So a few months ago my mother (47F) caught me (17F) and my boyfriend (17M) talking on a call late at night in my room. We weren’t doing anything inappropriate, just talking about us, our day, etc. my mother yelled at me and said a girl coming from a good house doesn’t talk to boys this late, I told her this won’t happen again, and I would keep it in mind. Now my parents are separated and I love with my mother and grandmother. My family doesn’t know about our relationship but my boyfriend’s family does and they love me. When my boyfriend told his mother about this, she supported us and was ready to talk to my mother if necessary.
A few days later to this incident, my grandmother started complaining about a really bad back pain. My mother and grandmother used to sleep together in a convertible bed and I had a bed with a good soft mattress in my room because I have chronic back pain (undiagnosed) my aunt took my grandmother to the doctors and when they returned, they said that the doctor advised her to sleep on the bed. My bed. I was upset with this because I didn’t want to give up my room and sleep with my mother, but I didn’t protest because I thought it was real and she really needed my bed.
My mother is not a good mother. When my parents weren’t separated, they used to fight all night and morning (both of them were working) and I had to make them food and do the laundry. They separated when I was 12. My mother works in corporate from 10am to 6pm, comes home by 7pm to 10pm. When she does get home, she expects me to do all the household work. I do what I can along with my studies, but I’m in grade 12, my last year, I need to focus more on studies so that I can get into a good college.
I recently asked my mother why I can’t get my room back or at least sleep in my room once a week, she got mad at me, and yelled at me for wanting that, and said that I’ll talk to my boyfriend if I get my room back. We talk everyday on texts and calls. At night, we video call while being muted. He talks and I type.
I just want my room back because the convertible is making my back pain worse day by day and I can’t sleep well at night because of the pain. Moreover, I feel detached from this house. Earlier, I was attached to my room because I was there all day, morning to night. I used to wake up there and go to sleep there. It felt like my own place. But now, I sleep in one room, study in another room, nothing feels mine in this house anymore.
AITAH for this?
Comments
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NTA, not everyone has nice parents, I feel you, I would just advise you to:
1- Study hard to get a scholarship on a distant place
2- Ask some friends if you could sleep on their home 1 day/ week or even just find someone that will cover up your story while you go to your Bf house to sleep!(If possible)
You can’t take care of others without taking care of yourself first!
Hang in there until you finish school. Then, move away and cut contact with them.
It’s her house her rules .. if you are going to use back pain as an excuse then you need to see a dr ..
NTA
Is there a reason the convertible bed cannot be replaced with a real bed that has an actual mattress and box spring? If that bed is causing back pain for whoever uses it, the logical solution is to get an actual bed. Stealing yours so you can suffer with them is a shitty thing to do. Like others have stated, hang in there. College will be your ticket out. It’s not that far off now. Good luck! 🌹
A tug of war with your mom and grandma is going to be a losing battle since they currently hold financial power. You’re going to have to work this situation from several angles. See if you can find adult allies – your father, other more open minded family members, guidance counselor, coach, teachers, etc. Right now your mother’s fears are driving the bus, and her views are likely driven by her own mother’s upbringing.
The three of you should be able to work out splitting the chores so everything doesn’t land on you. The current situation is ridiculous, and I say that as a mother. They’re treating you like a trad wife when the whole world is open to you. If you have fewer chores, perhaps you’d have time to earn a bit of money and start building your escape hatch.
As for the sleeping arrangements, you might suggest they get a day bed and trundle for the living room. Thrift stores, charity shops and Facebook marketplace are all places to find one, and the advantage is that each of you would then have your own mattress to sleep on.
Everyone needs a bit of privacy – difficult with three women living in a one bedroom apartment. It can be done, even if you just get a corner of the living room blocked off with a bookcase or chest of drawers. At 17 you are a young woman, not a child or a maid or a Barbie doll to be played with. You’re already fulfilling adult responsibilities, and now – if you can stay calm and approach this as an adult – you may be able to negotiate improvements bit by bit until you can go to college and establish your independence. Good luck!