I have lived alone for 5 years and a good friend of mine needed a place to stay. I own my house and have an extra room so I thought I’d do him a favor by giving him a friend discount and rent my extra room to him while he looks for his next steps, plus get some extra income from the rent money. He’s month to month, but I assumed he’d stay for a year of not more and travels half the time so it was going to be a great setup.
Fast forward to the day he moves in (about a month ago) he starts dating a girl. He’s been single since I’ve known him (almost 10 years) and we joked how each of us never have partners so it’s the perfect roommate situation – we’d just keep to ourselves and not have any funny action in our rooms if you know what I mean…. BUT this new GF has been staying over constantly and has slept over for the past 4 days straight, even showering here. I’m beginning to think she’s homeless (she doesn’t have a car) I also don’t know her, have never really been properly introduced and have no idea if she’s a serial killer or is going to try to steal my things. We have completely different schedules (they both work at bars super late nights) so I only run into them in the hall as they are getting up and I’m finishing my work day.
AITAH to ask her for 1. A background check if she’s going to stick around and 2. Rent if she’s using my utilities. Mind you this is a TINY house.
What would you do in this situation? I feel so taken advantage of but I could also really use the extra cash. I feel like I’ve already lost his friendship from the blatant disrespect. Like, who does this?
Comments
NTA. The background check is a little extreme, but asking for rent isn’t. You did him a favor and he’s treating your house like a cheap hotel for him and his gf. You need to set boundaries yesterday, a guest policy is totally normal.
A young guy who has been single and is now getting some, is who does this. He is thinking with the wrong head. The first time she stayed over, you should have pulled him aside and put a stop to it. Tell him now that this is not what you agreed upon. It’s rude and disrespectful. Then, ask for the background check and additional rent to cover her share of the utilities, since you need the cash. Otherwise, I’d say kick them both out. You also need to set some rules.
I hope you guys have a tenancy agreement.
Well, did you use a lease agreement since you are charging rent? Were rules set? If not, I think it’s reasonable for him to assume his gf can spend the night sometimes, although she certainly cannot move in.
Do you have a lease or anything legally binding? That would be the first thing- what does your lease say. If not, that’s where you could get into legal grey area on what is allowed within your state.
Better to have a talk with him and let him know that you aren’t comfortable with overnight guests as this was not the intent of the rental. If he refuses- well that’s when you need to figure out the legal rights.
Best of luck- roommate situations are tough to work through.
Honestly you sound jealous he has a girlfriend and you don’t. Why do you care if she’s staying over like literally what negative effect does it have on your life, other than bruising your ego that your friend that’s not doing as well as you in life financially has a gf after years of being single?
Your house your RULES. If they don’t like it they can find somewhere else to hobo.
he brought her into your home? not even apartment complex?? your actual house?? yeah nah i’d be highly heated
I don’t think you can completely stop her from being there. Yes, it is your home but your friend is paying rent. Do you have a lodgers or tenancy agreement? Usually they state how many nights a guest can stay over for consecutively.
‘I rented the room to you. Not her. I don’t want her in my house, it is best you move out’
If she makes you feel uncomfortable in your own home it is best to end it now before he becomes entrenched and it is harder for him to leave and becomes more costly to get him to be removed from your home.
You have a lot of say as the live in landlord. So, say that she contributes equal rent if she stays and has to pay a safety deposit and pass the background check. If she can’t do those things, she cannot come onto your property more than 1 night a week, no other visits.
Unless you have an agreement in the lease about him having guests over you don’t really have the right no. And you certainly
Dont have the right to ask a non tenant for a background check no.
You may give him notice to move out but you can’t ask her to pay rent if she is merely a guest no, she is not your tenant but you can speak to your tenant about the situation.
Your house your rules. A normal lease agreement may have. Guests can stay over X nights per year or X consecutive nights. If they go beyond that then they become an official member of the lease and require rent
I think you just sound like an envious prick.
Ummm, is the girl causing actual issues behind fantasies and what-ifs? Because you failed to mention any.
Seems like you might have a jealousy issue?
He pays for the room, he can have a girl over if he wants. Utilities can be discusses. But he’s not gonna be paying more rent when he still occupies the same amount of space (one room.)
Not owning a car, does not = homeless.
I could be completely wrong. A lot of missing info/context.
What does your rental agreement say about this?
A background check is hilarious. NTA but you gotta set some ground rules and be an adult. No one will agree to a background check lol
I personally think you’re both being really odd about the situation. He should have formally introduced the two of you and asked to work out an agreement for visitors once he got a girlfriend (how often, how long, etc.). But banning your tenant/roommate from ever having visitors and running a background check on every visitor is also odd. I’m also not sure why you think she’s homeless? It just sounds like he doesn’t have experience with roommate boundaries while having a partner and let her overstay her welcome. Just have a friendly convo w him. You are really overreacting bc this is just nowhere near worth ending a friendship over.
Time to have a conversation and if you didn’t have him sign a lease, then draft one and add a provision about limiting overnight guests. Many apartments have clauses like this (especially college towns) where someone cannot stay more than three nights in a row and total of x nights in say a month/quarter/semester.
YTA a background check??? Okay, Focker.
YTA for attempting to limit your tenant’s romances and relationships. You’re literally the reason so many people truly say “all landlords are bad” because no way you’re upset over made-up what ifs about a woman your friend is hanging with while your friend is an actively renting tenant.
Welcome to having roommates. Adults who are paying rent are allowed to have guests over, unless you’ve got some kind of binding rental agreement saying otherwise which it doesn’t sound like you do. If you don’t like it have a normal direct conversation with your friend about having her stay over less before doing all the weird stuff you’re suggesting. If your friend doesn’t like being micromanaged and told what to do in a place where he’s paying rent, which I suspect he won’t, then give him notice.
NTA it’s your house you get a say in who is allowed in. It’s perfectly normal not to want strangers in your house and to want to feel safe and comfortable in your space. You rented him the room under the assumption he was single. The situation has changed so talk to him and explain you aren’t comfortable with a stranger spending so much time in your house. Maybe they can go to her place more often till you get to know her. Either way it’s a month to month contract and if he isn’t willing to hear you out he can move out (maybe move in with her! lol) relatively easily/quickly.
Going forward learn from this and have a conversation / put a policy in your lease about guests with the person you rent to.
NTA – if she is living there or you are considering letting her live there, then a background check is a must and rent.
You would also be within your rights to tell him, she can’t stay. That you do not want to deal with that situation. It is your home, your rules.
Until you decide, lock your room.
YTA. When you accepted rent money, he became your tenant. Unless you had him sign a contract agreeing to not have people over, he can have anyone over that he likes in his room, that he pays for. It sounds like you didn’t really think this through. And no, you shouldn’t ask him for background checks on his guests… that would make you sound insane. I recommend you tell him you miss living alone and ask him if he wouldn’t mind finding another place to live.
You extended the courtesy to your friend, not his girl. Make sure she doesn’t stay for more than 14 days
I would not like this situation. It’s your house so you should be included in conversation regarding a new or changed living arrangement.
I would get together with them to meet and discuss their plans. Calmly say ,” I want to be involved in any decision for new roommates.”
Also,”
If you want your GF here then she needs to pay rent as well or find new digs. 😂”
It’s not your problem to fix their life issues especially when there isn’t a benefit to you in your own Home!
No fuss or debate needed, just pay the same amount of additional rent or find a different solution. Or just tell her and him she wasn’t invited if you’d rather not have her there. If they say anything about , whine or guilt you. merely inform them they never asked if you were cool with that which is inconsiderate and disrespectful
Id have a simple, civil discussion and ask some questions and set some boundaries. Background seems a bit much but asking for a little extra for utilities is ok.
Im. It outright calling you the asshole, but you are kind of being one. Why not talk to your roommate and see if you cant come to some mutual agreement rather than an outright ban.