My (23F) mom passed away three years ago after a long battle with cancer. She and my dad were married for 25 years. We were extremely close, and her loss destroyed me.
My dad (48M) started dating a woman (41F) about 8 months after my mom died. I tried to be understanding. Grief is weird. But she rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, overly familiar, always trying to call herself my “bonus mom,” even though I barely knew her.
Fast forward to last weekend: their wedding. I didn’t want to go, but I showed up to support my dad. At the reception, his new wife gave this speech and said she “can’t wait to be a mother again” and how she’s “lucky to have gained a daughter.”
I snapped. I told her I have a mother, and she will never be her. That it’s weird and invasive and she needs to stop inserting herself into something that isn’t hers.
She burst into tears. My dad asked me to leave the reception. Now the family is split, some think I was cruel and ruined the wedding, others say she overstepped.
AITAH for saying it at the wrong time, even if I meant it?
Comments
She’s a selfish bitch. I don’t agree with your dad on his relationship, personally. You must feel all alone and it’s a horrible feeling.
Eeesh. You are understandably grieving but that was unnecessarily cruel.
Clearly, this person wants to be a support role in the family and she is doing what she thought was a kind gesture.
YTA, but only for the setting and cruel steps as an adult – if you were a literal child the outburst would make more sense.
Sorry for your loss though. Losing a parent in this way is something we never get over.
Yikes. “Can’t wait to be a mother again” = her kid passed. And you snapped at her on her wedding day.
I get that it’s a weird dynamic, but hands down YTA
NTA
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It’s not an easy situation. On one side, you only have one mom, and you’re grieving her departure. You have every right to feel the way you feel. On the other hand, you have your dad’s new wife, who is trying to be welcomed and accepted in the family.
Although I fully understand where you’re coming from, I think that your reaction was too harsh, and at the wrong place and time
Sounds like she’s going about it the wrong way, which is obviously having very negative reactions on you. I don’t think that she’s doing anything malicious, and I doubt that she wants to replace your mom. She’s probably just trying a little too hard to let you know that she’s there for you, not to replace your mom which will never happen, but as A mother figure.
Let emotions cool off, sit down one on one with her, tell her how you’re feeling, and what you need from her. If she’s someone that will be in your life for a long time to come as your dad’s new wife, it’s going the best to make amends and get to a place where both of you can get along and have a cordial relationship.
YTA, this is something that you should have called out earlier if you had an issue with it, not on their wedding day.
At their wedding ,during her speech, infront of everyone ? YTA , there is a time and place for everything , did you mistype your age and meant (12 spoilt, craves attention)
You may have alienated a potential ally in your grief. Losing a parent is traumatic, and it takes years to process. Your father started the grieving process during your mother’s illness. He found someone to help him as he navigates his life. She appears to be reaching out to you. You were not a part of the conversations she had with your father regarding stepmother roles. She’s not your mother but she could be valuable in the future if you marry and have children of your own. Maybe you need to separate yourself from the situation and pursue grief counseling until you are ready to engage in family dynamics again.
YTA you are 23 not 13. You grieving but its been 3 years. Also you will build your own family one day and dad will be alone. Stop being so selfish
NTA – she is the one that put it out there, you just corrected it. Now, this is weird a bit. Did she marry your dad to become YOUR mom?
“The family is split”. Classic reddit fiction text.
YTA. You didn’t need to say that then and there. You could have waited instead of being spiteful and taking what is a special time for your dad and making it a shit show. You’re meant to be an adult so you should have acted like one. Not a spoiled brat. There’s a time and a place.
I need more details of ways that she rubbed you wrong. I understand your point when you say it came off weird, maybe because of how fast their relationship moved with the timing of your mother passing and the marriage. Have you ever had a conversation with either of them about your feelings and have you let your dad know how you felt? I’m not going to say YTA because you’re going off of your feelings but you could’ve said something in a different location.
Just my opinion here but a bonus mom or step mom is some one who helps raise a child and you are raised already!!
You lost your mom only 3 years ago. That kind of grief does not go away, especially when she was such a huge part of your life.
She is not respecting your grief at losing your mother. She is out of bounds.
She overstepped and you were cruel.
Both things are true and hopefully both of you will apologize