My partner and I planned our wedding for over a year. I was excited, nervous, and really wanted everything to go smoothly. But on the actual day, they kept ignoring my requests and acting like the day wasn’t a big deal.
For example, I asked them not to drink too much before the ceremony because I wanted everything to feel special and respectful. But they showed up visibly drunk and made jokes during the vows, which embarrassed me in front of family and friends.
Throughout the day, they dismissed my concerns when I tried to talk about how stressed I was, saying I was “overreacting” or “too uptight.” They also refused to help with little things I asked them to handle, leaving me to deal with most of the chaos alone.
Afterward, I told them they completely ruined what should have been one of the best days of our lives. They got defensive and said I was being unfair, and now our relationship feels tense and distant.
Am I really the asshole for saying they ruined the day? Because honestly, it still hurts, and I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get over it.
Comments
You should have walked out
You are NTA. Asking your partner to be sober for your vows is not asking too much. He ignored you and he embarrassed you in front of your family.
Is this an isolated incident or does he routinely ignore your wishes? Because I would question the future of this marriage.
You have to get over it or get divorced, those are your options. Telling them won’t achieve the former but it may lead you to the latter. Which is more important to you, a lifetime with this partner or saying “i told you so” about something in the past. Seek therapy. YTA
You married a jerk. I’d leave him!
He will do this kind of things your whole life. If he has done it in front of all the people that loves, what will stop hom from doing it when you are alone? Run!
NTA
You may need to seriously consider a divorce, as if this is how he treats you on your wedding day then it will probably only get worse!
NTA. Showing up drunk and cracking jokes during vows isn’t “fun,” it’s embarrassing. Then to brush you off like you’re just being dramatic? Nah. That’s not a partner, that’s a roommate with an attitude. You have every right to be hurt. It was your wedding too.
NTA and get an annulment. You’re completely right to feel disrespected and if they can’t be counted on to be respectful and sober for this occasion I wouldn’t count on them to get anything right.
Also bear in mind for future weddings that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to how ostentatious it is so make sure to get married wearing a bin liner in a uncleaned public toilet. :p
They were DRUNK?! During the ceremony?! Wtf! He will never be a reliable partner unless he apologizes and acknowledges that A) he has a drinking problem or B) he doesn’t want the same things as you do. Sorry you went thru that experience, NTA, but ball is on his camp to make it up. Start thinking about what are the possible
Scenarios. Good luck!
And you married them anyway. Great choice, OP. You made your own bed. Can’t imagine this is the first time they’ve been like this.
YTA. To yourself.
Go to the court and get it annulled. And kick him out
Divorce and take all his money
Not sure why you went through with it if you felt that way on the day
You married him.
NTA, but I don’t give this marriage much of a chance. He sounds like a total jerk. The fact that he showed up to the wedding drunk should have made you say “I don’t” rather than “I do”.
I think if you feel a need to ask your partner not to be drunk for your wedding ceremony, you need to take that as the big, blaring Stop sign that it is.
It never even crossed my mind that my husband would show up to our wedding already trashed. That’s not a thing people do when they’re excited to get married.
YTA for knowingly marrying a person with a drinking problem. Recommend looking into an annulment. This isn’t going to get any better.
NTA…
However, I will probably get downvotes for this but here it goes. You kept saying our day, but clearly only cared about the whole event being exactly what you wanted. That is a huge and glaring issue you were already a part of. Your partner should have addressed this better, so I gave you the NTA but the problem existed long before this day and you played a part in that.
BTW, no one think I am excusing the partner. They are hot mess. A rude and ignorant one for sure.
Its not too late for an annulment
NTA they went over top imo, you ask for some leeway with them not to be drunk before ceremony and little help with things.
Tbh, it feels like some incompatibility between the two of you. Relationships and marriage is a team effort, equal and fair from those involved. Thats just my thought, i hope they see some sense and realise the impact it had on you.
NTA but I do think there is a bigger issue here. Has your partner exhibited this behavior before? Have they routinely dismissed your needs or things that are important to you? I think that is what really needs to be addressed. I won’t go as far as telling you to consider divorce without more information but you really need to look into this and see if it is something that your partner can address and fix.
Why did you stick around? He was acting like an a**!
YTA
If you have to ask your partner not to drink too much, there are bigger issues.
AI
They? Is your spouse a he or a she?
A big NTA, I would go get it annulled
NTA, maybe this is my take, but if you don’t know that it’s inappropriate to show up for your ceremony drunk then you need to question what type of life you want. I understand people being hungover but drunk is throwing away hard work.
That is my perspective.
Is it too late for annulment?
Honestly, get an annulment. He doesn’t respect you – frankly, this behavior makes me question if he even likes you. I’m really sorry you had to experience this. NTA
You didn’t have to sign the certificate even though you did the ceremony
Why did you settle for him? What are afraid of? If this guy wasn’t in your life, would you be happier? Did you guys even make love on your wedding night? Whatever it is holding you to him, I’d rethink this relationship.
The gender isn’t confirmed and everyone is saying “leave him..”
I’m pretty sure this is a creative exercise writing meant to expose the bias on this subreddit. You all assumed the partner was a man without being promoted to.
Having a bit of dutch courage to settle the nerves is one thing, but if he was cracking jokes he clearly wasn’t nervous.
This was just a preview of what your life is going to be from this point on.
NTA
Why did you go through with the ceremony to someone who didn’t respect you enough to be sober for the marriage?
So your partner ignored your wishes, and when you shared your reaction, they ignored your concerns again. Is this a pattern and will they continue to ignore you? This won’t end well.
Annulment.
I’m sorry that happened to you! Petition for an annulment and carry on. Otherwise, you may be swallowed by the giant red flag.
Get ready for a life time of stealing joy from you.
Don’t go along with it
NTA. Why did you marry this person. Don’t say I love them, give me the reasons, what do they bring to the table? How do they show up for you? How do they encourage and uplift you? How do they support you? What good things do they bring into your life?
In most states, it’s illegal to marry toddlers.
Dont send in the paperwork. You just saw what the rest of your life will be like.nta.
It sounds more like you ruined your own day by being uptight and trying to control everything, including your partner. It wasn’t just your day, it was his day as well and if he wanted to have a couple of drinks or tell a joke during the vows that made it feel more like him then he had every right to. Too many brides act like it’s just their day but he was getting married too and it sounds like he had a wonderful day. YTA.
they are an asshole
Why would you go ahead a marry someone that obviously sees the marriage as a joke? He showed you how he feels, and even arrived drunk! Was this wedding your idea, because I don’t think it was his, by his own actions… however- your NTA for feeling like you do.
NTA, but frankly, the fact that you even had to ask your partner to NOT DRINK TO MUCH BEFORE THEIR OWN WEDDING is a huge red flag. This tells me they have a pattern of disrespectful and irreverent behavior. I’d this how you want to spend your life? Corralling and baby sitting a grown ass adult?
For context, who are ‘they’??
NTA. Maybe you could have worded it differently but I don’t think it would’ve made much difference. Do they drink often? Sounded like it from the wording of your post but I don’t want to assume. They’re upset because their bad behavior had consequences that they can’t change. Your wedding day is a huge deal and if they blew off your requests over something like that I can’t imagine any conflict ever going your way. Don’t budge and tell them it’s fine, make them understand it’s a huge deal. Good luck.
And yet you went through with it. You married someone who doesn’t care about your feelings.
Clearly written by AI. Must we deal with AI slop everywhere? What is the point of it on reddit?
I hope you didn’t sign the certificate yet. If not I’d reconsider the marriage before deciding to sign.
I’m liking the annulment option.
Why did you marry this person? What on earth made you think your wedding day would be different than any other day? YTA for going through with this. See if you can get an annulment and just walk away.
This could not have been the first time they pulled shit like this. If the papers are not filed, don’t file them. Voila, marriage never happened. Cut your losses and do better next time. NTA.
You’re dumb for not walking out. You deserve this
Get an annulment. They don’t respect you.
Inulment!