I (26M) have had a speech impediment since I was a kid. It’s mostly under control now, but I still stutter when I’m nervous or tired.
My family loves making fun of it. They always say it’s “just teasing,” but it’s exhausting. Every family dinner becomes a roast, impressions, jokes, fake stuttering even my little cousins have picked up on it.
Last weekend, my mom threw me a birthday dinner. I specifically asked beforehand, “Can we keep the teasing to zero tonight? Just one night.” She said of course.
Fast forward: my uncle mimics me while I’m giving a thank-you speech. My brother calls me “St-st-stuttering Stanley.” My dad laughs so hard he cries.
So I stood up, said, “This is why I hate being around you,” and left.
Now they’re calling me ungrateful and say I embarrassed them by walking out. My mom cried and said she “spent all week planning this.”
AITAH?
Comments
u asked for one respectful night and they ignored it. walking out was setting a boundary, not being ungrateful.
Your family are the assholes for making fun of you. It’s not teasing, it’s straight up being mean to you and you were 100% in the right to not take it anymore.
You made a simple request for some basic decency and they ignored it, the fallout is on them.
You set a clear boundary for one night, and they chose to mock you anyway leaving was you protecting your dignity, not being ungrateful. If your comfort was too much to ask on your birthday, that says everything about them.
You’re not the asshole, your family are.
NTA
NTA. Tell your mom to cry more since she seems to love the party she “spent all week planning” than you.
NTA!!!! I know exactly how you feel because I am in the exact same boat with my stutter. It IS exhausting and hurtful and you shouldn’t have to repeatedly ask your family to not make the joke that you consistently express unhappiness about. If your mum spent all week planning your birthday and was just SO consumed by it then she would have remembered your one request.
Were you the nicest when you left? No. But who can blame you for being fed up.
It appears the rest of the family didn’t get the -let’s be respectful- memo. They made the choice to tease you, you made the choice to leave. They can’t blame you for their disrespectful behavior.
If your family makes fun of your stutter at “every family dinner” then they are assholes. Why are you expecting them to suddenly become better people? What’s wrong with your family? Do they honestly think making fun of other people is funny?
NTA – you should tell your Mom you don’t appreciate her trying to manipulate you. If they don’t like your reaction to their “teasing” then they should stop teasing you. Problem solved.
eta
Ur not the a hole.
I find it really strange that ppl still find this funny.
Like, u have been like this since u were a kid, and they still think it’s funny.
They are easily tickled.
It’s hardly a novelty anymore.
And that they know u must struggle as well is just mean.
They all suck.
Tell mum to re-direct her anger at your inconsiderate family bullies. If I heard ONE family member taking the piss out of my kid for something he struggles with, they’d have their ass handed to them.
Imagine throwing a party just to mock the guest of honor then crying when they leave. That’s not family, that’s an audience that doesn’t deserve front row seats.”
THEY embarrassed YOU! Definitely NTA. 26 years later, and they still find it amusing? They must have no joy in their life if the only thing that brings them joy and tears from laughter is mocking you. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I wouldn’t make fun of a friend about something they can’t control, let alone a family member…and on a special occasion in front of others.
I’m so sorry that your families are absolute bloody arseholes. My dad had a stutter when he was a kid and I can’t imagine any of my family teasing him.
You would have thought your mum of all people would have made sure nobody teased you that night but by not she’s just as complicit as the rest of them.
You are in no way an arsehole.
NTA.
They’re being horrible about something you have no control over. Any parent should stand up for their child, especially when their child is upset!
Your mum should be grateful that you have a lot more emotional maturity than your entire family.
You should go no contact with the lot of them!!!
NYA. They are bullying you. Petty me would reverse the service. Is your dad bold? Mom got some extra weight? Siblings with acne? Aunt being divorced? Just dive in and insult and laugh your ass off and tell them they take things to hard and don’t get a joke if they don’t find it funny.
nta
so,… your mother spend a whole week to plan how to allow all of them to still be $#@&%?
They embarrassed themselves for being bullies, for being so weak/empty shelfs of a wannabe human being they feel the need to step on someone else to feel bigger?
happy belated birthday, enjoy your time without your sperm / egg donor and their … can’t find a word to not get me banned
Unfortunately you were born into a family of bullies which is probably the reason for the stutter in the first place if it isn’t physical. NTA
NTA. Especially because you brought it up before hand. Like holy shit what a bunch of douchebags.
My brother in law, who I also consider my best friend, has a stutter and I can’t imagine making fun of him for it. I’m sure it’s incredibly frustrating for him. Imagine if we were cracking jokes about it. JFC.
Embarrassed definition:
cause (someone) to feel awkward, self-conscious, or ashamed.
Tell them they are right.
When you are awful and you say awful things. Being embarrassed is one result.
NTA.They disrespected you, and they have knowingly bullied you for years. They are all assholes. I’d be done with them.
Such cruelty from your own family. I’d leave too.
Wow. That’s awful I’m sorry. I have a lisp and I was in speech therapy for it for like 5 years as a kid. It still comes out if I’m really tired or drunk lol.
No one in my family ever teased me for it but I’d be really upset if my family treated me like that over my lisp. I don’t blame you at all. Next family gathering I would go and make jokes about their biggest insecurities and see how they feel lol.
Edit- I forgot to mention the most important part. Once it becomes exhausting and not funny to you and you communicate that to them, it shifted from teasing to bullying. That’s not ok. Teasing is making light fun that doesn’t bother the subject of the teasing. This sounds like you being ridiculed for sport at this point.
Sorry your family are all assholes
NTA
I hope this isn’t real, but if it is, you need to go nc and find new family
Screw all of them. OP, I’m sorry you have such a sh*tty family. You deserve far better than they will ever be able – or willing – to give.
Build your family of choice – good friends who love you, build you up & have your back. Consider all of us here your Reddit fam.
I think it’s time to go no contact for a bit and teach them a lesson what they did was totally disrespectful and unacceptable and I’m sorry that you had to go through it, but I wouldn’t waste my time. Hang around a bunch of people that are like that very toxic
NTA, your mom should be upset at THEM, not you. Updateme
NTA – It’s cruel and sad you don’t feel comfortable around these people. I don’t always speak well, but have never made fun of,. I hate that they do this… at least when it do it, it’s met with love and some appreciation I’ve made up a new word.
NTA, i would cut them all off but thats just me 🤷🏻♀️
Tell your family it’s not teasing if it hurts.
NTA, they are bullies and you decided that you wasnt gonna be around your bullies. I stutter myself and being bullied about is makes stutter worse.
I’m really sorry, OP, you have a horrible family. This 67 year old aunt is sending you a hug.
Your family are all total AHs. Go no contact. Save yourself the heartache.
NTA. That’s disgraceful. I’m so sorry
The ignorance floors me. NAH
NTA. Everyone has something that can be ridiculed. I would consider responding to every person who verbally abuses you with the exact same energy. And nothing is off the table. Weight, height, body type, hair loss, body odor, absolutely anything else. And when they get all offended respond with the same energy that they respond to you with.
Your family is abusing you. They have a normalized this behavior. You do not have to normalize it. Think of every comment about your stutter as a slap in the face. How many times do you want to be slapped?
Dreadful people. NTA
If you’re willing to speak to them again, make it clear that this is a dealbreaker. Mocking your stutter isn’t “just teasing” it’s bullying.
Think about it; these people complain because they don’t want you changing the status quo.
How dare their “doormat” rise up and object to being walked on?
They don’t want you to change that dynamic and they don’t want to think about the real motive behind their terrible behavior.
A joke is only funny if everyone (including the joked about person) enjoys it.
Not only are you NTA, but this should become your standard response each time a stutter joke is made. It bothers them when you walk out. Good, let them be bothered. It’s disrespectful to mock anyone for any reason, but they are very comfortable in their disrespect. Your reaction to their disrespect is actually less than they deserve.
Mom “spent all week planning this?” What… allowing her guests to ridicule and embarrass you? I’d cut them ALL off! So NTA!
NTA. Your family sucks.
The fact that you are 26 now (HAPPY BIRTHDAY btw) and you have had this since you were a kid and they make fun of you since that time and have never stoped they are just assholes!
Why joke with a person that has a stutter that can’t be controlled at all times..?
And this is supposed to be the loved ones the ones that should put your needs and happiness first…and respect!
NTA!!!!
Even your mom is TA she isn’t even focused on what you feel or felt she is upset because it didn’t go her way.
I’d be setting a lot of boundaries o my family and close ones cause that is straight up disrespectful what all of them did to you.
And the fact they are calling you ungrateful when you were being made fun of on your day and with the only request you made not being done…
The request itself shouldn’t even have to be requested!
They have to respect you.
I’d go almost no contact or not at all with all of them. And if mom is so hurt she should see why you are hurt and make the whole family think about it!
You are better than what they make you feel!!!
Your mom did not spend a week arranging a simple meal out. Your family are disrespectful, pure and simple and are not worthy of your time. You did the right thing.
Gotta love people like this. They dish it out and then whine when they get called out.
NTA and sorry that your family sucks.
Oh honey I’m so sorry. Your family sucks. NTA
Your family no offence are absolutely vile
Your family…and specifically your parents…are authentic idiots…they should have protected you. If there s any way you can get away from all of them, please do so.
I’m so sorry your family treats you this way.
I am also the bearer of bad news. I am 65 now. Most (not all but most) lightened up on me during my marriage. I think they were concerned at how my husband would perceive them. When he got sick and after he died I was astounded at how quickly they began their ‘joking & teasing’ again. And it really ramped up when I tried to set boundaries.
Things didn’t improve until I went NC with most & LC with the rest. I give very little personal information to those I remain in contact with.
If circumstances force you to live with your parents there’s something called ‘grey rock’ that might help. It takes a lot of self control to not react when they do everything possible to get a reaction from you. It somehow feeds them psychologically. I would suggest not focusing upon why they behave this way too much. I ended up learning about family scapegoating systems & that roles are chosen for people no matter what. Even the golden children don’t escape unscathed. Best to focus on ourselves & wish them healing from afar. That’s what helped me the most anyway.
If you do live with them I wish you success in getting your own place eventually. Don’t tell anyone that’s your plan though! Families like this are like crabs in a bucket & will try to thwart you. Just focus on your end goal & know you can succeed. Hugs.
Time for a post/email. Tell them how you fell. Call them out by names and start blocking. NC and walk away. You deserve much better .
Have an amazing life !
NTA. What an awful family. My own family can be pretty ruthless with teasing each other, but making fun of things beyond your control like that is crossing a line. That’d be like if I made fun of my brother for being partially deaf. They’re just being cruel.
Tell the family from now on this will be your response to any “light teasing” going forward. “I will get up and leave and I won’t return until everyone apologizes! I will not respond to your calls or text.” Sitting and doing nothing makes them all guilty. Frankly, that’s not even teasing. Teasing becomes abusive when it clearly upsets the person it’s directed at. Don’t say a word the next time. Just get up and leave. Keep setting the boundary. If they continue, decline all invitations. They are the AH in this situation. This really angered me. 🤬😡🤬 My heart breaks for you.
NTA. You are not being ungrateful, they just don’t like you standing up for yourself and showing them how shitty their behaviour is.
I’m petty so, in the spirit of “fun” I’d roast them back.
Some useful phrases;
“People keep saying karma’s a bitch, but by the looks of (family member’s name) gravity is worse.”
“It can be hard to gauge the passing of time as a kid, but remembering where (uncle’s name) hairline was makes it a bit easier.”
“Father’s are supposed to be a kid’s first super hero, thankfully I had Superman (or any other superhero.)
“When it comes to this family I’m thankful I only ended up with a stutter, it could have been so much worse.”
It’s only “banter” if everyone involved see’s it that way. Saying “I’m only Teasing” or “it’s just a bit of banter” is just people dodging accountability imo.
I’ve ‘bantered’ with friends before, made a joke about something, they’ve told me they don’t appreciate it/it hurt their feelings, I apologise and make an effort to never do it again. It’s really not hard to respect other peoples feelings..
YNTA – the relatives that continue to pick on you over your stutter are! Frankly, sounds like you handled it well and ultimately left to protect your peace.
(1) your mother tolerates the brother and uncle. Why are people who are cruel to you invited to this meal?
(2) nothing would embarrass these people. They enjoy being cruel
She should have spent a little longer planning a respectful event
The fact that no one stands up for you is heartbreaking.
I have two kids and if someone would laugh at them for something they have no control over i would go ballistic.
NTA. Going NC would probably do wonders for you.
Obvious NTA is obvious…
NTA. Your family is a group of toxic bullies and your mother, I am sorry to say, is complicit in this type of conduct. I can only tell you what I would do-which would be to go very low contact. It would be a cold day in blazes before I saw them. You could also show Mom the comment section here to give her a sharp reality check. Again, NTA.
NTA tell you mum she’s spent 1 week planning, but you’ve had a lifetime of being mocked. You asked for 1 thing at the start of the night and the family couldn’t stick to it for your birthday.
Tell her if she wants to be mad at anyone, be mad at the people who spoiled the night by continuing their bullying behaviour.
As for their embarassment…what about yours for years at their treatment of you??!!
Totally NTA
You asked for one CELEBRATION and they couldn’t even respect it, NTA. They need to do better or not bother. Sorry, I don’t find this funny.
Stop calling it teasing. Call it what it is. Bullying. And they are ganging up to do it relentlessly, which enters into abuse.
Bullying can make stuttering so much worse because it destroys confidence in speaking and self-esteem.
NTA for demanding respect any day of the week, but the fact they refused to do it even for one single birthday gathering is extra shitty.
They owe you apologies, not victim-blaming.
NTA that must be exhausting and hurtful. Do others get teased with a limp, horseteeth or whatever else? I bet it’s just you.
Good for you for leaving and speaking your mind.
I don’t know if this helps but I once had a fling with a guy who stuttered sometimes. He was so relaxed about it that somehow the stutter seemed as if he was more mindful or putting emphasis on certain words. I found it very attractive. We didn’t fall in love so it was just a fling.
I would never see them again. What’s the point?