My husband and I have been married for a year and we’ve discussed multiple times we don’t want kids. His mother is always asking me when I’m having kids. She goes as far as constantly telling me she’s lonely and she wants a grand child . She also tends to rub on my stomach whenever I come around which makes me extremely uncomfortable. She brings up us having a baby literally every other day. When my husband and I exaggerate we do not want children we rather do other things she gets upset and calls us selfish. Whenever we give her our reasons such as finance , the state of the world right now , the many problems women go through when having a baby emotionally and the physical turmoil she says all those things doesn’t matter & we can leave the baby with her . Today she bought it up AGAIN and I told her to stop worrying about my womb out of frustration. His mom is also in her 60s and she feels like she needs grand children because she’s “running out of time” . Everytime she brings up grand children and my husband shuts it down she gets upset and feels like someone is convincing him not to have children …..That in itself seems very selfish to me . I find it so weird and uncomfortable to the point I don’t ever want to be around her . Before she was unbearable but now it’s just too much . I’ll like to mention , my husband and I were dating for a while before getting married but she never bothered me in this way. But now … within the last year since we’ve gotten married … it’s constant …. She also has two other sons , one claims to not want to get married or have kids and the other actually wants to have children within the next year … but she doesn’t bother him and his gf this much because they aren’t married . I’ll also add my mom on the other hand do not overstep and asks what my husband and I are planning on doing. I’ll tell her if anything. I just find this behavior from my MIL kind of strange & it’s pissing me off . AITAH?
AITAH for telling my MIL to stop worrying about my womb
r/AITAH
Comments
Tell your MIL that you have been practicing and that every time she asks y’all practice twice as much for twice as long and you are getting exhausted from all the S. E. X. NTA
NTA, but if it were me I’d have a chat with my husband and tell him to talk to his Mom and get her under control and set some boundaries. It’s not ok for her to keep this up anf for him to not shut it down.
Nta
NTA. Tell her to adopt a pet from the local animal shelter or sign up to be a foster parent. There are plenty of kids that need good temporary homes.
Your body. Your choice
To MIL: “We ARE NOT having children and even if we did choose to have a child their existence would not be to function as your emotional support baby”
She needs some therapy, some friends and some hobbies.
NTA. Nobody is owed grandchildren.
I feel you. My MIL pretty much had a sevice for each period after we got married. It was bad. She lived right beside us and really every month cried a little. Told me I was robbing her son of one of his own. Had a child but marriage didn’t last. Hubby backed me in keeping her away from my son.
A month ago, you were living with your mom and sister. Now you have been married for a year?
Rub her stomach and tell her that with modern science SHE can have a baby!
Nta. Tell her to get a pet, find hobbies and make friends. She needs to stop badgering you to have a kid so she can preoccupy herself.
NTA, dude. Your womb, your rules. Too much of this “having kids to keep the folks happy” BS happening around. She AIN’T living your life, YOU ARE. Stand ur ground, sis! 🚀💯
NTA. Tell her if she wanted grandkids, then she should have had more kids, even by adoption if need be.
If she puts her hands on your body, put yours hands right back on her.
NTA. Just bluntly tell her that if she doesn’t accept that you are not having kids and does not stop harassing you about it, then you will have no other option than go no/low contact with her. It is you and your husbands decision and she either needs to accept that or risk losing contact with you.
NTA. Stop spending ANY time with your MIL.
Honestly, I’d have to low contact. To basically demand & throw tantrums cause you won’t make her a human to play with is ridiculous. And she’s calling you selfish?!
And there’s no guarantee the kid would even like her. Or she’d like the kid. She already has expectations on a kid that doesn’t exist. If it failed to fulfill her needs she’d see the kid as a failure.
She needs a reality check that babies aren’t emotion support beings for lonely people. She needs to fix that issue on her own.
And the belly rubbing would get a firm grasp of the wrist and stern “you never touch me without permission again”
NTA, but do you either slap her hand away or make direct eye contact and start rubbing her belly when she rubs your belly?
Because unwelcome physical touch is a big no no in my book so you are either getting a slap or a really really uncomfortable moment from me. I’m not waiting for my spouse to shut that shit down, I’m doing it and no one is going to be happy about it but me.
NTA
It is extremely selfish. Have your husband get a vasectomy & then proudly announce it to her. Also, she wants her grandkid to be an emotional support child & that is super unhealthy.
Slap her hand away when she touches you, that’s creepy and gross. Her loneliness isn’t your problem. You need to tell her not to bring it up again and when she does, either leave or show her the door. Every time.
I’m in my 60s and one of my kids has been sterilized and one is trans. So there will be no grandchildren. Their happiness with their choices is more important to me than grandchildren. If I were lonely or unhappy with my life, that’s my problem, not theirs.
NTA. Have your husband talk to her and tell her gently to get over it and suggest some hobbies or groups she might get into.
NTA. Have a tee shirt made that says SELFISH AF. Wear it only to her house.
NTA ask her for the money to make and raise the baby in advance, since it’s her dream
NTA! Tell her to adopt a cat.
Sister needs a hobby, to learn bridge or something to do every day rather than worry you to death.
Why doesn’t he get fixed so she will know you guys are serious
NTA, but obviously your husband isn’t shutting it down firmly enough. Next time she brings it up, leave or end the phone call. If you have to do that twice, you don’t go back for a longer period. Make it clear she can choose between the hypothetical grandchildren and seeing the kid she already has.
And if she’s like that, she’d make a nightmare grandmother anyway. Her type tends to ignore boundaries, do whatever she wants, put inappropriate responsibility for her feelings on the kid, etc. Toxic.
Tell her you’ll have a baby when the sperm meets the egg. That’ll make her uncomfortable enough to stop asking.
NTA. I am a 60 year old woman with adult children. Your reproductive choices are your own. If your reproductive choices are causing your MIL pain, she needs a hobby. She needs to find happiness that is not tied to her children’s reproductive choices.
NTA. She had her kids, now she needs to respect your choices.
Stop responding.
Tell her she’ll be banned from your home if she ever touches you again without permission. Unless you’re choking or having a heart attack.
NTA. She needs to keep her hands off of you. Next time she reaches for your belly, slap her hand away.
I agree she needs to adopt a puppy.
And OP, tell your MIL that the next time she talks about you having a baby, you will get up and leave. Then do it. Every.single.time. It may mean taking two cars to see her so you don’t need anyone’s cooperation to leave.
I suspect that will work fairly fast. If not, add time away to each event. You leave and stay away for _____ time.
When she does the belly rubbing. Grab her boob.
Tell the woman to get a puppy for pizza sakes
Nta have your husband get a vasectomy that should put a stop to it. Why hasn’t he already had it done
NTA – Tell hubby to shut his mom down, or you will tell MIL he is sterile.
NTA, of she’s lonely, that’s her problem. Tell her to make friends or adopt a dog. If she goes from your stomach again, grab her breasts. Firmly. Stare into her eyes aggressively with your hands firmly planted on her. When she gets mad, tell her, I thought this was touch people inappropriately time. Repeat as needed. Or slap tf out of her hands like your 2 and in a slap fight. Also, remind her, she doesn’t listen to eitjer of uou, who are both adults, so why would you ever trust her why with a child?
Look. If she wants relationships with children she needs to make friends with people who have kids or do respite care or adopt a grandma programs. Start bringing her brochures.She isn’t going to get bio grandkids, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to have meaningful relationships with young people.
Your MIL is making a strong case for you not to have a child.
Imagine her grand child is born… she will become insufferable. What is now an incessant interference in your procreation process will become quadrupled with her interference in child rearing, in being at your home, at wanting to have exclusive time and/or home visits with your kid
She has no idea how to stop interfering and once a child is born, it will only escalate
If and when she rubs your tummy, rub hers back. I have seen a few comments on reddit where once that happens, the person stops invading their space.
Maybe make a plan and let her know that this topic is done. No more. And then when it is brought up and you are at her place, leave immediately. Let her know that is part of the plan because she refuses to stop harassing you about having a baby. If she is at your place, she gets to leave right away. Escort her out. And that when she brings it up, you are going to take a break from her for X amount of time. And then when the topic comes up, make the next break longer. No phone calls, no visits, nothing. Silence. First break could be a week, second break two weeks.
To be honest, I’d have a family meeting with your mother and father-in-law and any siblings your husband has
And I would let them know that having children or not having children is your business and no one else else’s .
I’d still do this, even if your husband is an only child .
And I’d also make sure that your mother-in-law understands when you leave that future children are not open for discussion.
NTA but your husband needs to step up and tell his mother off. If she continues go low/no contact u til she learns appropriate behavior.
Stop being a doormat.
ESH. She is pushing you because you are married. The main reason to get married is to have a family. I don’t understand why people get married if they don’t want kids. Why tie yourself to someone legally and potentially lose half of everything if you don’t have children to protect? It doesn’t make sense.
Your MIL is nearing the end of her life. She has no grandchildren yet and feels that drive to nurture. When your children grow up, you naturally miss caring for them. They don’t need you anymore. She can’t have any children of her own now, so the only option is grandchildren. Unfortunately, that depends on someone like you to provide that for her. You are unwilling to do so, and yes, for selfish reasons. She is right – not wanting children is a selfish decision. One you will likely regret in time, but that is your burden to bear.
Is she being pushy? Sure. Is she wrong to do that? Sure. But her motivations and desires are not wrong. You are refusing to give her the next natural step in her life – being a grandparent. Of course, she will be upset by that. Perhaps you should try to see this from her side and have a little empathy.
Next time call your husband over and grab his jewels. Ask MIL to show you most effective way to get pregnant. Let us know her reaction.
His mom is a psycho. You don’t need to be around her. If you do have to be in her presence, when she comes to touch you, smack her hands away and say loudly “DO NOT TOUCH ME!!!” Embarrass her as much as you can. She’s being disgusting and deserves to be shamed for her behavior.
Tell her to choose to ether respect you and your husbands choice and have a relationship with you guys or continue her badgering and you guys will go NC and she can miss out on a relationship.
NTA. I would personally start avoiding her whenever possible because she apparently can’t control her urge to pester you on this subject. I’d start excusing myself from her presence every time she comes over, either going to my room and shutting the door or leaving the house entirely.
I’d have a little fun with the belly-rubbing thing, though. The next time she did it, I would jump and yell out “Ouch!” I’d act like it’s a massive deal that she touched me. Make the reaction so extreme that she’s afraid to do it again.
NTA. Your husband needs to shut this down and the perfect statement would be along the lines of “mum, if and when we decide to have children it will be OUR choice not yours, and the more you pressure us the more we don’t want to have children. So let me make this clear. The next time you bring it up to EITHER of us, reference wanting/not having any grandchildren etc, I’m booking a vasectomy, and taking children 100% out of the equation. You are not owed a grandchild and we are not going to have a child for such a ridiculous and selfish reason as you’re lonely and want a grandchild. Adopt a dog or a cat, but I mean it, bring up having children again and they will NEVER happen.”
NTA, this sounds tiresome. But, your MIL has, unfortunately, been brainwashed into believing that a woman’s only contribution to life is bringing more life into the world. At 60, it may be too late for her to change her attitude. But it’s worth a try. Get her involved in something outside of her domestic life. You and/or your husband could get involved in something that might interest her, and then, as she settles into it, start withdrawing from it. Or, you could just go LC with her. But I feel like you’re not at a point where you’re willing to do that. If this is the only boundary she’s crossing, I can see why you’re not considering going nuclear. So consider this option instead.
Tell her for every time she asks you about kids you’ll go x amount of time with no contact with her. Make sure your hubby is on board. Maybe she’ll get the point then. Maybe if she left you alone about it you might change your mind. Probably not, but I know when someone keeps on me about something it becomes a point of principle to never do it.
My mother used to do that. In fact she would tell me I could go to a bar & just pick up some guy & have sex so I could get pregnant (I was single). Never mind I had horrible GYN issues & ended up with a hysterectomy at 35 bc of them. And our family has horrible mental illness with her being in & out of mental facilities & my father being absent & an alcoholic/sociopath. My alcoholic brother having children that all have bipolar or extreme mental illness. Yep! Great idea mom! 🙄
It’s all about them. Your needs or wants are irrelevant or even the future child’s.