My husband of 18 years (38) and I (39) were waiting in a room today, and he brought up something he remembered from many months ago. He mentioned that a potential business colleague had commented on one of his Facebook posts. They exchanged a few messages, and she said she liked many of his posts—usually funny or interesting reposts—and suggested they meet up for lunch since they seem to have a lot in common.
I chimed in with a little “e-hem” and a lighthearted emoji, basically teasing playfully and yes implying that he was married. It seemed harmless to me. However, my husband then said she never commented or interacted with his posts again. He asked me not to comment like that again because it might impact his business—he’s not involved in her business at all, and he’s told me he’d prefer not to do that business anymore.
Honestly, it seemed like they were setting up a date, and I just made a silly, joking comment. I don’t really feel guilty about it, but I also wonder if I was being unfair or TAH.
Am I the asshole for my “ahem?”
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Glittering-Mix2516:
My husband of 18 years (38) and I (39) were waiting in a room today, and he brought up something he remembered from many months ago. He mentioned that a potential business colleague had commented on one of his Facebook posts. They exchanged a few messages, and she said she liked many of his posts—usually funny or interesting reposts—and suggested they meet up for lunch since they seem to have a lot in common.
I chimed in with a little “e-hem” and a lighthearted emoji, basically teasing playfully and yes implying that he was married. It seemed harmless to me. However, my husband then said she never commented or interacted with his posts again. He asked me not to comment like that again because it might impact his business—he’s not involved in her business at all, and he’s told me he’d prefer not to do that business anymore.
Honestly, it seemed like they were setting up a date, and I just made a silly, joking comment. I don’t really feel guilty about it, but I also wonder if I was being unfair or TAH.
Am I the asshole for my “ahem?”
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NTA. of course you’re not the asshole! A little joke is okay, I would see why he would be mad if you commented “THATS MY MAN BACK OFF” you were silly. I think you should check your husband, sounds like hes wanting to cheat.
YTA. I have second hand embarrassment for you. You could’ve simply said something to your husband in private instead of looking like an insecure clown marking your territory on your husbands business page, especially if it cost him a business deal.
Info: what industry was he working in during that time?
I am not sure if it really matters. I could see one of my bank reps being like this but they would probably reply with “girl you want to get in on this too? I’ve got so many pamphlets I could send you. Let’s go!!!”
Honestly? Sounds like you caught a flirt and he’s mad you turned the lights on
NTA. The fact that she quickly stopped interacting with your husband the second you spoke up speaks volumes.
NTA. He should stay off social media anyway if he is worried about “business”. My husband and his coworkers have zero accounts. Just an idea.
NTA!!! Business or not, that’s threatening to your personal relationship and you picked up on it whether it was harmless or not. My wife would have had her throat lol
NTA, suggesting they meet for lunch because they have lots in common has nothing to do with business and everything to do with a date. You were cute and funny. Your hubby owes you an apology for keeping up the flirting,
NTA. I think a very detailed conversation about boundaries is due. Does he think extramarital flirting is an okay way to do business? (It’s not.) Does he purposefully withhold that he’s married? If some guy was flirting and asking you on a date would he be fine with that?
You very much did that woman a favor and you did so politely. If he’s embarrassed it’s his own fault for acting a fool.
Red flag. Divorce. Sleep with the other person to assert dominance.
I’m just saying, the way the post is named do you know exactly what his intentions were… At minimum hers. but if it’s something he GENUINELY doesn’t know that he was doing I would gently explain that when women typically meet up for work/business purposes, what we have in common is kinda irrelevant. People already don’t take us seriously, why would we create a “business and pleasure” scenario unless we wanted pleasure.
I lowkey made that up on the spot but it was really good lol and actually kind of valid the more I think about it. Anyway yeah that was very much a date because why did you back out so quickly, a SMART move would have been- if they really wanted to conduct business- she would have invited you too. So either she’s dumb or it was a date, and your husband is also dumb or he was flirting in front of you…
I like how you handle it though cuz I would have let them plan their date and then popped up.
NTA even if his intentions were pure as his wife, you can comment on his social media posts as you see fit
NTA, you husband has a guilty mind 🤷
NTA. You ruined his fantasy and now he’s pouting.
I’d suspect that maybe they just took their conversations elsewhere…..
You’d be a bigger asshole for not being a present wife.
NTA, you didn’t have bad intentions. If she left that’s her problem that means her intentions were clear and if he’s upset then…
Depends on your relationship. I’m gonna get a lot of heat from the snowflake community here, but imo, YTA. At least I wouldn’t put up with this kind of behavior, nor would I ever engage in it.
The reason your partner doesn’t cheat on you is not that other people don’t like them or don’t hit on them, it’s because they’re committed to you, and are honest and faithful. You chiming in on that is petty, and needlessly territorial. He’s in charge of setting his boundaries with other people, not you. You’re obviously free to be bothered if his boundaries are too far for your comfort, but then that’s something that should be brought up in private, imo.
But again, that’s just me, maybe your relationship is different.
NTA
It’s weird to do this on a person’s post if you are single. It’s wildly inappropriate to do it on a married man’s post.
I’d ask if he is looking for potential a potential affair partner or had one based on how he interacted with you. Tell him it sounded like a date with nothing to do with business which is why her interest was gone.
It sounds like he got the message, and then POOF he forgot the script. Bizarre. Maybe he’s hoping you will seek a divorce, so he doesn’t have to.
NTA
She stopped because she was after more than business and he needs to stop pretending she wasn’t. You handled that very well.
NTA then and your husband is TA for bringing it up now. If he doesn’t want you chiming in on his posts, he shouldn’t be flirting with women.
YTA you were feeling insecure is why you did that, it wasnt a silly joke. You were marking your territory because you don’t trust your partner to be faithful, or handle the situation himself. It’s very immature.
Your husband has some serious nerve. Back him off of this nonsense. If it’s about business~ then a little haha from the wife does no harm. This is not what this woman was seeking and you calmly, firmly shut it down. Need to let husband know he’s the one actually at fault for making you step in. He could’ve responded himself with any number of “sounds great~ my wife & I can meet you at our fave brunch spot, or yes that sounds nice- we can go to this great cafe my wife just recommended to me.” But him failing to have integrity to do so, forcing you to step up, AND somehow thinking there should be a next time where you won’t- that man needs to step back & think again.
What was the emoji? Also was it a business page? You said he wanted to get out of what ever industry but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good opportunity
I’ll get down voted for this cause based on the comments so many just want to hate on men cause “men” but I worked sales/service jobs and I flirted my fucking ass off to get some customers. Never did anything inappropriate but sometimes just being that level of friendly wins you the business.
Yeah… You a bottom bish…Know your place and don’t get in between a pimp politics.
NTAH HE’S JUST PISSED because you COUGHT him cheating
NTA. You didn’t “throw salt,” you reminded her (and him) that he’s married. If a harmless little “ahem” is all it took to make her disappear, she probably wasn’t looking for a business lunch in the first place.
I usually don’t comment on these, but i think YTA in this case. You seem insecure and the mature thing to do would have been to discuss your concerns with your husband in private.
And, if you trust him that little or are that insecure, seek therapy and/or get a divorce.
I don’t understand you guys were waiting in a room and she was there?