I’m 16f and I’m the oldest of 7 kids and I often babysit, my mom will say “I’m leaving to go..” and my payment will be a cup of ice coffee, which I do like to drink it but I don’t want that as payment, I said I wanted money. My mom said that they (they as in my parents) won’t be paying me to do anything so be grateful they do this, I said that I didn’t want a cup of coffee anymore I wanted money as my payment please. My mom said no because they don’t have to pay me to do something, I said if I don’t get paid properly then I don’t babysit.
I said I won’t babysit if I don’t get paid properly, my mom told my dad and my dad yelled at me saying that they don’t have to pay me at all with anything because they provide shelter, food, and clothes which is all I need and I will babysit whenever they say. I said if I don’t get paid properly I will not babysit. Now, my parents has said that I won’t be getting anything for Christmas or birthday because I am ungrateful for what I have. AITAH?
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NTA. You should not be left with SEVEN you get children to watch. You do not, furthermore, “owe” your parents for housing, clothing, feeding and providing you with medical care. They are legally obligated to do that for their children.
How often do they go out? And how old are your siblings? If it’s once every month or two with kids older than 10 who can take care of themselves and help you babysit, YTA, but if it’s young children all the time, then I understand your point of view.
No. Being the eldest shouldn’t be a punishment, and free daycare!
How old are the other kids? How long do you get stuck babysitting? It’s one thing if you’re left in charge of 7 relatively self sufficient kids for an hour and it’s another if you’re babysitting for long periods of time and have to actively keep an eye on them… my sister and I had a 10 year age gap, and I got paid to watch her if my parents were going out for extended periods.
Edit: seeing your response to another commenter, definitely NTA.
NTA I hate parents that think their oldest children are free childcare. Your siblings are not your responsibility and yes if your parents expect you to babysit than they should pay you or go get a proper childminder. You do not have to do anything to earn what is legally the bare minimum of what a parent is supposed to provide for their children. I do believe in giving kids responsibility to earn extras like pocket money, gifts outside of bday and Xmas and days out stuff like that but it’s just wrong to make them equally or in some cases more responsible for younger siblings upbringing. End of the day your parents chose to be parents and have as many children as they did it’s up to them to find the solution, your willing to do it if you’re paid so they either pay you or they pay the extravagant prices of professional childminders or they take the kids with them wherever they go. Personally though if I was you I’d go find a job and start saving to move out as soon as your old enough.
Call their bluff. Honestly, in a few years you won’t remember what you got for Christmas anyway. Constantly babysitting a litter of kids as a teenager will actually change your personality and mood in a big way and make it harder to get out on your own when the time comes. I know that sounds dramatic but I’ve seen this before and the kid always feels immense pressure to continue to go above and beyond well into their 20s (and beyond). It stunts your life.
If it was once in a blue moon that would be one thing but they should not be using you as a primary babysitter.
Providing you with shelter, food, and clothes is their responsibility! It is not charity! I’d contact CPS!
NTA and if they refuse to pay call the police on abandoned kids.
yeah parents dumping their responsibilities on their eldest…the oldest story in the book.
This should not be about money but the fact 5 under 8 including the younger 2 should not be left with a 16yo who probably stares at her phone (no offense)
Nta. do you go to school? tell the counselor you are being parentified, which is abusive. your mom should not be dumping six kids on you for hours every day. can you stop going home and go to a friend’s house after school? call and tell where you are and that you are safe and you will come home when dad is home. your mom had more kids than she can handle and is using you as an escape hatch, which is very wrong. Where is she going? does she have a boyfriend or something?
NTA. And I’m sure they’ve used the excuse that they’re your siblings, and you shouldn’t have to be paid to watch them. Do both of your parents work?
Tell them that’s fine, time flies and you will be of age soon and getting the fuck out of there. WAY too Duggary for me.
NTA
The fact that 2 of them are babies is horrible. 16 year old should not be taking care of babies on their own multiple days a week. You didn’t have a baby yourself so why would you be responsible for one?
You should call cps and see what they have to say.
Tell your parents if you guys want to go out so bad take your kids with them. You didn’t have them so not your responsibility unless they pay you. You didn’t ask to be here and you sure didn’t ask for your parents to have a village. It’s on them to figure it out. If I were you don’t babysit at all. If you want to earn some money babysit for other people. Or get an after school job. As long as your grades stay up you should be fine. Your parents are assholes!
This is fake, no way this is real.
I would take the cellphone and change the WiFi password if this was true.
NTA.
Google parentification. You are being FORCED to care for all your siblings DAILY. That is not right and can get the kids removed from your parent’s care depending on how bad it is.
IF you want to go full nuclear, you can tell your parents that if they leave without for arranging babysitters for the other kids, you will call the cops and claim child abandonment. Then, tell them you will call CPS for child abuse (your parentification.)
These are NOT idle threats. They are serious accusations everyone WILL take seriously. Your parents claims of providing shelter, food and clothes to YOU are their LEGAL responsibilities which if they did NOT provide would land them in jail.
Your call on how hard you want to push it, but that is the law.
Or, you could talk to a school counselor or teacher who are called mandatory reporters and THEY would call CPS.
My best advice, leave the house. If they leave all those kids with your 12 year old sibling, call the police. You babysitting 4-5 hours a day means literally by the time you get home from school until the kids go to bed. That is unacceptable. Leave the house before your parents do. Go to a friend’s house or library or park. They have no power over you besides cutting off your phone. They cannot physically do anything to you, including locking you in the house. That would be illegal.
Leave the house before your parents try to leave so you don’t have to babysit
Also, tell a guidance counselor
Get a job, then you will get paid for your time and you won’t have any time left to babysit so your parents won’t be able to use you, and you’ll have plenty of your own money so you won’t have to worry about them buying you anything. NTA.
I am not voting because this subject pisses me off. We were dirt poor when I was a kid. My parents did what they could to survive. It was also a different time. (Catholic church- 3 babies in 3 years, then another a few years later,). My mom worked nights as a nurse before nurses were respected. My dad worked during the day. My mom had to sleep. I was in charge. I was literally 7 years old watching 3 kids and cooking meals.
I carried a lot of resentment for a long time. When I was an adult, I finally told my parents that what they did to me wasn’t right. They put too much pressure on me at way too young of an age. They knew they did. But then said “we are a family. family takes care of family?” Which sibling would you do without? They were never going to change their view.
What I did do. Swore I would never have more kids than I could handle myself. And never, not once did I have siblings babysit Never. And I let go of the anger (ok not all of it!) I was glad I did; my mom died shortly after that conversation.
Your parents are not going to change their view. So, you have 2 choices. Babysit for free, take your coffee and vow to not do the same in your own life. Or babysit for free and be angry all the time. Unfortunately, your parents are in control of this one and you can’t win. They believe as my parents did, all is fair in a family system. You believe as I do, ‘that is a load of crap”. Unfortunately, their house, their rules. When its your house it will be your rules.
NTA
Your parents are pieces of shit. Just ignore them, start calling them by their first names. At 18 just leave for your dorm if you go to college
Could you get a part time job. It would be good to start earning money so you can get out as soon as possible. Also your parents can’t make you babysit if you have to work, if they do want you to babysit ask for the same pay you get at work.
YTA.
Apply for jobs and be too busy.
If they want part of your paycheck, that’s ok. It sucks, but it’s not that unusual for poorer families to take some of their kids’ incomes.
Sock away everything you can, and prepare to be gone at age 18 or 19.
It’s your parent’s job to provide those things for you. It is not your job to babysit other people’s children. However, if it is only once in a while, it really is just part of being a family who helps each other. How often and for how long are you left with the kids? Does it prevent you from homework or after school activities like sports, etc? Are you also responsible for other chores? There’s a lot of things that factor into this whether you’re TA or not.
OP, you have 2 years to make your plans to leave. I’d do exactly that.
Send them some information about parentification of kids who are forced to watch/raise siblings. Also tell them the experience has made you decide to never have kids as you have raised enough.
My oldest sister didn’t babysit but she certainly didn’t like the younger siblings. Just asking her constantly made her hate us. It destroys sibling relationships both ways when a child isn’t allowed to have a normal sibling relationship.
THEY decided to have kids (birth control is an option). You didn’t choose this and shouldn’t be forced to be free labor.
NTA, Google parentification and see if what they want from you fits that. That is child abuse.
NTA mom doesn’t even work wth
NTA watch them be so surprised when you’re child free and no contact in 10 years
NTA, You have 2 years to save up. Make sure it isn’t in the house. You get to bounce at 18 and tell them to f*ck themselves. Enjoy it when it comes and prepare in the meantime.
NTA. You do not owe them babysitting. Certainly not free babysitting. You are not responsible for your siblings.
So what if they don’t give you Christmas presents or birthday presents? That reflects poorly on THEM. Whenever anyone — especially other adults — ask “What did you get for Christmas?” you reply, “Nothing. My parents refuse to buy me any gifts because I won’t babysit for free anymore.”
You are NOT responsible for your siblings. They are.
NTA Christmas and birthday presents are a small price to pay for not babysitting 6 kids. Fuck them for having that many. I wouldn’t babysit that many if I was paid!
NTA
They’re parentifying you.
“I’m leaving to go to the store, watch your siblings.”
“No, I can’t, I have a study group. Bye.”
“You owe us” <- for what? Doing the bare legal minimum as parents? NO.
It’s because you’re female and they think its fine to have a big family and use you like a second mom. Tell them a hard NO. Involve your school counselors or teachers if needed. I’ve even known some teenagers to call CPS as they do not take kindly to parents passing off their responsibilities to minors constantly.
Honestly? You need to start an exit plan. Find a good family member who can help you when you’re 18 and get you out of the freaking orphanage.
Yes, you are a spoiled brat. They provide everything for you. If you were my kid. You would wake up with no fun things and need to get a job to replace them.
NTA. It’s their legal responsibility to provide you with food, clothing, and shelter. It is not your responsibility to be a third parent. They’re not asking you to watch one or two kids. It’s SIX. That’s a LOT to ask.
They’re technically correct that they are not obligated to give you Christmas or birthday gifts, but that will certainly set a tone for the relationship. That’s their call, and I would call their bluff. Being parentified for SIX siblings would be worth giving up birthdays and Christmases. Unless your parents are wealthy, you’re probably not getting huge gifts anyway.
Find places to be away from home as often as possible. If you’re not home, they can’t dump your siblings on you.
I was you at a point in my life and in an argument with your parents, remind them that they are supposed to take care of you and any child they produced. It is they’re legal and moral right as parents. You didn’t birth no child so you have no obligation to help your parents raise kids. If wanted free time they shouldn’t have had so many kids. And remind them in 2 years you will have nothing to do with them. What’s going to happen when you leave? And if they neglect you I any way report them, it’ll be the next oldest job until they get tired of it.
Info how long are you required to babysit and how many times a week?
I am the oldest of 6 but with foster children much of my childhood it was 7. And me and my sister (one year younger) often had to watch the rest but whether or not we were paid really depended on the length and circumstances.
If it was under an hour and necessary we were never paid except maybe in a treat like your coffee. The reward for watching the kids so mom could go to the store or the pharmacy was that the things you needed were in the house. It did count as doing a chore and we all had chores. On the other hand my parents wanted to go out for themselves we were paid.
NTA, but I don’t know how you are going g to get out of it without causing yourself a serious issue, and they shouldn’t be making it personal the way they are. You are in the right here.
NTA Sure, family helps family. If money is/was tight and your mom had to go to work it could reasonably be expected for you to help out sometimes. But constantly using you to care for your siblings for random reasons isn’t fair to you, especially if it prevents you from doing things that you need to do. Maybe there’s a middle ground that can be found? Either way you are not the ass. You didn’t choose to have all the children, you shouldn’t be parentified.
I would get a job, and not care that they won’t buy you anything for Christmas. You can’t end up babysitting for free if you are never there. They are going to try sabotaging you from moving out. Get your documents and a place to line up the day you turn 18.
Fed you and dress you is their fucking obligation. You didn’t force them to have sex without protection 7 times. NTAH
NTA and stick to your guns. When people ask what you got for Xmas or a birthday say nothing and explain why.
Hey u/cj_babe
I wanted to offer some thoughts as a Paediatrician who advocates for young people’s rights.
It’s really tough when you’re trying to stand up for yourself and it ends in an argument. You’re at an age where you’re starting to become your own person, and it’s completely normal to feel that your time and effort have value. It takes a lot of maturity to recognise that, and you should be proud of yourself for standing up for what you believe is fair.
From my perspective, I see this kind of situation all the time. It’s a classic power struggle that happens as a teenager starts to move from being a child to a young adult. Your parents might still see you as their “kid” who should do things for the family without question, and they might not be ready for this new, more mature version of you who is negotiating for herself. Being yelled at is definitely not helpful, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Proposing a Compromise:
Instead of focusing on why they’re wrong, it might be more effective to show them how this is a sign of your growing maturity. The key is to shift from a conflict to a negotiation. Right now, it’s an all-or-nothing situation for both of you. You want a fair payment, and they want you to do it for free.
Here’s an idea for a compromise you could propose:
This shows them that you’re not ungrateful. You’re simply ready to take on more adult responsibilities and be treated as such. By offering a clear, reasonable proposal, you’re showing them you’re ready to be a partner in this conversation, not just a child who gets told what to do.
I really hope this helps you find a way to talk with your parents and that they can see how much you’ve grown.
All the best.
NTA
you are their sibling, not their parent, shame on your parents for trying to dump their LEGAL responsibility onto you, to parentifiy you.
the things they do for you, food, housing, clothes ? Woooopty shit, big fuckin deal, theyre doing the legal bare minimums AND are bitching about it.
to put it into other terms “fuck you, pay me”
NTA. Join after school sports, clubs like drama,etc that have evening activities. Start becoming active in a church. A lot of times there are church members that will provide rides. Study at the library. In other words, don’t be available but have airtight excuses they can’t fault you for. Good luck.
NTA, I bet after a while your parents will magically “find money” for a babysitter. They chose to have seven kids, they need to be responsible for seven kids. Do you have grandparents or family friends that can help you?
Be unavailable because you are babysitting for someone else, someone who pays.
NtA. I’m a big advocate of all family member contributing, but there is a limit. Asking a 16 year old to watch 6 other kids is too much.
And you don’t owe your parents anything for being fed and housed. That’s literally their responsibility under the law.
Unfortunately you’re not really in a great place to negotiate. You should focus on building a savings to move out as soon as you’re 18.
Updateme