About 3 weeks ago, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me. The day that I found out, I packed bags for me and the kids and left. I did not confront him about the cheating, I just let him know that our marriage was over, but that I hope to work with him on an amicable divorce and custody arrangements.
Of course he did all the cliche begging, crying, swearing he would change, it was a “mistake” and it meant nothing, blah blah blah. I just said that’s nice, well, let me know where to send the divorce papers. He was shocked. He told me before that his dad cheated on his mom but she was able to forgive him. He must have expected me to do the same.
Since then, I have only communicated with him about the girls. He is running in circles trying to get me to react to anything else he says. I give him nothing. He has begged me to just talk to him. I said that there is nothing to talk about.
My MIL confronted me outside the gymnastics gym. I was going to hand the girls off to her so they could spend time with Dad.
MIL told me that she was very disappointed in the way that I’m handling all of this, that she expected more maturity from me, and that she hopes it doesn’t impact the girls negatively long term. I let her say what she wanted. She is allowed her opinion. But she looked at me, waiting for a response of some kind.
So I asked her, why are you directing your anger at me when your son is the one who ended this marriage?
She said that I am the one who chose to end the marriage, not him, that he was willing to work on it and go above and beyond to prove that it was a mistake and all that nonsense. And how it was the most shocking how cold I’ve become, that I won’t even talk to him.
I said well what is there to say? He decided to end the marriage. The time to go to marriage counseling was before he did what he did. There is nothing left to salvage. He made the decision, and now he lives with the consequences.
She was getting herself all worked up and upset, oh boo hoo don’t you feel bad for tearing apart this family, don’t you want your daughters to grow up in a stable home, how could you walk away after all this time. She said she couldn’t imagine breaking up her family over something like this.
I said well, maybe if you had, your son wouldn’t think he can cheat without consequences. You’re the one who taught him this.
She got that big shocked look on her face, told me that I was being a needlessly cruel monster over all of this. And oh boo fucking hoo, she’s “disappointed.”
I’m not keeping the girls from him, I’m being helpful with those arrangements, and I plan to be generous when it comes to splitting time. I have no interest in taking anything that wasn’t mine when we entered into our marriage. But somehow I’m the cruel monster? How?
Comments
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You didn’t insult your MIL out of nowhere. She confronted you, criticized your maturity, and blamed you for the consequences of her son’s dumbass and selfish actions. Your response wasn’t cruel, it was honest.
Her son cheated, showing he’s immature and selfish. You’re doing your best to handle the divorce respectfully. That’s mature.
If your ex-MIL can’t accept that her son is facing the consequences of his dumbass choices, that’s on her, not you.
NTA.
NTA, you handled that situation with strength and clarity, and it’s not often we see someone stand their ground like that without letting bitterness take over, just keep trusting your instincts, because you’re doing what’s right for your kids and yourself, and that matters more than anything else.
Very sorry he destroyed your marriage, but I love the way you stand up for yourself and don’t suffer hurtful fools! 👏
“I said well, maybe if you had, your son wouldn’t think he can cheat without consequences.”
You are my heroine. Best to you and your kids.
NTA
She’s entitled to her opinions but it’s your marriage. Her husband cheated and she chose to stay with him, that is her right and her choice, but you make your own decisions and aren’t obligated to follow hers. Her son chose to betray you and your family, not you, and her trying to twist the whole thing so that it is your fault is disingenuous BS. The blame falls on him 100%.
Frankly, they should be happy that you are being pretty reasonable about the whole situation as far as communicating about the kids, shared custody, etc.
If that were me MIL wouldn’t be leaving with the girls and he wouldn’t see them if she was around. She is going to poison them girls against you, blame you for their broken home and ruining their entire childhood. She is toxic.
NTA at all! MIL sounds very toxic since she let her husband get away with something so disgusting. Do not feel sorry about having ended that marriage to someone who had a lovely family and chose to cheat. There is always some kind of motivation that drives someone to cheat. Kudos to you for calling out your MIL for her biggest mistake to forgive and keep someone who backstabbed her with cheating. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stand your ground and keep being strong! 💪
Apparently your STBX-MIL listened to someone who gave her that same damned speech when her husband was out fucking around. And she bought it.
How dare you not buy it?
How dare you have your self respect, dignity and integrity, while she has a son who is no better than his cheating father?
NTA
NTA it’s very common for folks to blame the victim for walking away instead of blame the cheater for cheating. Judge and be “disappointed” in you for having a backbone and self-respect? No they should be disappointed in and judging him for forcing your family into this situation. He’s the one breaking marital vows out here.
You are a HERO. FAFO is for mom and son
NTA. Nough said
Ma’am you dropped this 👑👸
NTA
You’re a BADASS. This is the way to demonstrate to your daughters what they should and shouldn’t accept in a relationship.
Tell their dad that he has modelled bad behaviour for your children and that if you accepted cheating you would not only do yourself a disservice but show your daughters that behaviour is acceptable which is exactly what his dad and mum to him.
He needs to get his head out of his add it’s not a hat.
HE ended your marriage, not you.
His mother needed a reality check, maybe if she had a backbone, she wouldn’t have raised a selfish cheating POS. Like father like son.
Maybe he’ll get therapy and be better to his next wife.
NTA at all she asked for it and in my opinion you were pretty nice about the whole thing. Listen if she wants to lower her standards that’s all well i
And good but why should your children have to stand by and watch u be miserable. Children notice these things obviously if he’s actually giving you an example of his own father. So with that
Well done mom ✨️🌟 Keep up the good work!
NTA. You didn’t cheat, he did. He chose to break his vow and lie to you. Marriage is a contract. He broke it. That’s on HIM lady. The fact that MIL chose the life of a doormat is on her. He even used her as an example proving the affect that had on him. She’s an idiot to think that was a GOOD thing.
NTA Perfect approach & fuck them both for all the reasons you’ve listed & then some.
He’s pathetic & she’s even more pathetic for being such an enabler.
NTA im going through literally almost the exact same thing except his father is the one who taught him its better to cheat than try to fix things or just leave. Now he’s cheated and agreed to divorce, but wants us to be “friends”. These men and their audacity. You’re strong and I hope you heal. ❤️
NTA – Your mil did the ultimate FAFO!
You spoke nothing but the truth. It might have been uncomfortable for her to hear, but that doesn’t make it any less true. For that alone, you are totally NTA.
I am genuinely in awe of your strength and courage in this messiest of times. That is what will show your daughters what honesty and fortitude really is. Good for you!
Well done you OP for making that point.. but I’d have taken it one step further – you are showing your girls how to have self respect, and know their worth. To do otherwise would be to teach them how to be a doormat.
Bravo OP. MIL can do one!
NTA, obviously
Not at all. You have your boundaries and that doesn’t not include a man slinging his parts around because you cannot have an adult conversation. You’ve handled all this maturely and with grace. The ones that are being cruel and the ones excusing his behavior. NTA
NTA. And let me just say, you are being very mature about this entire unfortunate and ridiculous situation your STBE put you through. It’s impressive how well you’re handling it. Nothing about any of this is your fault… keep on knowing and owning that. Keep as low contact with your ex and his family members as possible.
Nta you didn’t break the family he did second he put his dick else where.
You were also right he grew up seeing cheating had zero consequences, you’ve just shown him they do.
NTA
It would be nice to have more info. How long have you been married? How old are your kids? Do you suspect your husband has cheated on you before? Was this an affair out of passion, or had it been going on for a while?
Not making excuses for him, but people do make mistakes. Get caught up in the moment. The fact you went from total ignorance to packed bags and took the kids and ready to file for divorce leads me to believe this wasn’t a solid marriage to begin with.
When I read stories about spouses cheating, they usually take the form of a serial cheater, or some sort of long term affair in the background.
Again, not standing up for him or saying you’re wrong for going directly to DEFCON 4, but it seems there’s no interest on your part in working this out and I’m curious why?
I’d want more info before I declare you NTAH
NTA. She started it
I think OP is handling this incredibly maturely. She is still speaking to STBX about the children, she is just refusing to address the rest of the nonsense he is spewing. Often at the beginning of a split, it is a wise decision to have a third party handle child exchanges so that the children aren’t exposed to unnecessary issues between the parents, which it sounds like their would be from STBX.
As OP said, xMIL is entitled to her opinion of the issue, but STBX said point blank, his mom forgave his dad- she she literally taught him cheating wasn’t that bad. OP asked her to hold her son responsible for his actions, because this is not on OP.
I’m guaranteeing OP and STBX had a relationship at some point about monogamy and dealbreakers. I doubt STBX was cheating and thinking “oh Wifey won’t care if she finds out”.
I applaud OP for knowing her worth and standing up for what she sees as unforgivable. She sounds very level headed about the future custody arrangements and asset splits.
NTA and Updateme!
NTA. Honestly, you said what someone should’ve told her a long time ago. Just because she chose to stay with a cheater and pretend that’s “maturity” doesn’t mean every woman has to do the same. That’s not strength, that’s DENIAL.
She’s not mad at you for being cruel, she’s mad that you had the backbone she never did. You’re showing her exactly how she failed, and that’s uncomfortable for her. Too bad. You’re not the one who blew up the family, her son did. You’re just refusing to sweep his mess under the rug with a smile on your face.
If anything, you’re being generous. You’re civil, handling custody like an adult, not taking him for everything… and still somehow you’re the villain? Oh PLEASE. Y’know, it’s funny how the people who stayed silent for their own messes get the loudest when someone else refuses to.
You stated facts, no insults in that conversation at all. NTA
A marriage cannot survive without trust. And your STBX destroyed your trust. That’s all she needs to know. Either she was able to trust her husband again (doubtful) or else she chose to live with an untrustworthy man, which says she didn’t think she deserved any better.
As far as your daughters go, just tell her you are teaching your daughters that people don’t get to abuse and disrespect them, that they have a right to expect a future partner to treat them with honesty, dignity and respect, and they should always treat others the same. And that people who lie and cheat do not hold the values you are teaching them in order for them to grow up to be responsible adults. Ask her, “Do you honestly think I should be teaching my daughters that they should allow liars and cheaters to be in their lives? That they deserve to be lied to?”
NTA
She is upset that you were brave enough to do what she couldn’t. Maybe financially she couldn’t do that either. There are lots of reasons why people stick in bad marriages and it’s complicated.
You are doing the right thing. Your daughters will grow up knowing not to put up with that level of disrespect, and if your ex is lucky he will learn that if he doesn’t treat his next partner with respect he will lose them too.
Also I think this is important. For some reason some people think others hate cheating because they are jealous of theother woman/man, but that’s not it. Poly relationships can work if that’s your cup of tea.
Cheating on the other hand is breaking a promise. A promise to be with you and only you. Not only that marriage means you made that promise in front of everyone at the wedding, and signed a legal document making that promise.
Now there are only two not mutually exclusive ways to read cheating after that. One is your STB ex is not worth his word. What other promises has he broken? What other promises will he beak? He made this promise in front of everyone how will he treat promises made in private that only you know about?
The other way to look at it is, he doesn’t see this public promise to you as worth respecting because he doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth, nor does he respect you enough to come to you if there was a problem. He doesn’t respect you enough to say, hey this isn’t working out something needs to be done. If he doesn’t respect you then how can you trust him? Does he even listen to you? Does he even care about your feelings?
The fact is that you can’t trust him now. Even if he regrets it, and truly wants to change he burned the bridge between you.
What you did is what every person going through this SHOULD DO! Kudos OP 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
I bet that deep inside she is jealous that you got out while she did not and continued to endure the cheating. NTA, go live your life
Congratulations for stopping the cycle. Teach your girls they don’t have to forgive and forget.
That’s stable home to her? Cheater of a husband and a wife who doesn’t know what to expect and has to watch for any sign of cheating unable to fully trush her own partner? Her son and husband are cruel and heartless, not you.
You got this down to an art OP. Well done on putting them on their place and clocking the MIL on the kind of man she raised — a cheater.
Updateme
NTAH
Good for you. Was it a ONS or an ongoing affar?
And the crown 👑 goes to OP for having a spine!
NTA
Nta. You didn’t insult her. You just laid out the facts. Just because she is a doormat doesn’t mean you have to be. You decided to have self respect and leave and in turn teach your daughters that they deserve better. If she didn’t want her past thrown in her face then she should stay out of your life. She doesn’t tell you what to do with your marriage. And your right her anger should be directed at him not you. I really hope you have your daughters in teraphy to help avoid them
Trying to make you the villain in their eyes
OP, stop engaging in conversation with her or anyone about your choice. You made the right one for you and your kiddo’s and that’s all that matters.
NTA. I wish that I was more like you a few years ago. She cheated, and I gave her a second chance. When things got back to normal, she cheated again.
Op is not only NTA, she’s a fucking legend
Of course it will effect the girls negatively, but you’re teaching them about boundaries and that cheating is unacceptable. Just because MIL didn’t have a backbone doesn’t make cheating right. I guarantee that he will cheat again. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your daughters!
Did your soon to be ex MIL even acknowledge what her son did?
You handled it like a champ.
NTA
I’m really sorry your STBX MIL said some horrible things to you; but your husband is a full grown man, who made his own decisions
The truth hurts. I guess your ex mil didn’t realise it would round back to her own lousy decisions. She thought swallowing everything would keep her perfect son safe. Guess what? It taught him that lacking integrity is OK.
I love your coldness. It’s not even about being cold. It’s just refreshingly resolute and so crisp. If the kids are learning anything, it’s that you can make mistakes and move on before you burn yourself.
Good luck. Updateme
Umm F*** NO, lady! Your STB EX MIL is crackers and deserved every truth you have said to her. She wants her baby to get an easy pass cause she recognises that what she did in the past has made him the kind of man he is today, an adulterer. So you hold on to your guns, girl. Don’t let them guilt trip, manipulate, upset your day, nada! The best revenge is having an amazing life. Find your happiness with your daughters WITHOUT him.
You should have been far more cruel and told her you are the reason why your son will grow up alone in his old age because he will keep on cheating on his future spouse because you showed him that it’s okay and I hope you get sleep well at night knowing that truth. That will shut her up for good.
I wish you’d had a chance to add that your only priority at this stage is making sure your daughters know they are worth more than sticking with a cheater.
Unless the other woman was wearing a disguise and pretending to be you, it wasn’t a mistake.
He cheated and assumed there would be no consequences. This is on him, though, not MIL. I have people in my family that have done horrible shit that I would never imagine doing.
FUCKING LEGEND is all I have to say about you Madam. Absolutely savage.
Hit her with the Uno reverse and she got the Pikachu face!😂 She raised and supports garbage and is mad cause ur spine is intact and hers is wobbly at best. Ur showing ur girls how u LET ppl treat u is how they treat u. That’s good damn mommying u doing, lady! NTA💐
She came after you and you told her off. context matters and in this context you are NTA.
Many hold women to a higher standard than men. You stb exmil is one of them.
One can work through cheating, but that does not that every person who gets cheated wants to work through it.
So, you are 100% nta and stv exmil needs to back off
NTA, and good for you for pointing out who taught him it was “okay” to cheat. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
NTA.
You were absolutely correct.
He thought he could get away with it. Because HIS mom had no self-esteem.
Bummer for him.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but marriage vows usually include something about “forsaking all others”. This is the FO of FAFO. You were absolutely correct in what you said to your STBX-MIL. She picked this fight and was shocked when you swung back. One of my favorite quotes in this moment is “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing!”
Nta
NTA. Sorry MIL, but sometimes the truth hurts. Updateme
Play with fire, get burned. Nta. She should have gone about it another way if she wanted to try and help but she came at you and you told her the truth. Sucks to suck
If MIL feels insulted, it’s because your words rang too true for her comfort. I’m there with you – whatever relationship you have with your partner sets an example for the kids and teaches them to repeat the behavior as adults.
Staying with someone who has so little respect for you and their kids that they would cheat and blow up everyone’s lives will only ever teach the wrong kind of lessons.
The truth sometimes hurts and it seems that nobody has told your MIL that truth before
Just because your MIL realised she was sexually inadequate at satisfying her husband and was willing to turn a blind eye to the matter doesn’t mean you have to.
However if you’re going to seek a relationship again you need to be very self critical about what happened and why it happened in this relationship. It’s not a discussion for you husband or your MIL but for you own self preservation it’s 1 you need to analyse yourself over
I bet MIL has her own reasons here too. Her son’s marriage ending seems super inconvenient for grandma who clearly cares so deeply about appearances.
NTA
updateme
If your STBXMIL confronts you again, tell her the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed. And her son is finding out about consequences.
You are 100% NTA. He cheated, ended the marriage with his infidelity. You have been extremely accommodating when it comes to arrangements so he can see your girls. You heard his mother out when she verbally lashed out at you, and you only told her the TRUTH. I would have been a lot more vicious than you, so kudos to you for keeping your calm as much as you have!
I feel a bit sad for her in that she may not have felt it was an option for her, and thank God it is for you.
Hell, it may not have been a “feeling” – fiscally, culturally, etc… she may NOT have had any options.
My grandmother was a very rare case of being a child of divorce… my grandmother was born in 1911. I don’t know many details of my great grandparents divorce other than the feeling it was my great grandmother’s decision and it wasn’t surprising as she didn’t like men very much except for her son and grandsons. (I sometimes wonder – was she gay or something? She never married again. Her son lived with his father a lot and my grandmother was sent to finishing school. Was that so she could have “friends” over?)
How could she leave? She owned a business. She was self supporting – expanded the business but continued to live above the first one for years.
But even if your ex MIL did’t specifically set out to teach him that – the circumstances in which he was raised certainly did. She didn’t have the conversation of “I know you love your father, but don’t do what he did” when he got serious about you. (and yes, that conversation should have happened…) I know guys who watched their father cheat on their mother and as a result would rather cut their genitals off than do that because they saw the pain their mother went through, because they were also taught empathy.
So NTA, but I do feel sorry that she felt she had to stay – that she defines setting herself on fire proverbially as a “stable” home. I’d also comment that if FIL is still a cheating asshole, that you’d support her leaving his ass too.
NTA You are teaching your girls not to take shit from their future partners! You said and did nothing wrong.
If she had taught her son consequences as a child maybe he wouldn’t be such a POS.
If his mother decided to be a doormat, that was her decision. Your husband cheated, ergo, he gets to deal with the consequences.
NTA.
Can someone please explain to me how a marriage where one spouse cheats and the other gets walked all over and treated like garbage is considered a stable environment for children?
NTAH! Why are you even entertaining conversation with her about your marriage and its break up? Do not give “air” to their arguments if your decision is made. Move on, live your life, be the best mom you can to your kids. Everyone else is NOT important.
NTA.
You were in your right to be cruel and still chose to keep it civil and refined.
She was willing to stay with a Cheater. You are not. Simple. Nothing more to discuss
As a rule, most people don’t like reaping what they’ve sown or owning their shit. If they had the character to own their stuff, they likely would’ve had the character to be a faithful partner. MIL can’t own her stuff, either, or even put the blame where it rightfully belongs. Don’t expect her support or even her understanding…it’s way easier for her to call you “a needlessly cruel monster”.
@@ <—–big fat eyeroll.
NTA. People do not fully understand that when you break someone’s trust you not only break the trust bond you had, but that victim’s ability to trust any subsequent relationships. They violate so many people with their own selfishness.
Your STBX has Main Character Syndrome. His selfish intangible desires became more important than his living tangible family!
He can be the Main Character in the movie FAFO part 1 and 2: Infidelity Bugaloo!
His mom is just worried he’ll be living with her…
NTA, good for you. For someone to have the thought process that they’ll go ahead and betray you because they think you’ll forgive them….spells out that they have no respect for you. In billboard sized letters. I’m so sick of people insisting that it’s better to stick by someone who doesn’t respect people they claim to love
NTA
She’s disrespecting you and trying to blame you for the circumstances when she should be holding her son accountable.
I suggest you remove her from the equation if she can’t be respectful of you and what you’ve been through.
So, your MIL was cheated on by your FIL and she stayed with him, right? That’s how she taught her son that it was okay to cheat?
> MIL confronted me outside the gymnastics gym. I was going to hand the girls off to her
That needs to stop. Should have told her her to, with these exact words, “get the fuck out of my face”.
You did not insult her. If you were going to insult her, you would have said something like, “You’re the only one who doesn’t mind being your husband’s sloppy seconds. You must really enjoy that, good for you.”
NTA (justified asshole)
Ouch, that was brutal, but she absolutely needed to hear it. It is her own fault for confronting you the way she did. The fact that he sicced his mommy on you because he can’t get a reaction from you is telling.
I do wonder though, what tale your STB Ex spun to paint himself the victim in mother’s eyes. Not that it matters.
NTA. Your dumbass stbx actually pulled out, “but…my mom forgave my dad’s cheating!” when you left! LOL, there’s ‘staying facts’ and there’s literally stating facts: you simply relaying to her that her son DID use his mom forgiving his dad’s cheating as an argument.
Truth hurts, etc.😂
You’re not cruel, he and his mother just expect you to accept the disrespect. MIL’s are insane with their enabling sometimes
Sounds like you were able to transition from love to indifference and bypass the hate and anger altogether. That is a big accomplishment! Be careful though, as the anger and hate may creep up when you least expect it! In the meantime, since you asked, MIL is an AH for daring to lecture you. H (soon to be XH) is an AH for obvious reasons.
Keep holding your head up high. By all indications you will be an excellent x wife.
Oh, and do not fall for the “I made a mistake” and “I love you” followed by “let’s do therapy”. And do not show him your pain. You will inflict the best revenge by remaining cool and dispassionate in all your interactions with him.
Imagine raising a man who cheats, then blaming the woman who refuses to tolerate it. You were calm, respectful and focused on your kids, thats strength, not cruelty. She’s just mad the cycle stops with you.
NTA, you are not subjecting your daughters to a wife who accepts a cheating husband and the trauma that brings with it. My dad cheated, and at 6, I noticed. Staying shows them that you have to accept men cheating on you.
Some couples can work it out. But the odds are not very good. Betrayal and the rebuilding of trust is a hard nut to crack.. Ny mom forgave, but he continued to do it. which led to living with a sad mother. Staying for the kids’ stability is a fallacy.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
NTA
I’m petty. How are things with your parents? Your father especially. Because if things are good, I say turn about is fair play. I say get your dad to call him and / or show up and say how disappointed he is in your STB ex.
NTA. Screw them both. You were absolutely 100% right.
NTA. Ah, the famous “mistake.” That word should be reserved only for missteps such as accidentally leaving the refrigerator door open. Cheating on a marriage is a series of willful and selfish decisions. Your MiL is as delusional as your future ex-husband.
Question from the scorched earth department: Does his affair partner have a partner?
Every person deserves to have their spouse behave faithfully, including MIL. Her tolerating a man who lies & cheats because he’s a selfish pig does not mean any other woman has to. Apparently her own son thought it completely normal to cheat because he grew up watching his mom cover for his dad’s cheating. He thought it would be the same for him, wife will be a doormat to “keep the family together” but she’s modeling the exact opposite for her daughters.
NTA. Actions have consequences your STBEX made a choice, and now he has to live with the result. You didn’t yell, you didn’t blow up the family he did, the moment he decided to cheat. And MIL blaming you just shows how deep the generational enabling runs. You’re setting the boundary her son was never taught to respect.
Your MIL is a nosy, interfering bitch, but don’t lay this all on her. Your husband was the one who elected to cheat, not her. What she did or didn’t do in the past is immaterial here.
But there’s no need for you to remain in contact with her. Block the woman Find another person to hand the kids off to.
NTA. Girl you ate DOWN. No notes. Keep up the good work!
NTA
People equate forgiveness with ‘reset everything and pretend it didn’t happen’.
Maybe, someday, you’ll forgive your husband. But I doubt you’ll forget, and that means you won’t let him do it to you again.
He didn’t make a mistake, be made a choice. You don’t slip on the sidewalk and just end up in an affair, it takes a series of decisions and lack of respect for you and your marriage.
Good on you for having a standard and boundaries that you adhere to.
NTA. Updateme!
You handled this betrayal extraordinarily well.
NTA and when I say I was SAT from the second I read the title. The audacity she has to think she can say anything to you.
Also MAD kudos for going stone cold. Your pos cheating husband deserves nothing else.
NTA
quite frankly, you were right.
You’re fucking awesome. Nta.
NTA. You’re spot on there.
Updateme!
NTA – MIL has to learn that there are stronger women out there who won’t take every shit „to keep the family together“.
MIL was a SAHM and very traditional?
NTA. You’re a badass!
So she expects you’re being an immature because you won’t accept being cheated on how is that immature? You did a very grown-up thing you didn’t accept to be cheated on and just let it go. It’s like saying it’s OK to cheat you did the right thing.
NTA
It’s just a fact! She can’t be mad at you for stating a fact.
Also, I will always believe it’s better to have 2 separate healthy parents than live in a home with both who resent each other, lack respect, and end up despising each other. Not exactly something to teach the kids, is it?
NTA. I guarantee you that your husband would have left you if you were the one who cheated, and his mother would have fully supported him.
What you said was the truth.
I hate to say this, but if you haven’t already, please get tested for STDs.
NTA, its never a stable home.
Either you see what youre parents are going through and have no idea how to process it or you have no idea what happened for too long and your world gets blown apart by the truth as an adult, also leading you to not know how to process everything.
Girrrrrrl i don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. NTA.
YESSSSSSS QUEEN NTA
Have I ever told you you’re my hero?
NTA – don’t you want your daughters to grow up in a stable home…
They will with you as their mother. They are going to learn a valuable lesson in self worth and respect. They will learn not to accept a man like their father that does not value the sanctity of marriage.
Great job in how you are handling this. Sorry that you and your girls are having to go thru it.
Ironic that his mom thinks living with a cheater is a “stable home.”
Obviously NTA. Beyond proud of you stranger, for showing your daughters what it’s like to walk away from something that’s bad for them even when it’s hard. It ends with you! Wishing you the best
NTA. but also
>Since then, I have only communicated with him about the girls.
don’t do this. If you need to communicate with the person your are divorcing, dont force your kids to become an intermediary.
as someone whose parents divorced and spent years and years having to mediate between two parents who should have just found a mediator or done everything through lawyers, this is not fair to your children.
Updateme
It isn’t maturity to uphold the status quo at your own expense. That’s a lack of integrity and self-respect paired with a fear of change. Maturity is knowing that short-term pain is worth a better quality of life in the future and the peace that comes with knowing you’re living in accordance with your principles.
NTA Her words are purely self-motivated. She wants to go back to the comfortable status quo and thinks your happiness and self-respect are a negligible price to pay.
NTA, glad you let her know that she’s at least partially to blame.