed someone else cheating but are asking if you’re the asshole…?

  120. kimmysharma Avatar

    Funny how the cheaters always say it’s someone else’s fault! Keep your legs shut you don’t accidentally have an affair

  121. BDazzle126 Avatar

    NTA. Cheaters are always mad that they get exposed. Extra EWWW for cousins banging cousins – your next family reunion should be very exciting!

  122. Dry_Meaning_3129 Avatar

    That even legal?

  123. gregk_72 Avatar

    This in Kentucky or West Virginia?

  124. Catblue3291 Avatar

    NTA. Your mom’s response was interesting. Cheaters blame everyone but themselves. They FAFO. Not your fault.