I 16F and my boyfriend 16M (we’re both turning 17 this year) have been fighting a lot more than usual. We’ve been together for 7 months and I disagree with some of the things that he gets upset about. I got invited to go to a party with two of my best friends in about two weeks. Let’s call them Claire and Kayla. This is for Claire’s friends birthday and there should be less than 20 people there. I am already a secondary invite so I’d feel uncomfortable asking if I could bring someone. My boyfriend doesn’t want me to go to this party because he doesn’t understand why I would want to go to a party without him. We’ve had this conversation before and I just can’t understand why he thinks it’s weird to go to a party without your significant other especially when it isn’t a big group of people. We started having this conversation because I asked him if he could stop liking Instagram thirst traps because it makes me uncomfortable and I find that it’s embarrassing for me (I’ll add in the screenshot of the dms I sent him). So then when I asked him why he was wasn’t answering me he mentioned how he feels the same way about me going to parties without him (I’ve only ever been to one without him). I just feel like I’m always trying to understand him and compromise but when I’m upset about something he shuts down or brings up something that he doesn’t like. I’m still young and I don’t feel like he should expect me to ask permission to do things without him. Am I just being insecure and immature about all of this? AITAH if I go to the party anyway?
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Edit: thank you for all the advice I am currently reading it at lunch lol. I need to clarify that he never said I couldn’t go he said that me going makes him uncomfortable and he’d prefer if I didn’t. I also forgot to mention how when we were talking about all of this he mentioned how one of our mutual friends asked him why I went to a party without him because she thought it was weird (she has a boyfriend of 1.5 years and they just went to Mexico together so it wasn’t anything shady on her part). Anyways I just talked to him and he told me that he felt like I basically told him to “go fuck himself” because I told him that I’m going no matter what he says. I get that I just don’t have to answer to him??? Like dude you’re my boyfriend not my dad??? He definitely has some separation issues but he has never shown any issues of me hanging out with my friends, he knows they’re very important to me. He also told me how he doesn’t like parties and only ever goes if I’m going so I think he just doesn’t understand that I want to go to have fun with my friends. Also I love him and I don’t plan to breakup with him over this I just want advice on what to tell him to make him understand that this is irrational and I don’t have to do everything with him because I have my own life!!
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Backup of the post’s body: I 16F and my boyfriend 16M (we’re both turning 17 this year) have been fighting a lot more than usual. We’ve been together for 7 months and I disagree with some of the things that he gets upset about. I got invited to go to a party with two of my best friends in about two weeks. Let’s call them Claire and Kayla. This is for Claire’s friends birthday and there should be less than 20 people there. I am already a secondary invite so I’d feel uncomfortable asking if I could bring someone. My boyfriend doesn’t want me to go to this party because he doesn’t understand why I would want to go to a party without him. We’ve had this conversation before and I just can’t understand why he thinks it’s weird to go to a party without your significant other especially when it isn’t a big group of people. We started having this conversation because I asked him if he could stop liking Instagram thirst traps because it makes me uncomfortable and I find that it’s embarrassing for me (I’ll add in the screenshot of the dms I sent him). So then when I asked him why he was wasn’t answering me he mentioned how he feels the same way about me going to parties without him (I’ve only ever been to one without him). I just feel like I’m always trying to understand him and compromise but when I’m upset about something he shuts down or brings up something that he doesn’t like. I’m still young and I don’t feel like he should expect me to ask permission to do things without him. Am I just being insecure and immature about all of this? AITAH if I go to the party anyway?
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16 is too young to be so seriously tied down to someone else. Actually, I’ve never let a man control me. But I’m unmarried 😂 I’ll be damned if my SO is going to prevent me from going to friends’ birthdays for no good reason. Also, he needs to get a life. Demanding to be with you when you’re at parties gives off insecure and controlling vibes.
I’d trade up for a new boyfriend. Or enjoy being single and free (which you ARE ANYWAY).
Awww you are so young and absolutely right. While relationships require sacrifice, at your age it should be about having fun being together. Your bf has a right to his own opinion but that doesn’t mean you can only do what he approves. Ask him why ? Is he insecure? Does he think you’re gonna cheat? What’s his reason? Also, it looks to me like you’re compromising too much. At your beautiful age, being in love with someone should be easy and stress free…NTA.
> he doesn’t understand why I would want to go without him
Because he’s not your conjoined twin, you should be able to go to a party on your own. That’s where the trust in relationships comes in, partners should be able to go to separate events on their own knowing there’s an inherent trust that no cheating or Infedelity will happen.
You’re both 16, you’re both too young to be super attached. You both need life experiences and this is one for you, don’t let a guy you’re most likely not going to be with the rest of your life dictate what you want to do or what you dont want to do.
This is too much disagreement for a 7 month relationship.
Frankly, he’s too young to be this controlling. It’s completely a normal part of life to not necessarily do everything with your significant other. Especially at your age. Imagine what dating him 10 years down The road is going to be like if at 16 years old he’s trying to control your ability to do independent things with your friends…..
NTA
Make him your ex now
NTA. What happens if you want to go to college and it’s not near him? Will you stop your dreams then? It’s a giant red flag when a guy of any age acts like this. If you decide to break up with him, make sure that you aren’t alone if it’s in person. Do it in a public place or at home when someone else is in the house. When I broke up with my college boyfriend, he didn’t take it well. He would come to my house when I was alone. He would show up at places that he knew I would be at. It got to the point that I was afraid to be alone. This was before doorbell cameras. Also, if you are doing anything that you can get pregnant with, consider stopping it. There are guys that are willing to get a woman pregnant in an attempt to make them stay with them.
You have years ahead of you to compromise and make sacrifices with a partner. Live your life and enjoy experiencing things.
NTA.
First; never make yourself small so a boy can feel big.
Second, you spending time with your friends isn’t remotely the same as him indicating his attraction to other women so just know his “equating” those is a logic fail and shows he has no validity.
Thrid, never ever date a guy who makes you feel you have to ask permission – you are not his child (tell him you think it’s gross he wants to act like your parent, lol).
While his feelings may matter, they are for him to work with, you are not a rehab center for him.
Go to the party. Stop letting boys manipulate you.
!UpdateMe
He doesn’t want you going to the party alone because he knows if it were him, he’d likely do something inappropriate and think you’d do the same. I wouldn’t trust him, especially if he’s already crossed a boundary by liking thirst trap photos. He has a lot of growing up to do. Don’t waste your youth being held back by him. Go out and have fun and make memories with your friends.
NTA, he sounds very needy & controlling. Time to end relationship and enjoy your life & friends.
What the…? You can’t control other people, only your reaction to them. It’s in your hands. What do you want? NTA, ofc
Break up
NTA – just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip lol. You’re invited to go with your friends, presumably he doesn’t even know the person whose birthday it is. Go to the party and enjoy yourself
This is just the beginning sweetheart. You’re right about the same age as my daughter. When he starts trying to control the little things it gets bigger and bigger. They never get more comfortable just going to get worse and worse. My daughter has two friends in the exact same relationship you were in. Please just let this one go ❤️
No boy is worth your freedom.
16 is too young to be fighting about this BS. Break up and live your life.:)
He is toxic and controlling. You need to google the book, “Why does he do that”, by Lundy Bancroft. Just read the PDF version on your phone.
I sent the link to my oldest 2 daughters. Every girl/woman should read it. We all need to know what controlling and toxic behavior looks like, so we don’t dismiss red flags.
NTA. Your boyfriend seems to be missing the point that being in a relationship doesn’t mean that your entire life now needs to revolve around your partner and nothing else. Which is what he is saying when he says that he doesn’t understand why you’d go to a birthday party that you are invited to without him, when he hasn’t been invited.
And then the moment you point out to him how he’s a hypocrite with what he does on Instagram it’s suddenly radio silence?
You’re not being insecure and immature about this, he is. He also sounds quite controlling, which pairs well with his insecurity. Should you go to the party anyway? Obviously yes. Because if you don’t and you keep folding to him then one day you’re going to be wondering why you no longer have any friends, how you ended up isolated from them all due to continually following unreasonable demands/requests from your boyfriend. Don’t let that happen.
Besides that, he’s showing you this many red flags so early on in the relationship. I’d take the hint and end said relationship because it generally doesn’t get better with issues like this, it just gets worse.
You are only 16. You have a lot to live yet. Don’t let him hold you back
Rule of thumb me and my significant other live by:
You each need family time.
You each need friend time.
You each need bf/gf time.
You each need YOU time.
NTA.
Hunni.. you are 16 years old, and you’re already having an argument with your boyfriend of just over HALF A YEAR about doing something BY YOURSELF. WHY? That is a lot of mistrust to have at that age. And it’s annoying, to say the least.
You are allowed to be an independent person, and to do things independently. He’s your boyfriend, not your guardian or bodyguard.
This is not unreasonable to want to be able to do things by yourself without worrying about whether he’s going to have a massive meltdown. 😒
I had a boyfriend who tried guilting me by saying I liked my friends more than I liked him. Needless to say, I’m not with that man-child anymore.
Good luck hunni 💜
Why are you handcuffing yourself to someone who sucks for no reason?
Teach this boy a lesson in life he needs to learn now:
You don’t control women, even if you’re dating them. You don’t get to tell them when to go out, where to go out, who to go out with, what to wear, etc etc.
You are 16. Break up. Never let a romantic partner tell you what you can and can’t do.
I’m in my thirties but I always get so annoyed reading these ‘you’re so young, just dump him’ comments – like, does nobody remember anything about high school?? I think emotions are much stronger as a teen because you have less experience regulating them, I would have thought seven months is a long time in HS so I understand why you’re hesitating and want to give him the benefit of the doubt to try to understand his point.
The thing I’ll highlight for you is this: his ‘feelings’ about you attending parties without him sure came up rather conveniently after you asked him to stop liking thirst traps, huh? He is looking for a way to ‘retaliate’ against what you (very reasonably) asked him to not do; he is trying to punish you for making him feel punished.
The best you can do is talk to him about what other commenters have said: this is a trust issue, either he trusts you or he doesn’t. It’s not the same as the thirst traps, don’t let him conflate the two issues, they are wholly unrelated.
If he doesn’t budge (or says that now it’s fair for him to start liking thirst traps) then you should consider ending things; your boundaries are clear, stick with them.
i’m sure you hate hearing “you’re too young…” but i’m gonna say it! you’re too young for a relationship that even contemplates things this serious. you’re at a stage of life where everything should be about FUN and new experiences so that you have a chance to figure out what you like and what you don’t and who you are and want to be in the context of everything and everyone you encounter. you should not accept the presence in your life of someone who wants to set limits on your experiences (except maybe your parents!) you do not owe him that.
you don’t want to look back years from now and wish you’d spent more time having fun with your friends instead of listening to some dumb, insecure boy who by then will most likely not even be around. you can’t get that time back. and once you’re at a point where you’re considering a partner you may want to spend your life with, you’ll (hopefully) realize that the right person will want you to have close friendships and experience the world because it makes you happy, even if sometimes it’s without them.
the bonus here is that you’ll also be doing him a favor by living your life because he needs to learn to accept that he can’t and shouldn’t try to control someone else’s behavior in this way. he may threaten to break up with you. let him. you’ll be ok, he’ll be ok and you will both have grown in ways that will benefit you in your relationships down the line.
Dating at your age is for understanding what works for you and what doesn’t. They are practice relationships. This relationship does not work for you. Now you know for your next one that it is important to you to date someone who values independence while being a couple.
Sounds like he’s thirsty and expects other people to be also
Go to the party. If this causes an issue where he breaks up , then so be it.
You’re just dating. When you’re grown up and settling down and cohabiting with a long term partner is when you expect to both be invited to things, so well into your 20s. Also it’s only for serious events like weddings you expect a plus 1. I’m 30 years older than you and I go to parties alone from time to time. After 15 years together we expect invitations to include the both of us as a rule but not always.
His expectations are stifling and you are right thwt it’s unreasonable. It might be that your relationship has run it’s course if after 7 months you don’t trust each other. That’s OK, most relationships drift apart. Virtually all at your age.
Ugh, please don’t be one of those women who lets some man tell her where she can go and what she can do. Thats pathetic. Just dump this tool bag and respect yourself better. This is not a good dude who loves you, this is a controlling, majorly insecure, misogynistic loser.
You two are not compatible. Dump him and move on. NTA, it is HEALTHY to spend time away from your SO and go to events separately!
You don’t need permission from your boyfriend to go to a party. The fact that he’s acting like this and is manipulating you via the instagram thirst traps and is comparing you being with your friends to him openly hitting on other women is manipulative AF.
You’re only 16. You can absolutely do better. You also don’t need to be bogged down by this guy when you’re at an age where you should be exploring your life and your values as an individual
As someone who dated a controlling little prick in high school, I say cut your losses.
It is concerning that he is being so controlling this young. There is nothing wrong with going places without your SO even to a party. This is the time in your life that you can figure out what you like in a SO and what you don’t. This isn’t the time to make a life long connection. This is a learning moment and you have learned that he is controlling and you don’t like it. Time to move on.
Him being uncomfortable with you going to a party without him (assuming you have no history of being shady) is either projection or codependency. Neither are a good look.
I’m leaning towards the first option given his Instagram habits. There’s a good chance that he knows he enjoys attention from people outside your relationship so he is assuming you do too.
You should never date somebody you need “permission” from to do anything. Especially at your age. Men like that inevitably evolve to become more controlling, cheaters, and potentially even outright abusive over time.
There are a few other concerning behaviors from him based on what you wrote here. When we calmly bring up concerns with a partner, they should not respond by shutting down or deflecting/mentioning sometime you did instead to distract you from your topic (they should have the option to bring things up, but doing it this way is manipulative).
You are not the one who’s acting insecure or immature here. That is him.
Dump him. Parade of red flags
These are major 🚩🚩🚩🚩 that will only get worse. Get away from him.
Trust the advice you are being given here.
You’re too young to let an insecure boy rule your life. Cut ties, cut losses, move on.
You’re 16. Go and live your life.
Go to the party please please please please
Girl, even in a relationship, it’s healthy to do things without your partner. You should do activities and hobbies and be with friends without your partner. You shouldn’t do everything with them.
This is very controlling and insecure behavior from him. Him being uncomfortable or feeling insecure over this is his problem not yours. You aren’t doing anything out of turn.
NTA.
At your age, your friends are equally as important as your boyfriend. You need to work to cultivate all the relationships. If he is actively making it difficult to maintain friendships that your parents and other friends have no issue with, then it’s probably time to get a new boyfriend.
Another man who thinks he’s entitled to control his girlfriend’s daily life choices.
Listen carefully to this advice: he is not the guy for you. Dump him and don’t look back. And next time a guy you’re dating shows this behaviour, dump him too. Believe them when they show you who they are. And stay safe, because fragile, toxic men are dangerous when the person they want to control leaves them. ‘If I can’t have you’… and all that BS.
Ignore the whole “dump him” shtick, atleast initially. Ur both young, and from the sounds of it this is a communication issue. For the ppl saying “major red flags” who’s to say his last gf didn’t majorly cheat and left him with trust issues. Yal both need to communicate better with each other, otherwise ur relationship might as well b dead in the water. No communication, an minimal trust, does not a relationship make. Talk it out, if that don’t work THEN u think about ending the relationship. Make it clear tho this convo IS HAPPENING or else, that ur either talking shit out rationally. The thirst trap shite, is prolly him tryna put u on his lvl emotionally “that’s how u going to the party makes me feel” sound like he recently started this specifically to get a reaction, so he could say this. Most guys, as a result of cultural toxic masculinity are godawful at communicating, and that’s doubly so if he’s still young, he prolly doesn’t know how to broach the topic without sounding possessive or whiny.
If he doesn’t want you to go to your friends party that he wasn’t invited to, because he is using it to get back at you for asking him to stop liking thirst traps on IG, well go to the party and tell him he can date one of the thirst traps he is liking online because you are done.
You have a big life ahead, and it will be better by not have some controlling asshole in it. But you knew this already, and are looking for confirmation that ditching him is the right thing to do. Dump him, you have plenty of time to find someone better.
You’re so young, please go to this party, have fun with your friends and ditch him!!!
One of the boundaries my husband and I made before we got married was that we would not let our relationship come between our friends and family. We’ve been married over 30 years and I can honestly say there has never been a time when either one of us wanted to do something with our friends, that the other has protested. It is always, “have fun, be safe, call me if you need anything, I love you!” Your BF is insecure and possessive. You’re too young for that BS.
Goodness – you are 16. Go be 16 and move on.
Explain why you need to have a boyfriend?
Hi there.. this dude has some insecurities I think he needs to get figured out but my honest take is to break up with him and live the best life you can, even when I was 16 I had no issues with my s/o’s going to birthday parties or a party in general without me. You are your own person you deserve to live your own life and as a teenager you should spend it having fun and experiencing life for yourself not worrying that you’ll upset your partner around every corner. And the fact he likes thirst traps when you’re together//in his alone time shows he isn’t serious about committing to you, you deserve so much more, don’t settle for anyone who is going to hold you back or make you feel guilt for wanting to be your own person (I’m sorry this comment is so long) I wish you the best of luck somebody who doesn’t communicate with you even if the conversations are hard is my first step out the door the number 1 thing when it comes to any relationship is having strong communication
Dump this guy for trying to ruin your good times. He is controlling and trying to dim your light. What do your parents say about this douchebag?
I’ll agree with others that you’re so young and you shouldn’t let his emotions control your actions. I don’t think you necessarily need to dump him. Instead, use this as an opportunity to practice establishing boundaries. Speak from your heart, and do what you want to do. Be true to yourself. You don’t need to “ask him why he feels this way.” You’re not a therapist. You need to establish and stick to your boundaries and he will either respect them, or he will leave. It’s unfortunate that most of the growth (for good) happens out of pain in our youth.
Don’t waste yourself on him trying to fix him and teach him. Live your life, be true to yourself, and this guy will either grow up or get lost. Have fun and be safe! ♥️
Girl, my fiance just went to CA for a week to hang with the bros while I stayed home. A few weeks ago I went to FL and he stayed home.
Good relationships aren’t difficult. Relationships aren’t easy, but if they’re genuinely difficult just get out
7 months and this kid thinks he can call the shots on your life? Nah
Break up, focus on your education. You’re too young to be worried about this controlling crap. Have fun, you cannot get these years back. Also, please have better standards for yourself.
Life at 16 should be more fun than this. Drop him.
Go. Have fun.
Your 16, odds are great you won’t wind up with this boy for the rest of your days. Cut him loose, hang out with your friends, and enjoy life before you have to have all the responsibilities 24/7.
Yup age issue both of you. He has a valid point and so do you.
Early relationships are weird and I mean young relationships.
Um if you’re a second choice I wouldn’t go personally I’m not second fiddle to anyone and also it’s about self respect.
Youl always be first choice for real friends on that note.
If your boyfriend went to a party with the bros and you wouldn’t be allowed to go and there are women/girls there would you feel different or the same?
Hes probably worried about guys hitting on you.
The main problem is you both seem to not communicate well.
Also punch drunk comes to mind as you are not being fully honest and to the point. Attack the problem not each other.
Personally I wouldn’t want my GF attending a mixed party without me either but then again I was always more important than a party or her friends.
Mainly because I know how guys are.
Hello young one! Welcome to your first red flag! It’s terrible and awkward but the sooner you learn some of the indicators you’ll be able to sniff out others. Congrats on having the upper hand of knowing what he doesn’t, and proud of you for working on putting boundaries in place. End it and carry on. You’re 16. The only people who have any say on what you do and don’t do are your teachers (and only to a degree) and your guardians. Some dumbass boy thinks he gets a say, he doesn’t.
nta there’s nothing wrong with having a life in addition to your partner. If you enjoyed parties without him before, why wouldn’t you still enjoy them?
He doesn’t get to control that.
At 16 years old, this is not a significant other… when you grow up you’ll realize that when one part of a couple is invited to something, usually the spouse is as well. You might as well just be single and stop trying to play house with a “significant other.”
DUMP HIM.
He has NO right to tell you where you can and can’t go, and with whom.
You have to ask him: what making you so paranoid? It as if you don’t trust me to make my own decision.
Shit, you guys are 16, going onto 17. Unless he think you’re cheating on him, he needs to understand that he has time to enjoy life before work life consum him.
Do not let a boy take your youth and fun times. You don’t get to be a teen, a 20-something, etc ever again, and society is so quick to try to steal women’s joy, happiness, freedom, independence, etc any which way possible. Do not also invite that same energy into your life through a relationship. This boy is probably not forever. Consider being single.
Honey this boy is a giant red flag. He’s not your forever boy, even if you really like him.
He doesn’t own you. Going to your friend’s low key party is absolutely not the same as liking or commenting on thirst traps. Not even close.
I’ve been with my husband longer than you have been alive. Not only do we have separate lives, friends we vacation with them. He doesn’t trust you because he feels like he owns you. But thinks it’s totally ok to have points of contact with people he feels attracted to??? No.
Go live your live. Enjoy your youth and even though your feelings for him are strong, know that if he’s holding you back then let him go. He’s not worth it.
Know your value and don’t let any partner undermine it. Control isn’t love. Jealousy isn’t love.
NTA
I don’t think he’s controlling he is young and has a lot to learn. Stick to your guns OP
The whole party thing.. yeh I’m not gonna lie most couples don’t go separate. That girl asking him that must’ve bothered him a lot bc it would me too but I’d play it off well. Yall are young so yall are gonna break up regardless, just break up no. Live your life and keep it pushing. It’s a high school party, needing invites is kinda non serious lol. And going as a couple is def normal asf. My shorty just invited me to go to a friends friend party and she barely knows the folks and I don’t at all. It’s like the thought that counts as well yk. I didn’t go but still felt very appreciated and included, and I dropped her and picked her up. Compromise, talk, work. Whatever, but yall are 17, def don’t hurt the brain trying too
You should not be putting up with this behavior. Staying with him and trying to live a normal life could end up badly. You are only 16-you have plenty of time to what you want to do and find someone else. Move on
You don’t need permission from him for ANYTHING. You’re a minor, ergo permission is from parents & teachers, no one else
You’re 16. The words “significant other” shouldn’t be used. Y’all just dating.
You should go, she’s a friend and yes, and asking to bring along another when not invited is odd or rude.
As to him liking thirst traps, he’s doing it specifically as little boy BS, so that’s the level of maturity you’re dealing with.
This is a toxic dynamic. He says you going to a party without him is saying “go fuck yourself”? Then what would staying home from the party because he said so saying? That he can make unilateral decisions for both of you but you cant make decisions for yourself. Hes trying to use his disrespectful behavior on instagram as a bargaining chip to control you. Break up, this boy isnt worth the hassle.
Honey, I’m 32, I’ve had my fair share of boys like yours. I got married last week to a man who would be seriously mad if I didn’t go to a party or refrain from doing anything I like because of him. Please leave while you’re ahead
A healthy relationship is a Venn diagram, where both partners have separate hobbies and interests. Not two overlapping circles. It’s both normal and healthy for two people not to be joined at the hip.
I don’t understand where 16 year olds learn that a relationship means controlling the behavior of their SO. You are both being controlling. Either you like the person and what they do or you don’t. You can’t go in thinking you’re going to change them or what you don’t like about them. You’re both still kids honestly and your lack of maturity is very clear.
This all just the product of dating an immature boy. I’m married nearly 20 years and go out to parties sometimes that my husband doesn’t come to, either because he doesn’t want to come or he doesn’t like the vibe or because it’s a girls night or I want to hang with that person one on one. All of these are valid reasons to want to go out on your own (not that a valid reason should even be required). Tell him that discomfort has never killed anyone, and he can feel uncomfortable I guess, because you’re going to the party. Tell him he needs to work on not being so co-dependant and controlling, or your relationship is finished. And tell him that equating your discomfort over him liking thirst traps is a TOTALLY invalid comparison, as one situation involves lusting after a member of the opposite sex who is not your partner in a public forum causing you embarrassment and a dull feeling of betrayal; while the other situation is just a matter of a girl wanting to hang with friends without her man for one night. God forbid! All boys have to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them as they grow. This is part of his life’s lessons.
He’s a little boy. Sorry OP. You’re young too so pickings are slim I know. Hang in there. They’re boys for a lot longer than you might think. It’s takes a long time to make a boy into a man.
You have been together too short and are too young to have this many arguments, especially over a party
You get what you give in a relationship , you get mad/jealous of instagram pictures he likes, of who he will never meet or have a chance with…so he acts mad/jealous of you going to parties without him, which will have real guys that you actually meet at and truthfully other guys won’t care that you have a bf they will try to hook up with you.
Its wrong of both of you to tell the other what they can or can’t do….plus you are both super young so your priorities will change the older you get
Get out and enjoy life the best way you want
Okay I am going to have to put on my young’un talk.
“That is so Skibidi Ohio, no cap”
Seriously though, that gentleman has a hard lesson to learn. Or maybe five. Either way don’t let him control you. Something tells me that this shouldn’t be a relationship that is taken seriously.
You said it live your life. And having fun joshing around is not the same as having fantasies about someone else. But don’t be mistaken it’s not that just because he wouldn’t like pictures, that he would stop flapping looking at them. But we do live in a society where youngsters are exposed to hypersexualisation very often.
I didn’t even bother reading this. You’re 17, this isn’t as serious a relationship as you think and you should just break up if your fighting with him and dont like his behavior. And don’t sleep with dude again so you don’t get baby trapped
Nobody has to be the asshole in this situation, you might not be a good fit for each other
You’re entirely too young to be worrying about a relationship like this, and he is entirely too young to be this ridiculously controlling. Tell him that y’all can try again when he grows up a little bit and learns how to not be so insecure and immature and think that you’re a possession of his.
FYI, he likely will not grow out of this behavior and it will only get worse. Protect yourself.
You’re 16. Honestly, at 16, in my old age, I’m now of the opinion that teens should date and have fun, but not take bfs/gfs. It’s a recipe for disaster in many cases (my first bf at 16 being a disaster that left me with a lifetime of healing).
Seriously, you’re so young. Go live your life, enjoy your teen years, hang out and go to parties with friends. A 16 year old boy should be dictating your life. Hell a boy of any age should never be dictating your life
He can go be uncomfortable with you having a life outside of him alone. Ditch the boy and start practicing strong boundaries while you’re young, so you can avoid controlling and/or abusive people.
He’s not going to understand or change his mind. If you don’t plan on leaving him, get used to this type of behavior and buckle the fuck up.
Go to the party – you can have friends, it’s okay.
And yes, he should not be feeding the instagram algorithm with information that he likes thirst traps and therefore wants more of that on his feed.
You’re both 16, full of hormones and empty on life experience. Be kind, be open with communication – but most of all, remember you are a complete whole person to yourself, not somebody’s “other half”.
NTA. Your boyfriend is waving so many red flags in your face.
You said it yourself, you’re still young and in high school. How many experiences will you miss out on because your bf doesn’t want you to go or he’s not invited to? Your bf is controlling and I’d be wary of continuing the relationship.
Like you said, you’re always the one willing to compromise. It will only get worse as time goes on. Maybe you should think about taking a break from the relationship.
Go to the party – you can have friends, it’s okay.
And yes, he should not be feeding the instagram algorithm with information that he likes thirst traps and therefore wants more of that on his feed.
You’re both 16, full of hormones and empty on life experience. Be kind, be open with communication – but most of all, remember you are a complete whole person to yourself, not somebody’s “other half”.
No, you don’t “love” him. That’s for adult relationships.
You’ll go through a few boyfriends before you find one that has the qualities and character you like. This boy is teaching you that you don’t like being told what you can and can’t do because you’re comfortable going places on your own.
On the other hand, he’s learning that he prefers a girl who’s joined at his hip and will be more submissive to his wants and desires.
Neither is necessarily bad — it’s just different.
You aren’t required to break up with him over this, but you do need to know your limits for this kind of thing and to understand that you can’t change people who don’t feel the need to change themselves. Those relationships never succeed.
Mate, I remember how intense having a partner was at that age and all the hormones but this is a sign of what’s to come. Next you won’t be allowed male friends. Don’t fall into that stuff, bless ya. I mean you’re both young and have so much growing to do and maybe he’ll get better but I doubt it. My ex was like this and hated me doing anything for myself or having friends that weren’t her friends. I spent 10 years with her and it was draining.
Now I have a real partner who shares my life and I share hers but we both have our own lives too. My wife went away for a week to her friends on the other side of the country while I stayed home and went to work and watched the kids.
I’m going to a 5 day music festival in August without her. We love spending time together and miss each other when we’re apart but we our own interests and support each other fully. That’s how a relationship should be.
remember guys, this is what the macho man alpha male bullshit looks like to everyone else: you become a whiny, insecure jerk who ruins their own relationships based on the insecurities and false beliefs of men who don’t know you and wouldn’t want to know you even if they saw you.
You’re 16, turning 17, and your boyfriend is already trying to isolate you. His “uncomfortable” stance on you going to a small party with your best friends without him is classic manipulative behavior, not just “separation issues.” He’s basically saying your enjoyment and friendships are less important than his insecurity, especially when he brings up other people’s opinions to validate his feelings. You’re absolutely right that he’s your boyfriend, not your dad, and you don’t need his permission to have a life. Telling him you’re going no matter what isn’t telling him to “go screw himself,” it’s called having boundaries. You can’t make him “understand” something he doesn’t want to understand because it benefits him to keep you tied down. This isn’t about him “not liking parties”; it’s about him controlling you. This isn’t just an “irrational” thought; it’s a red flag about how he views your autonomy. I wish you peace.
NTA. He’s way too controlling.
I’ve only been to a handful of parties that didn’t turn into a bunch of people having sex with each other. And those were children’s birthday parties. It’s early in life for you to have to answer to anyone, it is your life. But when you get older and want a genuine relationship with someone, you’d be better off not going places your significant other isn’t invited. I’d leave him now though. You’re both too young to try and stay together while figuring out yourselves. There will always be situations like that one and it will force the two of you to keep providing ultimatums for each other when you should just be having fun.
Some people see a relationship as ONE OF their relationships and want quality time with their partner, to others as the ONLY relationship and it’s about the quantity of time they spend with their partner. This is a fundamental difference in the way you view things. There aren’t any words that can make the other person’s view change.
That said, you are completely right. Both people should compromise, both should have full lives that your partner is a big part of, but the freedom to do things (that aren’t crossing boundaries or sketchy, like looking up thirst traps). Never let any one person become your whole world. You should be your first priority. Family, friends, partner time should be prioritized and reprioritized by urgency of things happening at any given time.
Listen, you guys are too young to be in this type of relationship. He’s trying to control you out of fear he’s losing you and you’re pushing away because you feel he’s tightening too much. And honestly I think you should both be ready for this relationship to end.
You guys are 16, sounds like you’ve been together since almost 15. When you’re that young, 7 months feels like forever. But it’s really not. Literally, you’re both children acting too adult for your age. You only get to be young once, take advantage of it. This is the time when you find out who you really are as a person. Experiment, make mistakes, grow and learn. As yourself, not as a person in this relationship. They’re 2 different people.
If nothing else, it sounds like you both are wanting to know what’s out there in the world for you. You want to go out and he is interested in other women. You both want to live life without the burden of another person’s opinion shadowing you. It’s understandable.
Your both so young and haven’t really experienced much (trust me, it’s way different when you’re out on your own outside of school). I hate to say it but when you look at the statistics of young people getting married, it doesn’t bode well for you. And the biggest regret people have is not taking the time to explore who they are before giving themselves up to a lifelong relationship.
If you guys are meant to be, it’ll happen. Maybe not now but in the future, you never know what it brings. Honestly, I would put this relationship to bed for a while and see how you do. Concentrate on school and friends. Find out more about yourself. Heck, let your frontal lobe and cortex finish maturing before making these kinds of serious life decisions.
You guys don’t have to hate each other. Just recognize you’re not what the other person needs right now and maturely step away.
You will find out that there are two types of relationships – the kind where you ask each other to do things differently because it makes you uncomfortable how the other acts as a default, but this typically turns into resentment and problems, and the kind where you let each other be who you are exactly as-is and tell each other how you feel about it and see if it makes a difference because they care how you feel. The second is typically substantially more stable, but requires substantially greater emotional intelligence, communication, and ability to compromise and exercise self control for the benefit of the relationship.
Both of you have requested the other to stop doing something that that person enjoys – if enough of those moments add up, it becomes a question of – do I go back to doing all the things I enjoy by myself? Or do I give them all up so the other person is happy? This tension naturally breaks relationships up if the set of things they are giving up become too great. This sets up for blaming the partner as the reason the relationship is not working rather than taking accountability for not wanting to be in a relationship like that in the first place.
In the alternative concept with healthy boundaries, you would say, “I don’t want to be with someone who does XYZ and I want you to think about that next time you are considering it.” He doesn’t want to be with someone who goes to parties without him. You don’t want to be with someone who follows thirst traps online. This one is far more educational and informational because those things hold true for you guys regardless of each other. It’s a reflection of yourself. Then you get to decide if you actually want to flex your own boundaries for some reason or not and it makes it substantially less volatile of a relationship.
Beyond all that philosophical nonsense, this looks like an incompatible relationship if you guys double down on what you want to let each other do – you should each just let each other live your lives at 16. It’s likely he is just making a point to you about how ridiculous it is to ask someone not to do what they feel like just because you feel uncomfortable with it. Ask him if he’s comfortable letting you go if you let him do whatever he wants too. Healthy relationships move away from “my partner lets me do XYZ” and move towards “my partner loves me no matter what I do and they picked me BECAUSE that’s what I do.” Ask yourself if he ever expressed any “controlling” behavior before you expressed “controlling” behavior. Partners often mirror each other so that everyone can see themselves more clearly and the solution is typically for both parties to stop whatever behavior they collectively identify as negative or harmful to the relationship.
You invited his opinion by telling him to stop doing something that you do not like. This is part of being in a relationship. As annoying as it is for him to like these posts, I would question why you are monitoring his activity. I’ve never paid attention to what my bf does online. Or my ex.
But you will have to have unpleasant conversations in life, and taking the effort to understand his pov will make it easier. Is it upsetting that he sees a pretty girl and smiles? That he thinks your friends are pretty? It’s gonna happen and you cannot control it. Signaling you’re jealous about it is a mistake. I personally would handle it differently, by liking some hot men myself. I mean, guys are hot. 🥵 What is the harm? Only after it upsets him that I like other guys would I say, oh! I thought you would be ok with that since you did that! Are you saying you want us to be exclusive online?
You are a fucking child dump him…. if you feel held back by some 16 yr old dipshit child break up plenty of other boys
My daughter is your age… I told her in high school you may think you’ve met the man you’ll marry but he isn’t. You’re children and teenage boys are only as loyal as their options. My daughter just dumped a pretty handsome guy bc despite his looks his attitude and judging how she acts/her interests was lame and she wants to be herself.
I’m 46… I’m telling you that a teenage boy will not think twice about dumping you if something with tit’s gives him attention. So don’t obsess over this. If there’s a serious compatibility issue cut him loose. Anyone you date in high school is just temporary so treat these boys that way and don’t get too invested and do not sleep with them
I wouldn’t go without my gf, you need to decide if you want to be in a relationship.
Every gf I had, every single one that went to parties and outings alone ended up having an affair. I trust no one now.
As soon as you age into parties that have large amounts of alcohol at them, it becomes inappropriate to go without your partner.
Your friends teen birthday party should be fine. He’s being too possessive. Also, he’s acting like a child with liking the instagram thirst traps to get a ride out of you. Ignore it.
Okay, your BF isn’t actively dating to not go, but he’s passed that you are still going after he said he is uncomfortable… he is indirectly telling you to not go without actually saying the words because he’s being manipulative about it.
If you had a friend in the same situation, what would you say about it? Be honest, sit back and look at it like you are giving your best friend honest advice.
You can live a person and still recognize that shit is toxic. Liking thirst traps on IG worse than attending a party without him. You are literally going to a function without him. That isn’t weird.
His distrust of you is weird. He is so obsessed about it he’s talking to people about it…
And just because your mutuals have been together for 1.5 years doesn’t make them an expert or healthy.
.
I really think you need to think about if this is the kind of relationship you want, if this behavior he displays is acceptable, if this is treatment something you would want your friends to accept for themselves? Like… girl… take off the rose colored glasses and see the red flags for what they are.
It’s normal to go to a party with friends and no SO. It’s not normal to like thirst traps, especially as someone who isn’t single. He sounds too immature for the type of relationship you seem to want. If I were in your position, I would tell him that you’re going to this party to support your friend and that he needs to be trusting of you or the two of you need to take a break until he’s secure.
You going to a party with your friends is nowhere near comparable to him actively liking thirst traps, cmon
I didn’t maje it to the end of the first sentence. You’re 16. You’re too young to worry about some kid with no hair on his face
Dump him.
Dump anyone who makes your life less enjoyable.
Romance, at your age, shouldn’t be condoned. It’s too much of a distraction. Gain some life experience and maturity. Stop thinking with your genitals.
NTA he sounds like a drag..
If you’ve never given him a reason to doubt you this isn’t normal. Having a healthy social life isn’t a crime.
I stopped reading at 16F and 16M
Your going to the party with the girls! And bonus he’s off the hook since he doesn’t like party’s anyway! I really don’t see the problem 🙃
Youth is limited. In a few SHORT years, you will need to start playing ADULT fultime…and it’s not always fun.
ENJOY YOURSELF !!
You do NOT Need to put up with this Drama mamma !!!
OP, feel free to “tell him to go fuck himself”, when he acts jealous, possessive, or tries to deal with his insecurities by limiting your options. You heed to live your life, and he needs to learn what kind of behavior isn’t acceptable in romantic relationships.
You’re not just doing yourself a favor, you might be helping his subsequent girlfriends! Because it’s not like he’s a keeper…
Ffs it is so obvious and no one has spelled it out. Op bf is young and insecure and thinks op could be put in a position where she might cheat. He is wrong and controlling but it’s not that complicated.
No relationship should be taking up this much space in your life at this age. Focus on you and your growth.
And at no age should your partner be this clingy and controlling and manipulative. Please reconsider this relationship entirely and move on. I say this as a mom. You deserve better and at this age you deserve to center yourself in your own life.
People tend to think controlling is literally saying “you cannot go to the party” (which it can be).
But controlling can also be making you feel guilty if you go without him, making you feel like you have to choose between what you want to do and what he wants to do, and also worrying that he will be upset with you if you go without him.
The thirst trap thing i totally get your point of view and it’s disrespectful. He’s showing other girls that he’s impressed by them, whereas you just want to go hang out with people who aren’t him.