To start, I want to apologize for this being so long. My (20F) boyfriend (22M) have been together over four years. We are talking about moving in together and getting married. So for context we do not live together right now, and he is not in town M-F for his job (its only for 8 months and we are getting close to the end of this). So we only see each other on the weekends. That has been a struggle in itself, but we’ve made do. We both still live with family as we wait for him to finish this thing with work so we can move in together, while also stocking money away.
So here’s some background for his relationship with his mom; his mom has been a very active person in my boyfriends life. We always plan stuff to do during the summer and when we vocalize those plans, his mother always some way included herself in it. We wouldn’t be able to tell her not to come because we feel bad but it has gotten worse lately. She is 41 years old, he was an accident in high school, and his father is not and was not around. Because of this she has not found anyone to be with, up till a year ago. She started seeing someone but it just recently ended. He was not a good person for her and I want the best for her, but she has taken a huge step into our relationship.
I went to a thing for my boyfriends work last month with his mother and when he was showing us around his job she would push past me to be behind my boyfriend. My boyfriend caught on and made a mention about it but I shrugged it off as I am not a confrontational person and will avoid any kind of situation if possible. But I am almost at my wits end, this past weekend we were filling out paperwork at my boyfriends place when his mom walked in and sat on the bed while I filled my stuff out. It bugged me that she sat on the bed for over an hour on her phone next to me while I did my stuff. My boyfriend didn’t know how to gently tell her to leave because of her recent breakup she has been very lonely and sad. The next day we were scratching lottos and she showed up and was telling me how to fill it out even though I have done my fair share of lottos since I have turned 18. She was doing that for almost an hour. And to top it off she follows us to different rooms, if I needed a cup and I go from the bedroom to the kitchen she will follow like a shadow without saying a word. It was so bad this weekend my boyfriend and I talked about her for almost two hours. We agreed on needing space from her but it’s getting to the point that I don’t think I can take anymore. My boyfriend is frustrated because she blows up his phone, especially when we aren’t at his place, like eating dinner with my family, or at a gathering with my family.
I don’t want to cause a rift with him and his mom, as I have with my father. I know it tears family apart and have expressed that how I don’t want him to ruin his relationship with his mother, I just don’t want a third wheel when it’s supposed to be our alone time as we don’t get much of that either. I told him it needs to get better as this has been four years, and I don’t think I can stick around for another four.
Recently it has gotten better as he asked her to back off a little bit but it’s been so long I have a bad taste about her. Any advice on how I can help my boyfriend put boundaries up without coming off as I hate her, would be greatly appreciated. I don’t wish her the worst, just want my boyfriend and me to be alone more often then not. And as summer is right around the corner we are starting to plan more for stuff coming up. Just don’t want another third wheel summer.
So, AITA for wanting space between my boyfriend and his mother?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: To start, I want to apologize for this being so long. My (20F) boyfriend (22M) have been together over four years. We are talking about moving in together and getting married. So for context we do not live together right now, and he is not in town M-F for his job (its only for 8 months and we are getting close to the end of this). So we only see each other on the weekends. That has been a struggle in itself, but we’ve made do. We both still live with family as we wait for him to finish this thing with work so we can move in together, while also stocking money away.
So here’s some background for his relationship with his mom; his mom has been a very active person in my boyfriends life. We always plan stuff to do during the summer and when we vocalize those plans, his mother always some way included herself in it. We wouldn’t be able to tell her not to come because we feel bad but it has gotten worse lately. She is 41 years old, he was an accident in high school, and his father is not and was not around. Because of this she has not found anyone to be with, up till a year ago. She started seeing someone but it just recently ended. He was not a good person for her and I want the best for her, but she has taken a huge step into our relationship.
I went to a thing for my boyfriends work last month with his mother and when he was showing us around his job she would push past me to be behind my boyfriend. My boyfriend caught on and made a mention about it but I shrugged it off as I am not a confrontational person and will avoid any kind of situation if possible. But I am almost at my wits end, this past weekend we were filling out paperwork at my boyfriends place when his mom walked in and sat on the bed while I filled my stuff out. It bugged me that she sat on the bed for over an hour on her phone next to me while I did my stuff. My boyfriend didn’t know how to gently tell her to leave because of her recent breakup she has been very lonely and sad. The next day we were scratching lottos and she showed up and was telling me how to fill it out even though I have done my fair share of lottos since I have turned 18. She was doing that for almost an hour. And to top it off she follows us to different rooms, if I needed a cup and I go from the bedroom to the kitchen she will follow like a shadow without saying a word. It was so bad this weekend my boyfriend and I talked about her for almost two hours. We agreed on needing space from her but it’s getting to the point that I don’t think I can take anymore. My boyfriend is frustrated because she blows up his phone, especially when we aren’t at his place, like eating dinner with my family, or at a gathering with my family.
I don’t want to cause a rift with him and his mom, as I have with my father. I know it tears family apart and have expressed that how I don’t want him to ruin his relationship with his mother, I just don’t want a third wheel when it’s supposed to be our alone time as we don’t get much of that either. I told him it needs to get better as this has been four years, and I don’t think I can stick around for another four.
Recently it has gotten better as he asked her to back off a little bit but it’s been so long I have a bad taste about her. Any advice on how I can help my boyfriend put boundaries up without coming off as I hate her, would be greatly appreciated. I don’t wish her the worst, just want my boyfriend and me to be alone more often then not. And as summer is right around the corner we are starting to plan more for stuff coming up. Just don’t want another third wheel summer.
So, AITA for wanting space between my boyfriend and his mother?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.