I don’t even know how we got here. My husband and I just had our first kid she’s barely 9 months old. Obviously I’m excited to buy her clothes, plan her outfits, do all the cute mom stuff. I’m not loaded, but I save up for little things. Even if it’s just a $6 onesie or a thrifted set of baby shoes, I love picking them myself. It’s part of the whole experience of being a mom. But his sister? She started acting like she’s the mom. Like every time she sees something she thinks is “better,” she’ll straight up say, “Don’t get that one, I’ll just buy her something nicer.” Or she’ll already have ordered something before I even get the chance. She’ll ask me to return what I bought. Like… excuse me? It got worse last weekend. We were in a store and I picked out this soft yellow dress. I held it up and said, “I think this would look cute for her pictures.” And my SIL laughs. Loudly. She says, “You’re still buying stuff like that? I already ordered her a designer set. Just wait, it’s way cuter.” She didn’t even look at me when she said it. Like I wasn’t standing there. Like I didn’t matter. I didn’t even want to say anything at first. But I had to. I told her, calm but direct, “Can you let me be the one to pick out my daughter’s clothes? I want to do this. I need to do this.” And she gave me that look. You know that smug, fake hurt face? Then she said, “Wow. I’m just trying to help.” Of course she told my husband. And now it’s a thing.
He’s saying I “overreacted” and “she’s just being generous.” But he’s not the one who gets brushed off like a side character in front of his own kid. I don’t care how generous she is. It’s not about the money. It’s about the fact that she doesn’t treat me like a mom. She treats me like some placeholder until she gets to play dress up with her version of my child. Maybe I came off too harsh. Maybe I sounded ungrateful. But I swear, I’ve had it. I feel like I’m being shoved out of my own parenting. So yeah… AITAH?
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At 9 months old your lucky to get six weeks use out of some of it.
Tell them both no more.
At the start, no kid needs designer anything. For myself at least, I was in a 9-12month size at 6mo for all of a month, according to my Mum. Anything over basic price rates is just a waste right there.
Also, what goes into a kid – that doesn’t fall all over a kid before it’s destination – comes out both ends fairly quickly. Little Charlie will poonami over $200 baby gap onesie just as quickly as a $6 thrift store no-namebrand one.
Nta.
why are you hanging out with her all the time? Return anything she gives you from now on. NTA
If she was genuinely being generous it wouldn’t feel like she was looking down on you, and there wouldn’t be disparaging remarks about brand names/designer.
I wouldn’t bother trying to explain your feelings to her, cause it sounds like she knows. I would just say thank you when she gets you something, and dress your daughter in what you want anyway. And if she asks why you are not putting her in the outfit she chose, all you have to do is say you like the one she is wearing better. Same thing when she offers advice in the store. “I like this one.” No discussion needed. You dont need her permission to be the mom.
This may cause her to complain that she is wasting her money getting stuff that your daughter doesn’t even wear. At which point you can simply remind her that you did not ask for her to do this, and while appreciated if she feels it is a poor use of her funds she is under no obligation ro continue.
ETA: not the asshole. Your husband may think it was an overeaction, but you as mom are allowed to set boundaries.
Just accept the things she buys, and either return or sell them.
Quit allowing SIL around as much. You push my boundaries, you don’t get as much access.
Designer outfits? Yes please? Given to my by my snobby Aunt who things she’s God’s gift?
Give me them theift store socks.
NTA I could NEVER imagine doing this to my siblings over my nephews. do I get some firsts with them? sure! but they’re super obscure none of us saw coming firsts. like when I took my nephew to the park that had some dinosaur bones under the plastic rock climbing wall and he told my brother about how I took him to Jurassic Park. or with the two younger ones I bought then Velcro axe throwing because it was on clearance at Joann’s. but not like obvious first. that’s insane. what’s she going to do next start feeding your kid solids when you aren’t looking?
NTA. She’s being very disrespectful of you. That isn’t her kid or her doll to play dress up with. Limit contact and only when husband is there too too hear her insults.
NTA Tell her to get a doll to dress up – your child, your choices.
NTA and if she doesn’t stop just sell them or return them, and keep what you get and buy your daughter what you want. Hell start her college fund with that money, or put it to a more “frivolous” purchase for you & baby (mommy & me classes or something previously out of your budget).
You have a husband problem.
“She isn’t trying to help, what she’s trying to do is cause problems. Either you’re on my side or you’re sleeping on the couch and I will be thinking about divorce. Make your choice.”
Be done with the drama and move on from people like that. If your husband cannot have your side and be a united front, he needs to know there will be consequences.
NTA…from now on just keep donating everything thing she buys! Eventually they will both get the hint!
NTA. Put whatever overpriced designer garbage it is on her,take a pic of her being cute in it; then, let her “go #2 “ in it, and if she wrecks it to the point she can never wear it again,toss it.
Just take it and return it and if she paid cash stick it in a savings fund for her if not resell on eBay or something
NTA.
Don’t go shopping with her and tell her you are the mother, she isn’t. You can also refuse what she offers.
Let her order the expensive stuff. Nothing says you have to use it. Also, stop going shopping with her. Just… Stop. Don’t give any chances to speak up.
You are correct that she is not trying to “help”. She is trying to take over. Call her on that.
NTA
She is, in fact, NOT being “just” generous. She’s also being bossy, dismissive and rude. She is overstepping hugely. She could just get your daughter nice things without disparaging you or acting like she has more rights over your daughter’s body than you, her own mother, do.
You should tell your husband that if he can’t even attempt to see your side of things and support you, the least he can do is stay out of it and let you stand up for yourself.
Husband’s intervention is only going to fuel SIL’s feelings of entitlement over your daughter. You should consider showing him this post. Especially if he heard her version of events first, seeing it laid out in writing exactly what the problem is may allow him to look at it with new eyes, as opposed to in a conversation where you were on your backfoot defending yourself from her accusations that he was assuming we’re true.
If SIL wants to buy things for your daughter, great. The problem is her one-upping you. She’s got some kind of problem with you that she’s taking out this way.
The problem isn’t that she’s “helping”. The problem is her disrespect for you and your choices. She doesn’t just provide an item, she gives you a reminder that what she does is automatically better than what you do. She’s passive aggressively demeaning you every time she pushes her down-called help on you. And that’s what has to stop. Preferably by your husband demanding his sister treat you with respect or suffer the consequences. NTA.
NTA.
Accept all the gifts and then donate them to charity.
And stop hanging out with her.
Sound like a “Lable hoe” my niece is like this with her kids everything had to be name brand, when it was time for collage she didn’t have any money save up…. but now the kids are name brand atticted~!
It sounds like your husband isn’t even there. Why are you inviting this nasty woman to join you shopping in the first place? 🤷♂️
It sounds like your husband isn’t even there. Why are you inviting this nasty woman to join you shopping in the first place? 🤷♂️
Updateme!
Let her buy…YOU decide what your daughter wears.
People like her are tough to deal with, so…don’t. Let her spend all the money she wants, put the outfit on, if you so choose, when you know she’s visiting, then put it in a drawer…never to be seen again until baby has outgrown it and it’s time to pack/give away.
Oh, and tell hubs that the main back he should be having is YOURS, not his sister.
NTA
So maybe stop going shopping with her?
So maybe stop going shopping with your her?
Info: is this the first baby in the family?
If so, she might be overly excited. And babies go through clothes FAST. Keep them. Use them (or not.) The first time she sees a blow out in one of her designer outfits, she’ll see how ridiculous it is to buy nice stuff (outside of the occasional special occasion) for kids. You’ll need a backup outfit for picture day anyways (see “blowouts” above) – hers can be for that.
If not, she’s a clothes snob. Let her spend her money if she wants. You’re still the one dressing your kid.
Either way, NTA. But start laying down the law about holidays now. Or your kid is going to get dozens of presents from her. Maybe set a limit then open a college account the family can put money in.
NTA, a different approach, less confrontational, would be to accept her stuff and don’t use it. Just leave it in the closet until your child has outgrown it and donate it at church or something. Just continue to be polite, agree with her, if you can and do what you want anyway. Let her waste her money all she wants. If she asks why your child is not wearing what she purchased, tell her you chose this for today, what is the big deal and see what she has to say. Maybe even ask her why she is so concerned about what your child wears and see what she has the say. You might even want to ask her if she thinks how you dress your child is somehow a bad reflection on her and see what she has to say. You could go as far as asking her if she knows who the child belongs to, to make sure she understands she is not your child’s mother and she isn’t having some sort of delusions or something.
Where do these husbands come from? My husband would tell his sister to knock it off and never tell me that I “overreacted.”
I have an IL that would send the family a gift list for their kids, we would send the gifts and we found out via a spy friend she would sell it all on marketplace and buy something she and her bf wanted instead. That was a flaming Ahole move. But I kinda suggest it here. Stop fighting her, take the stuff, sell it and get what you want…and let her know you’re doing it
My ex-MIL was like this. It’s difficult to stand your ground without turning everything into a fight.
I didn’t shop with MIL. Ever.
I kept a box in the bottom of the baby’s closet. For “outgrown things”. If MIL brought over clothes for the baby, they went into the box the minute she left. If MIL wanted pics or asked where the outfit was, then “oh, baby outgrew that”. Of course, now and then MIL did buy something practical that I actually liked.
Tell them every damn thing she gets is going straight to charity
Are you able to return her stuff and get the $$?
You and your husband need a break. Take your daughter and go visit your family, a friend, whatever for a week or 2! If he can’t understand his sister witch is treating you like crap, you have a marriage issue. He has zero respect for you so perhaps time apart would wake him up. YOU’RE his wife and he needs to man up for once!!
NTA
Stop spending time with her. Idk what else to say. If she doesnt listen after you being direct then shes never gonna listen. And your husband should take a second to consider your feelings.
NTA but both your husband and SIL are. Both of them are dismissive and disrespectful.
You did not overreact. You were not dramatic.
SIL needs to learn her place….which is definitely not being the child’s mother.
Husband needs to grow a spine and stand up for you.
Stop going places with her. Limit her visitation at your home.
NTA How is it 2025 and people (your brother) are still not clocking that – being defensive is an immediate red flag🚩🙄🤦♀️
If she wants to be generous, she can give you a gift card. That’s not a valid excuse when you have told her not to do it anymore.
NTA
Just let her buy the expensive stuff then sell it, your baby will be growing out of things so quickly . You can use the money to buy what you like and put any extra into a savings account for your daughter.
I wouldn’t be spending time with her anymore. No need to go shopping with her or having coffee or whatever. Do your own thing and buy your kids your own stuff . It also sounds like you have a husband problem because he should be backing you up .
Generous would be “you’re right, could I buy it for her?” Not “your taste is crap”. She’s not being generous she’s being a snide passive aggressive B
NTA. Let her spend all the money she wants. You don’t have to dress your baby in anything you want her to wear. Donate the stuff she buys to charity, sell it online or regift it next time someone you know has a girl.
Sounds like she’s try to be the “Rich Auntie.” Probably bragging to everyone about what she bought and how much it costs.
NTA
It’s your daughter. Just say “thank you” and buy what you want. Have the pictures taken in the yellow dress you liked. SIL can bitch or take the hint, her choice.
And the next time your husband tells you you’re “overreacting, tell him in your outdoor voice that he has seen overreacting…..yet.
The only thing I really like about babies is buying baby clothes; I’m just not a baby person. Other than my bestie’s first kid I’ve kept that reeled in. I would have loved to buy all my friends’ babies Halloween costumes and holiday clothes, but they usually had something in mind. So I didn’t. The only time I did was when a mom or 4m old twins told me she wasn’t doing Halloween costumes for the babies because she hadn’t thought of it and didn’t have time. I overnighted her costumes that corresponded with the nicknames she used for the kids as a surprise. But I only did that when it was clear she wasn’t going to but would have if she wasn’t frazzled as hell.