I (28F) am currently 37 weeks pregnant with our miracle baby. My husband (30M) and I struggled with infertility for five years. We had multiple failed rounds of IVF, one miscarriage, and we had just about given up when we conceived naturally, shockingly, last summer. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster and my pregnancy has been high-risk from the start.
My MIL has never liked me. I’m not the woman she envisioned for her son, I’m a first-gen immigrant, not religious, and work full-time. Over the years, she’s made some nasty comments, but we’ve mostly grinned and bore it for the sake of peace.
When we announced the pregnancy, her response was, “Well let’s hope this one sticks.” I let it go. When I was put on bed rest at 25 weeks, she told my husband that maybe “God was punishing me for going against nature.” That one stung.
The final straw was two weeks ago. We had a small family dinner and she made a comment to me, in front of everyone, that maybe I had trouble conceiving because I “spent my 20s partying instead of preparing my body like a good wife.” I’ve never partied. I worked full-time and cared for my sick father until he passed away two years ago.
I told my husband after that I do not want her in the delivery room. Not even in the waiting room. I want peace, not judgement, during labor. He said I was “punishing her for not being perfect” and that she “deserves to meet her grandchild the moment they’re born.”
I told him this isn’t about punishment, it’s about protecting my mental state during the most vulnerable moment of my life. He’s now telling me I’m being “spiteful” and that I’ll regret excluding her.
So, Reddit… AITAH for telling my husband his mom will not be allowed anywhere near the delivery room?
Comments
Doesn’t matter the reason. No is a complete sentence. NTA
NTA. And you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your husband over how his mom gets to talk to you.
Also? Keeping the peace was fine the first time. But it has taught her that she can walk all over you. Start calling her out. She won’t stop otherwise.
NTA. This is not a show where people get to watch and enjoy. This is a medical procedure where YOU, and only you decide who gets to be there. You need to feel supported, not watched.
NTA! Your child not hers
NTA. Make sure you tell all the medical staff exactly what YOU want.
This issue goes way beyond her being in the delivery room. Why is your husband sitting there and allowing her to insult you like this? You have a MIL problem, but more importantly, you have a husband problem.
Nta but the problem that’s bigger than your mil problem is your husband problem. It never should have gotten this far to begin with. “Let’s hope this one sticks,” isn’t bad if spoken in the correct manner, but all your other examples are. Husband should have put his foot down long ago. You should have put your foot down w both of them if husband failed. Now, you’re in the ninth inning-this should’ve been handled long ago.
NTA My friend, you’ve got a husband problem. He should 1) not be letting her speak to you that way, 2) shutting her tf down and defending you if she does, 3) validating your feelings and backing up your decisions.
It’s his mother. This is his problem to solve. He knows you. He knows you weren’t partying through your 20s, so why tf is he not coming to your defense at that comment? He’s going to continue to let her talk shit to your face and choose her over you if you don’t get him to see and do right by you. That’s how your life is going to go forever and ever. He’s being a really crappy husband to you.
Mama’s boy needs to grow up and be a husband (and father) first before he is his mommy’s widdle baby.
NTA this woman doesn’t deserve anything except the boot out of your lives and if your husband doesn’t see that then maybe he needs to go, too.
Ur body, ur trauma, ur rules. If he wants to hand out “deserves to meet the baby” cards, he better start with basic respect first.
I wouldn’t let your husband in neither. Sounds like he supports his mother and never stands up for you. This is going to be an ongoing issue. Free yourself and Dump both of them.
Make it clear to your medical staff that your husband – and only your husband is allowed in the delivery room. They have seen this a thousand times and will happily run interference for you. You are their patient and your comfort is more important than pushy MIL’s. And if necessary mention that your husband might try to overide this decision but they are not to listen to him.
You don’t need the stress at this point. The confidence your needs will not be overlooked will help with a more relaxed birth and recovery. And as for regretting the decision to include MIL – it’s guaranteed you won’t – ever!
NTA
No one deserves access to your body while you give birth. Tell the hospital staff so they know she’s not allowed. And if your husband, who is the actual problem here, can’t get behind you and be supportive kick him out too. Find someone who will support YOU not their idea of who deserves to be there for your child’s birth. MIL had her chance when she had her own children. This is yours and she needs to accept that.
NTA!
Tell hubs he too can be kept out of the delivery room.
She doesn’t deserve a thing. A title to a child doesn’t entitle you to that child. Her attitude needs sorting out before she ruins your baby’s first moments. But you do have a husband problem. NTA
You might need to block her for much more than just the delivery room. I can just see her telling the child that their mother is “dirty immigrant” and her side of the family are [insert whatever ugly stereotype here] and the child shouldn’t have any contact. And their mother doesn’t love them because she doesn’t care about their soul and works full-time. You need to make sure your husband has your back on all of this.
Tell him you get to choose who is there and also you are not punishing her for not being perfect, but for being a b@tch to you!
NTA
NTA. Not bring perfect would be making occasional foot in mouth comments, having a gendered preference or forgetting the due date. She has crossed the line into not being a good person.
You all marry idiots.
NTA. I love my MIL but I’ve made it clear I don’t want her in the delivery room. Her own daughter didn’t want her in the delivery room either. It’s nothing personal, it’s a private moment that only a few are privileged to see.
NTA. Punishing her for not being perfect? She’s not even being a human being. She’s being an animal with her insults. DO NOT BACK DOWN. Tell your husband to support you or he can wait in the waiting room and call his mom when it happens. Protect your peace. So much will be going on you don’t need her negativity or rudeness.
NTA You are entitled to have a warm, supportive environment when you give birth, and your husband should be behind you and your baby. When he says you are punishing his mother, ask him if that makes you godlike. After all, God apparently punishes individuals by making bad things happen to them when they disobey. I had a horrible relationship with my mother in law, until I had her grandchildren. That was when I realized she had nothing I needed, and I had what she really wanted. Once I stopped being afraid of her disapproval our relationship became much healthier. She came to live with us in her last years and was a gift to my kids. This is your life, not hers. Sorry about your husband, but the balance of power in your family is changing soon.
Your husband is an ass. He cares more about his mother’s feelings than you or your child.
Tell him he can stay at his mommy’s. You get a good friend or family member to stay with you and be your support.
Hubbie is an arsehole and a momma’s boy. I wouldn’t even want him in the delivery room after not respecting your wishes while knowing how his mother is. Imagine trying for 5 years and he still puts his mother’s feelings over yours during YOUR medical crisis…….. Is he mentally deficient or just a wet rag? Probably just a wet rag so treat him like one!
There is no freaking way you need that woman’s sick toxic energy in your face during birth. Call her after the baby is born. If you feel like it.
If your husband didn’t understand that YOU GIVING BIRTH isn’t about what ANYONE deserves but YOU, then he sounds like trash! You’ve been so understanding with all her bullshit despite your pain to keep the peace. This is not the time for that anymore! You have to think about YOU, please notify the staff of your decision to not allow her so security can help you out when you’re in labor as it sounds like your husband will be no help at all. I hope he can come to understand that he needs to focus on your needs, not his stupid mother’s wants. Good luck I wish you a safe delivery free of drama and a healthy little baby
NTA, why would you even consider letting SO’s mother watch you give birth? MIL is not your mother. Would your MIL allow your SO to watch her get a gynecological exam? How would that be any different than her watching you give birth? Giving birth is a medical situation and your blood pressure and comfort is a direct factor in the difficulty of childbirth. Her just being in the same building could have a negative effect on both you and the baby’s survival. She has no right to be there, was she present for the conception? Why is your husband choosing his mother’s feeling over your needs?
There is literally no one who “deserves” to see your vagina. This is not a spectator sport. WTF is wrong with your husband.
In France, you only have one person in the room. And you choose (majority of husbands, and some mothers of the mom). Even if in America you can be more in the room, it’s about YOU and the birth of YOUR child. YOUR meeting with YOUR child. She can wait. All family can wait.
Tell the staff you only need your husband (if he is on YOUR side to help physically and emotionnally)
Husband needs to take your side. You’re his present and future. I love my mom, I love my MIL, but I will never let quotes like this slide.
(sorry for my english)
As is said often on r/JUSTNOMIL, you dont’ have a mother-in-law (MIL) problem, you have a husband problem.
Your MIL is treating you like shit and your husband should be defending you better. That’s his mom so that’s his job & problem, not yours.
There will always be situations where he can’t have it both ways and make you both happy, because you both naturally want different things. So he really needs to step up and make a decision: who’s a higher priority, his judgemental, unreasonable mom, or you, the mother of his child?
There’s a point in everyone’s life where they have to stand up to their parents and say “no.” It sounds like he had some practice by marrying you against his mom’s wishes, but now he needs to finish that follow through.
And if he can’t stand up to her over this, then he’s not really going to be a good husband. I’m sorry.
If he needs to, send him this post, send him to r/JUSTNOMIL but he really needs to understand that he is badly mishandling a fundamental priority on one of the most important events in your lives.
You are the most important person here, and deeserve extra special support for what sounds like a challenging pregnancy. And if you can’t get that from him, let him go, and get what you can from others instead.
Good luck.
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA – your husband however is TA along with MIL – How can your husband think that she deserves to meet her grandchild the moment they’re born is more important than YOU having a peaceful birth?
“Who’s more important in this moment- me the person giving birth or her the person who has been continuously judgemental and rude and making unnecessary comments and you’ve done nothing to stop her? So if you think I’m punishing her when reality is im protecting myself, maybe you should ask yourself why you immediately thought of her over me?”
NTA. I’d go as far if he continues to push for her to be in there, that you’d replace him as well because you need to be placed first.
NTA- Regret? 😂
Definitely NTA. She sounds insufferable. If he doesn’t back you, he is too
I kicked MY mother out of the delivery room! She was making me crazy.
Your husband isn’t the one pushing out the baby, you are. You get to decide and your word is final. NTA
NTA, your delivery, your period and nothing else, it’s a super important moment especially in your case, you don’t want your mother-in-law, she doesn’t come and your husband should understand that or he’s an idiot.
NTA
But here’s the thing. You have an MIL problem, yes. But you have a MUCH bigger husband problem.
The fact that he has allowed these comments to be made about his partner, and indirectly, his child, is beyond reprehensible.
If he doesn’t change his behavior now, your life is going to be a continual escalation of this mess until you eventually divorce him.
Shut it down NOW
Rage bate. Yta
NTA You are the one that gets to decide who is in the room. You can allow or deny anyone, including your husband. Talk to the hospital and let them she isn’t allowed and they will make her leave if she shows up. Your husband doesn’t get a choice in this. If he keeps insisting, tell him he won’t be allowed either.
NTA but where is your husband when she’s saying this crap? He’s the bigger problem. And I think your mother-in-law will either be as nasty to your child as she is to you or she’s going to butt into your parenting every chance she gets. And your weak asshole of a husband will let her.
NTA. Your MIL is a racist or xenophobic asshole and your husband needs to grow a spine.
They both need to realise that you’re the one who’s giving birth, and it’s entirely your choice who’s in that birthing suite with you.
Hubby can even be excluded if he can’t extricate himself from his mom’s birth canal at this late stage 🙄
Tell him he’s in line for a divorce.
Labor is not a spectator sport.
The laborer is allowed to choose who she wants and doesn’t want in the room. At this point, I would tell him HE is out, and bring in your mom, sister, or trusted friend. Tell the nurses no one else.
She’s not entitled to anything.
Stop “grinning and bearing it.” Call her out on her shiz. Loudly. Immediately. “I have never partied, I worked full time and took care of my ailing father until he passed away. You’d hope your children would do the same thing for YOU if you were ailing. How dare you?”
Start really thinking about divorce. A husband who picks his mom over his wife is a bad dude. I’d be writing down every instance that he defends her over you. He’s NOT on your side. Make sure it isn’t that you’re just an incubator and bangmaid hun.
NTA
NTA. Your husband isn’t pushing a watermelon out of his vagina, so he doesn’t have a say on who’s in the delivery room. I gave birth a month ago and it’s the most vulnerable you’ll ever be. That is NOT a place for judgmental behavior or pettiness.
Your husband needs to understand his mom is the one who did this. Pick your saying – Words have consequences. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. FAFO. His mom is about to find out she can’t just say whatever she wants and get away with it.
I’m so happy you are having a baby, and I wish you a healthy and speedy recovery. I hope your husband gets some sense knocked into him.
NTA. Neither set of grandparents were at the hospital for the births of our two kids, even when one set lived close by.
There’s no “right”. Your husband and his MIL are AHs.
I’m so sorry that you’ll have to come home to unsupportive family. May you have a peaceful delivery.
NTA
Make sure you tell the hospital staff that women is Not allowed ANYWHERE near your birth or maternity suite while you recover
If ANYONE is allowed to be in the delivery room, it is your mom and your husband
But honestly you sound like you have a husband problem too, because how can he tolerate those comments from his mother about his wife?
If he starts to question or make your peace waiver, tell him he will be next on the chopping block to not be allowed in during the birth.
Idk if you mom is around or someone you want, but if she is, work on getting her to you! If it’s not possible for whatever reason, and you’re staring to worry about not having even your husband there, look at hiring a Doula! I had one for my second child and so wished I had her for my first.
She will be there for you mentally and encouragingly and to keep you at peace to make your birth as best as it can be!
You are NTA for protecting yourself from toxicity
NTA. And, tell that mama’s boy husband of yours that if he does not back you up, he will find himself in the waiting room, too. What an AH! His mother deserves to be called out; she won’t stop this crap until there are consequences for her. Her son needs to get her in line. This constant disrespect is unacceptable. And, NO ONE has the right without your consent to see a baby birthing from your body.
NTA. birth isn’t a spectator sport and you get to decide who’s in the room. Period. Also, if mother-in-law can’t stop making nasty comments about you and then she does not get access to your kid.
You get to not want here there for any reason at all. NTA.
Nta if he has a problem he can also be excluded and spend the day with his mother. You deserve to be comfortable and in a safe space before during and after birth.
Ask him if one of your relatives can come observe his next prostate exam. If that seems ludicrous to him, ask him why it’s appropriate for one of his relatives to observe an experience that is exponentially more dangerous, intimate, scary, and vulnerable. And, just to protect yourself you need to tell your doctor and the nurses on duty when you go to the hospital that you only want whoever it is you do want there. Clearly state that MIL (use whole name) is not allowed or wanted in the delivery room. Say it in front of your husband if necessary because you aren’t alone with the nurses. I promise you, they will not let her in if you tell them not too. Labor and delivery nurses are the bouncers is the maternity ward. They don’t play. Pregnancy is dangerous and too often fatal. The only thing that matters is your peace and comfort. If you are stressed your heart rate will increase and that is bad for baby. NTA.
Also, this is a husband problem way more than a MIL problem. You are going through hell to grow a child. All your husband can do is talk about what his mother deserves. That’s insane and horrifying to me. I don’t see this relationship being a happy one going forward. If you think MIL is a pain now, wait until the baby is actually here. It’s going to be a nightmare if your husband doesn’t make some changes.
NTA – tell hubby that if he doesn’t start backing you up, he won’t be in the delivery room, either.
NTA if you weren’t in such a vulnerable position where you need his support and care during bed rest, I would’ve ripped him a new asshole, kicked him out to live with his mommy, and told him HE’s not invited to the delivery room until he grows a spine.
NTA but why the hell was your husband not defending his wife from this vitriolic shit?
You could have ended the question AITAH for telling my husband I don’t want my MIL in the delivery room? And I was on your side. The person pushing another person out of their hoo ha gets to dictate who is in the room. Period.
Nta. This is called a healthy boundary. Parents don’t get access to children just because they’re good to 1 of the 2 parents.
You aren’t punishing her for not being perfect. You’re punishing her for not being kind and respectful.
Your husband is going to be a problem.
NTA. I didn’t even want my own mom in the delivery room, and we have a good relationship. She isn’t my safe person and never has been, just a little too judgy. I can’t be vulnerable around her. She probably would have been fine, but in my gut I didnt want her there, and I went with that. Your husband either needs to wake up and be your safe person, or you should tell the labor unit that he isn’t allowed in either. Why?
Because he may let her in anyway. He is already prioritizing her feelings over yours. He won’t care about your discomfort, he will gladly hand her the baby, and let her say god knows what about your abilities as a mother in those first five minutes, just like he’s let her get away with saying whatever she wants about your fertility. He doesn’t care that she says hurtful shit to you all the time. He doesn’t care that you will be scared and raw and vulnerable and could possibly die. He is more concerned with what his mom ‘deserves.’
I’m not saying you need to divorce him yet, but now is the time to throw a bucket of ice cold water on his head. If you do not, your marriage will either fail by the end of the first year with a baby, or it will only succeed because you have chosen to be miserable instead of leave.
“Preparing your body?” What does that even mean? That’s crazy!
You are being a tiny bit spiteful, but with cause. You have every reason to be angry. But, she can’t be mean from a waiting room unless your husband can’t be trusted.
NTA what the fuck is it with people thinking birth is a spectator sport. Your vagina, your say.
You need to let the nurses know where you give birth that she cannot come in the room. Your husband is MASSIVELY TA for not standing up for you and shutting his mother down. You’re definitely NTA, but I would do more than you currently do in order to further distance myself.
NTA. I’ll tell you right now, you will not regret not having this vile woman around you. How about your “husband” if I can even really call him that, have your back as his wife, partner, AND MOTHER IF HIS CHILD!
NTA, he needs to stand up for you against her. No spouse should let their family treat their spouse in such a manner.
NTA. He doesn’t have to be there, if you don’t want him there. Let him understand that he no longer has the option to allow his mother to disrespect you any longer. He has allowed this behavior, and it needs to stop now. You will not allow your child to be around such a toxic and judgmental person. He is more than welcome to be abused in that manner, but, you have an obligation to your child not to raise them around toxic and miserable people. Her comments are mean spirited and you will not have your child around that environment. Let him know that he is included in your statement. If he wants to be the father he should be, then he will only allow positive vibes and people around YOUR child. If he can’t do that to the best of his ability and makes excuses for people, then he will be in the THEM column. Standup for yourself and your family, if he won’t, then you picked the wrong partner. NTA. Updateme.
Your husband is the biggest problem for not standing up for you and putting his mom in her place before this ever got out of hand. He messed up, and you absolutely do NOT have to allow such a rude and hurtful woman to participate in your special day. Tell your husband that if he doesn’t talk to her about her behavior that he might not be welcome to be there either!
You are not. She is.
NTA. Why are you with this manchild who allows his mother to disrespect you?
Tell him if she’s even at the hospital….he won’t be allowed in either. Let him choose. NTA
…you don’t mention if your husband has had your back while she’s saying hurtful shit about a vulnerable topic..? Your husband doesn’t care about your mental state? Your MIL sucks but your husband sucks just as bad allowing you to be subjected to that. It may be his mom but you’re his wife and the mother of his children, is he planning to teach your child it’s okay for their mom to be treated that way? Yikes. I couldn’t watch my partner be verbally/mentally abused by my family and do nothing to stop it. That’s just insane.
Your husband learned how to be anAH from his mom. Tell him HE doesn’t need to be in the room either. He is no prize without sticking up for YOU and instead is pandering to his mommy-still. That he heard how his mom has talked to you and about over the years and didn’t have the 🏀 ⚽️ to shut that down is not a man ready to be a husband and father
You have bigger issues, but tell her if she wants to be in the delivery room, she can go panties! Why should you be the only half naked woman in front of strangers!
That is your body, your trauma you will go through while giving birth. You absolutely can decide who you want there and who you don’t. My entire family, parents, grandparents, cousins, Aunties, etc. were at my first childs birth, he was the first of the new gen. Second child no one was there. Have as few people there as you can. Enjoy your bonding with your child, safety and comfort while you are delivering. Seeing the child the minute they are born vs hours later or a day later CHANGES NOTHING. It’s just a power thing.
You need to hold the line and when you get to a good place and are recovered you and your husband need to have a looooong talk about support of each other. This fight will continue the rest of the MIL life. She will never “get better”. She will always be horrible to you and judge and demean you. Take care of you and your child. That’s all that matters.
NTA 100%. First of all, congratulations on your rainbow baby. I hope for a safe and healthy delivery for you and baby. I am sorry that you and your MIL don’t have a good relationship. I know what that’s like, and it isn’t fun. Her comments about your pregnancy are absolutely inappropriate, gross, and disrespectful. I am genuinely horrified that she would have the gall to say something so atrocious. Your husband is failing you right now, and you need to tell him. If it were me, I would no contact this woman, but I know this isn’t always the most available option. Keep your boundary, tell your birth team so they know, and if your husband can’t support you, good riddance. Find another person who can be with you just in case. Good luck.
NTA…..Giving birth is not a spectator sport. You’ve got a husband problem
NTA but husband and MIL are AH. This would be a stressful and emotional time without the history of fertility difficulties. It’s perfectly normal to be emotional. Add in the stress from Toxic MIL and I wouldn’t want her anywhere near me either. If you need to ban both Toxic MIL and your husband, who is not supporting you at all, then do it. This is your moment with your child and you need to treasure it not stress about it.
No. Why on earth would she be in the delivery room, even if she were a decent human being?
No one but the parents “deserve to meet” the child at birth. Frankly, I have never heard of such a thing. Grandparents visit the following day.
NTA – Giving birth is NOT a spectator sport. Your MIL should not be in the room with you when you deliver. She can wait her ass outside. No, she does not “deserve” to meet her grandchild the moment it is born.
You need to start putting some very strong boundaries in place and ensure your husband is behind you on this.
If not tell your husband he can wait outside with his mummy – as who is in the delivery room is up to you, and only you.
NTA. I’m constantly surprised by how many couples want to invite someone else into the delivery room. My wife and I felt it was a bonding between us and our ew baby and didn’t feel comfortable having a 3rd party. No one ever asked anyway.
If he can’t respect your decision, then maybe he shouldn’t be there either.
Congratulations and good luck
NTA and you won’t regret it. The only person who deserves to meet your baby the moment they’re born is you. I wouldn’t want her in there. She would probably try and take your baby from you when you should be doing skin to skin and bonding. I would also have a huge issue with my husband siding with his mother and not seeing how nasty your MIL is being.
At this point i would tell husband if he doesn’t start defending you and acting like a partner, he won’t be in the delivery room.
How did you even make it to this point? I told the would have told that witch off and if husband defended her, he would be living at her house.
Tell your husband to get his balls back off his mother’s mantle and grow the hell up.
NTA for not wanting her not in the delivery room but you better stop being a doormat or she will absolutely take over YOUR baby.
I would bypass the husband and tell the MIL right to her face to GTFO. She doesn’t deserve to be there, by saying all those hateful things to you.
Why would your MIL be in the delivery room anyways??? NTA you are in charge of your medical procedure. Keep that judgmental woman far away.
At this point I’d tell the husband he can sit at home with MIL. You need his full support and cooperation at this time. Good luck with your baby and your MIL
NTA. Your body, your baby, your choice. Your MIL is awful and insanely rude.
While I understand I had my baby during the pandemic and my husband was the only one allowed in the hospital room, I will never understand why people want to have more than just their partner in the room during delivery. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but my partner seeing me at my absolute grossest (yet beautiful) time in my life.
NTA. Never would I want anyone else in the delivery room and all of these husbands who ask this of their wives are insane. I hope a man reads this and knows it. No woman, except his mommy of course, thinks this is okay.
NTAH. MIL certainly is. She has NO right to anything regarding your child or your delivery. Husband may be an AH if he advocates for his mother. Sounds like what’s she deserves is contempt and exclusion. I hope like he’ll you aren’t having a kid with a spineless POS husband.
Your MIL is a villain, but your husband is your main opps. NTA
NTA and you have wonderful husband 😵💫😵💫😵💫
No one is entitled to be a spectator at your delivery-not even your husband.
Your husband is not protecting you from his mother’s spiteful comments. Whose peace is he protecting? Not yours.
NTA. You are going to need to have 100% support from whoever is in that room. I hope you have an easier delivery than pregnancy.
Anyone who cannot deliver that should be kept well away.
NTA but you got a husband problem. He should be defending you against his mom and telling her to shut up. I’d reconsider having him there if he’s not willing to consider your feelings. Make sure to tell the staff your mil is NOT allowed in there. At all.
NTA, and do not bend on this boundary. Make it very clear to your husband that if he does not start having your back, that he won’t be allowed their either. At least in the US, no one but the laboring mother has the right to determine who’s allowed in the delivery room; any good nurse/hospital takes that shit SERIOUS.
My own mother who I have a wonderful relationship with wasnt even present when my kids were born, let alone IN THE ROOM. Nor did she ask! NTA but your husband definitely is
You need to tell him he is too old to be a tit suckling toddler. Time for him to honor his wedding vows and start forsaking her. He needs to grow up and put his mommy in her place. Birth is not a spectator sport!
NTA
NTA and tell the hospital staff. Don’t have your husband tell them for you.
Honestly if your mother-in-law says that kind of shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if she started raising concerns about you getting an epidural because the pain of childbirth is God’s will. Absolutely not someone I’d want in the room with me during a stressful medical procedure.
NTA I’d be tempted to stamp my feet and say he needs to support you on this and getting his mum to not be an ass or he also will be banned from the room. How are you going to trust him to advocate for you in the room if he won’t with his mum? Line up a good friend you trust in case you have to follow through, no better time than when you’re about to have a new life to protect from her bile.
NTA
NTA but your husband is. He should be shutting her down. You’re the one who will be giving birth. You protect your peace however you need to. Your husband should tell his mom she will meet the baby when you’re ready and not a moment sooner. He should be supporting you 100 percent.
Updateme
I’m extreme modest and I don’t want anybody in the birthing room.
Is your husband a blind idiot?? My primary concern would be that he seems to be allowing his mother’s abuse of you, and in that respect you have a HUSBAND problem, not a MIL problem. (besides which, I don’t get the notion that a mother-in-law belongs in the delivery room EVER unless she has a close relationship with the mother-to-be)
NTA. Your husband is a huge one though. He needs to respect your choice, and should have been standing up for you long before this. He thinks she deserves to be there more than you deserve basic kindness. I’m confused how it gets to the point of a baby, when your husband has allowed you to be treated this way. Not who I would be having a child with, personally. But all you can do now is hold your boundaries. Don’t worry what assholes think of your choices, they aren’t worried about what you think of theirs.
What is it with women marrying all these momma’s boys? The issue was probably never with you, just low T weak swimmers from a weak man
Absolutely NOT the AH!
Keep her out! 💯%!
No regrets ever. 👍
It’s crazy how often this issue comes up: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/search/?q=MIL+delivery+room
And it is 100% your call as far as who you want in the delivery room with you or not, for any reason. And I ASSURE you that you will NOT “regret excluding her.”
NTA. Of course she shouldn’t be in the delivery room, that’s a given. But your husband needs to step up and provide you with more support. He should be shutting his mother down when she makes these hurtful comments. He really needs to grow up and behave like a husband and not mummy’s little boy. This is only going to get worse when the baby is here and he needs to understand that his mother’s behaviour and his own behaviour is wrong.
Oh no, your husband is a problem. Grandparents do not have the “right” to meet a baby fresh from the womb. Make sure the nurses know she is not allowed in the room and is not allowed to hold/touch the a baby until you have okayed it.
I wouldn’t want her there had she never said anything??
NTA
You can choose to not include outsiders in your birth for any reason or no reason at all. Your MIL could be lovely and still wouldn’t be entitled to participate in your L&D.
Honestly, if your husband wants to push it. Remind him that he also has no right to be there. If he wants to spend that time with mommy. They can spend it in her living room.
Honestly a mother in law being in the delivery room sounds weird, even if she’s not a word I can’t say here.
Throw the whole man away
She’s not imperfect, she’s mean, and no she does not deserve that. Why does he care more about her arbitrary desires (it is NOT standard for grandparents to be in the delivery room in most places) over your well-being? YOU should be his priority right now and he is acting as though you are not under extreme stress. You deserve peace.
NTA… and if he wants to cry and about it, tell him then he can wait outside too
Who are these men that believe they have a say in whether their mother is in the delivery room??!!
Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It should be you, your person of choice (if you have any, and with the caveat that you can change your mind at any time) and the medical professionals helping you to hädeliver your baby safely. And, eventually, baby.
Everyone else can meet your baby when you feel up for it. Not before.
NTA. Your husband is, though. The apple did not fall far from the tree, hm?
NTA I’m surprised that it was something agreed upon in the first place! You really need to have a good talk with your husband. It is a big glaring red flag that he thinks the way she’s acting is just “her not being perfect”. The fact that he isn’t in full support shows me that HE is the true problem. Im willing to bet he allows your MIL to treat you this way and doesn’t do a thing to stick up for you like he should be doing. Is this mama’s boy really what you want to deal with for the rest of your life? It’s only going to get worse once the baby arrives.
NTA but I’ll never understand women who stay and then choose to have children with men who clearly don’t stand up for them. You went as far as to spend thousands of dollars for IVF to have a baby with a man who will never tell his mother no. He will always take her side in arguments, will give her access to the baby (even if you don’t want it) and will constantly pull the “you know how my mom is” card. You should’ve left years ago but now you’re stuck. If he loved you he would’ve shut her down hard at the first comment.
NTA
NTAH
Your MIL is TAH, but so is your husband. He seriously needs to step it up and tell his mother to stop being rude.
As far as your delivery room, tell the hospital you don’t want her in there. You could even establish a list of named people who are permitted.
Find a new husband
What is with all these MILs thinking that deliver is a spectator sport? Tell your husband, once he’s let your parent/friend watch him have a particularly large bowel movement, you will consider it. Until then, just no. But in all seriousness you need to set some ground rules now. Not just about the birth, but about how your MIL interacts with you. If she is rude, she leaves. And she doesn’t get access to your baby. She doesn’t have the baby alone. Your husband can side with you or face the consequences. You’re his wife, not her, and it’s time he got his priorities straight.
Obviously you are NTA.
I just don’t understand why your husband wants her anywhere near your baby. He and his mom are trash.
Good luck.
Your MIL is an awful human. Why would you want her there for YOUR medical event that includes you pushing a baby out and likely having a bowel movement at the same time?
Giving birth is not a spectator sport.
Isn’t the mom punishing you for not being perfect? Anyways, NTA. It sounds like the MIL is a narcissist and the son, your husband, is enmeshed in a toxic relationship.
These kind of people only escalate, sometimes to physical violence so I would consider low or no contact. Congratulations on your baby!
NTA. I love my MIL and I didn’t want her in the delivery room.
No is a complete sentence, but if you want to soften the blow (and blowback) you could use your high risk pregnancy and maybe even your doctor as a shit shield. Due to how high risk your pregnancy has been the doctor wants to limit the number of spectators to just your husband in case of any complications.
NTA. You have a husband problem. Tell your doctor and the nurses and hospital staff that your MIL is not allowed in the delivery room nor in you room. OP you need to keep your malicious MIL on a strict diet when the baby is born. Congratulations on your miracle baby!