So I (27m) have recently moved out of my parents place after finally succesfully restarting my studies, getting my diploma and a job, I now live in a small appartement I am renting. I am on the first floor, so right above a lady’s appartement on the ground floor. Yesterday I stayed up late playing some games with friends on discord, then after we finished (at about 1am) I realised I had forgotten to wash my pants (I was going to see some family on saturday and I didn’t want to go wearing shorts). So I put my pants in the washing machine on a quick 20 minute wash cycle and as I waited I started folding and putting away the laundry I did earlier (which I had forgotten to put my pants with). As I was doing that, my neighbor come knocking on my door. I realise that it was probably the washing machine bothering her and I felt silly for starting one this late. But when I opened she didn’t complain about the machine, or the late call with my friends, just the sound of me walking. She compared it to having an elephant above her, for context I am currently obese but on a weight loss journy (I have lost 18 kilos since my peak weight) and I felt hurt by her comment but I am a rather non confrontationnal person and I mostly felt bad for bothering her so I just apologised and she left, I stopped my wash cycle and place my soaked pants in the shower for them to dry before going to bed.
Looking back I am not sure how to feel about those events, especially since I have never lived alone before. On the one hand I feel bad for having bothered her and I am worried I might do it again because I have a tendency to stay up late, but at the same time it feels weird that she only mentionned the walking and not the washing machine or discord call which would make more noise. And her comment were also a bit hurtful. So AITAH ?
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So I (27m) have recently moved out of my parents place after finally succesfully restarting my studies, getting my diploma and a job, I now live in a small appartement I am renting. I am on the first floor, so right above a lady’s appartement on the ground floor. Yesterday I stayed up late playing some games with friends on discord, then after we finished (at about 1am) I realised I had forgotten to wash my pants (I was going to see some family on saturday and I didn’t want to go wearing shorts). So I put my pants in the washing machine on a quick 20 minute wash cycle and as I waited I started folding and putting away the laundry I did earlier (which I had forgotten to put my pants with). As I was doing that, my neighbor come knocking on my door. I realise that it was probably the washing machine bothering her and I felt silly for starting one this late. But when I opened she didn’t complain about the machine, or the late call with my friends, just the sound of me walking. She compared it to having an elephant above her, for context I am currently obese but on a weight loss journy (I have lost 18 kilos since my peak weight) and I felt hurt by her comment but I am a rather non confrontationnal person and I mostly felt bad for bothering her so I just apologised and she left, I stopped my wash cycle and place my soaked pants in the shower for them to dry before going to bed.
Looking back I am not sure how to feel about those events, especially since I have never lived alone before. On the one hand I feel bad for having bothered her and I am worried I might do it again because I have a tendency to stay up late, but at the same time it feels weird that she only mentionned the walking and not the washing machine or discord call which would make more noise. And her comment were also a bit hurtful. So AITAH ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Walking and doing laundry late at night is the action that should be judged, it might make me the asshole because it bothered my neighbor.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
If it really was the footsteps… don’t ware shoes… slippers, socks or bare feet don’t make too much noise when walking normally inside. Throw down a rug or two.
It’s also possible that she heard the washing machine and mistook it for steps. She doesn’t sound like she was paying too much attention.
NTA this time, you didn’t know… but make an effort to be more aware or you can become an a-hole.
NTA. It could go the other way, but since you are genuinely concerned about not making noise in the early am hours, and you are upset you disturbed your neighbor, it’s not AH behavior. She’s the AH because she could have addressed this a way that didn’t insult you. A simple “hi. I live downstairs and I can hear you walking, and it’s kind of loud” would have been just as effective.
Living in an apartment can be hard. There’s a balance between living your life, and being mindful of your neighbors lives.
I don’t really think your the asshole here
I’m really proud of you for loosing 18 kilos, but I think it may have been the wight of your steps that made the noise, rather than the noise itself, as the floor may have absorbed it.
Since you’re on a wightloss journey it’ll probably lessen over time, so just keep at it! Other things you may try are some very soft slippers to coushine your steps. (Girlfriend sugestie you can kneet them yourself)
She’s the asshole for instantly insulting you for the noise. There was no need for being so rude.
So just keep the good work up (I’m serious man, I can’t imagine loosong more than 5 kg myself, let alone 18. Impressive as hell) and the problem will most likely lessen.
YTA sorry, this is just common courtesy when living in apartments. You dont do laundry late at night and in general you dont stomp around loudly.
Try not to make this a comment on something you are self-conscious about, this isnt about your weight, its about the floorboards.
My mom weighs around 115lbs and stomps around like an elephant. It’s not a weight thing, so don’t feel bad. Just try to walk more softly to be considerate of the people below you.
NTA
NTA obviously being wary in the future that your not wearing shoes or hard bottomed slippers late, but apart from that there’s nothing you can do, it will be am echo most likely and you can’t change that (ps well done for losing that weight!! Ik it’s so challenging but keep going!!l
NTA you’re not the one responsible for the state of the insolation and walking is not forbidden at any hour in an apartment you rent to live in
Nope, you’re not the asshole. You were just living your life in your own apartment folding laundry and walking around isn’t unreasonable. It sounds like your neighbor was being a little rude with the elephant comment, and that probably stung since you’re already working on your health.
You were respectful by apologizing and stopping the wash, so you’ve done your part. She might just be overly sensitive to noise.
I’ve lived in ground floor or basement suites for the last 15 years, and I’ve found that the sound of footsteps isn’t directly related to the person’s physical size very often. Even walking in socks, you can tell an excited child from a senior, and you get to know the folk above you.
You should be aware of the kinds of sounds that transmit; whether it’s how you walk, discord, laundry, or farting musically. A gentle YTA on this one.
Rambling aside, WTF are you doing laundry at 1:00 AM?
NAH
If you were being loud enough to wake her up, then you were being loud, whether you meant to be or not. She’s not an AH for talking to you about it.
If you live above someone, slippers and rugs are a must.
NAH. I don’t think the elephant thing was due to your size but it’s the way people step. I currently am under two average sized folks who converted their condo to hardwood and clearly walk around with a heavy heel strike. Try slippers/rugs but also look at your gait and how heavily you’re contacting the floor. Some tiny people walk really heavily, some heavy people walk lightly.
You weren’t trying to be a jerk and the neighbor is just trying to sleep.
NAH. You were new to living there, and accidentally made a noise late at night. She was disturbed by that noise and was grouchy about it. So you were both a little inconsiderate, but not to the point of being an AH.
Try not to take it personally, and just think about wearing slippers in the evening, not doing the laundry after 10pm, and trying to keep the volume down even if you are up late.
BTW, getting your sleep pattern right, so you are up for daylight hours and sleeping when it is dark, is linked to blood sugar metabolism, and can be helpful with weightloss.
NTA but I have known some very footed people. Being a little self aware of your stride is about the maximum you should care about this. I would disregard her comments entirely.
NTA. It is a learning experience and some things are learned the hard way. I say this because you seem sincerely concerned about not bothering this downstairs lady, if possible. She, however, should not have addressed you that way. It was rude, and rudeness is not necessary.
My husband is an overweight stomper, but wearing Crocs or some other spongy, shock absorbing shoe/slipper with a very soft sole helps a lot. BUT SO DOES WALKING MINDFULLY — not with your heel touching the floor first, but more with your weight distributed across the whole foot … kind of keep the foot flat as it touches the floor. I would combine the two approaches, late at night.
Carpeting with padding helps but it is costly. “There’s no such thing as bad neighbors, only bad construction” is true, but not applicable in this case, obviously.
Which noises bother which people spans a great variety of possibilities. Better not make assumptions about what bothers this lady and what doesn’t. I don’t think you know yet whether it’s volume (as in decibels), certain audible frequencies (high versus low), vibrations created when you touch the infrastructure (as footsteps do, touching the floor), human-made sounds, animal-made sounds, rhythmic vs. arhythmic sounds, some of the foregoing or all of the foregoing… or something else.
If this lady was not bothered by or at least did not mention the washing machine, maybe she is not bothered by certain types of machine-made noises. Maybe it was simply the vibration of your walking, and/or its uneven pace that bothered her.
Anyway we know for sure that the physically impactful aspect of the “sound” did bother her .. . the reverberations.
I hope for your sake that this lady appreciates your earnest concern and effort. I worry that she will not. I wonder about the previous tenants.
Good luck and keep us posted. (How are we are supposed to request that on reddit? I spent too much time writing my response and I don’t have more time to look it up right now.)
NTA. It’s your apartment, which you’re renting to live in. That means that you are allowed to stay up late and walk around your apartment. It’s possible she thought the washer was your footsteps, but as a person with a washing machine, the sounds sound nothing alike. Just remember not to do it late again, just to be safe, but I don’t see why you should do any more than that. Good luck with your weight loss.
You might try getting some area rugs to help muffle your steps. At least in areas you are commonly in.