My husband is still really mad at me for this and it’s been a few days, so I figured I’ll bring it here and see what other people have to say.
A few days ago I (f23) broke my foot by tripping over a really big tree root when I was gardening. I knew I had broken something when it happened but I hobbled back inside but I could barely put even a little bit of weight on it so my husband (m33) took me to the ER.
For context my husband isn’t the most patient person in the world and he is kind of nervous around hospitals/doctors though he’d never admit that. When I was pregnant he would be nervous just being in the office and they’d tease him about feelings of a new dad, but it was really just white coat syndrome lol.
Anyway so when we were in the ER he was being expectantly impatient and pacing around. We waited around an hour before I got called back, by then he was really straining to still be polite. He wasn’t rude or anything but he was just very short with the nurses and the other people and didn’t say much. When they asked me about pregnancy status he interrupted me because of how recent I was pregnant.
A couple minutes later the nurse asked him to leave. At first he was like why and she just said it’s standard for a few questions because they have to give me privacy. He said we are married, we don’t have or need privacy from each other. She was trying to be really nice and was just like it’s just standard sorry, but he wouldn’t go until she was like I’ll literally have to call security if you don’t willing go for like 5 minutes. I eventually said, you’re not in charge in this ER, please go.
He was livid I could tell but he did go and she asked me really strange questions about my living situation. Everything was fine and she let him back in and they gave me x rays and a boot and we left.
Well, my husband was very upset about “how the hospital treated us, making us wait and separating a married couple”. I know he just hated being there in the first place and the fact I said what I said. He hasn’t downright said it to me but he’s been so passive aggressive about “being in charge”. Generally I feel like I really do try my best to keep the peace but I really didn’t want security called or anything insane to happen while I was just trying to see if I broke my foot or not. AITAH for that?
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They wanted you alone because he was acting like he was an abuser. Those weren’t strange questions. They were safety questions. And your husband needs to learn a modicum of politeness and civility. NTA
NTA: Your husband needs to grow up!
“Separating a married couple”. Jesus, it’s a hospital. Husbands and wives can’t always be together while doctors are working on people.
And they certainly can’t ask if you’re in an abusive situation with him standing there.
She wasn’t asking you strange questions. She was trying to figure out if your husband was abusing you and whether you were in danger. Which is what hospitals are supposed to do when someone comes in with an injured partner and proceeds to act like an asshat.
You are absolutely NTA. But I am concerned for your well being if this is a regular way of behaving, especially with a “being in charge” comment.
He said we are married, we don’t have or need privacy from each other.
he’s been so passive aggressive about “being in charge
I feel like I really do try my best to keep the peace
I really didn’t want security called
They believe that you are in an abusive relationship, and you don’t recognize that you might be.
this is standard procedure in the few ERs I’ve been to. if you’re injured, the policy is to ask you about your safety
Your husband sounds exhausting. Sorry, but he is an ass with entitlement issues.
NTA. They fully believe he is abusing you. With his ill temper and rudeness it’s a foreseeable issue.
Is your husband abusive? If I was the nurse I would have wondered. Also, you seem to make a lot of excises for him and you seem really worried about “keeping the peace”.
NTA There are good reasons for such policies, and pissing off the ER nurse was never gonna be the right move.
Im sorry did you say he was 33 or 3.
Separating a married couple? You guys are grown adults who can be separated for a little while. They probably thought you were in an abusive situation with how he was acting.
They were screening for domestic abuse, and your husband’s controlling behavior gave them good reason.
NTA. Your husband is a grown-ass 33 years old and can’t be patient for an hour? He also can’t respect the hospital staff when they ask him to leave the room- after acting like an abuser.
He’s also 10 years older than you. Has he also isolated you from your family/friends, and does he control the money in the relationship? Did you get pregnant very quickly after you met, and were you barely 20 years old? Because he sure sounds like he’s emotionally abusive.
And this is why you don’t marry 33, at 23!!
😔😔
With your injury and his demeaner, answering questions for you. Then the odd questions she was checking for domestic violence. If he hadn’t of been so agitated and then stated you are married and don’t need privacy. She needed to establish a safe space for you, that’s her job. You should explain that to him so he is not such an agitated jackass at the hospital next time.
His behavior made them concerned for your safety. Perhaps not initially, but once he doubled down and refused to leave, it likely made them think he was afraid of what you would tell them. This is all on him and his weird attitude. NTA
An hour isn’t even a long time for an ER wait. If he is flipping out like that then he needs some therapy. Also, he sounds abusive.
Next time give him an errand to run while you’re in there.
Send him to grab takeout or to grab you something you “forgot at home” but really reeeally need. It gives him a distraction, gets him away from the cause of his anxiety, and let’s him do something for you so he can provide/protect/pamper you.
They all ask those questions to everyone. Even if there’s no suspicion of abuse. It’s standard protocol in the ER, urgent care, even regular Dr. visits. I got an e mail for an early check in for Dr. visit next week. They asked similar question in the check in. When I tried to skip through it, I couldn’t complete the check in.
Your husband gave off the signs of an abuser. The pacing, the irritation, the rudeness, not letting you answer for yourself and refusing to leaving the room are all signs of domestic violence.
I think you should really sit with the fact that trained professionals were concerned because of the red flag behavior your husband was exhibiting. You seem to let this roll off non chalantly and make excuses for him. But you should be thinking about it more. “We married. We don’t need privacy”. Do you see how controlling this is?!?! This is not “white coat syndrome”. This was a temper tantrum that made the nurse nervous enough to threaten involving the hospital security.
Then he got mad at you. Instead of being apologetic he blamed you and engaged in passive aggressive behavior. This man is either extremely immature or he’s unable to control his temper. It’s probably a combination of both.
You need to speak to a therapist. Everything is not ok and this isn’t “nervous behavior”.
You did nothing wrong. He sucks so bad because he was making the situation worse, more unpleasant. You were the one with the emergency, he needs to make it easier for you.
JFC he’s gross
NTA
So he was nailing you at 21 ish when he was 31 ish? Grooming. No wonder he doesn’t want to give your privacy
Domestic violence screening is standard procedure in many many hospital systems and is part of every OBGYN visit I’ve ever had for 20+ years. Statistically a woman is most likely to be abused during the pregnancy or postpartum period so they always separate you to do the DV screening so an abused spouse can ask for help.
Personally I find it super triggering because I was abused by medical personnel so I got a note from psychiatry explaining and asking to waive the screening. It’s usually a big fight tho
He got upset after waiting only an hour in an ER? I waited 8 hours with a cut on my leg so deep and wide you could see the bone. You know what my Mum never did? Get annoyed. You have a serious husband problem. NTA
NTA- I messed up the tissue between ribs years ago. The pain was so intense I was throwing up. The doctor was asking me how I had done the damage. I mentioned the garage door spring broke mid lift. Then, I remembered being kicked in the chest by a two year old I was babysitting during a diaper change.
The doctor heard “kicked” and the appointment changed. I was grilled for over thirty minutes and asked for details. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t a victim of DV. It was annoying, but then I thought, what if I was being abused and no one cared. The safety nets are important.
Why is your husband mad at YOU? He is not behaving normally. The ER was worried about your safety and so am I. Is he like this all the time?
When the hospital witnessed your husband being a controlling monster and in an age gap relationship, they wanted to make sure you were safe. From the sound of his antics, get used to this. It’ll happen again.
That is standard operating procedure anytime you go to the doctor these days, but especially in the ER. I know your husband has this anxiety as you said, but even even if he was giving you massages and kissing your feet, they would’ve still asked him to leave to ask these questions. Maybe God forbid if this happens again you can tell him to expect that he will be asked to leave again. I’m a brain injury survivor and I don’t remember a lot of things when I go to the doctor so my husband always comes in with me and they always ask him to leave. Ask me the questions and then he gets come back in unfortunately your husband didn’t know this, which just sent him over the edge please tell him it really has absolutely nothing to do with him. It just gives all patients a safe place to alert somebody if there’s something going on at home.
You really want to have children with a man who loses his shit after an hour of waiting? Please get out OP
NTA your husband was a jerk these people were professionals doing their job. If he continues to be this way you need to have a serious talk.
The hospital picked up that your husband is predatory piece of shit and wanted to make sure he was only controlling and not verbally, mentally and or physically abusive.
FYI – he’s not the boss of you at home anymore than he is in the ER.