My husband (38) has always used our 3rd bedroom as his “nerd” room. It’s full of posters, artwork, and collectibles from his favorite video games and anime series. The room wasn’t used for anything else, there’s no TV or gaming computer in it. It literally just held his collectibles and had no other purpose.
I (36) started working from home 4.5 days a week a year ago. I couldn’t use the corner desk he had in there from when he was in college. I need two monitors for my work and the corner desk made it too awkward. I ended up taking over the shortest wall in the room for my new desk and work space. For a year, I’ve worked in this tiny little space and my desk often became a dumping ground for random things in the house that made it’s way into the room. I didn’t feel like I truly had a space that was my own in the room. I’ve been the only one actually using that room. He’ll come in and grab a DVD from the DVD case that took up a whole wall, but other than that, he’s never really in the room.
Recently, my mother had heart failure that led to a bunch of other complications and she is not able to come home. This left my dad alone at the house. He is a disabled veteran that has a lot of issues with his knees and back, often leaving him unable to stand or walk for long. He also has short term memory loss. Back in February, dad started having his own medical issues with high blood pressure and ended up in the ER. My sister and I came over to the house to take care of him and saw just how bad the house had become. Dad was not able to keep up with the house, dishes, groceries, trash, maintenance, and laundry. This led us to realize he can no longer live by himself.
Due to poor financial decisions by my mother and her medical condition, they can’t afford for dad to move into a retirement community while my mother is in a skilled nursing facility. My husband and I discussed it and decided to move in with my dad. His house is a lot larger, in a better area, and a better school district for our daughter.
I am taking over the spare bedroom for my office space. There’s already a daybed in the room that I don’t really want in it, but need for when our nieces spend the night. I told my husband he couldn’t put his large hutch or collectibles in the room because I would like a dedicated office space that is truly mine. I am really the only one who is going to spend any time in the room. My husband was mad about not having his hutch or room for his collectibles and having to put them in storage. We rented a storage unit that is heated and cooled to make sure nothing gets damaged.
We aren’t planning on staying in this house forever. We figured we could save up for a few years until we can afford to buy our own house in this area. Right now, the house is cluttered and we need to clear a lot of things out. But we were on a time crunch to get moved into the house before school started for our daughter. Once we get things cleared out and get settled, we will find a space for some of his collectibles. There isn’t really room for all of his collectibles, but we can find space for some of them. AITA?
TLDR: Husband has a bunch of collectibles that takes up a whole room. Room had no other purpose than to store his items. I started working from home and took up a short wall for my desk, but had no other space in the room. Medical issues with my parents led us to move in with my dad. I took the spare bedroom for my office and told husband he can’t put his collectibles in it. Once we get the house cleaned up and settled, we will find a space for some of his collectibles, but they aren’t going into my office.
Comments
He should grow up and put his big boy undies on.
NTA. If it’s things he rarely uses, the storage should not be an issue.
I get you wanting to have a dedicated office space but you’re telling your husband you have to move into your family home for the foreseeable future but there is no room for him (his stuff). He should have a place that he can store some of his belongings. Can you not put up shelves for some of his things? Is there a garage where you can carve out a corner? I get that you have to get somewhat settled but think about it, what he’s hearing is your stuff doesn’t matter. let him bring a few of his favorite pieces with a promise of bringing a bit more but not all once settled. He needs to know and her he is being seen and heard.
NTA, it sounds like he’s pouting lol I understand sentimental value, but I’m sure the desk from college & collectible hutch will be fine in its little apartment. Climate-controlled storage is love. He’s lucky you love & respect him enough to even keep some of those things, especially if he barely even looks at them.
Definitely NTA.
He can suck it up for a while. Seriously. Your parents health is deteriorating, you have to move in to help take care of dad, and hubby whines bc of some collectables not being displayed? Selfish much? If that’s the worst thing he has to deal with then he can stfu. You are nta, but he might be leaning that way if he keeps on whining….
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yta. seems like you are more concerned about yourself here. Wack.
NTA! because your office isn’t a storage closet for his stuff just because it used to be. lol
NTA. Your husband needs to suck it up. We are talking collectibles versus a proper working environment that actually makes you money. Collectibles are the last thing that you make room for, although you said that dads house is a lot larger? Get him to pick out a few of his favs every now and again, until you can find some space.
Depends. If you “told” him … or “discussed” it with him. There’s a huge difference in AH-ness. One is demanding and controlling. The other is coming up with a mutually acceptable solution.
NTA. If you have any kind of collection so big it needs its own dedicated room to store things that is just for things and not for people, that takes a lower priority than people who need space. It’s a lower priority than anyone who needs a bedroom or working space. It’s nice to have space for a collection, but people having space is more important than things having space.
Once you clean and de-clutter the house you can have some negotiations about displaying some thing or accessing his DVD’s in ways that don’t totally take over the space. Maybe let him keep a reasonable amount of them in your bedroom if there is space for it.
Maybe he can’t have a whole room, but can he not have a couple of shelves somewhere in the house? He’s moving in to your father’s house to help take care of your ailing parents, and he doesn’t get any space in your office?
You say you have a daughter. Is this the lesson you want for her to learn – never share with your spouse, or how to make things work in tough situations?
NTA.
His stuff is sitting around collecting dust. It’s not helping you work or declutter. I love my boxes of collectable clutter too but sometimes life has us prioritize other things. It sucks but he has a whole storage unit for it. He should consider himself lucky he can afford a temperature controlled unit for it.
NTA.
NTA you aren’t asking him to get rid of the collectables just put them away for awhile.
Boundaries are important! He needs to respect your boundaries.
If his storage space is climate controlled why can’t he stage it like a collection room. And visit it daily?
Your job > his toys
Hubby can deal with this temporarily.
NTA
I had a room for collectibles and I LOVED it, never used the room but loved being in there curating the space…then I had kids and into storage it all went. I get he’s disappointed, I was a bit, but if there’s no Space for now then they are safer in a storage facility than in a house with no dedicated space, that’s how things get damaged or lost and that sucks. You need to work, his things don’t need to be in that space. They aren’t gone forever just away for now. I get his side in being annoyed about it but your living in a home rent free caring for your dad and hopefully able to save up and find a house that will have an office for you and a nerd cave for him. It will take time and patience and sacrifices need to be made
Gentle YTA- he’s turning his life upside down for your parents. The least you can do is give him some of your shared space for his things. There’s a way where there’s a will.
NTA. Since you work essentially full time from home, your work space should be prioritized over tchotchkes.
As a person with a moderately large amount of collectibles who bought a home last year, I am struggling to find space for it all without it looking like a thrift store that sells fandom memorabilia. (I’m actively ignoring the amount of money I’ve spent.) Most folks some amount of extraneous stuff, so I’m hoping that it’s not just his stuff that’s going into storage — that some of your extraneous stuff is going in with it.
As a collector of crap, I can understand why he may be distressed (especially since the move is due to ill-advised financial decisions that he didn’t make), but climate-controlled storage is a great solution, and it’s temporary, and it’s not like he’s being forced to put everything in storage — hence my vote.
NTA for the space allocation priority. Home office >> collectible display 100%. Don’t love this statement: “I told my husband he couldn’t put his large hutch or collectibles in the room because I would like a dedicated office space that is truly mine.”
That’s not how a marriage works. Spouses don’t “tell” each other how it’s going to be. They discuss and make joint decisions.
The sexism here is really evident, btw. This sub would go apeshit if a man posted “I told my wife” how it was going to be.
NTA. The situation is temporary. Hubs needs to grow up a little. I understand wanting your collections (I’m a collector myself) but if he doesn’t even access them much then being able to visit his treasures in the storage unit should be enough for now.
Tell him to grow up. Putting his collection in storage temporarily won’t hurt him.
NTA. Your saving on a mortgage/rent so paying for storage is minimal expense.
NTA it’s an unfortunate situation and you as a team made the decision to move there.
Maybe you should have discussed where his things would go but I don’t think it sounded remotely important at the time but here we are.
As you said, this is temporary. But you need to work and his belongings are safe. He didn’t have to get rid of anything and he can go to storage if he needs to.
Maybe he’s feeling like he gave up alot to help your family and this collection is way more important than you’ve realized. Definitely NTA under the circumstances i wouldn’t have placed much importance on his collection either.
With all the changes you two have gone thru in a rush, maybe it’s time you two got some counseling to sort out some feelings that got pushed to the back due to these emergencies. You’re going thru a lot and if he’s always been part of your team before (I am making an assumption that He has been) then it may be worth backtracking a little so that you both understand how the other is feeling.
It sounds like your parents aren’t going to get better and you will need each other more than ever. Counseling may help make sure small resentments don’t turn into mountains during this time
NTA it’s not gonna hurt him or his stuff to be in storage for a month or two and it will motivate him and you to declutter faster to get his things in that house