So this is my first post here and I just need to explain what’s been going on.
My sister (22F) got dumped by her boyfriend of 2 years about two weeks ago. Normally I’d feel bad because she’s my sister, but this time I really don’t. She wasn’t a good girlfriend to him at all. He worked, cooked, and kept their place together while she spent most of her time out with her “friends.” When she was home, she’d pick up a broom for like two minutes and act like she’d been cleaning all day.
And she was also cheating. With his childhood best friend, who’s a girl. She would lie and say she was with friends, but she was actually sneaking around. Her boyfriend only found out because the girl posted a picture of an inappropriate photo of them together that was meant to go in her drafts. My sister came home to find her bags packed by the door. She begged him to forgive her, but of course he didn’t.
After that, she came to my apartment and has been staying here, basically crying non-stop. I’d hear her sobbing in the middle of the night, sometimes at 2 or 3 AM. What made it worse is that she doesn’t take any responsibility for what happened. Instead, she keeps saying stuff like it was her “bi awakening” and that her boyfriend should’ve been supportive of her.
Then one morning, she sat next to me while I was drinking tea and started crying again about how unfair life is. I just lost it. I yelled at her to SHUT THE FUCK UP and told her she brought this on herself, that she clearly didn’t love him if she cheated, and that I don’t understand why she’s even trying to win him back.
She stormed off, called me an asshole, and hasn’t talked to me in a week. Honestly, I don’t really mind the silence, but now I’m wondering, AITAH for snapping at her and not being there to comfort her?
Comments
>When she was home, she’d pick up a broom for like two minutes and act like she’d been cleaning all day.
How/why do you know this
(because you made it up)
She’s been making everyone miserable and not even owning up to what she did. At some point you just can’t listen to the same thing over and over, especially when she’s acting like the victim. You probably could’ve said it nicer but I don’t blame you at all for losing patience.
NTA for telling her what she needed to hear but the TA for the way you did it. she’s suffering the consequences of her actions and I would explain that maybe he would have supported her if she had told him about it before she CHEATED on him. You can support her bi awaking but since she cheated on him, she hurt him and he gets to feel betrayed and end their relationship because of it.
When she started talking about stuff being “not fair”, she’s got a bill she wants you to pay, or buy or something. You need to set a hard date of when she is out or say hello to your new roommate!
[deleted]
Evidently she was looking for love in all the wrong genders until she found one of the genders didn’t play that game.
Nta. Shes a cheater. She can deal with it. He needs to make sure everyone knows why he dumped her cheating ass.
I have 0 remorse for cheaters. Especially when they get dropped like they should.
Eta My wife is bi, and I would divorce her if she cheated. Idc who she cheated on me with. That bi awakening is an excuse. If she wanted to explore she should lf spoken with him, and they could of done that or split up.
NTA – enjoy the peace and quiet.
On a side note, she has been staying with you for two weeks now. Does she pay rent? Does she do chores? Does she contribute in any way, shape or form?
If no, then kick her freeloading, cheating ass to the curb, unless she starts pulling her weight.
Talk to me in my house/apartment after I’m letting you stay here rent free and see how quickly you don’t have a place to live because of your own actions AGAIN.
Your sister is for the streets.
She sounds awful. NTA
She has no right as a guest to reside in your home if she is not showing you respect. The silent treatment isn’t respectful nor is the erroneous justification of how she came to be cheating.
NTAH. She a ho.
NTA she sounds like a terrible partner and roommate, how long is she planning on staying with you? Yeah you could have been patient but I for one would have lost my cool over constant sobbing with no remorse on her part too.
NTA
Idk if this is a hot take…but i think cheaters need to be called out when they try to play victim in situations THEY caused
NTA. I’m bi and cheating is cheating. She doesn’t get to make her bed and then be pissed when she’s forced to lie in it.
NTA
Enjoy the silence.
She fucked up and doesn’t wanna take accountability for her actions.
NTA and I am so proud of you.
she’s crying and making it everyone else’s problem because of the consequences of her own actions. NTA.
You made it about you. YTA.
She can be upset even if it’s her fault. Big time issues
You can only listen to someone cry about a mess they created for so long before snapping
NTA. A little dose of reality can hurt sometimes, but it doesn’t mean she didn’t need to hear it. Maybe the next time she’s in a relationship, she won’t be a lying sl*t.
Maybe you should have just showed her the door instead of telling her to shut the fuck up? I mean your the one that allowed her to come atay with you, if your tired of hearing her kick her to the curb. Your not the a-hole but just tell her to leave already.
Yeah, she’s not the victim here. If she was having a “bi awakening“ then she should have spoken to her boyfriend about it instead of sneaking around behind his back. It’s hard to have sympathy for people who don’t do the right thing. I think you need to give her a set time to stay with you. If she has something else to focus on like finding a place to live and moving out then perhaps she’ll stop feeling so sorry for herself. You could always suggest she go for counseling, it sounds like she needs it.
NTA
You see, there’s only some BS you can take form a person who doesn’t want to understand she’s facing the consequences of her actions. You have endured her crying at 2 or 3 AM because “how unfair life is”
The real issue is NOT her “bi awakening”. The real issue is she had a committed relationship with her boyfriend and she cheated on him. It really doesn’t matter if it was with a man, a woman or a piranha: she cheated. And people just can’t “support” being cheated. Not her BF, not anyone
I wonder what she considers “fair”, because being a true partner, a 50/50 is not. Her BF “worked, cooked, and kept their place together while she spent most of her time out with her “friends.”” I would also be crying my eyes out for losing him, but I’ll take the blame because MY free will actions made him end up with me
Look, there’s so much comfort you can give. Above all when your sister repeats over and over “how unfair life is”, when she doesn’t have the right to play the victim in here. If you think it wisely, you did her favor: she’s refusing to accept she’s the perpetrator and you snapping at her is the first touch of reality to what really happened
She brought it on herself and I wouldn’t feel sorry for her. I would have told her the same thing plus GROW THE HELL UP!
You should bang the boyfriend to get back at her.
NTA. Being bisexual has nothing to do with it. You can be bisexual and realize that there are feelings for someone you never expected. However, if you are in a committed relationship and fool around with another person, it is still cheating.
Nah you’re good she needs to grow up and realize how to treat people. She ain’t no victim life DEF ain’t fair when your woman that you’re supposed to trust is stepping out on you. Poor guy
Why is she still living with you? Someone who doesn’t speak to me for a week would no longer be welcome in my house. Was she living off her boyfriend? If so, it’s time for her to support herself and get a place
Also – who’s stopping her from still pursuing her bi-awakening with her ex’s best friend? Is it no longer fun now that it’s not cheating?
Not reading the book. Stopped at the title and NTA.
Ask her why she’s upset. Sge wanted a girlfriend a d now she can be with her. She’s only upset because he isn’t paying for her lifestyle any more
NTA tell her actions have consequences. She had it super good doing nothing, having fun. She cheated in him. Ok maybe you could’ve talked to her, but we all snap sometimes. Now tell her calmly!! that you are doing her a favor and being supportive by allowing her to live rent free, minimum chores, so you expect some respect and her silence is not respectful.
bi awakening doesn’t require cheating. but you should put an end date on housing her.
No. She’s a cheater. Don’t feel bad for cheaters. NTA
Nope, NTA.
She cheated, period. I don’t care if it was with a man, a woman, or a pony. She cheated in a monogamous relationship. He owes her nothing. She literally FAFO.
I hope he blocks her lying, toxic ass and finds someone worthy of him.
I hope she learns and is better to the next person.
In the meantime, she needs to accept responsibility for her actions. THAT’s where I would have no sympathy.
Weird. You are commenting on your own posts under a different account.
https://www.reddit.com/user/posingbab/
NTA. I came to terms that I was bisexual when I was dating my now husband. I was in denial for a while lol. However I never felt it necessary to explore those feelings because I know who I am and I feel how I feel. There’s no need to prove it to myself or anyone else. And there’s no need to break up a happy, healthy relationship for something that flimsy. I love my husband and I have no desire to be with anyone else. That doesn’t mean I don’t experience attraction to others regardless of gender; it means I’ve made my choice in a partner and I will not act on an attraction to someone who isn’t my partner. And I use “attraction” loosely, at least for myself. My husband is my choice as your sister’s boyfriend should have been her’s. She doesn’t get to whine and play victim and demand support from the person she wronged. Being bi isn’t an excuse for infidelity.
NTA
Good job op
Sounds like she needed a reality check and you definitely gave it to her. I understand why you snapped. It’s incredibly frustrating to hear someone whine about the consequences of their own actions while they take no responsibility. If I’m being honest, the STFU comment seems a bit harsh to me, but that’s just because my sister and I have a different dynamic. It is bold on her part to call you an asshole when you’re housing her for free though. If you’re such an asshole maybe she should go stay with her bi awakening girl.
If you like bi awakening then you won’t be able to resist gay-cation
Dude if you can get her to explain why’s many men would be grateful
NTA- if sis wanted to have a “bi-awakening” then she should have broke up with the BF first. Otherwise she is just a scummy cheater who deserves to be alone. Cheaters do not deserve comfort. I would give her a firm date to get out.
NTA
NTA. She has not talked to you in a week – and exactly how is that bad? Enjoy the peace. Your sister is the textbook example of FAFO. Your sister is learning that actions have consequences and that is totally on her.
UpdateMe!
Nta
Her childish whining should have been addressed. You were the best person to do it.
Thanks a lot for having made the world a better place.
Never let het forget she is a cheater.
NTA
Harsh but true. Nothing she can’t say about the truth…
NTA but You need to get her out fast before she has squatters rights and you are stuck with her.
NTA
Her actions caused the consequences she’s now facing. Tell her to learn accountability and learn a bit of character.
Enjoy the quiet.
NTA when you’re stuck on stupid you’re stuck on stupid
NTA
Nah. She’s a fucking idiot.
Really messed up thing is, if she really wanted to explore that side of her sexuality, if she had just talked to her boyfriend about it, she likely could have found a way to do it with his full blessing… There’s not many 20 something guys who don’t find the prospects of girl on girl hot.
No not an asshole, She need to hear the truth.
Her taking no responsibility for her actions ( ALL OF THEM) Is huge. Why would this guy want her back. she sounds like a night mare of a GF. This is all on her and her actions.
Question why is she staying with you ??? Should she not be with her BI partner ? Need to kick her ass out and tell her to go lie in the bed she chose. She wanted it so bad it was worth losing her BF over it .
He has lost all Trust and Respect for her. That is hard to ever get back.
NTA and she should find her own place to live