I (45M) have two daughters, my bio-daughter (17F) and my stepdaughter (18F). My wife and I have been married for 6 years. The girls are close in age but not very close personally, different interests, different personalities.
For my bio-daughter’s 17th birthday, I bought her a used Honda Civic. She’s been saving for months and working a part-time job, and I matched her savings. She’s responsible and I felt like she earned it.
Stepdaughter was furious. She doesn’t work, doesn’t drive, and doesn’t even have her permit. She said it’s “favoritism” and that if I can afford one car, I can afford two. My wife backed her, saying I was sending a message that I care more about “my real kid.”
I told them both this wasn’t about love, it was about effort. She didn’t want to save, didn’t want to study for her license, and openly said she expected me to just buy her a car like a reward.
Now the house is tense and my wife thinks I’m driving a wedge between the girls.
AITAH?
Comments
NTA
Your wife is for not understanding the difference and for not talking to you about this before making a show in front of the kids. I’d divorce her for her lack of respect and intelligence.
NTA. Though I would circle back and very clearly state to your stepdaughter a list of conditions she must meet if she would like a car to be purchased for her.
I would start with being able to drive the fucking car so it doesn’t rust in your driveway.
Honestly just stick to your guns. Make it clear once she puts in a consistent and respectable work ethic she will get what is earned. If she doesn’t want to she can find a boyfriend to buy one for her.
NTA. You are trying to teach your daughters about the importance of hard work and effort.
NTA. Tell her that if she gets a job and saves, you will match her savings as well. She won’t do either. The matter will be closed.
EDIT: After reviewing the comments, I think the mom should come up with the half that matches whatever her daughter saves, which will be zero.
OMG NTA at all. I’m not implying anything with this question, but where is her bio dad? Does he contribute? has it ever been established that you are supposed to be her actual dad. My parents are divorced, my dad has been married to his wife for almost 20 years. He lived with her daughter for a very long time. She’s not his daughter plain and simple. There’s somewhat a natural parental thing going on there but not totally. I’d say they were the same age they started living together and you and your stepdaughter. With that said, even if she was your bio daughter, she shouldn’t be getting a car because she has not put in the work the way your bio daughter has.
NTA your daughter is responsible! If your stepdaughter starts being responsible too she can have the same opportunities, she doesn’t even have a permit yet, there’s no reason to get a car for her she can’t even drive yet and doesn’t know the basics even of driving yet!
NTA. What is the point of buying a car for someone who doesn’t even have a driver’s permit? Stepdaughter needs to work on that before worrying about a car.
NTA where is step daughters father?
Your stepdaughter is young and stupid ao whatever.
But you, sir, have a wife problem. I hope you can straighten it out.
NTA
Your biological daughter saved money, worked a job and earned her car, you matched her commitment, not just gave her a freebie.
On the other hand:Your stepdaughter hasn’t shown interest in driving, doesn’t work, and hasn’t saved money. It’s reasonable to expect some initiative from an 18 year old before making a significant financial investment. Also, the reward wasn’t tied to bloodline, but behavior and choices, thats a reasonable, merit-based approach.
That part from your wife cuts deep. It suggests that your stepdaughter already feels like an outsider. This incident just confirmed it in her eyes. The fact thats she’s your stepdaughter and your wife perceives inequality amplifies the emotional impact, Even if it’s about effort, it feels like favoritism to them. Talk to your stepdaughter, make it clear to her that shes matters to your and that you would 100% support her if she showed interest in driving or working toward a goal, let her know it was a recognition of earned effort, and not a rejection of her. Offer her a path forward, say something like “If you want to get your permit, show me you’re serious and I will help with the car down the line and pay for the classes”.
I hope I could help you 🙂
NTA. Your step daughter is expecting the same treatment without doing the work. Make it clear to her that she will get a car off certain conditions are met, the big one being she needs to learn to drive. Then she needs to get a job and start saving. Don’t back down and don’t let your wife change your mind. Your bio daughter sounds like a smart and sensible girl, don’t let her hard work be for nothing.
NTA. However, you can make the same offer to your stepdaughter without worries in the interest of keeping the peace. Will your stepdaughter get a job, create savings, get a license? You can offer to Match her savings and also get her a car. It won’t happen though.
Under these facts she doesn’t deserve one. However the terms and opportunities should be available to both.
Why do all these stories have people buying used Honda Civics?
Jesus Christ how does your wife not see the logic in your stance?
Nta. I guess you already made the same offer that if she works and earns money that you could match the savings to buy a car. If that isn’t enough for them, they could almost be considered gold digger or entitled brats
If she doesn’t have a license why the hell would she need a car?
NTA you did the right thing. She needs to get off her lazy arse and make efforts.
Your wife is delulu that’s why her kid is lazy and your kid is thriving.
The only way to solve this is to offer her the same deal. Matching funds. If that isn;t accepted, then hold your ground because you will only be enabling thelazy kid and effectively punishing the abitious responsible one. …and then get no credit anyway.
LOL NTA
This is simple . Tell her get a job , save some money , And you snd your wife will match it.
NTA
and you’re not driving a wedge between the girls, one of the girls is trying to drive a wedge between you and your wife
NTA you have no reason to get her anything at all ever. Her mom and dad can do that. Even if she did all the things your daughter did she’s not your problem. Tell her mother you will not ever even think of buying something like that for her. She has parents and that is thier job. However on the flip side if your wife does something for her daughter don’t even bring up her getting or doing anything for your daughter.
NTA.
NTA You don’t have a stepdaughter problem , you have a wife problem.
Make yourself clear to why and how it can happen for her too; Put your foot down on this dad.
NTA. But your wife is.
Your daughter did it right. You didn’t buy her a car. You paid for half the car. She did the rest.
All stepdaughter needs to do it get a job and work for her license.
NOT the asshole! It just seems that way because bio daughter got one, step- daughter did not: they are not adding in the added effort (money), or the desire, she just expects.
NTA.
Only one is your daughter, it’s only natural for you to favor her. That aside, the entitlement of the other would completely ruin her chances for any kind of favors of a similar cost if I were you.
What is her plan for the car that she can’t drive?
Y-T-A for saying you bought the car, if the car was bought using her savings plus your matching sum. Your DAUGHTER bought the car with your help.
You didnt buy her A car – you bought her HALF a car.
If stepdaughter wants equal, then she needs to come up with her half first.
You don’t owe anyone anything! How very entitled she is! She’s the sort of person who I assume would expect you to pay for upkeep and repairs on it too? NTA- but we found her closeby!
No you keep it matter of fact “I will match your savings just as we matched your sisters. If you don’t put in effort to save then there will be nothing to match. It’s up to you, there is no favoritism issue but a work ethic issue”
CLEARLY state what your daughter had done to get the car and let her clearly have a list of what she can do for the same treatment. It might help to have her see it in writing.
With teenagers, logic and common sense don’t work, they feel wronged even when they don’t deserve it.
Perhaps the best way to solve this is to create conditions for her to have a car, first learn to drive and contribute a symbolic amount towards the car that she needs to get by working on her own.
Like mother like daughter by the sound of things. This sounds like a more general issue with stepdaughter’s attitude and her mother’s failure to parent. You sure you should have your own hardworking daughter put up with this? NTA. Good luck.
NTA she needs to do what your daughter did – get her permit and then license, work and save up, and prove she can be responsible.
Is her other parent in the picture?
Woh… tell her you’ll buy her daughter a car under exactly the same conditions.. she gets her licence and saves for the car.. sorry you’re catching flak from your wife about this… is she reasonable about other parts of your shared life? Good luck.
tell her you will do the same for her as you did for your Bio-daughter. So when she has a licence and has saved some money you will match her payment for a car.
Obviously if you just buy your step-daughter a car outright it shows favouritism towards her and you can’t do that for the harmony of the family, throw their own argument back at them
NTA
I would agree you should match any savings or earnings she puts towards a car for herself. But buying a car outright for your wife’s princess? Nope.
But I have to wonder if this isn’t an AI bot farming karma.
If she’s not responsible enough to get a license to use the items she wants you to purchase, then she doesn’t want that item.
She isn’t upset that she doesn’t get a car, she’s upset that her sister put in the effort to get one.
Toxic as fuck.
It has absolutely nothing to do with who came out of who’s vagina.
100% to do with who saved up to buy a car.
Explain that if she put the same amount of effort into getting her license and saving up money for a car as she does complaining she’d have a car by now.
NTA. Make it clear, want a car? Deserve one! Tell your stepdaughter that if she wants a car so much she can work to buy half of it, and you and her mother can split the other half. If your wife is concerned about the image of favoritism, she should consider that giving her stepdaughter a car without her having put in the effort (as your daughter did) is favoritism toward her stepdaughter. Things need to be fair. And your wife doesn’t seem to care about the feelings of your daughter who worked hard to get half of the car.
Brother you are good
You matched her savings…
So they are right you accidently showed favoritism. Have your step daughter show you how much money she has personally earned and saved the past 2 years. Match it for her. How much can it be ? 20$? Maybe 200$?
Then laugh hand her her money and move on.
NTA
NTA your daughter worked towards the goal and you helped her cross the finish line. Tell stepdaughter to get a job
NTA if you tell step daughter “I will match whatever you earn and save just as I did for your sister, you get the same deal she got”
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Her mother can buy her a car?
NTA as another mentioned in another comment let her know if she gets a jobs and saves up u are happy to match her savings too. Is she honestly expecting u to buy her a car when she hasn’t taken any lessons or even have a licence
NTA…. I agree that you must very clearly state to your step daughter a list of conditions she must meet if she would like a car to be purchased for her.
Furthermore, I strongly suggest a visit to a family counselor ASAP because I sense this tension has been building since you were married
My big question is this. Did your wife contribute at all to matching your daughters car? If not…
Tell your wife she can contribute as much to a vehicle for your step daughter as she did for her step daughter. And if she wants to do that before stepdaughter is even assed to get a license and reason to drive, that is her prerogative.
And if she did contribute, when did it happen? Was it an agreement before your daughter saved money, got her license, and did all of the adult things, or was it after your daughter had all of that to back her? If she only agreed after, she should hold her daughter to the same standards she held yours.
The only absolute reason I could see you being an asshole is if the help was stipulated between both daughters simply because they’re daughters.
I do feel you’re NTA regardless. No one needs a vehicle if they can’t even try to drive it, because it may be their vehicle in title, but not in insurance or gas and it’ll just sit and rot. Or be driven illegally.
Don’t tell her what you won’t do, tell her what you will do. You will be happy to help under the same conditions your bio daughter got her car. Easy. Then it’s all off you.
NTA if you are willing to do the same for SD if she does save the same amount and learns to drive. She does not need a car at this juncture.
I believe more context is needed. Was it discussed between you, your wife and both daughters that if they saved you would match the money to get a car?
Effort = reward…she needs to realise not everything for free.
NTA but you need to be talking to your wife about this, not your stepdaughter. Your wife shouldn’t be against you/encouraging the stepdaughter. Have a private conversation with your wife and get on the same page before talking to the stepdaughter again. There’s plenty of good advice here already about what would be fair going forward (mainly: give stepdaughter a clear, fair path to getting a car and then she can choose to work and save and earn it, or not)
Either your story is inaccurate or your wife is prioritizing her preference to be a shitty parent over your relationship.
Jonathan Haidt calls behaviors where parents remove fairly minor obstacles, which prevents kids from learning and being prepared for adulthood, “bulldozer parents.”
ESH but for a variety of reasons.
YTA for not instilling a work ethic in your 18 year old daughter. She didn’t become entitled overnight. You’re her dad/step dad and should explain the value of effort and work. Tell her you’ll match up to a certain amount so she too can buy and insure a car.
Your wife is TA for the same reason, for seeing the worst possible reasons in your actions, unless of course there’s a track record here. She needs to differentiate from supporting and contributing to the cost of your daughter’s car and just buying her one.
Your 18yr is TA for being entitled. She needs to recognise her agency and control over her own life. Encourage her to become a functioning adult and work with your wife on this.
NTA for not buying your step daughter a car.
It would have been better if you communicated this better and earlier. Saying something along the lines of:
“If you work hard, study hard etc. i will help you buy your first car when you are of driving age”
That way both daughters would know it’s not favoritism and that it’s a reward.
I agree with you but i think it would be foolproof/dramafree if you did it like that.
Stepdaughter needs to earn her privileges. Just like your daughter.
How could she afford insurance if she doesn’t work or have savings? And having a permit – which she doesn’t – isn’t a guarantee of getting a license.
Let Momma invest in a bike for her.
NTA, you need to make it clear to them that you are not playing favourites. when Stepdaughter can drive, has a job and saved money towards the car you will match it the same as you did for your daughter!
Is your wife also so entitled? Or is it just her daughter? They are ones driving a wedge in the relationship, demanding something for nothing when others have to work for it!
Tell her that maybe her mother can buy her one, that way it’s fair! Or even better, her real father!
Tell your wife to buy it
NTA tell her you’ll absolutely buy her a car as soon as she proves that she’s responsible enough to have one and saves up enough to pay for half of it. Same deal as the other daughter.
Why do people always think fair means “equal”. They are not the same. Particularly in this case. Getting the same car for SD would be patently unfair to the daughter that put in the effort
Lay down a path that she needs to follow to get a car. You match funds that she works to save like you did with her sister and of course she needs to get her license. Show you are willing to treat her equally for equal effort on her part.
I’ll prob get slaughtered for this, but u may be the AH. I am not sure though…did you communicate with your stepdaughter and advise these are the steps she needs to take? Or is this deal only available for your bio daughter?
Have you taken a ‘dad’ role with your stepdaughter or is her bio dad still active in her life?
If you are her ‘dad’ figure, it sounds like you and your wife should have been on the same page with how you would help each of your daughters.
NTA lol she can’t even drive so she doesn’t need a car. If she were putting in as much effort as your bio daughter I would say it was only fair for you AND your wife to help her get a car.
NTA. But I think it’s important you have a family discussion and reframe this issue as being about need and effort rather than bio versus step daughter.
I have two bio kids. My oldest (a girl) went to university in a big city and had absolutely no use for a car. She was mad for 10 years that our son got a car and she didn’t even though he needed to drive to/from high school (saving me hours each day) and then he went to a more rural university where he also needed a car to get around and to get to/from home for visits. I asked her repeatedly if she wanted a car when this came up and she admitted she had no use for a car, no place to park it, etc. but it was still a sore point for her. Also, we paid for a semester abroad for her that her brother didn’t do so it’s not like she was left out, they just needed different things from us.
I agree with others, tell her if she gets her license and saves money you will match her savings to help her get a car just like you did for your other daughter. I’m not a fan of the bio/step designation. Either you’re a family or you’re not.
Tell her you will offer to match what she has saved… that’s what you did for your daughter
The problem is you just flat put said nope you don’t deserve one you should go back and explain thay you will 100 percent do what you did for step sister, of course because you love them the same an treat then the same BUT that can’t happen for step daughter until she has saved just like bio daughter.
If you can’t afford/ refuse to do that then you are the ass
NTA. Tell her she needs to get her permit, get a job and save up money first.
NTA. My husband matched our oldest daughter dollar for dollar (not his bio kid) as he did for our middle (his bio)
NTA. I would lay out a list of all the things your daughter did to EARN her car and tell the step-daughter you will do the same for her if she does all the same things. Get a job, save up, and start the process of studying and practicing for her license. There’s no sense in even thinking about buying a car unless she can actually legally drive it anyway.
NTA
NTA for the action itself, but the issue is that it was tied to a birthday. Fair, in that case, wouldn’t necessarily be that you buy your stepdaughter a car too (given she doesn’t have savings nor can drive it), but that she receives the equal monetary value you put into your bio daughter’s present as her birthday gift. Otherwise I see how it reeks of favouritism dressed up as something else (honouring responsibility etc.).
IF you had said to both girls, independent from birthday gifts, that you would help them buy a car IF they saved half themselves first, AND got their permit, then this could have been something indefinitely shelved for your stepdaughter like you said, but I doubt she’d have perceived it as unfair if you had done that..
NTA, and you seem to have a bigger problem with your wife enabling your stepdaughter.
I would try to sit down with both of them again and talk about why your 18 yo stepdaughter has no license, no job and no savings. Because if she wants equal treatment with your bio-daughter, she’s going to need all of the above.
NTA, it is that really the wife you want? She acts so entitled. I’d really give that one a deep evaluation.
INFO: why doesn’t she have her permit yet? Why didn’t you or your wife take both daughters to the DMV at the same time?
She’s 15. Of course NTA. Your wife is the AH. For even thinking a 15 year old who doesn’t drive needs a car. She’s kind of a train wreck of a mom.
NTA- You’ll match whatever she saves, has to learn to drive (suggest your wife as a teacher since she’s part of this little plot), has to have a job so she can pay for her own insurance, tags, gas, and maintenance on the car.
NTA, hell, you shouldn’t have to defend buying a car for one kid who earned it over another who didn’t.
NTA but curious did you match with your own personal funds or you and your wife’s funds.
If they were your own then I wouldn’t even make any kind of a deal. Your wife can make the deal and match it with her own money.
Ever think about the fact that you have shown favoritism towards your own daughter ?
What have you done to show love to the stepdaughter ?
Going into a family at age 12 is hard.
Could it be the birth father rejected her ?
Their is more to this story than what you are stating and the comments show the ignorance of people judging a young adult without knowing what SHE has been through. Lots more to this story than just a car.
There is a phrase that my father taught me early on
“Money talks and bullshit walks”
NTA as long as you offer her the same deal. Tell her that as soon as she’s done her part she will get one too. She can’t get it without her part being done first.
Which one of the Grimm brothers are you, OP?
No permit? A bicycle it is… second hand of course, can’t have favoritism….
NTA but I’m wondering, is everyone aware of your criteria? You should let them know about the reason why your bio-daughter got it while your stepdaughter didn’t. I feel like you just gave your daughter a surprise birthday gift without everyone knowing what made her receive the gift aside from it’s her birthday. You should let everyone know the reason behind and how your other can be eligible for the same “gift”.
Tell her to save half. And you’ll do it.
NTA. Out of curiosity, did both daughters know there was a price matching system or it was a surprise?
Nope, you are not. Stand your ground. One girl was working and saving her money to what are going on, the other was being lazy and entitled. You can’t feed entitlement. Doesn’t matter what her and her mother says does or how cold or distant to The yet. You have done nothing wrong.
Would you have done the same for Stepdaughter if she’d worked and saved and passed her license, and if so did she know it?
Plenty of other comments perfectly articulated my thoughts. Just adding in my
NTA
You didnt say if you’d offer her the same thing. “Save your money and I’ll match what you saved like I did for my daughter. If you dont want too, then thats on you.”
NTA, tell your step-daughter and wife okey, you will match her effort and money towards the car “oh would you look st that 0+0=0, deal done” its equal now!
YMBTA if you didn’t talk to your wife about this, and to the daughters, before you went and bought the car and gave it to your daughter.
Your talking points are valid. It’s harder for your wife and older daughter to hear them though because you’re making the argument to do something after it’s already done.
It appears that the discussion that you really want to have with your wife and older daughter is how to move older daughter from being dependent to being independent. What does Older Daughter want to do with her one wild, precious life? What is she doing to make that happen? If you can turn the conversation to “it’s not about a car, it’s about enabling goals and starting your independent life. I saw what they are for Younger Daughter. Older Daughter, I haven’t seen what yours are, please tell me so that I can figure out how to support you,” you might get out of this doghouse. The matching funds model—you’ll match what she earns to meet her goal—should be motivational. If it’s not, well, Older Daughter has her own self to account for it.
good luck
NTA Your wife can help her buy a car. They both sound entitled.
Yes you are
Just make the same offer to your step daughter, why wouldn’t you? It sounds like you matched what your daughter saved, so put the ownership back in her court and offer to match what she saves too! Pretty simple solution here, anything else and YTA, but if you offer the same solution, NTA
Well i see your logic. You did f**k up by saying it’s not about love it’s effort. You should have said, “I matched her savings and i would do the same for you if you showed interest.” that way they can’t argue that. However again was this a known thing before hand? or was it just your daughter just did it and you decided to match her savings?
I know my kids knew that i would help them out if i can. So they knew before they turned 17 that it was a possibility.
i am so confused…how can she expect a car if she doesnt even have a driving license?! NTA.
NTA
Soooo why doesn’t your wife buy her daughter a car? Better yet, why didn’t your wife help you by a car for your daughter?
Op you did nothing wrong (i guess besides marrying a ridiculously entitled woman) like ask her why SHE isnt buying her daughter a car…)
We don’t have to wonder where her entitlement came from.
INFO: are you her only dad or does she still has a bio dad?
Imo the bioparents are fully financially responsible for their kids. Step parents can add to it but don’t have to. If there is only 1 bio parent, its a little more complicated. If all kids in the household only have 1 bioparent, both step parents should step up and treat all kids the same. If only a part of the kids have 1 bioparent and the others have 2, the stepparent should step up to make sure the kid with only 1 provider gets the same treatment.
Thats why discussing finances and provider expectations is so so important before marrying someone with kids or getting married while already having kids.
NTA. Tell her you will do for stepdaughter what you did for bio daughter. Match what she saves from her part-time job.
Your wife is really wrong here. That must be very upsetting to you.
Nta if she did those things would you also match it? Personally, I would give her the conditions, put a year time limit and see what she does. If your wife continues to call it favortism, time to get into counselling or have a serious think about if this is the right partner for you.
You are doing the right thing.
Tell your older daughter that she can have the same DEAL as her sister. Matching funds.
You gave younger daughter matching funds towards a car, not a gift of a car.
You didn’t buy your daughter a car. You helped her buy a car because she worked for and saved for a car. There is a difference. Your stepdaughter could do the same but chooses not to. Your wife needs to back you on this or buy her daughter a car herself.
YTA You used AI to write this shit story! If you are gonna post fake shit atleast , write it yourself.
NTA Why doesn’t your wife do the same thing for her daughter ?
Does she not work ?
Tell her when she has a job, has accumulated a decent amount, and has a driving permit, you will consider helping her purchase a good used car. (But I don’t think she’s going wo be happy with used and will demand new)
NTA. She’s trying to cause chaos probably not maliciously. I’m sure it’s already hard being the Step child… however it’s a matter of conversation with her, your wife and self. Maybe setting the standards to getting the car.
If she’s not putting in the work things won’t appear. And for her to count your wallet well that’s money you earned not her. So she can go work if she feels you can just afford 2 cars.
Offer her the exact same deal and call it a day.
If you live in the household with four people and you’ve been married to your wife for six years, but for some reason, it sounds like you did not talk about this before you made the deal with your daughter. That is a problem.
At 16 both of your girls should’ve been given the same offer of help. Your daughter by you and your stepdaughter by your wife or both daughters by you together.
I’m not saying 18-year-old is entitled to it, but I’m saying this is favoritism if it was only offered to one and not the other.
Soft YTA Because I think you should’ve had this talk with your wife several years ago
Tell her you’ll match her savings right now, just like you did with the other kid.
NTA, I didn’t buy my ex wife’s son a car after I bought my daughter one. He didn’t do anything to deserve one
Her bio dad should buy her a car lmao
NTA
Tell her you’ll match what SHE (not your wife) puts into it, just like you did your daughter. Right now, that’s zero. No car for you.
What’s the point of buying someone a car who doesn’t drive and doesn’t have a license.
When I first read this I thought “I’ve seen this before”. I did a search through reddit. Couldn’t find the exact scenario, but my word this type of situation came up on a few searches: parent A buys/gets/helps bio child (typically daughter) get car because of good grades/work ethic and along comes step daughter wanting same thing but doesn’t have it because of lazy/poor grades and it causes the parent of the step daughter to agree it’s not fair etc etc.
new account too here. Smells like teen fiction, but a story written many times already. So either this is really incredibly common, or a favourite theme for authors to pose a moral question.
NTAH, you have a wife problem that enables an entitled brat who expects things to be handed to her. If you look back, you’ll see that your wife favored her bio daughter at the expense of your bio daughter.
And why doesn’t her own mother buy her a car if it’s so important to her? Why is that your responsibility When at 18 years old she’s an adult who doesn’t have a license doesn’t work. I fail to see how that’s your responsibility.
NTA The real problem is your wife supporting this behavior, wonder where she gets the entitlement to your money?
You need to set boundaries or get ready to be guilt tripped forever.
NTA.
NTA and frankly your wife is an ass and responsible for raising her daughter into a spoiled and irresponsible kid. You reap what you sow!
What if, she. She gets her license and saves X dollars from working, you and your wife match her savings?
Ask her to get her licence and 75% of the costs just like your daughter. Do not put her on your insurance or Co sign for her.
NTA on reasoning behind it. But YTA for not seemingly having a continual conversation with your wife about it if she’s backing step-daughter. You weren’t on the same page about money. No conversation was had?
NTA. Tell them: “I gave [Daughter] [amount]. I’ll give [stepdaughter] the same amount. The rest is up to her like it was for [daughter].”
And your wife you tell: “Don’t you dare give your daughter the rest of the money for the car because like you pointed out: We don’t play favorits in this house!”
Tell her if she gets a job and saves for a car and studies for a license you will match her. Frankly, this offer should have been made to both girls long ago then favoritism would not be a factor.
Hmmm. Let’s see. A brand-new account, no comment history, a ridiculous backstory, and tons of “quotes” that folks said.
YTA for posting a fake rage-bait story.
Did the parents have a joint plan for this beforehand, and was OP’s thinking communicated to the stepdaughter before now?
NTA but I’ve been shamed on this sub a few times for saying I don’t think equal treatment 100% is completely realistic
Why doesn’t her dad buy her a car like you did for your daughter?
YTA for the fake story. How come every story about buy cars uses Hondas? Is this a marketing ploy?
Did you offer the same deal way back when your biological daughter initially started saving ?
If you didn’t then that action makes you the asshole in my opinion
This is a place where communication before and after would have saved a lot of heartache and not fractured a relationship.
Also would you buy stepdaughter a car if she had done the same? Did you communicate that to her? (Because if you wouldn’t do it for her then you are the asshole)
Also what a gut punch to see a car for one sister without expectations set. I get why you did it. And my sisters got cars and I didn’t and it was fair but it still hurt.
This has to be fake. She hasn’t even started the process of learning to drive? A car is about as useful to her as a space shuttle is to me.
Your response should be simply “I’m not even going to discuss this with someone who can’t drive. Come talk to me when you have a license and we’ll go from there.” That’s it.
Then if she does that you present the same offer: “I’d love to help! I’ll match your savings, dollar for dollar!! If you work hard, that can get you a really good car!”
But the short term is to just push her to get a license, and not engage otherwise, there’s no point.
NTA. If she doesn’t have a license she doesn’t get a car.
>She said it’s “favoritism” and that if I can afford one car, I can afford two.
“I bought half a car, not a whole one. My daughter bought the other half of her car. You want a car the same arrangement applies. Get your license, get a job and save up for half a used car. No, I won’t help you buy a brand new one because that would be showing you favoritism over my daughter who got a used car. It’s only fair that you both get used cars.”
>Now the house is tense and my wife thinks I’m driving a wedge between the girls.
No, your stepdaughter’s twisted version of reality and entitlement and your wife’s support of that entitlement is what is driving that wedge between them. Tell your wife that her daughter’s claims that you bought your daughter her car is devaluing your daughter’s achievement in saving up half the cost of the car and that is another factor in the wedge being driven between them.
Why are you going to buy a car to sit there until she gets off her butt to get a license? I mean you have to insure a car even if it sits there. NTA
So here is an idea…why doesn’t her mother (or the girl’s bio dad) make the same deal with their daughter?
NTA.
Info: did you directly give her the same option?
NTA but your wife is. If she wants to spoil her brat of a daughter, she can buy a car for her.
NTA. Step daughter didn’t save anything, so you are matching that.
And I think her mother should be the one matching, not you.