Me (19, f) and my boyfriend (soon to be 19, m) recently had a discussion about our life goals. In that talk i recommended he get a job. i guess some extra info, he still lives with his mother, does not own a car or really have any expenses other than stuff he gets in his video games. i live with my father and step mother (by choice because i want to keep an eye on my sister because of family problems) i own my own car (paid off) and do doordash and art commissions for money. i suggested him getting a job because i worry about him and wanna make sure that if something happens he wont be stranded. he argued saying he didn’t need a job because he doesn’t pay for anything and he can just get his mom to pay for stuff. he also said it would be too stressful with him starting school back up (he never finished highschool and is going back) i understand how stressful school and working can be considering i had two full time jobs at 16 and was still in highschool. i was a ward of the state with my brother having legal guardianship. i argued that stress in his case is not a fair excuse. we are in a long distance relationship and i will not put myself in another situation where my partner sits around all day while i work and provide for us. any time i bring it up he says he doesn’t need a job, and while yes technically he doesn’t NEED one i still think he should get one to start saving, especially with how the world is nowadays. I’ve lived on my own before and i know how the market is. I’m scared that our life goals don’t match and if i stay in this relationship I’m going to get stuck providing for us both and end up unhappy. i love him so much but the fear and anxiety of him either being a bum or getting stuck on the streets is becoming too much. he get mad every time i bring up getting a job and tries to change the subject or make excuses. I’ve been contemplating breaking things off before i get stuck but I’m scared because i still love him. any and all advice is appreciated and i will try to answer any questions you guys might have. (sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes there are, I’m writing this through tears and dont have my glasses on)
AITAH for wanting my boyfriend to get a job?
r/AITAH
Comments
You’re not wrong for wanting him to show ambition. Having matching goals matters in the long run. If he refuses to even talk about work or planning for the future, that’s a big red flag. Love isn’t enough if you’ll be stuck carrying the weight alone, better to face that now than years later. NTA
NTA – he does not sound like his goals match yours. This is not your person.
NTA. You’re not wrong for wanting a partner whose goals and work ethic align with yours. It’s not about him “needing” a job right this second it’s about him showing motivation, responsibility, and planning for the future. Right now, he’s saying he’ll rely on his mom indefinitely and dismissing your concerns.
You’ve already had to grow up fast, work hard, and provide for yourself. It’s completely reasonable to fear ending up in a relationship where you’re carrying all the weight again. Love isn’t enough if your life goals don’t line up.
If he won’t even have an honest conversation about building a future, then breaking up isn’t cruel it’s protecting yourself.
What’s the point of a BF who doesn’t have a job?
NTA. Wanting him to be responsible and not rely on his mom is fair. If he won’t even try, that’s on him.
NTA. OP you’re still young and it sounds like you both have had different life experiences. Wanting a life partner to show ambition and be hard working to equally provide is not a bad thing. For a relationship to work in the long-run it’s important to have matching goals, values, etc. So I’d suggest trying one last time to have a serious conversation with him about this and if you aren’t feeling you’re a good match still or he refuses to talk it might be best to walk away now than getting stuck and it leading to resentment.
NTA
You are both 19, but you are a (young) adult and he is still a child.
When he grows up, in a year or two or twenty, he may have goals similar to yours.
He is still a child and he has no goals.
Break up and focus on your life. Maybe meet someone who has goals similar to yours.
You are not going to encourage him into growing up.
honestly just leave him. He seems like a loser. I usually don’t tell to leave btw but u kinda got to do that with losers
NTAH!
He is a LOSER!
Get rid of him.
Or do you want to be with someone who has no ambition, no goals, no reason?
Oh goodness! Read your post. Get out. Now
Women always get stuck or trapped by their hearts even though their heads know better. You love him—true—but if he broke up with you, you would move onto love someone else, wouldn’t you? You can love many people. Choose the right one. The right one will match your values, support your goals and be a true partner rather than a burden (financially, emotionally). Be wise now. You’ll have fewer regrets and heartaches, I promise you.
It sounds like you have your head on straight. He does not. Time to wish each other well and move forward. I see you moving onward and upward.