AITAH for telling my mom ‘it is your fault you had kids’

r/

Long story short my mom started her whole ‘having kids took away my life’ speach again. And I was in a bit of a mood because I wasn’t feeling good. And I didn’t want her to guilt trip me for her having me. When I had no part in it. Heck I didn’t even have a choice. So I turned around and I said to her flat out.

“It is your fault you had kids. Not mine. I had no say or part in it.” The look she given me it was like I slapped her. And she told me I was a ‘b!tch’ and a ahole.

Like seriously she keeps saying crap like that trying to guilt trip me and I had it. And then she wonders why I don’t want to give her grandkids. (That and I don’t want kids in gen.)

Comments

  1. [deleted] Avatar

    Nta ur mom is tho sounds abusive as well, not sure if your age but work and save so you can get yourself a safe place

  2. GardenDivaESQ Avatar

    The truth hurts. But NONE of us had a say. We all just find ourselves where we are. That is why we should strive to be the best person we can be. That starts with you saying “Mom it is very hurtful and horrible to say to me your child that having me ruined your life. Not every emotion we feel is something that should be shared. You’re entitled to feel what you want. But sharing that feeling with your child when it can have no other effect BUT to make them feel unwanted and ashamed of existing. No good parent wants to make their child feel that. Just because you’re my mother does not take away my right to protect myself by telling you the truth. Please do not ever say that to me again. And I will strive to avoid saying anything that will make you feel bad intentionally.” Kiddo I wish we lived in a world where you didn’t have to spell out a major parenting failure to your own mother. NTA

  3. EmbarrassedChemist12 Avatar

    NTA. What an awful thing to say to your child. Your response was spot on.

  4. JRAWestCoast Avatar

    Really loving mothers don’t ever say crap like that. No wonder you pushed back. She’s been a really negative force in your life. Do you need to continue hanging around her? LC/NC? NTAH

  5. clementine1864 Avatar

    Luckily for you she had you before she realized it was a mistake, and now you realized you don’t want to repeat it , women should focus on their own lives ,not have kids . It obviously does not work the way they used to promise women with regard to generations following each other . It is better for the planet that there be a whole lot less of the human race, it does nothing but destroy.

  6. Better-Campaign-9164 Avatar

    My mom was the same before I went no contact. I was the reason she drank, I owed her money for her raising me, blah blah blah. I use her as inspiration to be the best mom I can to my babies now

  7. LeoPines_12 Avatar

    NTA, like, at all, if anything SHE was the AH, and you were absolutely spot on.

    “Having kids took away my life” and who’s fault is that, the kids’? No ma’am, YOU chose to have kids, kids don’t ask to be born, no one to blame for that but you. What a horrible thing to spit to your child. And then she has the nerve to cuss and insult you? Cut her off.

  8. Time-Bee-5069 Avatar

    NTA. She doesn’t like hearing the truth.

  9. Diligent-Touch-5456 Avatar

    So funny story: I had a teacher in 8th grade that would randomly ask a student where their excuse was. When the student asked what excuse the teacher would say for being born. I was telling my mom about it and she wrote a note stating that it wasn’t my fault that I was born as I had no say in the matter. I carried that note the whole semester and the teacher never asked for my note.

  10. Annual_Government_80 Avatar

    You are not the person in the wrong. She has choices and she made them her children did not ruin her life. If she doesn’t like her life, well look in the mirror. No child should be told that they are the cause that ruined their parents lives. 

  11. Objective-Monitor391 Avatar

    NTA i hate parents that put that on their kids regardless of how old they are. You decided to have kids knowing full well it was at minimum an 18 year commitment. Don’t have kids if you don’t want the responsibility. Honestly you put it rather nicely to your mother, she needs to stop this guilt trip crap and get over it she had you and you had zero control over being born.