My brother’s (37M) wife Gabby (33F) is a generally nice person but I would say she is kind of immature for her age and fails to understand how society works. She has been trying to get a job for the past few months with no success even if she attended a lot of interviews. She complains a lot about “companies posting fake openings”, “companies not valuing hard workers anymore”, “competent people not being given a chance anymore”. She even complains that she is not hired due to her age which is not true at all.
I (31F) work in management. Started as a Team Leader when I was 22 at my dad’s company and advanced over the years, now working in upper management. I have been recruiting employees ever since and honestly I can bet money she is refused because of how she presents herself. She doesn’t care at all about her looks and she puts no effort into looking presentable for these interviews. She will wear baggy clothes or sun dresses, tie her hair up in a really messy bun (messy as in just woke up from my sleep not messy in the stylish intentional way), she wears no makeup and her nails are generally unkept (as in you can clearly see when she has been gardening the day before). Her reasoning is that she is great at what she does, she has an education and experience and she has more to offer than a nice face. While that might be true, the cruel reality is that the first impression is the most important. So if you look like you don’t give a damn about an interview, how could the recruiter trust you would actually put effort into your job?
Anyways, after once again hearing her complaining to the family about her never ending drama I told her that maybe she can try a new approach when attending interviews and put more effort into her looks. She asked me what I mean and I told her that maybe she can try dressing more professional, styling her hair and trying to look good. Once again she gave me the “looks don’t matter” bullshit and turned to my brother for support. My brother loves her a lot and tends to not tell her things to her face so he doesn’t hurt her feelings so he told her that she is beautiful no matter what. I called him a hypocrite and told him “she might be beautiful to you but she does not present herself in a beautiful way in front of the people whom she expects to give her a job so you are not helping her at all. You should make her understand how society works instead of enabling her desilusions and see her get disappointed afterwards”. The funny thing is my brother is a lawyer. He is always dressed like he came out of a magazine. Suits and shirts on a daily basis, designer shoes etc. He never goes to work or meet his clients in jeans or sport clothes. I would never go to negociate a deal with a business partner looking like her. My brother knows all of this since he grew up in this world and fully knows how much looks matter.
The aftermath is that Gabby started crying and said I am calling her ugly. I told her that I am not calling her ungly, just unkept. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I also don’t want to lie to her. My brother does this enough and I feel she should hear the truth no matter how shitty it is. Maybe it will help her see things in a different way. AITAH?
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I mean you don’t have to be beautiful to get a job, but she should look professional and not unkempt.
NTA at all. There have actually been studies showing that a person who is considered attractive is more likely to be hired/get a promotion/etc. than a person who is not considered attractive.
And you were not criticizing her physical looks, but her appearance, how you present yourself.
What you say is absolutely correct about looking professional when you going in for an interview. It doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot on designer wear. You can get professional looking outfits at places like Ross, discount stores that now do have nice looking clothes. It doesn’t mean you need hair to be professionally styled, it doesn’t even mean wearing makeup necessarily. If you have a professional business outfit, neat hair, and clean hands, no one is going to care about make up.
I have worked in many different offices. I have worked at laidback companies where you could show up in jeans and t-shirts. And others that were more by the book, regular office hours and breaks, and professional looking outfits. It does make a difference how you look.
If your SIL doesn’t believe you, she should go to an interview coach and get their views.
Yep, mild YTA. You’re using words like “better” and “beautiful” when you should be focusing on “professional” and “dress for the job you want.”
It’s pretty clear – to both us and to her – that’s it’s not just about the job, that you genuinely don’t like how she dresses and think it makes her unattractive.
How you dress for an interview depends hugely on what occupation you are interviewing for. For some, it really does not matter (if someone did look like they came out of a magazine in an interview on my team they would look completely out of place surrounded by a team of engineers and be secretly made fun of). For others, like management, it matters a lot.
NTA. You are 100% correct.
I probably wouldn’t hire someone who looks like they put no effort into their appearance as I would think it’s probably indicative of other corner-cutting elsewhere in their lives – ie, at work.
You cannot teach someone something they aren’t ready to hear. If the person isn’t asking, isn’t open, or isn’t in the emotional place to receive what you’re offering, even if it’s loving truth, it may not be the right time or place. I agree with you and think your logic is based. Unfortunately, I do think YTA because you know she’s immature. You shared this criticism about her in front of your brother. You put him in a spot between choosing between his wife and sister. Imagine if she asked your brother in front of you if he agreed with her that you got your hot start due to nepotism and then acted incredulous towards you when you got defensive.
OP is correct in everything he says, however, until SIL sees things for herself and is ready to make a change nothing anyone tells her will make a difference in how she does things. I am surprised her husband hasn’t used some of the skills he learned in law school to persuade, gently, little at a time to upgrade her professional appearance. I don’t think your the AH here. I do think you might be talking to a brick wall. Not going to get you anywhere.
NTA for your standpoint, but mild YTA for how you phrased it.
NTA.
I’m sure she can find a company culture where no one cares but even at the companies I’ve worked at where we only dressed up when clients visited even if you’re the janitor, you put on a danged suit or nice blouse and slacks, do your hair, and put on some makeup.
I mean seriously….I WFH unless I’m traveling. If I have a video call, I might have shorts on but I’m wearing a nice shirt and do my hair. The rest of the time I’m in a pony tail, no makeup, and whatever is comfortable.
If I were interviewing a thirty plus woman and she showed up in a sundress I wouldn’t take her seriously especially for a customer facing role or one working with C levels and stakeholders.
NTA, but then again, no one in this scenario really is, so maybe NAH instead? If anything, the only person potentially being an asshole is your SIL, but only to herself. You aren’t wrong by saying that the way we present ourselves in an interview matters because it does. Your SIL obviously sees how her husband (your bro) dresses himself for his job. Assuming she hasn’t been locked away her whole life, she has to have observed countless people in their own work environments and how they present themselves. So unless she’s completely oblivious or dense, could it be something else? Is she depressed? Been there, done that and I know it can take a person in the midst of depression quite a bit of effort to even complete acts of basic hygiene, let alone get dressed up and style their hair. Or maybe she is actually trying to sabotage herself? Does she actually want a job, or is she just job searching because your brother wants her to go to work? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course. I’m just throwing out questions because I honestly don’t know how someone her age would not know that the way you present yourself in a job interview is important.
NTA. You are absolutely correct. Hiring managers look at how someone presents themselves as another indicator of what they will be like as an employee. Looking together and sharp, gives a person a foot up. It sounds like your SIL expects the world to come to her, and then complains when it doesn’t. You actually did her a favor by mentioning it, given your professional background. You don’t need to apologize or anything. SIL needs to grow up.
First of all, the word is “unkempt.” Second of all, the reason she thinks you are calling her unattractive is because you ARE. When you focus on “looks” that doesn’t read as neatness or attire. It reads as beauty. You even said “she does not present herself in a beautiful way.”
Beauty should have absolutely nothing to do with getting a position. Unless, of course, the recruiter is a shallow asshole. If you do not want to come across that way, focus on language related to neatness, professionalis, and attire. Not on “looks” or “beauty.”
Edit: Typos
Two things for your SIL:
Why is it unprofessional for women to not wear makeup? I agree with the clothing being professional, good hygiene and having hair neat for job interviews but I don’t think I agree with the idea that only women should have to wear makeup to be professional. You specifically said conceal dark circles… do you wear makeup to work or an interview?
Use the word ‘grooming’. That is what you are really talking about, not beauty. Professionals are expected to be acceptably groomed for the environment.
You’ve said what needed to be said. Drop it unless asked.
An interviewer sits across from her and sees a person who was unwilling or unable to present themselves in a professional manner, and will assume that her work ethic , her attention to detail, and her time management skills, are severely lacking.
An interviewer is making a judgement call on what they’re presented; not a one of them would hire her.
NTA
YTA. I don’t care if you are the CEO….you work at your Daddy’s company.
How about you quit and try to get a job on your own before you start to bash someone else.
Signed,
A 50 year old woman who has worked in multiple corporations.
Oh, and before you say you worked hard, or you earned your promotions…..trust me you didn’t
YTA
It’s really none of your business why she is getting rejected for positions. It doesn’t sound like she came to you for advice on how to be a more successful interviewee, she was just complaining about things that are objectively true about the current job market (ghost jobs, companies not valuing labor, etc.).
Dismissing her opinions as “bullshit” makes me think you’re sort of an asshole anyway.
You seem to be an moderately accomplished person and I’m surprised you don’t have the soft-skills to intuit you shouldn’t give unsolicited advice to people, especially about their physical appearance.
Maybe she does need to dress nicer for interviews. However, to paraphrase the great Jeffery Lebowski– you’re not wrong. You’re just an asshole.”
Updateme
YTA
You have literally never had to hustle to get a job. You’ve never interviewed anywhere. You are a walking nepotism baby trying to hand out sage wisdom like you have any clue what it’s like to earn anything. So maybe chill with the judgment. Go hang out in the recruiting hell sub. Finding a job is a miserable ordeal. Her appearance may not be helping, but you have no clue if changing it would have landed her a job.
If you actually wanted to HELP her like you claim, you would have pulled her husband aside and suggested he talk to her. Or you could have bought her a gift certificate for a blowout and bought her something new to wear to an interview. There are NICE ways to give advice like this. And none of them involve telling someone it’s their own fault they haven’t found a job.
NTA but perhaps phrasing it better would be more effective. Instead of “more effort into her looks” rather “more effort into her appearance”.
Looks implies her features, body type etc. Appearance is clothing, tidy hair, clean nails etc
I am also in upper management and concur completely that the first impression is the most lasting. And I have been proven wrong before but…….
It’s also possible she is a poor interviewee. If she doesn’t put an effort in her appearance she is likely leaning on her resumé to land a job and not putting her best foot forward.
Congrats for getting promoted at your Dad’s company! You must be the best worker.
Apparently she is missing the connection that employees are representing the organizations they work for and need to be presentable and professional during working hours. An interview should also be putting your best foot forward. The old – you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. NTA Even business casual has standards and sundresses are not on the list.
The things is, being qualified isn’t good enough anymore. The point of an interview is to sell yourself, for lack of a better phrase.
If it comes down between Gabby and another person, but the other person was presentable and charming, THAT persons presentation was the deciding factor. Also most places assume if you can’t be bothered to dress nice for an interview then you likely wouldn’t give a fuck about the job itself. It’s deeper then just looking nice.
I’ve never worn make up and have gotten plenty of professional job offers (master degree level), so yeah kind of YTA she didn’t ask you, and you were really rude in your delivery. Dressing for the job you want is important, but trying to say she needs to do make up and paint her nails is asinine sexism that doesn’t actually need to be followed.
Hey, it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Truth hurts.
You have to dress for the job you want
Most state employment offices offer classes in interviews and presentations. Perhaps suggest to your brother that she attend one? Maybe hear all of this from an outside source?
Did she ask for your opinion or advice? I’m not sure how much I would value that coming from someone who got hired on at daddy’s company and saw upward mobility through nepotism.
You may be right, but YTA and should mind your own business.
Look at the nepo baby critiquing others. How would you know what the job market requires, or how it functions? You’ve never had to be in it.
Also, if you really wanted to help, you could have offered to go through your sister-in-law’s closet with her, and ask her if she would like you to do her hair and makeup. You didn’t have to call her “unkempt” in front of your family.
NTA. You are giving her sound advice. It sounds like she wants to play the victim vs. actually doing the work to get what she says she wants (makes me think of people who say they want to lose weight but won’t to to the gym or change their diet)
Seams like you are the spoiled one.
If you think look can overshadow well qualified person, you should start looking jobs outside your dad’s company.
I have no judgment here but I would really like for you to have a few interviews with other companies, while disclosing the team leader position in the family business at that age, to see it will go for you.
Just for fun.
It is not an excuse for SIL but it seems you are not aware of your privilege at all.
I’d probably take advice more seriously from someone who didn’t work for his daddy.
NTA
> her nails are generally unkept (as in you can clearly see when she has been gardening the day before).
This right here is enough to keep her from getting hired. An old manager trick is to look at someone’s shoes and nails for a first impression, and if those aren’t appropriate/clean, chances are that person doesn’t have the awareness and hygiene it takes to work in a professional setting and will be immediately written off before the interview even begins.
You could have approached things in a more delicate manner. You could have offered to style her to see if it made a difference in her next round of interviews. You could have offered to teach her how to do her hair and makeup in a professional manner, offered to go shopping with her to choose an interview outfit. There are so many ways to approach things and sometimes being so direct is not the best option.
All I’m seeing is started at my dad’s company. That is a lucky advantage for you to get started that so many people don’t have. YTA for not realizing privilege.
NTA ,but just start ignoring her complaints ,obviously her husband doesn’t care if she works or not or he wouldn’t be continuing to feed her delusional that ,being presentable and clean during a interview not important.
YTA I don’t think a nepo baby should be lecturing others on how to get a job.
“Started as a Team Leader when I was 22 at my dad’s company and advanced over the years, now working in upper management.”
If you wanted to actually help with the problem, you could have sent over an article about interview dress hacks with a note like, “I know you’re super capable and haven’t been getting the opportunities you deserve lately. Sorry you have to navigate this petty bullshit, but I hope maybe this helps! If you feel like it, maybe we could get manicures together this weekend?”
YTA not because you don’t have a point, but because you automatically went accusing and aggressive with both your SIL and your brother. When you go at people like that it makes it WAY harder for them to engage with what you’re actually saying. I’m glad you’re one of the lucky ones who got to hop in on a family business, good for you, but some soft skills might still serve you.
YTA. you’re entitled to your opinion, but it’s simply not your business what she wears or how she grooms herself.
YTA. Ugh so OP has never had to get a job because daddy fixed that for her so she could go straight into a manager role immediately at the familly firm, and what a workplace too where the focus is on dressing up not on work or education.
I live in scandinavia, here it is weird to play the dressup game at work. You need to be, as my mom says “clean and whole” as in, clean clothes and body, and not any holes in the clothes. Shirts with aggressive or rude texts or graphics is a bad idea if you are new and dont know what level of humour is present in the social group…. but thats it at most workplaces. (Unless there is a uniform or something). The CEO of massive firms look the same as the new hire junior guy….
I like to dress up a little at work, because i like fashion but it is in no way expected of me. And people dont say anything if i show up without makeup. I brush my hair everyday because it is if the extremely long metal variety. But thats it. I dont need to waste time in the morning on goddamn styling. Who has time for that?
I could never work for someone like OP and if all workplaces are like that where the sister lives, I suggest she should move to scandinavia.
NTA – Getting a job hinges on a good first impression, if you make a conscious choice to present yourself as a shlub who doesn’t care and just rolled out of bed, then they’re going to take you at your actions.
Nepo baby somehow thinking she knows everything because she got handed her job on a silver platter
YTA
You did call her ugly.
Apologize.
Your point is valid, but you took a hammer to her confidence instead of using a better tool to actually help her.
She is not even washing her hands since the day prior? How did this poor woman end up thinking that “basic hygiene” means “toxic patriarchy”????
I think your general point is spot on but it’s not at all about beauty and that word wasn’t right and maybe when she tried to make it about her looks you should of made it clear that looking professional and being beautiful are separate things, and it’s looking professional that matters in an interview
YTA. Because your point is incorrect. It’s not about her “looks” it’s about basic hygiene.
I’m not hiring someone who just rolled out of bed because I can’t trust they will roll out of bed on time.
I’m not hiring someone with dirt under their nails because I do not in any way shape or form have to have that conversation with an employee about wearing deodorant/washing their clothes/taking a shower, etc. (I’ve unfortunately had to have these conversations).
I don’t care if you wear makeup, don’t care if you’re conventionally good looking, don’t care if wear the latest designers, but don’t disrespect me, my office, my stakeholders by showing up looking/smelling like you don’t give a fuck about your hygiene.
NTA she’s either willfully misunderstanding that being neat and attractive are not the same thing or she’s fiercely insecure.
YTA. Professionalism is important. But your approach was terrible. You weren’t asked for your opinion, and using words like “beauty” failed to convey what you claim you meant. The way you say you worded the response to her husband really did sound like you were calling her ugly. And if you wanted to help her you could have talked to her privately, or even to her husband to help him find ways to encourage her. But you didn’t want to help. You wanted her to stop complaining.
Your overall point is correct but the language you’re using is frankly offensive. The words you’re looking for are
Presentable
Smart
Professional
Well groomed
Not beautiful.
And none of the above include make up.
Also as you were handed your job on a silver platter from daddy, she probably doesn’t think shit on your opinion and needs to hear it from someone else.
NTA, but you sound like one.
It’s not about being beautiful. It’s about basic personal hygiene and professionalism.
She sounds like a mess, but no one asked you. And someone who nepo’d their way into business isn’t exactly a welcome voice when you’re struggling to find work.
Also, the word is “unkempt.”
Gosh, you’ve been wildly successful climbing the ladder at your daddy’s company. Why can’t she just do the same?! YTA for a) acting like it’s not a tough job market, b) conflating archaic and misogynistic beauty standards with professionalism, and c) not minding your own business.
“Dress for the job you want,” so apparently the job she wants is ‘unemployed person.’ NTA.
I never wear makeup.. but my hair is always brushed, and my nails (also never done) are clean..
In a professional setting, appearance does matter.
No one expects a supermodel.. but be presentable.
I mean NTA because you should dress well for an interview but I can’t stand when nepo hires give interview advice like they had to actually interview for their job. Not trying to talk shit because for all I know you’re a hard worker but as soon as I read that you started as a team lead at your dad’s company at 22 then worked your way up, I definitely rolled my eyes.
YTA who got where you are because of your daddy not because of your own abilities, and yet you can’t see this. You are a stuck up jerk with no understanding of how the real world works, just your daddy’s world.
She is correct that there are tons of fake job openings that companies publish so they can pretend to be understaffed to not pay back PPP loans.
Edit: typos.
I mean…it’s hard to take career advice from
Someone who was given a job because their dad is the boss. Maybe it wasn’t your place?
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I can almost guarantee you nobody is taking her seriously because of how unkempt she looks for interviews. It’s actually a very common thing to do on unemployment. You have to go on interviews and by appearing like she does you know nobody is going hire you. My husband just had an interview where someone was wearing flip flops and shorts. This is at a medical clinic! When our teen daughter started working there he made her wear a suit she had from mock trial and actually interview for the position.
Who doesn’t dress professionally for a job interview?
I don’t care what job I am hiring for…if you come in looking like a slob, your resume is going to the bottom of the pile
NTAH
Why did you keep pushing it if she was clearly not receptive? Do you really tell her in order to help her out? Or was it more about shutting her up and teaching her a lesson because you feel like her way of thinking is arrogant? Look inside your heart and be truly honest with yourself. If it’s the latter, you might be the asshole.
I’m gonna say ESH. I’m a nurse, and I never wear makeup but I do need to wear my scrubs, they need to be clean, and all that. So I agree that one needs to look presentable/professional. However you sound absolutely horrible honestly lol it’s easy to call the shots when you work for daddy. And she also needs to know that professionalism matters. You’re all a mess.
NTA. You are trying to help – and she is not open to hearing any constructive criticism. Well, that won’t bode well in any work situation.
You need to make a distinction between ‘looks’ and ‘presentation’. She’s right, looks don’t matter, she can be ugly or beautiful, no one cares, including you. But if she presents herself like no one cares, people will think she doesn’t care. You’re very right about this. If she thinks you’re calling her ugly, she might interpret you saying ‘looks’ as if she’s beautiful or not, and not how she presents herself. Try to phrase it differently, that might help.
YTA. It’s none of your business. Sometimes you should keep advice to yourself. Also you come across as very entitled talking about how successful you are when you started working for Daddy at 22. The job market is hard out there, sure you’re a hard worker but also you’re lucky. There are ways to phrase things that aren’t so blunt. The way you approached this was rude and mean.
Expecting women to wear makeup at work is incredibly sexist. It is one thing to be well groomed and have good hygiene. But one doesn’t have to wear makeup to look professional. You thinking it does comes across as incredibly shallow, and you shouldn’t be in charge of hiring anyone.
YTA for thinking your successful working at your dads company and advancing though
Its not like she’s wrong though. Maybe she needs to do all that but her points about how hard it is to find a job right now are completely valid. Unless she asked for advice on what she can do to make things better for herself, YTA. Let the girl vent.
Why do you need her to know your opinion? As someone that hasn’t ever really applied for a job (hired at my father’s company) i don’t think it is for to share YOUR OPINION.
Did it help the situation? Did it improve your relationships? Did she change her behavior? Or did you just let your ugly out?
As an HR professional for over 10 years, outside of the client facing role, I would never let someone’s appearance bias my hiring decisions.
I have hired surgeons, researchers, scientists, IT people, etc. with non conventional appearances.
Your opinion is the only one or the “right” one. Don’t “should” on friends and family.
There’s a difference between being beautiful and showing that you care about something by showing up poised and polished.
NTA.
How could you know? It is not like you make it.
I don’t wear makeup because I am not a clown, but obviously you should dress appropriately and brush your hair before a job interview.
“If your appearance is sloppy, they will expect your work to be equally sloppy. Man or woman, beautiful or ugly… it’s about the effort put into how you present yourself. A guy walking in with greasy hair, sweat pants and random stained t-shirt will also be turned away, even if he looks like Henry Cavill.”
NTA for giving constructive criticism, but YTA for your delivery of that criticism. It’s also a little tone deaf coming from someone who works for a family business, when you’re dismissing her valid claims about how hard the job market is right now. She’s not doing herself any favors true, but you’ve had a comfortable family job for a decade and you don’t know what it’s like to apply and interview for jobs currently. Is offering her a job at the family business an option? It seems to have worked for you.
YTA for having piss poor variety in your vocabulary. The word beautiful should have NEVER been used during this entire conversation. It’s not about beauty, at all. Unkempt also has a very negative connotation, I can’t imagine many people being told they look unkempt and taking that well. You already know she’s sensitive so why would you think you using that word would be well received?
Making an effort to present herself more professionally and polished is less offensive language. If she had interjected the word beautiful/beauty, then it would have been appropriate to redirect her back to professional and polished. Just like any deliverables to her prospective employer would need to be. Or even her resume. They don’t need to be “pretty” but they should reflect that they were created with care and attention.
> At my dads company
> fails to understand how society works
lol
I’m withholding judgment. I think what you said was accurate, but how you said it was too harsh. I would have presented it as you need to consider how the prospective employer dresses and what other people in the company are wearing.
I would have said that for interviews, it’s better to err on the side of very professional instead of casual. You can ask what attire the company prefers or what the dress code is once you’ve been hired. That’s when you figure out if you don’t have to dress up. It’s important to fit in with your coworkers in how you dress and groom yourself. A woman doesn’t necessarily have to wear makeup, but everyone should look well groomed.
Yes, looks shouldn’t matter, but the reality is that when it comes to work environments, it does. She absolutely needs to look at how others dress at companies and jobs she wants and then look in the mirror and at her wardrobe to figure out what should be changed.
When you’re not getting hired, you need to take an honest look at whether or not you’re doing what you should. Businesses are paying you not just for the work you do, but how well you fit in with the company environment and yes, it can feel shallow, but it’s what you have to do if you want them to give you what they have, which in her case is a job.
YTA. Yes, presenting yourself professionally based on the standards of the industry (not beauty standards, but industry standards) is helpful. However, you presented this in such a mean girl way that I wouldn’t take it seriously either.
On top of that, you’re dismissing her valid experience out of hand. Have you job hunted recently? As a recruiter, I’m sure you know how many applicants you get and how many get rejected without so much as a screener call. The field is also full of fake listings so companies can show projected growth without actually having to grow. Apps are screened by AI so no one gets through to HR (a c-suite exec recently tested this and ended up firing the HR team bc even he didn’t get past the preliminary AI screen). Employers are asking for minimum bachelors masters preferred for $50k/year, then complain that “no one wants to work.” Some jobs will list “or equivalent experience” but will still auto filter out anyone without a degree. It’s a shitty time for job seekers, and while I have a degree of understanding for working the family business, your approach validates nepo baby cliches.
Apologize to her for being too harsh and unsympathetic. Explain that you were projecting what you look for on the other side of the table and that it’s not about beauty but workplace professionalism, but you phrased it really horribly and hurtfully. You really do want her to succeed and you’d be happy to review her resume and cover letters if she’d like. Rebuild some trust, stay away from looks. Keep your mouth shut about looks altogether beyond apologizing and if it eventually starts to gnaw at her (which it may), let her come to you about it.
Your comments doubling down on shit talking about her make me wonder if this is beyond you. I hope it’s not.
If you follow any recruiter accounts, they are all saying this is the worst job market they’ve ever seen. Maybe the beneficiary of nepotism isn’t the best person to talk about how easy it is to get a job.
ESH. She sounds like a mess, but you and your outdated expectations for women’s looks are equally bad. No one should have to wear makeup to get hired. If your face is clean and your personality/experience is in line with what’s needed, not wearing bronzer shouldn’t affect your hiring chances.
Sounds like you were trying to help, but it also sounds like your brother is enabling. I’m curious how the interview conversations went.
Customer facing roles require a lot of rejection and conflict management. Her reaction to your feedback doesn’t indicate a lot of resilience. I’m curious if the interview conversation revealed this. Not only is she unprepared to face the public in terms of her attire but also in her demeanor.
Her interpretation of your feedback as an insult tells you a lot.
Your hiring knowledge had an unreceptive audience. Sorry that happened.
OP, stop making these comments and suggestions. Did it ever occur to you that your SIL does not want to work and sabotages these interviews deliberately?
I think some employees might also connect this kind of carefree looks with some sort of personal crisis or mental health issue. Doesn’t have to be it but it is one of the symptoms of very many issues. So you’re right. NTA
Perhaps suggest she apply at a temp service for them to find jobs for her. They will not be real nice when they tell her how she needs to dress for interviews. Maybe she needs to hear the truth from someone that it matters to, not her family, who accept her as she is, when prospective employers will not. She needs to hear it from another professional. Maybe set her up to interview with a friend that will give her the talk she needs to hear?
Nta, you are trying to help. Also the comments about working at your dads firm are not material. You got a great opportunity and made the most of it.
Point is, look your best is probably the messaging that needs to be conveyed, not she’s unkempt. Another way to phrase it: she could be a diamond in a rough being overlooked as another rock because she isn’t shining at her best.
People may not always be happy with their looks and may not like hearing the raw facts, so while you try to help, dont push it, otherwise she just will pull away.
Ugh, I’m going to say YTA fornyour tone, and by the fact that you are using experience from being hired by your daddy to paint you as an expert.
Honestly, companies SHOULD value experience and expertise over aesthetics. You are right that this isnt the case, but somehow by reading this, I am going to bet you are not the best messenger here.