The title isn’t 100% accurate but I wasnt sure what else to name it
Me and my wife’s family (just her sisters and brother in law) are all taking a trip next month for about 4-5 days for my brother in laws birthday. It’s been a long year with some cancelled trips in the past for me cause I’m an Air Traffic Controller and the days haven’t lined up with some of their previous trips, and the scheduled OT I’ve been having all year.
When searching for the trip a lot of options I wasn’t impressed with, so I offered to pay more on my portion of the trip compared to everyone else as this is finally my vacation that’s not getting cancelled and I can 100% make this. That’s not a big deal for me, I offered to and I want to stay at a nice place and thought of it as a “Happy Birthday gift” to my brother in law. I’m paying about $1700 while everyone else is paying about $300-400 each between them.
Just was told that one of my sister in laws wants to bring a friend who’s outside the family. No issue with that at all. Me and the wife were talking about I asked how much everyone would be paying now and how would we split up adding another person.
Her response was “You already offered to pay a bigger portion, so it’s just split between us”.
I was so confused and thought she was joking at first. I told her, “I’m not expecting everyone to pay more or anything, but another person who’s not family is coming on the trip why would I not be included on this discount and have it taken from my portion as well.”
My wife and I got into a back and forth how this doesn’t make sense on my end, and her point was that I already offered to pay more than everyone (which is true, I have no issues with this) but my contention was it was family #1 but why would I not be included in this discount and EVERYONE else is. Just seems inconsiderate to me
The conversation ended with a “Fine I’ll tell them she’s not invited if it’s a big deal to you”
I don’t feel like this is some crazy ask on my end, seems pretty inconsiderate but I did offer to pay more and I have no issues with that. Just more the principle
Cliffs:
-Wife’s family and I are going on vacation, I offered and am happy to pay a lot more on
-Another person outside the family is coming, and everyone is getting a discount except for me
-wife and I have an argument about if I should be included
Comments
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The title isn’t 100% accurate but I wasnt sure what else to name it
Me and my wife’s family (just her sisters and brother in law) are all taking a trip next month for about 4-5 days for my brother in laws birthday. It’s been a long year with some cancelled trips in the past for me cause I’m an Air Traffic Controller and the days haven’t lined up with some of their previous trips, and the scheduled OT I’ve been having all year.
When searching for the trip a lot of options I wasn’t impressed with, so I offered to pay more on my portion of the trip compared to everyone else as this is finally my vacation that’s not getting cancelled and I can 100% make this. That’s not a big deal for me, I offered to and I want to stay at a nice place and thought of it as a “Happy Birthday gift” to my brother in law. I’m paying about $1700 while everyone else is paying about $300-400 each between them.
Just was told that one of my sister in laws wants to bring a friend who’s outside the family. No issue with that at all. Me and the wife were talking about I asked how much everyone would be paying now and how would we split up adding another person.
Her response was “You already offered to pay a bigger portion, so it’s just split between us”.
I was so confused and thought she was joking at first. I told her, “I’m not expecting everyone to pay more or anything, but another person who’s not family is coming on the trip why would I not be included on this discount and have it taken from my portion as well.”
My wife and I got into a back and forth how this doesn’t make sense on my end, and her point was that I already offered to pay more than everyone (which is true, I have no issues with this) but my contention was it was family #1 but why would I not be included in this discount and EVERYONE else is. Just seems inconsiderate to me
The conversation ended with a “Fine I’ll tell them she’s not invited if it’s a big deal to you”
I don’t feel like this is some crazy ask on my end, seems pretty inconsiderate but I did offer to pay more and I have no issues with that. Just more the principle
Cliffs:
-Wife’s family and I are going on vacation, I offered and am happy to pay a lot more on
-Another person outside the family is coming, and everyone is getting a discount except for me
-wife and I have an argument about if I should be included
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Having a “fight” with my wife about being included on a discount for a trip I offered to pay more on
I offered to pay more, and we wouldn’t be able to stay at the nicer place without it. Everyone but me was content staying at another “less expensive” option but I didn’t want to stay there and thought of it as a “Happy Birthday” to my brother in law. So maybe I shouldn’t be included and I’m being sensitive for no reasons
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are very much NTA. Your wife on the other hand…
NTA- you’re already being generous by subsidizing the trip for your wife’s family so it’s ridiculous for them to invite another non-family member and expect you to foot the bill.
I don’t get how adding another person is a discount…but I believe it’s becuase you’ve rented a place, so now splitting it between more people? If so, is your wife suggesting htat the new person will pay their share, which reduces everyone else’s amount, but NOT your amount?
It might not matter that much but it sounds like NTA.
Your wife should have your back, and maybe she’s awkward talking about money but it’s a no-brainer and not awkward at all to say ‘ok, new person, here is your share, which means everyone else’s contribution is reduced by $100’. No one would/should balk at that. It’s ridiculous and out of hte norm to say everyone else gets a lower rate EXCEPT you?
NTA. You aren’t asking for anything unreasonable, just that your contribution be adjusted fairly if a discount applies to everyone else. Offering to pay more initially doesn’t mean you should be excluded from a benefit that applies to the group, especially when a non-family guest is being included. It’s about fairness and consistency, not being greedy.
NTA – does your wife always stab you in the back in favor of her friends? 😬
ETA: The ENTIRE “discount” should be going to you – the guy who came out of pocket to subsidize everyone else.
NTA You agreed to subsidise family, not plus ones. In this arrangement you are now also covering costs for that friend, absolute BS
NTA. I think you are 100% right, but honestly they way you describe it I can sense the confusion, but luckily the right result happened. She was not invited. Ever.
If the additional person coming is going to share a room with one of the family members who was already coming that may explain why they don’t think that any additional “discount” should apply. They might have been planning on just splitting their cost with the person they are bringing.
I suspect that your wife just doesn’t want any family drama and therefore doesn’t want to push the issue.
You ARE in the right, but you are going to have to decide whether insisting on your point of view is the most important thing or not.
If family is paying 300$ per then the friend should pay $300 which reduces your bill. You agreed to subsidize family not her friends. NTA
Based on my understanding – NTA. If we treat it as everyone (including you) pays a base 300 and you are optionally choosing to pay an additional 1100, at the very least, if everyone else gets to now pay only 250, then you should at least be able to also pay 50 less, based on your “base” contribution. They are already benefitting from a nicer holiday than they would otherwise get due to your generosity. They’re now essentially wanting to get a bit extra back but not extend the courtesy to you.
I’m genuinely baffled as to how anyone could think you’re being unreasonable here.
Hi oh should get the discount also. The person is a friend and a late addition. It’s kinda roof the family to tack on an additional person. Maybe next time offer to take on more of the birthday person’s portion. It may elevate hurt feelings.
You should not be expected to foot the bill of a friend. Period.