After setting boundaries in a friendship that had become emotionally overwhelming, my friend sent me a very long, deeply emotional letter. It was several pages long, covered multiple topics (apologies, justifications, health stuff, personal letters to my family, nostalgic memories, even a note “from her dog”), and left me completely overwhelmed and honestly confused.
It was hard to even figure out how I felt about it, let alone how to respond. I didn’t want to ignore it forever, but I also didn’t want to get pulled back into the dynamic of me doing all the emotional labor to craft the “perfect” response — which has happened many times before.
So I did something that helped me get clarity: I asked ChatGPT to analyze the message from a third-party perspective. What I got back was a calm, emotionally grounded breakdown of why the letter felt so heavy and disorienting. It helped me put words to what I was feeling, and it validated why I felt so emotionally flooded.
Now I’m considering sharing that analysis with her — and I would be fully transparent that it came from ChatGPT. Not as a way to insult her, but because I honestly don’t have it in me to write another multi-draft response from scratch when I’ve already clearly expressed my boundaries. I don’t want to ghost her, but I also don’t want to get drawn into another emotionally loaded exchange where I feel obligated to comfort her or explain myself endlessly.
Would I be the asshole if I shared this third-party (AI) perspective instead of writing something fully “from me”? Is that cold or unfair — or is it okay to use a tool that helped me articulate my feelings when I’ve already done a lot of the emotional heavy lifting?
I’m trying to stay honest and respectful, but also protect my peace.
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Backup of the post’s body: After setting boundaries in a friendship that had become emotionally overwhelming, my friend sent me a very long, deeply emotional letter. It was several pages long, covered multiple topics (apologies, justifications, health stuff, personal letters to my family, nostalgic memories, even a note “from her dog”), and left me completely overwhelmed and honestly confused.
It was hard to even figure out how I felt about it, let alone how to respond. I didn’t want to ignore it forever, but I also didn’t want to get pulled back into the dynamic of me doing all the emotional labor to craft the “perfect” response — which has happened many times before.
So I did something that helped me get clarity: I asked ChatGPT to analyze the message from a third-party perspective. What I got back was a calm, emotionally grounded breakdown of why the letter felt so heavy and disorienting. It helped me put words to what I was feeling, and it validated why I felt so emotionally flooded.
Now I’m considering sharing that analysis with her — and I would be fully transparent that it came from ChatGPT. Not as a way to insult her, but because I honestly don’t have it in me to write another multi-draft response from scratch when I’ve already clearly expressed my boundaries. I don’t want to ghost her, but I also don’t want to get drawn into another emotionally loaded exchange where I feel obligated to comfort her or explain myself endlessly.
Would I be the asshole if I shared this third-party (AI) perspective instead of writing something fully “from me”? Is that cold or unfair — or is it okay to use a tool that helped me articulate my feelings when I’ve already done a lot of the emotional heavy lifting?
I’m trying to stay honest and respectful, but also protect my peace.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You set your boundary and she is still trying to get you to engage on her terms. Don‘t respond in kind. That seems to be what you don’t quite realize setting a boundary is for.
Me, I would simply say thank you for the letter. I am glad you got all of your feelings out. If she asks you about it simply tell her it is more than you can process and is part of why you told her you need to step back.
She won’t like it but that’s not your job.