Changing some personally identifying info in case anyone I know might stumble across this. My fiancé (37M) and I (28F) have been together for five years, engaged for a little over six months.
I have a medical condition that causes me to lose consciousness unexpectedly from time to time. My fiancé has always been very supportive when it comes to managing these episodes, and for the most part, we’ve gotten used to it and it isn’t as big a deal anymore. When I pass out, I’m usually out cold for a long time, and it takes a lot for me to wake up. My fiancé knows this and just takes me to bed whenever it happens.
Recently, I had another fainting spell, but it wasn’t what I normally experience. I passed out briefly and then woke up again not too long after, a little groggy but still conscious. When I woke up, my fiancé was carrying me to our bedroom, and as soon as he set me on the bed he started taking off my pants. I was still kind of out of it, I guess, so I didn’t say anything at first, and he kept moving like he didn’t realize I was awake. He didn’t just pull my pants off but yanked them down really hard along with my panties, all the way down to my ankles, and I could hear him undoing his belt and zipper as well (I was lying facedown, so I didn’t see this).
When I came back to myself and could speak again, I asked him what he was doing and why he’d pulled my pants down. He seemed startled that I was awake and just stood there for a few seconds. He might’ve said something after that, but I ended up passing out not long after. I woke up hours later, and everything felt OK, physically. I was more so weirded out by what it seemed like he was doing just before I went unconscious. I’ve been in situations where my fiancé has had to help me get undressed (e.g., coming home drunk from the bar or something), and it was always a gentle, careful thing. On top of that, I was wearing PJs when this latest fainting spell happened, so I don’t see why my fiancé would have needed to take off my clothes in the first place.
I asked him about it after I woke up, and he said that he had no idea what I was talking about. He said that I never woke up after the first time I passed out and he never tried taking off my clothes at any point. He seemed very adamant about this and frankly sounded annoyed that I would even ask, so I didn’t press him on it too much more. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since it happened. I don’t know if I’m overreacting here or if I might have a legitimate reason to want to put a pause on things. AITAH?
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Your fiancé’s actions and denial are concerning. Prioritize your safety and well being. Consider discussing this with a trusted friend or therapist
This is terrifying. NTA
NTA,
You speak very highly of your fiance.
But trust your gut. If something feels off, figure it out and act accordingly.
Question are you sure the this is a medical condition and he’s not drugging you to cause these fainting spells? There was that woman in France where the husband was drugging her and having guys rape her.
I highly doubt that this is the first time he’s done this, you usually don’t wake up though. He’s raping you while you are unconscious.
NTA. please don’t believe him. That is super scary and I’m sorry that happened to you. please stay safe
NTA. If your instincts are telling you something different, listen to them. He is gaslighting you. Walk away.
Definitely NTA. If it felt wrong, it was wrong. Trust your gut, not his gaslighting.
This is terrifying and obvious he was about to assault you, you sensed it, trust your gut. At this point his denial and blaming is all you need to know. Install cameras ( without him knowing obviously ) so you can see EXACTLY what he’s doing. I’m so so sorry you had to experience that.
NTA. Could he be doing this to you each time you pass out? Are there physical signs that you had a sexual act? I think he is gaslighting you. Got a nanny cam?
Is your doctor ok with you passing out and being out cold for a long time??
Cameras in the remote possibility you stay
I would hide a nanny cam or something in the room because he could be assaulting you during these episodes. NTA. This is so concerning.
Omg this is so scary. Please get away from this abuser. He has been doing this for the longest time.
NTA – Do you think it’s possible you dreamt this? I’d hate for you to end a relationship over something that didn’t happen, but if it did happen you should run. I’m not saying it didn’t happen but I know I woke up my husband (years ago) telling him our basement was flooding and made him get out of bed to check it. It felt very real when it was happening, like I was getting mad at him for not going to look and deal with it so he finally caved and I was back asleep when he came back up. There was no water anywhere and I still remember it like we had a flood. But it’s fucked up if he is doing this, I would set up some secret cameras in your living room, kitchen and bedroom to see if this shit is in fact happening. I would also talk to your doctor see if you can get a blood test to see if you have any drugs in your system that you aren’t taking. If you have proof it’s happening run, get a RO, have him arrested fr assault.
NTA, this is HIGHLY concerning. Do you feel the fainting spell coming on? If so, set up your phone to record in your bedroom to see if what sounds like is happening, is happening. If you don’t feel them coming on, and I know I’ll get flak for suggesting this, but you may want to put a hidden camera in your bedroom.
Could it have been your brain making this up while you were out of it? Do you have dreams, realistic or not, during these episodes? If not, and he is doing what we’re all thinking he’s doing, then you need protection from him. People we love and trust can have a dark side to them that their nice mask hides.
I mean if he did this once, he most likely will do it again
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NTA! You are definitely not overreacting. Please get out of this situation as soon as possible and have someone with you that you trust at all time when you are alone with him.
Also, I would consider getting a service animal that is trained to know when before you have another fainting spell and protect you until you regain consciousness.
I’m so sorry to hear this. After your next fainting spell where your fiance is taking care of you, drive yourself to your doctor or hospital and have yourself checked out just incase. He may have been doing this for quite some time and you have no idea. Best of luck
NTA big time. He doesn’t deserve you, and it’s so terrifying that he would do that and lie about it! There’s no telling what else he’s done and you just haven’t caught him. I’m so sorry.
Well this is all kinds of creepy
sounds like he’s been raping you when you pass out. there’s no way that was a one time thing, considering how quickly he did it. disgusting freak. do NOT go through with marrying this guy. he is gaslighting you because he knows what he’s been doing is wrong.
You serious. Break up with this creep. Like now seriously. This is rape.
NTA but what he is doing is concerning. Talk to him about it more and see if he has done this before. Honestly, that would put me off the whole wedding. You do what is best for you- but that is scary. I would also get tested for any unknown substances in your system.
Get out! Seriously! And I’m wondering, where you diagnosed with this condition after being with this guy? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been drugging & r*ping you.
What is the diagnosed medical condition? Did you have it prior to this relationship? If it’s not a diagnosis and you’re just passing out, that’s not normal, and you need a full medical checkup.
IMHO, he is dangerous. There’s no reason to take off your clothes. Even if you’re drunk and he’s “helping you.” If you’re sober and conscious and there’s a disability related reason or a desire related reason to take off your clothes that you can consent to, that’s fine. But if you’re unconscious or under the influence, no.
Are you sure he’s not drugging you? And please for your own safety and sanity install hidden cameras. It’s (possible) rape we’re talking about here….
Question: how long have you been fainting???
He tried to rape you while unconscious. Please break up with him. You can no longer trust him. As others have said, he may have drugged you and hoped he could pass it off as a fainting spell
You regaining consciousness might have been enough to scare him off
Is there anything he has wanted to do with you sexually that you’ve refused?
Your partner does not respect you, or your medical condition. Nothing good will come from staying with him. This may have been the first time, but it won’t be the last time
When did this medical condition start? There is that woman in France who was being drugged and raped by her husband for a decade. I pray your fiancé isn’t like him, but we can’t rule that out
Girl it sounds like you were raped… are you sure he’s not triggering these episodes to allow himself the opportunity to assault you? You should hook up a camera and hide it. See what really happens to you when you’re passed out
NTA – it really sounds like you were about to be assaulted. Seeing how comfortable he was in his actions, you have likely been taken advantage of in the past by him.
To me it seems like he rapes you when you pass out
However to play devils advocate, are you 100% sure it wasn’t a dream? You’ve self admitted it’s very rare you wake up
Your fiance either raped you or attempted to do so, and from the look of it, this isn’t the first time. Call the cops and have him arrested and get a rape kit and have your blood tested to make sure these “fainting spells” aren’t roofies. This is a criminal matter. Please, for your own safety – call the cops or it’s going to get worse. NTA
I mean he’s obviously been r*ping you god knows how long. And how often. Sorry to say I’ve been there too.
You could press charges but I understand how traumatizing that is, bc I’ve done that multiple times to no avail.
Just leave and never speak to him again. He’s r*ping you a lot. I don’t know why you say he’s been good during these spells of yours.
How would you know? You’re unconscious
So when you met, you were 23 and he was 32? This may sound unrelated but it isn’t. It explains the balance of power in your relationship
I use to pass out all the time, went to tons of doctors. No one could figure it out, I went off my birth control and haven’t passed out since.
Please be very careful no matter what route you take. If it was a dream, you are accusing an innocent person of something that could be unimaginable to them and could ruin them and you with the repercussions. If it wasn’t a dream, then you are going to want to have something concrete by with to make your choice, especially if you go to the authorities or even a mandatory reporter.
I wish you strength, you deserve to be at peace in your own home and whether this happened or not, you’re not at peace with it right now and that’s not ok. If he cares about YOU he should want to talk it through with you because that is what will help you. If he was malicious with his actions, then putting up a defensive front could be telling. If he loves you, he will want to help you work through this if he did nothing wrong.
He is attempting to r@p3 you.
I second the is he causing these episodes!
Updateme
You’re the AH. My wife has similar condition. She actually turns a little green too. She’s Thai with brown skin. So it’s a little different than whites.
Of course I take her clothes off to make her comfortable. Also isn’t he your fiancé? You guys have had intimacy. What’s your problem? He’s just trying to be kind.
But honestly western women act like this and it’s really unattractive. That’s why I, a white guy checked out of the mental ward that’s western dating decades ago. To many nut jobs.
No way this is real
This does not sound like a medical condition.
It sounds like that court case from Italy where the wife was being repeatedly drugged and raped over the course of a decade.
How frequently is this ‘medical condition dition’ and when did it start?
Was your fiance already around when this condition was diagnosed?
Does it only happen when the BF is around?
Can you go stay with family for a month?
Get yourself checked for the date rape drug. Do file a police report.
NTA. He pulled your pants and underwear down and was undoing his pants. You KNOW what he was about to do had you not regained consciousness. You were in no mind frame to give consent to anything sexual or say no. Leave him.
Leave. Obviously you could just leave your phone to record audio but if I would even feel anxious over it I wouldn’t even put my self out there
Please get a camera and record so you can see what’s happening.
So you’re about to marry a rapist? Good luck with that.
WTH? I’m gonna be positive and try to believe that quite a few people just didn’t proof their comments to see that they read differently than intended. OP should try and prove /disprove it by knowingly putting herself at risk for it to possibly happen again on recording ??!!
This is not “To Catch a Predator,” she can’t predict her episodes and have someone hanging around to stop fiance’ if this is what’s going on. If true, might not be each time, he’d be more careful now; would have to repeatedly put herself in harm’s way to possibly get that one time documented.
She’s expressing fear/doubt, at this point it doesn’t matter whether true or just dreaming it, that seed is planted and it will always be there. This isn’t a courtroom, “reasonable” doubt doesn’t apply. It’s probably already set off more anxiety/ helplessness regarding medical condition on top of the PTSD the actual perceived act, will affect trust in future partners, maybe most everyone, even if she breaks up with him. The mind is a powerful thing, right or wrong, perception is reality and this type of distrust is too high stakes/ dangerous to risk repeating. This “Take him down! Set up camera, go unconscious, let him commit heinous act so you can prove he’s a sick perverted criminal!” advice is ludicrous and FUBAR😡
OP- YNTA, you so need to at the very least take a “break” at the moment. Quickly seek therapy/ counseling, you’ve got A LOT to unpack and deal with.
NTA and frankly he was about to rape you. Will he ever admit to it? Probably not, because why would he ever admit to a felony. He’s going to gaslight the hell out of you, but you know what you saw and heard. Don’t second guess yourself and get out of this situation as soon as possible. All trust should be out the window tbh it doesn’t matter if he’s “a good guy” or not. The second he pulled that he was no longer a good and trusting partner
He was about to rape you. Given the confidence of how hard he pulled off your clothing, it probably wasn’t a new thing. I would leave him instantly.
This story is nuts twilight zone 2025
NTAH get out now you are not safe. I’m so sorry this happened to you. The nanny cam idea is nonsense you don’t want to see it happen. You know what happened just leave.
Op he has been raping you.
The age gap is creepy
How can you feel safe with this person? What else is he doing? Leave now.
Look up Gisele Pelicot on a search engine and read those articles, please.
Updateme
He’s your fiancé, not yet your husband. Better to end it now.
He tried to rape you and is now gaslighting you for asking about it. He does know what you’re talking about, he’s just trying to get you to drop it so you don’t question it further. But you know what happened.
NTA. Get away from him yesterday.
I just bashed one out
NTA. You’re on here asking us about this and you really need to be planning an exit.
Get a camera and know for sure.
?????????? NTA but babe you know what he was doing. Even if this was the first time, he would’ve done it if you hadn’t woken up. You need to leave, quickly. Ppl on here want to catch him or prove it or whatever but as far as I’m concerned, this is beyond a red flag. It’s not that you aren’t ta it’s that you are ta if you don’t leave.
He’s assaulting you, this is extremely horrible. He is a rapist, you need to get away from him
The fact that he’s lying to about this is very concerning. So concerning that you should get away from him and don’t let him have access to anything that you ingest or put on (pills, food, lotion, etc.) and see how your life changes. NTA
So he’s been assaulting you while you’re passed out and you’re worried about whether or not it’s okay to dump him??????
I’d get a camera he doesn’t know about and place it in your room. If he SAs you again, you’ll have evidence and not his word that he didn’t do anything.
NTA. If it was just your pants, there could be an argument for him just trying to make you more comfortable, but from what you described, he was doing exactly what you think he was doing.
This guy is unsafe, and you need to get away from him.
NTA – I second the idea of settinh up nanny cams. Depending how much you can afford, start with the bedroom and then move to every room 8n the house (except the bathroom) anf put two in the bedroom, in case he finds one.
You need to know what’s going on, because your post makes it sound like he is gaslighting. BUT could his reaction be consistent with really not knowing what you are talking about? His annoyance makes it sus to me, but there is that possibility
I have borderline narcolepsy. Doctors are confident I have it, but I have not gone through tge diagnostic hoops, because I also have ADHD and tge treatment dor both is pretty much the same.
Anyway, I have learned that consciousness is a very weird thing. It is very possible when we are in that half awake zone for our brain or subconcious or whoever is in charge at those moments to show us things and xonvince us tgat they are real.
Your inability to move is a sign that you were experiencing sleep paralysis. That is semi wakeful state where halkucinations are common. Many peoole report seeing monsters or shadow figures in that state, I am not just dismissing those reports, but many of them have turned out to be just a result of sleep paralysis.
So definitely get a hidden camera or two to see what is going on. I would also fo to your doctor and report the incident.
But I would hesitate to just throw over your fiancé until you have more 8nformation.
You mean attempting to rape you?