She asked if the dress she wanted to buy made her look fatter (which it did) and so I told her the truth. She is not fat by any means though 5’4 and 125lbs. But that dress was horrible and it did make her look fatter.
She gave me a dirty look and hung the dress back up and di not talk to me for an hour.
Comments
NTA man. U just told her the truth. I mean, wut do they expect when they ask that kinda question?? She asked, u answered. Better that than lie and she wears that thing out lookin like a potato sack
NTA. She asked for the truth, not a fairy tale next time tell her the dress looks “interesting” and save yourself the cold shoulder.
NTA, although next time just say “I don’t like that one” and don’t use the “f” word.
NTA.
NTA
I hate it when women set traps for their husbands this way.
If she didn’t want the truth, she could have told you she loves the dress and you could have kept your silence.
nta but maybeeee sugar coat it and say there’re better options 🥹 women aren’t babies but when it comes from the man we love, sugar coating our weight or looks is appreciated for some women
You gotta make it into a joke.
“You look like I could fly you above a football game.”
NTA, however; there may be a more tactful way to convey this without pissing her off. When she asks if something makes her “look fatter”, you can emphasize that she is not fat, but the dress is unflattering.
This is a no-win situation because of the way the question was framed.
Yes. YTA. Come on, Man.
Delivery is everything. “ you aren’t fat at all but that dress does not do you justice, it’s just not a very flattering dress” by no stretch is 125 fat so she doesn’t look “fatter”
NTA – could you have phrased it better?
“That dress really isn’t flattering.” Sure. But it will mean the same thing in her head whether you use the word fat or not. The problem is that sometimes when people ask for an opinion; they just want a blind yes man
You should have said “you are not fat so no clothing could make you look fat, but that’s not flattering on your sexy body”
Hang up your man card, you knew you were going to hurt her feelings and you did it anyways. YTA.
NTA, she set you up and you answered honestly. But next time try “it isn’t as flattering to your lovely figure as it should be.”
bro, thats a bear trap.
Borderline NTA. Here is the reason.
You said “fatter” which implies she is already fat which she clearly isn’t. Avoid any body shaming words. You could always say that she can look for something better. The point is that you move the conversation from about your wife to the dress. For the next time.
Hope she is no longer mad at you 🙏
Nta just an idiot
Admiral Ackbar and the rebel fleet say – ITS A TRAP! (there’s no way to answer this question without her not getting pissed at you in some way, even if you distract… she’s gonna say why weren’t you listening)
Next time say something like “this is not flattering on you” it’s less blunt but still gets the point across
NTA But learn some tact.
Don’t say she looks fat. Say “I dont know what it is but that doesn’t look like it fits well, try the other one.”
That’s a damned if you do damned if you don’t question.
NTA, she asked. However phrasing goes a long way.
All the NTA are why men are single. And will stay that way forever. YTA you didn’t have to call her fat, you wanted to. You could’ve said it’s not flattering or you don’t like it.
I get tired of people who ask questions then get mad because they don’t like the answer.
Your wife isn’t fat and yet you told her she looked fat and you’re wondering why she’s upset with you?
If she’s not fat, then she’s not fat. There’s not a dress that’s magically going to put on 25 lb.
Was the dress not flattering? Was it too tight? Then say that.
It amazes me how many guys allow themselves to fall into this trap. Never use the FAT word. You just shame her rather than blaming the clothes. It’s not my favorite. It’s not very flattering. These work.
So you had an hour’s peace? She’d have something to moan about if she bought the dress and had others talking behind her back.
At the weight and height nothing can make you look fat.
NTA but there are better ways of saying this. You could have just said the dress was unflattering and blamed the cut, color or style.
Mebbe next time just say it doesn’t flatter her gorgeous figure.
As she is your wife, you should always be honest with her.
However, there are kinder ways to go about doing that. Next time, take a breath and something like, “I don’t think it’s flattering to your shape.”
You maybe should apologize in a way that conveys that very thing. Something like, “I did not say you were fat. I said that dress did not flatter you. I love you and want you to wear things that make you look as good to others as you look to me.”
NTA for the honesty; mild AH for the way you were honest.
You told the truth, which is honest and fair. You didn’t say she looked fat you said the dress made her look that way, and even clarified she isn’t fat. That’s not cruel, it’s direct.
Don’t want an honest answer, don’t ask the question.
Bruh, you got a innie-minnie and called her fat?!
YTA.
Fatter? She was asking if you thought she was fat.
Many women, wives, are fishing for some validation of their beauty in your eyes.
You’re proper response should have been, “Honey, that does not flatter your natural beauty.”
I told my ex she looked like the Jolly Green Giant the other day with a bunch of green crap on.
🤷🏻♂️
Yes
You were cruel. Honesty is just honest there’s no need for you to be brutal or cruel about it.
ESH. Your delivery sucked. She sucks because very few replies can avoid the “does this make me look fat?”
My husband knows fashion. It’s weird. But if I want an honest answer he’s the person I ask.
Now if I just want reassurance I say, “tell me I look beautiful.”
If I say “how does this look?” He’s going to tell me and I would be mad if he didn’t.
Oh my dude…🤣🤣
You said the dress made her look fatter but you also said she’s not fat. So which is it?
Definitely do not answer that question on grounds of self incrimination! If you must make a choice pick the one that makes her look less fat and say you don’t like the color of the other or some kind of malarkey like that 😁
Getting close to YTA. Could have communicated in a better way. It’s not an uneasy task to be kind with your response. Either that or pause and say I’ll come back to you with an answer before we leave the store. She’ll either forget or just get what she wants. It does sound like a setup from her part, though, and that she struggled with self-esteem cause I would not ask my boyfriend or husband that question.
NTAH- True delivery can change things but honestly I would be more upset if you knew it looked awful on me and didn’t have the kindness to tell me then if I saw myself in a photo later and realized I looked awful and you wanted to be nice I would be upset.
ESH. She’s horrible for asking you a trap question. And you could have answered in a different way because like you said, no, she’s not fat. I’m 5’4” and 110 lbs. I can ask my husband “do you like this dress on me?” Or “does this look ok?” And he will answer honestly “yeah that looks great” or “I don’t like it on you, it’s just not flattering.”
No hard feelings either way that way.
This is how it’s supposed to be done.
You just need to be nice on how you say it. You could say that the dress doesn’t show off how beautiful she is.
If you already have a wife by now you should know how to communicate without making her feel the way you did. You know exactly what you did and are just trying to justify it with telling us “i wAs hOnEsT”. So yes you are the asshole. What else do tou want to know from us?
It’s called having tact. Say it in a different way.
You need to learn how to communicate. In no way, shape, or form, is your wife fat. By saying “that dress makes you look fatter” implies she’s fat.
The better response is “that dress isn’t flattering” or “that dress doesn’t do your amazing figure justice”. See how that last one gets the point across and earns you brownie points by complementing her.
Is this your first day talking to women? How’d you get married? You don’t even need to be married to know you NEVER tell a woman, particularly your wife/GF they look fat/fatter😀
YTA.
You SHOULD have said that there’s no way she looked fat but that dress was just fugly. As in fucking ugly.
“Baby you are way too beautiful for that dress. That dress can’t handle you! We can find something better”
Like fr dude, get it together. Just be nice to your wife it’s not hard lol
Not an AH, just a dumbass.
She’s a grown ass woman sugar coating is why the majority of yall are horrible human beings don’t ask questions just to see if your spouse will lie to you to stroke your ego fuck delivery this isn’t papa John’s NTA
Nicer ways to say it. When she said “fatter”, and you said yes, the implication is you think she is fat. At that height and weight, she isn’t even overweight. You could have said, “It’s not a flattering cut.”, reminded her she is not overweight, and saved yourself a lot of trouble.
I’ve never understood why a woman would ask that kind of question then get upset when she gets an honest answer. I had a best friend for many years until she sadly died of cancer, and she’d always ask me what I thought if we were out shopping together. I’m gay by the way. She’d happily accept a “God no it’s hideous and makes you look terrible” or a “That’s fabulous, you look amazing”.
Sometimes even an attractive woman can look terrible with a badly fitted dress. Meghan Markle is a good looking woman, but she’s got a somewhat odd shape and some of her outfits are horribly unflattering. When she gets things for her body shape she looks lovely, but a lot of outfits really hang wrong on her and make her look dumpy in places she’s just got curves. Less famous women have the same problem. That dress might be amazing, but it’s just wrong for your body shape. It’s nothing to do with being fat or thin. Adele when she was big always wore clothes that flattered her and she knew how to dress for her size.
Just start lying to her for a while and make it obvious you’re lying. Even about the most insignificant thing. Once she catches on gets mad or questions you about it tell her you thought she preferred it when you lied. Or plea the fifth everytime she asks a question and remind her actions have consequences. As a result of what happened with the dress now you fear to answer any of her questions because of how she might react.
no but you’re a moron
NTA- don’t ask questions if you don’t want the truth. When I ask my husband if the dress makes me look fat and he says yes I don’t have an attitude because I asked and he only said what I was feeling in the first place. It’s when you don’t ask and he tells you that you look fat in that dress that irritates me.
The dress does not make you look fat, your fat makes you look fat is the IMPROPER way to say things if you want your marriage to last
If you aren’t happy with the answer don’t ask the question.
She’s asking if something makes her look ‘fatter’ when she’s not overweight. So the question was flawed to begin with. You should have reassured her she isn’t fat at all, and you also tell her that in your honest opinion the dress doesn’t flatter her.
But you telling her that the dress makes her look fatter means you think she looks fat to begin with! Of course she’s upset.
You’re still alive? Holy shit! Don’t eat any homemade food for a while, hopefully you are a light sleeper. Oh yeah, make sure she starts the car, not you.
Let’s take the day to brush up on a useful skill called “tact.”
It’s not the dress that makes you look fat. It’s the fat that makes you look fat
Yes you are. Be kind, she’s your wife! No, it doesn’t make you look fat because you’re not…but i don’t think the style suits you.
If you didn’t think she looked fat “by any means” then why would you say fatter? That implies that you already see her as fat and that the dress in fact makes her look fatter.
I would’ve left the word fat out of it completely. Just say “I don’t like the way it looks on you,” or “That dress is ugly.”
Do better. YTA
NTA. However, definitely a bit clueless.
Agreeing that she “looks fatter” in the dress probably wasn’t the best move.
Her asking if she looks “fatter” makes me believe she may be having some body image issues and agreeing that the dress made her look fatter likely made her feel worse. Wives usually want their husbands to think they’re beautiful and sexy.
You should have started off with what you said here, telling her that she’s “not fat by any means”. Then follow it up by saying the dress doesn’t do her justice, or doesn’t suit her, isn’t flattering. Something along those lines.
If you haven’t already, you should apologize and tell her that she’s beautiful.
At least now you know how to respond in the future, because she will likely ask you something like this again.
I’m not sure what the dress looked like but I believe you that it was unflattering. Even though she asked you directly, in the future you might want to go with something along the lines of, “it’s cut for someone else’s body.” Which doesn’t use the f word but (I think) gets the same idea across. The worst comment I’ve ever heard so far about something someone was trying on was my neighbor (who was a petite lady) was shopping for clothes and had her young son with her. She asked him what he thought about a particular outfit and he responded that it made her look like she had “three butts.”
5’4″ and 125 isn’t particularly slim, so I think you’re right to tell her. If you don’t, who will?
That’s right, me.
I’ve never known a woman to say the cliche “does this make me look fat” about anything. It’s one of those apocryphal stories intended to tell a joke or reveal a moral, not a thing that real people are ever alleged to say.
Real women typically say things like: “how does this look”, or “does this look good on me”, or “do you like me in this”, or “does this show off my (body part)”. And that’s assuming they ask for an opinion, which real women don’t often do… unless they are flirting, or out with girlfriends, or are accustomed to being told what to do.
But I always prefer to respond as though the post is legitimate and real. And so my advice is that in the future you say something like “You make that dress look as good as it possibly can, but you’re the only part of it that I like. You deserve something better.” Anything along those lines.
Even if she’s screaming and demanding to know if her shoes make her look like a used diaper that’s sat out in the sun for a month (and it does), you should still turn it into a compliment while saying she is awesome and that the shoes, hat, dress, bathing suit, whatever, are not good enough.
And if she really is asking you to say whether a purse or a bracelet makes her look like a troll that fell into a woodchipper… she is probably actually trying to pick a fight with you and doesn’t actually want an answer, anyway.
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!!
I would not have agreed that it made her look fatter. Since she is not fat to begin with, it is not even true, technically. You should have just said you don’t think the dress complements her already nice figure very well.
🤦🏽♀️
You got off with just an hour of silence.
Be happy and don’t do it again
NTAH, but I don’t get why she’d ask if the dress makes her look fat if she didn’t already think it made her look fat? A simple “What do you think?” might do. Then you could say something like “Let’s look at a couple of other choices”.
It’s a horrid question to ask someone.
If she can’t handle honest answers, she should probably stop asking questions. NTA.
Bro.
You see, the issue is that “Does this dress make me look fatter?” comes with the premise that the person asking looks fat to begin with.
Your wife is not fat, yet by answering simply “yes,” you accepted the premise that she is.
YTA
As another comment suggested, something like “you’re not fat honey, but that dress is not the most flattering on you.”
NTA but your delivery my dude…
“You are not fat, but that dress does not flatter your fabulous body.”
The key word here was “fatter.” You said yes which insinuates she’s “fat” to begin with.
YTA. Being truthful doesn’t have to be mean, too. Especially considering you’ve said your wife isn’t fat.
Examples: No, you’re not fat, but it sounds like you’re not comfortable in that dress. Want to look for something else?
No, but what don’t you like about it?
It’s not my favorite, but no, you’re not fat.
This has got to be a joke because men have been joking about NEVER doing this since the beginning of time.
You need to learn how to talk to a woman bro.
You say things like “what is wrong with that dress? That’s not how you look at all, ooh that dress is ugly, you’re so slim!”
NTA. She asked the question phrased that way. All he did was directly answer the question she asked. After the fact, we can always nit-pick and say things ideally could have been phrased differently. But no, that’s not fair.
A man should not have to walk on eggshells to communicate with his wife. Toughen up, ladies. Stop being such fragile snowflakes!
We women will often word questions in a way that 1) subtly seeks a compliment in return and 2) sets him up to be thoughtful if he jumps through the verbal hoops in precisely the way we envision.
All of this gamesmanship is very unfair to the guy, who didn’t sign on for all that. He’s just being truthfully uncomplicated. We ladies should value that.
Idiot is not the same as AH
bro you have a lot to learn
fatter…no hun you’re not fat, you look great, the dress doesn’t work for you.
There’s better options try the “insert colour” or “other one” you like again.
Where ever you are mention another shop you get dragged around looking for dresses…
Let’s try … they might have some new stuff
Neutral comments and distraction = long happy life bro!
To anyone saying your NTA and you told the truth, they are right. But this is not something new. Woman have asked this question since the dawn of time. If you are leaving it at that, you are an AH.
Men act and feel on what they see. Woman on what they hear. There are more tactful ways of answering this question.
Some woman will appreciate the brutal honesty but it sounds like your wife doesn’t.
YTA, not for being honest, but for living under a rock and being this clueless. This is like the oldest trope in the book. Don’t tell your girl they look fat, or fatter, even if they ask (obviously it’s okay to bring up weight issues if you’re concerned about health or something, but this ain’t that). Tell them it is not flattering, that is the truth. Have some tact. And honestly the only outfit that’ll make a 125 lbs 5’4 woman look fat is a literal fat suit.
Didn’t talk to you for an hour? You’re lucky she didn’t lay you out with a rolling pin!
YTA Learn to communicate in a kind yet truthful way. If my husband doesn’t like an outfit, he tends to say “It’s not my favorite, you’d look better naked”. You could also say, “I’d bet we can find one you like better.”
YTAH. when dealing with woman its all about how you present or convey your message. Especially when the person is your significant other, there is always a kinder way to say it. Women dont want to be called fat or have something expressed in a way where we will have doubt about our appearance.
How long have you been married? Rookie mistake. There are ways of answering this question that won’t shut down or humiliate your wife. Instead you should have said something like, that’s not the most flattering dress, what about something similar to such and such, and name or describe a dress that you do think is flattering. I’ve made that mistake more time that I can count in the last 26 years but have gotten infinitely more diplomatic about it. Plus, if you love and respect this person, no need to ever make them feel bad about themselves
YTA
When you use a comparative like “fatter,” you’re assuming the woman already looks fat. And a 5’4″ who is 125 is EXACTLY where she should be weight wise. She is not fat and calling her “fatter” places her at a baseline of fat. YTA for contributing to her body dysmorphia.
My response is usually to say that dress is not very flattering and doesn’t suit your shape. Or something along those lines.
YTA and you lack any sort of tact.
Well, you didn’t have to be so blunt about it.
Wow, you’re quite the diplomat.
It’s an old trope, the wife asked, “Honey does this dress make me look fat?”
Husband: “Yea”
Husband sleeping on the couch that night.
There’s a difference between being honest but kind, and being blunt and stupid.
Yes, you ATA
YES you were definitely AITAH. And the fact that you are asking that question without already recognizing it kinda adds to the fact.
Don’t ask for an opinion if you don’t want the possibility or truth. So childish to me to cold shoulder someone over this.
Your delivery sucks ass. You could’ve said anything else out of consideration.
How about this next time?
“Yeah, it’s the dress,” and then roll your eyes.
My wife: Does this black and white horizontally striped dress look good on me?
Me: Do you want the husband answer or the truth?
My wife: Ummm… the husband answer?
Me: The striped dress looks beautiful on you, but the blue one makes you fit for a royal wedding. The blue one looks elegant, ravishing, and perfectly highlights your very sexy natural features.
My wife: What? What is the truth then
Me: The truth is, I don’t give a shit
As a woman I feel like it’s a toss up. NTA for being truthful, but YTA for the wording. “It makes you look fatTER” is a very insensitive way to put it and implies that she is already fat. “It doesn’t seem to fit you well and makes you look heavy, when you’re actually not” or something along those lines would have been a much better way to put it.
It’s hard for anyone to win in this situation
NTA, all part of being married.
“It pushes where it should pull and pulls where it should push. It’s just not right for your build. Has nothing to do with whether it makes you look fat.”
If all you said was “yes”, NTA. If she didn’t want to know, she shouldn’t ask. If she just wants to hear something positive, she should just say “tell me I’m gorgeous”.
Never ask a question that you can’t handle the answer to.