Something felt off. Not like a full blown emergency, but that quiet, nagging feeling that moms get. You know the one. Our daughter wasn’t acting like herself. She wasn’t running a fever or anything, but she was way too quiet, clingy, not eating much, and kept holding her side. I kept watching her. My gut told me something was wrong. I told him. I said, “I really think we should take her to get checked.” He straight up rolled his eyes. “She’s fine,” he said, “You’re overthinking again.” And that stung. Because this isn’t the first time he’s brushed me off like I’m just some paranoid mom. I may not be a doctor, but I know my own kid. He kept saying things like, “Kids have off days. You’re going to waste time and money for nothing.” Then he went right back to whatever he was doing like I hadn’t said anything at all. Like I was being dramatic. Meanwhile, our daughter kept saying her stomach hurt.
Not whining just quiet. And that scared me more. I finally snapped. I told him, “Stop acting like I’m making this up. If you’re not gonna take me seriously, I’ll take her myself.” He got mad. Said I was blowing it out of proportion and making him look like a bad parent. That I “always think I know better.” But I did take her. And guess what? Early stage appendicitis. The doctor said if I waited, it could’ve ruptured. Now he’s acting all “glad she’s okay” and posting crap online like he was part of the decision. No mention of how hard he fought me on it. No apology. Just ego. And I still feel pissed. And weird. Like why did I have to fight just to be heard? So yeah.. AITAH?
Comments
You’re absolutely not the asshole, you trusted your gut, saved your daughter, and did what a real parent does. It’s heartbreaking that you had to fight to be heard, but don’t doubt your strength for a second. He owes you more than silence and fake credit.
Paternal instinct is never grounds for being or being perceived as an AH.
Good on you, always trust your gut when it comes to your kids.
You are not the AH continue to be a very good mother. OK and ignore the outside “ noise”. Continue to follow your gut because as mothers we know..
You were right to go with your gut, but this is honestly not a “gut feeling.” It was your understanding that your daughter was not acting the same way she always does and that it needed to be addressed. Good on your for taking her in to be taken care of, and shame on your husband for just brushing it off and not understanding his indifference could have costed her her life.
I will add a story of myself of when I was 2. For a while my mom was confused why I wouldn’t speak while I played, or when she would wake up with a “sixth sense” to me standing in front of her needing something but not saying anything. She took me to the doctor and expressed her worry of why I wasn’t speaking as much and the doctor told her “Well yeah, I wouldn’t be talking much either if my tonsils were 4x the size they should be”. Thankfully she understood the difference in my behavior and I got the treatment I needed.
I am so glad you are attentive to know your daughter, and honestly, you should have a real talk with your husband about how indifferent he was prior to this diagnosis and then how “caring” and “concerned” after the fact. If I were in your position, I would be so pissed about his reactions and would need it rectified ASAP.
YNTA, you’re doing the best for your child, your husband should’ve understood your perspective and just checked it out. I would rather have a medical bill and find out my child is fine, than do nothing and she later has complications that aren’t reversible. There is no problem with double checking!
NTAH. As one of those ‘paranoid’ first time mums I have never regretted asking a qualified person for help. Even if it wasn’t so serious it would still be okay that you sought medical advice. Don’t know what to say about your husband though.
NTA by any stretch of the imagination. Until you have had a gut feeling that shouldn’t be ignored then you just don’t understand the blessings that you’ve been gifted.
You were right. You were strong. And your daughter is lucky to have you.
If you’d listened to your husband your kid could have died. Does he understand that? You saw your child acting differently and listened when she said she was in pain. It’s always better to be cautious and take them to the dr than risk it especially with little kids
NTA
NTA – One of my biggest pet peeves is this kind of dismissive attitude that your husband used to sweep your concerns under the rug. Why would ensuring the health and safety of your kid EVER be a waste of time and money?!?
NTA
Trust your instinct. If it turns out to be nothing, you lost some hours at the doctors office/hospital. If it’s something and you ignore it, literally everything up to and including death might be the result.
I once thought my son was breathing funny, his father said he thought he was just stuffy. We let him rest, gave him a bath and medicine and put him to bed. Father said let him sleep, I said I was too worried and wanted to take him in, which we did. Oxygen levels were dangerously low. He was admitted to hospital for 2 days. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had let him fall asleep.
NTA—this feels bigger than this moment, and I bet it’s because it had to do with your daughter’s health and safety.
Does he often brush you off and make you feel like your words and opinions don’t matter? And has it been silently building up?
I’m glad this was an “enough is enough” moment and that you were able to stand up for her, but I hope you’ll stand up for yourself, too.
NTA. However, moving forward, don’t ask for his agreement to bring her to the doctor. Inform him that you are on your way to the doctor because of X symptoms.
Don’t hinge your happiness on anyone changing. Assume he will continue to blow you off, instead of telling you how glad he is for your gut instincts.
Tell your husband that he was obviously wrong to brush you off as dramatic. He should do the decent thing, apologize, and respect your opinion moving forward. He won’t, of course, but you’ll take control from now on and inform rather than consult him.
Esh he thought she was fine just being a winy kid and you didn’t both valid opinions until something was actually proven to be wrong. You could’ve just taken her in immediately instead of arguing with him at all and it getting to the point that it nearly ruptured by the time you took her and he could be admitting that he was wrong so you both made mistakes imo.
My kids’ pediatrician always said mom’s know and he trusted their guts. It could have been minor but kid was still sick.
Being a good parent and being observant of your children is a good thing. There are I’m sure hypochondriac parents and so on. But this is being observant and knowing your child. You’re not an AH for being a loving, caring, observant, responsible, and nurturing parent. This is how accidents. Illnesses and so much worse are prevented from occurring. I wish we all were born with Mothers like you. I hope your daughter is doing well. This could have been fatal if left ignored. Children are incredibly resilient and will keep going despite not feeling well. I don’t even know what to say for the father. Thank goodness she has you.
NTA. It’s sort of unexplainable but I do think many parents can tell when something isn’t quite right with their kid.
My daughter had a phlegmy cough once, no other symptoms. Took her to get checked out and she had double pneumonia and bronchiolitis. I knew something wasn’t quite right.
NTA
But he’s a stupid piece of shit.
OP does he treat any other things so dismissively? Is is just your daughter? Just you?
You don’t see someone you love acting differently and shrug it off, you ask what’s wrong. Does your husband not know who your daughter is in the day to day?
What conversations have you had to actually address this behavior?
Makes me worried for when the children are left in his care without you.
Glad she’s okay, never ignore your instincts xxx
>Meanwhile, our daughter kept saying her stomach hurt.
If a child actively tells you they don’t feel good and you notice a difference in behaviour, then she’s not, actually, “fine”. Your husband is insane for not wanting to spend the money to check this out. Or have his ego hurt.
Your husband needs a serious attitude adjustement. His ego almost hurt his daughter. I think you should be reaction WAY stronger actually.
NTA it’s time for a serious talk. If he refuses to apologize for his dismissal and downplaying of a life threatening position then you have a huge problem. If he won’t acknowledge he was wrong and actually WORK to not do it again, this will only get worse.
Imagine if you had been out of town. How differently this could have gone.
My daughter (she’s 7) had been going to the school nurse and complaining of her heart rate being “to fast” and that she had a headache…..I took her out of school, her dad wasn’t upset but it happened again (he was a little annoyed), but she went to the ER twice, elevated blood pressure and her test results showed signs of hyper-thyroid issues, we’re waiting to see her primary for final testing, diagnosis and treatment (it’s not an emergency right now). Kids can’t always communicate how they are feeling, but when they communicate ANYTHING out of the ordinary or aren’t acting like themselves it’s a sign to get them to the doctor. My parents were terrible about listening when me or my sister were sick and so now I am one of the adults that rarely goes to the doctor until I absolutely HAVE to (like when I had pneumonia for a week and didn’t seek medical attention before I ended up in the hospital). It’s good to teach kids to listen to their bodies and to also be believed and listened to by their parents, good job momma! You are NTA!
First of all why the hell do you have to get permission to take your child to the doctor? The first time you noticed and talked with her and thought something was wrong? You have to keep discussing with him and it came to that? The first time it should have been see you later. Taking kiddo to the doc.
>Said I was blowing it out of proportion and making him look like a bad parent.
NTA – if the shoe fits.
When I was 12 I almost died of appendicitis because my mum wouldn’t believe I was sick enough to skip school when all I had was a tummy ache. She said if I was sick we’d go to the dr, expecting me to refuse. Ended up in emergency surgery.
Good job to you for taking notice of your child.
NTA and I hope he’s sincerely apologised and said he’ll listen to your instincts in future.
“Thank the gods that I didn’t listen to my husband when my gut told me something was wrong with our baby. Had I stayed at home and ignored it, like he wanted, the appendix would have ruptured. Here’s to a mother’s gut feeling!”
I’d post that on my social media
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NTA
I’d rather be wrong than ignore it due to embarrassment/shaming and finding out later that I was actually correct and kiddo IS sick, and dangerously so!
That would really annoy me actually, him acting all relieved etc and he didn’t help in the first place.
I’m glad you persisted anyway!
My husband sent our 5yo with a broken foot thinking it was just a little bruise. I took him to the er instead and the poor kid was running on a metatarsal fracture and had a special boot for 2 months
You know your kid best. Your husband is an diot. NTA
NTA. You knew something was off about your child. You observed these changes in personality and behavior which are huge tells. Meanwhile, your husband whined that getting a health check on your child would be a “waste of time and money” which honestly says a lot about his priorities and how little he really cares about your daughter.
NTA.
“I told you something was wrong, you were more worried about the money and our daughter and said I was paranoid.”
It’s very common knowledge that right side pain in little kids is probably an appendix about to blow. Is your husband a complete idiot? There’s not even really any instinct about it.
And your husband is posting online after like a fb mum? Did you call his ass out after? What did he have to say for himself?
NTA.
Surgeon here. Appendicitis in kids may commonly be what we call atypical, meaning it does not classically present as the severe right lower quadrant acute pain but may be more nonspecific, so that EXACTLY because of that a ruptured appendix is much more likely to occur in small children than adults, leading to a more serious outcome or prognosis, including death.
You did good. Let no one tell you different.
Oh, and your husband is an ass.
NTA. And actually, he should appreciate that you pick up on things that he missed.
TD Jakes once said, “If you clap on the up-beat and we clap on the down-beat, then WE won’t miss a beat”. This is applicable with your situation. If you get certain things and he gets others, then between you both, everything can be addressed.
BTW, he’d have a fit with me. I know my daughter is sick when she naps. She hasn’t napped, willingly, since she was 3yrs old lol.
I have several chronic illnesses that are genetic, so I’ve had the symptoms for my entire life. My parents, especially my dad, would make fun of me as a kid when I rolled my ankle and would put an ace bandage on. This happened frequently and it was very painful. Turns out I wasn’t crazy- I have a connective tissue disorder!
Your daughter will always remember that you believed her and stood up for her when her father wouldn’t. She will trust you more than him. Listen to your gut instinct it’s usually right.