i F17 get calls from my dad every 2 weeks (he’s in prison) every single time the topic of my future after college is brought up it’s “oh i want a grandkid, when you find the right one you’ll want kids” mind you he has two other daughters…
i HATE kids i despise them. i will never ever EVER want to be a mother, but my father is obsessed with the idea. since im the oldest daughter he’s always like “well since your the oldest you have to give me the first grandchild” i tell him everytime i hate kids.
i even had to explain to him if the possibility came up of me being pregnant i would not keep it. today when we called the topic of family was brought up and i told him i hate kids like always.
he said “well i want a grandson” i told him im not going to throw away 18 years of my life for a child i know i dont want. he said give it to him then and i told him he chose the streets over his daughters why would i give him another kid?
he got really mad then just said he loves me and hung up. i personally feel like i didnt say anything wrong because my father isnt the only person to say this. my family has the idea that its just a phase im going through when its not i really hate kids.
i would never want to put my body through the struggles of pregnancy, and i honestly dont care how rude it sounds. i have no personal beef with anyone who chooses to be mothers like congrats to you!! but i know for me as a person i dont want them EVER.
i can babysit sure but having my own yeah no!! i’ve never been interested in being a mother and i never will be. i know i hurt his feelings but i feel like if i don’t stand my ground the message will never get across.
so aitah?
edit: i think i may have upset a few men with this post but that doesn’t give any of you the right to comment on my body or mental health…please keep in mind i am a minor (even if im 17) and making disgusting comments is weird and gross. 😵💫
Comments
You are 17 and a kid – the bad thing about that is that a lot of your actions are assholian by default – just how it is – the good thing is that you have every opportunity to grow out of it.
Some day, you will figure out that you can nod and smile and you really don’t have to make anything a BIG DEAL when it can be a small one.
Tell your dad that next time he decides to try to bully you into doing things you don’t want, you’ll hang up. Then follow through. He’ll soon learn (or maybe not, this is a man who seemingly couldn’t learn not to do illegal things 🤷🏻♀️) that if he wants to talk to you then he needs to stop bullying and trying to control you.
I’m late 50s, no kids, my choice. I have nieces who I adore. My oldest niece has a poor relationship with her mother (my sister) totally my sister’s fault. My niece is mid 20s and doesn’t want kids. One of the last fights my niece had with her mother before she went no contact was that my sister couldn’t respect my niece’s decision not to have kids. Kept telling her she’d change her mind and “you don’t know true love until you have kids”, and various demands around wanting grandchildren. So, contact was halted.
This is your choice to make and you don’t need to justify it to anyone. If anyone gives you a hard time just walk away from them.
NTA, your body, your life, your choice. You said nothing wrong, your father chose the streets and be a criminal rather than raise his daughters, who the hell does he think he is to demand a grandchild from you against your will? If he wanted to take care of kids, he had three to take care of, and he wasted his chance.
Stick to your guns, girl, if you don’t want to have a kid, no one can force you.
NTA
You are certainly the type of person that should NEVER have children or be around them. Seriously, you need psychological help.
He wants a grandson, you want a father who isn’t a criminal. Remind him we don’t always get what we want in life.
You’re 17 years old!! This should not even be a conversation. It’s completely inappropriate. End the conversation whenever it is brought up.
Get you some cats/dogs! Fur babies!
But I get you. NTA. Parents shouldn’t hijack their kids’ lives.
NTA. It’s good that you recognize what you want and are honest with your self. It’s absolutely horrible for all parties if a mom doesn’t want to be a mom. Self recognition is huge and especially so young. If you change your mind later, fine. But if you are so strongly opposed… you probably won’t. It’s not selfish to help prevent a kid learning the mom never wanted them. As you said, he has other daughters.
Frankly, why does this man want his daughters to be teen moms?
Just tell him “Sure Dad, sure. Any day now now. I’m working really hard to get you that grand child. ”
It doesn’t have to mean it is really happening.
You’re 17, a minor and you’re being coerced by family to breed? Don ‘t waste your time arguing with them. Go to school, get a job and stay away from these people who don’t have YOUR best interests in mind. Again, stay away from them.
No one is owed a grandkid. No one.
Tell him you got a hysterectomy. Problem solved.
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Why do you care what prison daddy wants 🤔
You’re 17
NTA. Do well in school and get as far from that man and anyone who supports his views as possible.
There is a possibility that his asking for a grandchild is his own sick and twisted way of trying to connect with you. If that sounds possible, I’d suggest changing the subject. Talk about whatever you’re excited about. A class in school, a new hobby, your favorite show. Essentially, try to show him that you’ll be much more agreeable talking about anything else.
NTA he is pressuring you too much and making it about himself.
NTA – I was the same way. 30 years later I have 6 children and I couldn’t love being a mom more. I am not saying you will be like me, I am just saying the plans we have for our lives do change as we get older.
That being said, live your life for YOU and you alone. Do not feel any pressure from anyone.
NTA
Your dad sucks. Maybe remind him if he didn’t suck he wouldn’t be in the can now.
Absolutely don’t have kids if you don’t want them.
NTA and your dad is super annoying. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be child-free, as well. I did keep an open mind, but was always indifferent deep down. I never changed my mind. I never felt that maternal yearning. My partner of 15 years is on the same page. Life is good.
You don’t owe your dad a grandchild. It’s good to see that you don’t feel guilty about that. You shouldn’t. Stand proud in your autonomy. 🙌
NTA! He’s not even around for you but wants a grandkid? Why? As a do over baby?
Just tell him “not gonna happen” and change the subject. Or hang up. You’re 17. Only you can decide if you want to speak to him at all.
You do you. If you did change mind later….it does happen….then i wouldn’t want a child around him anyway. Im not a gan of kids either but ill still help my friends with theirs…..if they behave. I totally understand if you dont want them then you just dont want them. People should respect your decision be it you change mind or not.
He was and still is a horrible father and his bad decisions landed him in prison. He doesnt get to demand grandchildren so he can get a do over and possibly even be a bad influence to them. I hope he doesn’t hound your sisters as well. Nta
You’ve got your head screwed on straight young lady!! To know what you want or don’t want at 17! Kudos to you! 👍
Your dad doesn’t care about you or what he’s demanding of you to do he’s just thinking about himself, and the newest title (Grandpa) he can have. Obviously he never had a son!
He’s either going to be too old to have anymore children when he gets out or he won’t be getting out!
Don’t give into his bullshit! Live your life your way!
I decided by the time I was 19 that I didn’t want kids. I love kids, I just didn’t want any. I’m now 47 and childfree. No regrets. Stop talking to him about it. Every time he brings it up, swiftly change the subject. Absolutely flat out refuse to say anything on the subject. If he confronts you about it, just pause a moment and say something else entirely. Don’t even acknowledge his confrontation. Eventually, he’ll either stop calling or he won’t bring it up when he does call.
NTA
He can want what he wants, but that doesn’t drive your life. It is true that opinions can change when you meet the right person, but you have no obligation to your father here.
Make sure one of the cats is a male, take a family photo with your two cats and partner and send it to him in a Christmas card… signed your loving daughter, partner (name) grand girl cat, and grand boy cat 🤩🤭
It ur right and choice.. don’t let anyone tell u
NTA, maybe you change your mind, maybe you don’t.
One of mine changed their mind at 40, and then friends of mine are 40s and loving that they never had a kid!
You are not an AH either way! And telling him also doesn’t make you one. In fact pressuring you to have a kid is so AH of him. You are 18 and a baby adult (baby adults are 18 through 21… Basically you are an adult but don’t know the adulting things yet.)
Personally, If you were my daughter, I would be dragging your happy ass to the bank, Fidelity, or a financial institution to open a Roth IRA! Do you have one? You need one!
If he wants a kid when he gets out then he could just adopt a kid, there’s literally millions of orphaned kids, trying to coerce someone to have a kid they don’t want is pointless when there’s plenty of existing kids that’d kill for a loving family.
My gf feels the same way as you and I hate babies, but adopting a 5-10 year old is something we eventually plan to do. NTA for feeling how you do and expressing it. You may want kids at some point but that doesn’t mean you have to birth a kid.
NTA
but just stop picking up his phone calls if he only pesters you.
At least cut the line if he keeps bringing up the topic
NTA so weird I mean you’re 17 even if you don’t hate kids you are waaaay too young to even be thinking about kids. Your dad needs to lay off. Sounds like he’d be okay with having a pregnant teen daughter. He’s crazy. Also who’s to say you’d give him a grandson anyways. If (big if) you did decide to have kid it’s only 50/50 chance you’d have a son.