My sister (19F) started university last year, in the same city I (28F) live. Her university doesn’t have a campus, so my mom suggested to let her move temporary with me for this year, until she got a part time job and eventually get her own place.
My sister and I don’t have the stronger bond. yes, we don’t hate each other, but we aren’t that close either. We are just too different from each other, that’s why I didn’t like the idea of her living with me since the beginning. I’m someone who value personal spaces and boundaries, and unfortunately my sister is someone who doesn’t respect other people’s boundaries at all. But i ended up accepting because my mom kept pressuring me.
Now, the first months weren’t bad, but they weren’t that good either. Since she was staying at my place, I organize a list of chores she will be doing when she was home (I’m a lavoratory assistant at a medical lab, and I’m very busy). I also asked her if she would make dinner for me in case i would be working too late.
I wasn’t asking for too much, but apparently she didn’t like it. She immediately told mom, and my mom said that she didn’t move with me so she will be doing my chores. I decided to be the big person and understand her situation (first year of uni, she probably was stressed to melt in), so i stopped asking her to do things around the house.
But things got worse when, two months ago, she got herself a boyfriend. That boy started basically living in my apartment. He was there all the time. They would go around making a mess of my apartment, not clean after themselves and being loud as hell.
My last straw happened a week ago. I was tired from work – laboratory assistants can understand – , and get back to find the house all messy and those two in my room. In my bed. I got extremely angry, and frustrated and start yelling at both of them. Especially at my sister.
I kicked her boyfriend out, and threaten to kick her out too if she will keep acting like this. I also told her that from starting from tomorrow she will be start doing chores around the house, or she will be out of my apartment.
Of course, she run to tell mom, who called me and told me how bad of a sister am I.
I don’t want to be an asshole and kick her out, she basically has no where to go, but i can’t keep going like that. It’s annoying, and I feel people around me are seeing it as dramatic.
Comments
Your mum needs to stop enabling her or pay for her to live somewhere else. You’re letting her stay in your home, the least she can do is help out and keep it tidy.
She asked you to let your sister stay you caved and let her stay after pestering now she thinks you should allow her to disrespect your home but if you have an issue it’s to be swept under the rug? No.
It’s your home your rules and your boundaries to set if she wants to enable her she can carry the burden. Stick to your guns your home should be your safe haven
Your house, your rules.
NTA
If she has nowhere to go then she needs to play by your rules. Personally, I would be kicking anyone out of my place if I found them in my bedroom or bed uninvited.
YNA.
Entitled brats are the worst. You don’t even have to justify that ‘you’re tired’ to be annoyed.
I would lose my mind for less.
NTA
She is disrespecting you and your space so you shouldn’t feel bad about setting expectations for her continued stay. If she doesn’t like the rules, she can leave. You are doing her a favor and if you mom wants to tell you what to do in your own home, she can be responsible for her daughter and find her somewhere else to live.
NTA no cuz wtfff it being her first year is no excuse. Is she at least paying rent? Cuz otherwise u have no reason to let her live with you and especially with her bf
NTA
Your sister has behaved thoroughly disrespectfully towards you and your home.
Getting into your bed with her boyfriend is particularly unforgivable.
You have given her more than enough chances, and she has proven that she can’t be trusted in your home.
Your mother is also an AH for pressuring you into sharing your personal space.
It is time to kick her out. If your mother wishes to keep enabling her, she can pay for an apartment for her.
NTA it’s time for her to go. She doesn’t respect your house or your boundaries or you since your mom wants to enable her, she can help her figure out her next place to live.
Give her a week on the atreets…just a taste to teach her a lesson.
NTA your sister could get you killed and your mom clearly would back her. Please develop a back bone and kick her out before something bad happens.
She’s not doing cleaning at least for her share? That’s ridiculous and I would have kicked her out when I saw them on my bed.
Aren’t you a grown up…almost 30 and letting people that don’t pay your bills control you. Kick her out and GTFU.
You’re not the AH, your mom and sister are. She’s living w you for free, bc it’s convenient for your mom.
Your sister is an adult, its about time she starts acting like one. If your sister has such a problem with cleaning up after herself and doing the bare minimum, kick her out and send her back to mom. It’s not your problem. She is a total brat
Kiick her out. Also your mom and sister are ahs. You are nta.
NTA. Houses/condos/apartments do not clean themselves. Your Mom can pay for Sis’ place so she can be messy and loud in her own space.
Kick her out. UpdateMe. NTA
Tell her to go live with her boyfriend.
Your Mom doesn’t get a say in your place, and she’s obviously the reason your sister is a disrespectful monster. If she wants your sister to live without chores, rules, and live rent free, then she can pay for it – she can rent an apartment, pay for a cook, cleaner etc, good luck to her getting her deposit back.
Set some strict boundaries and consequences, and make sure you follow through on them.
NTA
Ask your mum if she will be happy to give her bed for your sister’s lover activity. This is not a Motel, it’s your house, don’t let your mum rule over there.
If your Sis wants to stay she needs to stop crying for mum and understand she’s living for free under your roof, not theirs.
NTA it’s your house, and there is no reason to put up with this kind of behaviour. You’ve been very accommodating, and it’s perfectly reasonable to say that this has gone too far, for too long.
If you want to be generous, write an email to both your sister and your mother setting out ground rules, including 50:50 contribution to household chores, a maximum amount of time per week for the boyfriend to be in the house, and no sex in your bed, or anywhere else other than in her bedroom. Tell them that it is up to your sister to agree to the ground rules, and if she does not do so in 7 days, in writing, you will take that as her 30 days notice to move out. Make sure you send it to BOTH of them.
It’s a hard moment in life when you first have to make a choice to ignore your parents’ disapproval. A lot of us are trained to think that if they are upset or they say something is wrong, we’ve messed up. But you are an adult now. You may even be older than when your mom first had kids. She may be older but you no longer have to default to the assumption that she knows better than you. Based on this situation alone, I can tell you she doesn’t. Time to decide whether you are behaving and making the right decisions based on your own knowledge and understanding because your mother’s views can’t be relied on anymore.
“You might be okay with a grown ass woman living free in your house, lifting no finger and fucking on your bed, but I am not. Keep telling me what a shit sister I am, and I will not only kick her out, but you will be cut out of my life. You created her as a burden, so you carry it”
For fucks sake OP, you’re too old to be afraid of mommy’s phonecalls or opinions.
Your mom can pay for your sisters apartment since she’s so entitled to your personal space.
Nta your sister needs to grow up. If she wants to carry on as she is she can live with your mum and figure out how to get into uni daily. Or your mum pays her rent. She needs to take responsibility for herself.
If their behavior is so fine with mommy.
Then mommy can pay for the golden daughter’s own place..
NTA send her back to your mums house
As long as she doesn’t pay you rent or utilities she is a guest in your home. You can ( and IMO should) kick her out when you want. It also means that she has to keep to your rules and be polite to you.
Mom should just shut the hell up and deal with her own brat instead of forcing you to do it.
It’s nothing to do with your damn mother. This is YOUR home, not your mothers. There is nothing she or your mother can do if you kick her out and you absolutely need to kick her out today. Find your backbone and take YOUR home back.
NTA. I would be so grossed out, if someone does that in my bed. Not to forget, she is not respectful of anything and probably things, she is still living with mommy, who probably did everything for her. She didn’t have to clean or take on responsibilities.
Alas, your mother did her a disservice by not teaching her to be a responsible adult. And she let her become a brat without boundaries.
My advice on this: Kick her out. I get it, you wanted to be supportive (even tho it was forced in the first place), but it’s not working. And it will not get better. Your mother can find a solution for her. Because clearly, sister is not able to do it herself.
And you are not dramatic. You are reasonable and didn’t expect too much from her. I mean, she didn’t have to pay rent or contribute to bills. The boundaries were manageable and reasonable.
She didn’t want to take that deal. It’s her choice. But I would be glad if I had only to clean and, otherwise, don’t have to pay for anything. Because life is expensive. And normally, if you are living alone, you have to do everything yourself. Like cleaning and paying the bills.
Your sister will hopefully learn the hard way. Updateme.
NTA – tell mom to stop favoring your sister and enabling her. Tell mom that SHE needs to come and clean up the mess the sister refuses. Tell mom that you do NOT appreciate coming home and finding your sister and her boyfriend having sex in YOUR BED! Tell mom to let them move in with her and have sex in MOM’s bed. Tell your mom that you are tired of SUPPORTING your sister. It is time for her to get out so her and her boyfriend can live together and one that you aren’t paying for and supporting them both. If MOM and sis can’t respect YOUR boundaries, then please leave you alone. Is there a dad in the picture?
For those that are around you that thinks you are dramatic, let them move in with them. Give the juicy details. Sis isn’t respecting your boundaries so don’t respect hers.
She does have somewhere to go. She has a boyfriend. She can move in with him. His parents did NOT teach him boundaries either. Let his parents take care of them. She CAN go home with mom. She and her boyfriend can get a job.
BTW – check your lease, it might tell you she can’t stay any longer.
NTA. Your place, your rules. If mom tries to dump on you for giving sis rules, ask her what she would have done if she found sis and her bf in her bed fooling around.
NTA tell your mother that you are not her parent, she either does the chores, be responsible or get out.
NTA if I found anyone in bed I wouldn’t threaten, they’d be out!
Tough darts. Your sister is stomping on your right to peaceful enjoyment of your dwelling.
Tell your mother to take her child in an adult body into her home.
Kick her out. Sister has to go.
Screwing in my bed? Oh HECK no!!!
You keep appeasing your mom, and are then upset at the results? I am sorry, but this is all your fault – you can’t keep on being a doormat and complain about being trampled upon.
Be firm with your boundaries, stand up to your family and take your life back – until then YTA.
And stop lying to yourself, nobody thinks you are being dramatic – it’s just you making up scenarios to put yourself into this miserable situation.
Throw her out. It’s called tough love. Let her move in with her boyfriend
If you let her stay get a proper contract written outlining what you expect from her given that she is staying for free, if your mum doesn’t like it then she can pay for your sisters accomodation and living expenses as you are no longer willing to be a charity.
MY HOUSE. MY RULES.
Mom Should be familiar with that BOUNDARY. If Mom wants to enable lil sis, then SHE can pay for a housekeeper.
BTW: is she paying ANY form of rent?
…asking for a friend…
NTA but man your Mom is. I think it’s time both Mommy dearest and her golden child get taught a lesson. I would text your Mom and Sister and say “I have had enough! Sister you live with me for free. Even if you paid rent and had a roommate, you would still be expected to do chores. That is just life. Nobody is going to want to spend their life cleaning up after you. Mom, it is high time you stop enabling Sister and start actually parenting. I am doing both Sister and you Mom a FAVOR. Meaning I don’t have to do it! So no more of Sister not contributing to the place she lives. No more BF coming over my place all the time. Especially no more Sister and BF in my BED! I bet she didn’t tell you that one Mom. This is my space and you live here by my good graces. So no more running to Mom and Mom scolding me. Next time that happens, Sister you will be kicked out and Mom I will go LC/NC. You will respect me, my boundaries and my home or you will not get to use my home. You are done using me. Have I made myself perfectly clear?”
Tell your mom she can’t expect you to clean the sheets of your bed, before you go to bed every night, if you don’t want to sleep in the bodily fluids of your sister and her boyfriend.
If your mom wants to come over and clean up after her daughter and her boyfriend, fine.
But you are not your sister’s maid. And your house is not a sex club.
NTA
She was having sex in your bed, she disrespects you by having her boyfriend over all the time, she’s dirty and untidy and doesn’t do her share of chores. Is she even paying towards her upkeep?
It’s obvious who the golden child is here (hint it’s not you).
Kick her out and be done with her, sis needs to realise it’s time to grow up
NTAH
Tell your mother your sister is HER responsibility. They should be renting a place for her with contributions from both of them. If it were me, I’d find an apartment, secure the first rent and then tell her to get on with it.
>mom said that she didn’t move with me so she will be doing my chores.
“I pay rent and utilities. Sister leaves messes. I don’t want her boyfriend around. If you or she don’t like the deal, she can live somewhere else. I’m too old to bother with tattletaling to mom.”
NTA- you are good, both would have been kicked out if they were in my bed. I’m an adult so Mom can take her bad behavior kid back or pay for her to stay someplace else. You are being taken advantage of. Time to stop it.
NTA play stupid games win stupid prizes. Your sister needs to learn there are consequences of her actions. Also, it is YOUR home. Tell your mother to kick rocks. Do NOT bend to those biyches anymore. YOUR way or the highway.
Take pictures of the mess she made or even better, video chat with your mom. Ask her if this level of disrespect is what she expects from your sister. I’ll bet your mom thinks that she isn’t as bad as you say and that you’re overreacting. Then tell her “my sister isn’t staying here to do my chores for me, but at the same time, I’m not going to allow her to make me do more work than before she moved in. The chores I’m asking her to do are basic chores to offset her staying here. She needs to grow up and learn how to be an adult.”
Also I would get a doorbell camera to make sure the bf doesn’t come around again.
NTA.
I’m sorry if my sister treated me that way even though we have a great relationship I’d kick her out. NTA
NTA, make this her very last warning (which is already generous) and if your mother is going to enable her, then she can take her back. If sister can’t display basic respect for the people who help her, she can figure it out herself.
I’d have sent pictures to your mom and told her she has 48 hours to pick your sister up.
But give your sister and your mom a deadline. NTA
NTA. Your house, your rules. Did you tell your mother about your sister in your bed with BF as the breaking point? Your sister is an adult and needs to be accountable for her actions.
Have a meeting with your mother and sister to go over your house rules so your mother knows what they are. Set a number of times the rules can be broken before there are consequences. Have the rules printed with a statement saying that your sister acknowledges the rules and will abide by them with the consequences and possible eviction if she violates them and have both of them sign it as acknowledgment and witnessing the signing. When any violation happens, document it and tell your mother along with the tally and upcoming consequences if a rule is broken.
Why tf was she in your bed??? Absolutely effing not.