Met a guy online. Multiple full-body photos on my profile. He knew I was plus-sized. When we met in person, the first thing out of his mouth—before even a hello—was, “Oh. You’re bigger than I thought.”
I picked up my bag and left.
He chased after me, saying he was just surprised and didn’t mean it badly. My friends think I overreacted and should’ve stayed to talk. But if a man’s first instinct is to negg me based on my size, I don’t need to see what the second date looks like. AITAH?
Comments
NTA
NTA. That’s a manners issue assuming your pics were recent. Even if they weren’t, there’s a way to say it (you don’t look like your pics/ you don’t have a recent photo?) that isn’t so impolite.
Ew. Yeah what a weird first thing to say. Imagine what he says when he’s comfortable with people.
Idk man. I guess it’s just a case by case thing? It wouldn’t bother me. Especially since I’ve heard others approach similarly,” oh your shorter than I thought,” “oh your taller than I thought.” I’ve personally been hit with the “wow your really short and skinny, can I see your i.d?”
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I think even if someone is obviously bigger than the photos they put on their account (which is kind of dishonest, but that’s another talk) I’ve still stayed for the whole date. I don’t mind bigger women at all and if you’ve convinced me you are worth my time that part really isn’t going to change my mind at that point as long as you are the person in those photos at least hahaha.
NTA. Unless it were a topic initiated by you it’s not really ever appropriate to bring up during a first meeting especially. Making comments about people’s bodies that early on is just kind of weird to me, but maybe I’m more modest than most.
NTA. Literally the first thing he said to you was negative. Even if he didn’t mean it badly, you don’t owe him a second date for any reason at all.
NTA. It was rude and indicates a lack of self control
How much bigger are you than your photos? How recent are they?
YTA. We all know your photos were absolutely angled and posed to make you look less than what you really present.
Didn’t I just see a longer version of this post like an hour ago?
NTA.
NTA! That guy is a major red flag. Who the hell comments on someone’s body immediately after meeting them for the first time? He’s lucky all you did was leave, imo he definitely deserved to be cussed out ESPECIALLY for wasting your time if her was just going to immediately talk down on you. He tried negging and then thought he could get away with it; keep standing up for yourself the way that you deserve. Hard NTA.
Nah NTA you do you, that was a pos comment. Absolutely no need
NTA. Either he is an idiot or he was pulling a power move on you right out of the gate. Either way you are well rid of him.
(https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1krwlus/aitah_for_immediately_walking_out_on_a_date_after/)
We just had another a few hours ago…
NTA, just move on girl.
Good Luck next time.
NTA. You’re a badass.
Not the AH at all. Life is too short to spend it around people that freely comment on your size.
Yeah you did the right thing. That’s so mean. I’m sorry
I cut shit off super quick these days. Maybe it’s a bit of an overreaction but as a bigger person I know how a comment like that can make you feel. I don’t blame you for walking out after he said that.
How did he mean it positively
NTA girl your dodged a bullet. He was absolutely negging you and trying to make you feel insecure so you’d feel fortunate to be on a date with him. Know your worth. Keep walking away from less than you deserve.
NTA. But him and your friends are AH. You’re beautiful and size shouldn’t have been mentioned. WTF
NTA. He was trying to neg you, and miscalculated the amount of bullshit you will tolerate.
Good on you for having a no-tolerance policy, BTW. Life’s too short to waste it with assholes.
You did nothing wrong here! He probably did you a favor by revealing his inner voice off the bat! If he said it, he was thinking it, and you don’t need that in your life queen!
I’ve shown up to dates where the guy I met was nothing like the pictures at all, to the point I couldn’t even tell it was them, and I didn’t say a word about it, and had the date like civilized human being.
There is NO reason that needed to be the first thing he said. Homie needs a lesson in decorum.
Ew. Rude. NTA. I would’ve done the same thing.
NTA
Assuming you’re both adults then he knows what inside thoughts are and basic manners. Maybe he could attempt to apologize later, but that first impression is just a straight poop in the pool water
who you chose to date is your choice and yours alone. You can walk out for any reason because the whole point is finding someone who you like, not being agreeable to people who don’t do it for you. NTA
Red flag was thrown right in your face. You did the right thing.
nta , obviously (yta if this is karmafarm)
Summary: His opening move was an insult.
Con: His opening move was an insult.
Pro: He’s clearly not a player.
Fuck that
Could it be he likes plus size women and he was pleasantly surprised? Something equivalent to saying your taller than i thought for example. I just ask this because he went after you and didn’t just watch you leave? NTA btw.
I think yatah, sometimes men say things without knowing or thinking of what ramifications they will have. He even ran after you to try to apologize.
Your friends have zero standards they must be dating losers. Good for you.
Obviously he dont know how to talk, so you got every right to walk away
Maybe he’s into that, you just got yourself un-laid. Congratulations, you played yourself.
Rude. Rude rude rude. We don’t date rude men.
Autistic folks might blurt like this. We still don’t date rude men. NTA
You are NTA. Good for you for setting boundaries.
This comment section is fatphobic AF.
NTA in the slightest
this same story was posted literally 4 hours ago
If I heard that out of the corner of the room while out on a date, I’d probably choke on my food. I’m sorry that happened to you.
What if he’s really into bigger girls and it was a compliment?
It is a dick move. The degree of dickness however does correlate with how recent the pics are.
NTA at all it’s weird that his first reaction was to comment on your body. You are much more than just a body. It’s a red flag and indicates that’s all he sees you as anyway. You dodged a bullet and kudos to you for dipping right then and there. It’s wack that your friends didn’t cheer you on for that honestly.
Fuck no guy is rude as hell
The only way this would be okay is if he has a BBW fetish and he was trying to not sound over-excited about his good fortune.