I (28M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for about 10 months. She always comes to me for advice — about work, family, friends, even what to wear or how to respond to texts. At first, I liked it. Felt like she trusted me.
But I started noticing a pattern: she always does the opposite of what I say. Always. I’m not exaggerating. I’d suggest A, she’d pick B. I’d say “don’t get involved”, she’d immediately dive in. I told her it’s fine to make her own choices, obviously, but why keep asking me then?
I finally told her it’s exhausting. That it makes me feel like I’m just there to validate drama, not actually help.
She got offended and said I was being cold and dismissive, and that I should be grateful she values my input.
But honestly, I don’t feel like my input is valued, I feel like I’m being used as an emotional punching bag.
Comments
Break up
NTA. I know from experience how annoying this can get. She isn’t looking for advice, she just wants a reason to do what she was going to do anyway. It’s a waste of your time and emotional energy.
NTA
>she values my input
You have 10 months of consistent, sustained, and empirical evidence that this is not true.
I used to be in this situation myself, and I can agree its one of the most aggravating things on the planet. You’re not the asshole at all, your time and opinions are things that deserve to be validated, and if she’s not only ignoring them but blatantly doing the opposite then she’s just got no right to be offended.
NTA, its not opposite day, just stop giving them – and be firm in this.
Haha my wife loves to do this. Nowadays I don’t have an opinion on anything she asks about.
Her reaction kinda proves your point. Instead of asking why you feel unheard, she made it about how she felt criticized. That’s a red flag if she always centers her feelings over yours
These women dont want SOLUTIONS or to get HELP in these situations.
They want VALIDATION of their FEELINGS because the women that do this cannot work out how they feel.
Being in a relationship with a woman 101- You have to gauge when they want your feedback/advice vs. when they want to you just LISTEN.
NTA.
“You should be grateful” is never the correct move.
YTA, asking for your advice doesn’t remove free will of another human being. She’s telling you about and asking what you would do, doesn’t mean she would do what you would. You take it personally that she’s her own person and makes her own decisions no matter what? That’s ego, but let me assure you, I understand. It would be easy to conclude I would be offended by this as well, but I would hopefully take a step back and try to see it from a perspective that wasn’t about me. Here’s why: she’s telling you her shit, is she really asking for advice or just treating you like a friend? I guarantee you got homeys that do the same thing but since you ain’t banging then, the rules are different yeah?
It beats having a girl who hides everything from you and then does shit you could never forgive.
It’s easy to give advice on someone else’s bullshit, but just like the advice I’m giving here, you don’t have to listen to me. It won’t change either of our lives. Her choices will always be hers, she only answers to herself. You’re not the controlling boyfriend. Ego is an asshole for all humans. Mine, yours, HERS…
Use reverse psychology and tell her to do the opposite of what you think she should do.
But honestly, one of ChatGPTs favorite phrases is “But honestly”
Is she asking for advice or does she just need to vent? That’s a thing that women need to do and men often mistakenly think we are asking for advice when we’re not.
Have a look at Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Grey and the whole dynamic might make a lot more sense.
Try just listening and empathising instead of offering solutions, because that you doing that might be annoying for her too!
NTA, she doesnt value your opinion at all if all she does is the exact opposite.
Yes, women are that stupid. Is in their nature.
Get her a Magic 8 Ball!
This sounds annoying as hell. I wouldn’t feel respected if this was such an obvious and unfailingly consistent pattern.
But is she asking for advice and opinions or are you giving to them unsolicited and want her to follow your advice.
I’m just confused how there’s a leap to being an emotional punching bag and validating drama.
Your relationship is young. I don’t expect it to get any better soon. She has the need to prove to you that she’s right about anything without actually having an argument with you. I’m willing to bet she will start to create small arguments with you just so she can be right. My suggestion would be to stop giving her advice, just say I don’t know what I would do I will have to think about that.
are you sure your partner is really asking for advice, or are they just telling you a story? this could be a hard thing for her to understand too. i wont lie, it took going to therapy for me to be able to name these feelings and needs. it isnt always obvious to ourselves when we are seeking validation.
the way you frame yourself as “validating petty drama” kind of reads as you think your partners problems as unimportant. this feels like a cycle that doesn’t really have an end. if she really does want validation framing her problems as unimportant will make her defensive of that want.
im not saying this is your situation, but it could be. try asking her directly if in these moments she would prefer validation or advice. is she looking for a listener or a solution? both are valuable separately.
all this being said, you know your situation best. try to have a conversation about this without blame or judgement.
NTA. Either she purposely does the opposite of what you said (I’d find that incredibly insulting) or she wanted a yes-man and not actually your opinion (not as much but still insulting).
Just give her the exact opposite advice as your true advice and see what happens for the next 10 months. Your break up is coming either way …
This reminds of that viral video from earlier this year. A woman is sitting picking out some fruit. Limes I believe. She rejects everyone the husband picks. He begin picking them from the bag of ones she has already picked as good and she rejects every single one.
Not saying all women are like this at all, but ladies (and some guys) if all you do is ask your partners opinion over and over just to ignore it 90% of the time. You don’t have a real partnership. You have a pretty picture you painted so you can lie to yourself and everyone else that you actually value your partner. Being a good partner isn’t just going through the motions of pretending to communicate. It requires actually picking a partner who’s opinion you value.
NTA
Just use reverse psychology on her if you say the does the exact opposite of what you say. They she will do exactly what you want every time.
NTA
Tell her you think she should stay with you forever. lol
NTA. Start giving nonsense answers when she asks you binary questions.
Tell her to never, ever wake you up with a BJ and that good, respectable girlfriends only entertain missionary, PIV intercourse, and throw in “and never ever anal” if you like. Test your hypotheses, people.
If you’re wrong you might work things out, idk lol. But if you’re right…awaken the freak, enjoy a bit more time together, and then be movin’ on. “Permanent opposites day” is no way to live long term.
Source: am cynical married guy who succeeded one more time than he failed in dating, be careful whose advice you take ha
Edit: oh yeah, and NTA
Why don’t you try going against what you think is good advice and actively give her bad advice… if she keeps going in the opposite direction, at least she’ll be helping herself 😋😅
Nta
“Do you want to vent, or do you want an option?” Should be the first think to aks, when she starts it again.
Communication is everything.
I broke up with my partner of 14 years last year for this. She’s basically telling you she doesn’t respect you or your opinion. Listen. That’s not a partnership.
I feel like people like her just want you to agree with whatever they say, not give an opinion to.
At that point my responses are do as you wish. See what happens
Nta but an advice for the future when someone asks for your input doesn’t mean the have to do exactly what you are telling them to sometimes their filter it with other people opinions and then make their decision on how they want to do something, it doesn’t mean they don’t care for YOUR particular advice but they chose differently because the other decision was what they were comfortable to do.
Maybe your gf is like that also , but also I get the frustration of what you experiencing.
NTA, She is doing this as a power move, OP. I bet a million bucks if she gives you advice, you had better follow it or she will be pissed. Dump her.
Maybe she just needs someone to talk to, and it really doesn’t have anything to do with you. Just because she is asking for advice doesn’t mean she is obligated to decide based on your opinions, she is an adult she can go around and ask about advice and opinions and still decide on her own and take the responsibility of the consequences.
This is such a weird take from you.