I (19F) go to the gym almost every morning – it’s kind of my thing now. I’ve never been super into fashion or whatever, but I like matching sets, usually shorts and a fitted top. Nothing wild. I just wear what I feel comfortable and focused in.
The other day my boyfriend (23M) came with me. It was his first time seeing me train, and halfway through my workout, he pulls me aside and whispers that “every guy is looking at you” and that I “should probably tone it down.” I honestly thought he was joking at first.
When I said “This is what I always wear,” he just shook his head and said I was “trying too hard” and “enjoying the attention.” I told him no – I just feel good lately and like the progress I’m seeing. He literally said, “You’re acting like you’re hot now or something.”
That really stuck with me. I didn’t say much after that, but I haven’t invited him to the gym again. I mean, I don’t think I’m that over the top… you can kinda see what I mean if you’ve ever been to a normal gym.
AITAH for not changing anything and just continuing to go how I normally do?
Comments
What ” man” would talk to his gf like this. Ditch the inconsiderate loser
NTA – what you wear is up to you, especially when it’s completely reasonable for the gym.
Dump the bf, he sounds insecure and controlling.
He does seem insecure, then again he probably doesn’t go to the gym much
Nta as soon as i saw u need to tone it done he lost. It’s not ur responsibility to make other ppl stop looking at u. It sounds like u were dressed appropriately and ur bf is insecure. Trying to hard? The fuck who says that?? Enjoying the attention??? No. Just no. I hate when reddit goes right to break up all the time but if my partner spoke like this to me I’d be done. “Ur acting like ur hot now” meaning u weren’t before the fuck?? I mean u do u but I’d be so down if my girl spoke to me that way
GURLLLLLL 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Fuck that man, it’s time to DIP! That’s so ugly of him to say that to you. He is clearly projecting his insecurities onto you and that’s not YOUR problem or fault!
NTA – he’s clearly jealous and if it was something that really bothered him he could have had a mature discussion with you, but instead he tried to tear you down.
You are 19 years old. Enjoy it! Don’t waste your time with someone who talks to you like that.
why is he still a current boyfriend? This man is not 23, he’s mentally 14 and will never grow up
Your bf is an insecure idiot.
Too confident sounds like he has no confidence at all 😂
you should be a fucking moron to ask random strangers on reddit to ask if you should breakup your bf or not. for the other context, no what you wear at gym is fine and if you are happy with attention without seeking it I think this is just a fundamental side of human nature. So you are not an asshole for your choice of outfit but you are a complete moron discussing a breakup with random strangers on comments instead of having a communication with your bf about his attitude.
and be sure some men would just test you if you approve their decision or not, get ready for such tests especially through marriage. any serious men would test your commitment seriousness one way or another and I personally would not involve any marriage with a woman who strongly reacts when I say “please dont wear revealing clothes”. enjoy your divorce, unmarried life on your choice, or single life if you are happy with it. but please consider also that part of the things. I dont think this is the issue with you guys since you are too young
NTA – he feels insecure and is taking it out on you. This will be his strategy EVERY time he feels insecure: make himself feel like a big man by making you feel small.
You don’t have to stick around for this.
Your gym outfit didn’t spark drama, his insecurity did. Confidence isn’t a crime, but trying to dim someone else’s light absolutely should be.
NTA
You’re at the gym and working out, so unless you took breaks between reps to go shake your ass and shimmy in front of the guys there, you weren’t “trying too hard.” Existing and wearing something you think is cute, comfortable gym attire is not trying too hard.
Sounds like your boyfriend is projecting his inability to only view women as sex objects combined with insecurities.
Even if you were there and the men were drooling all over you and being gross, the appropriate response would be “Leave her the fuck alone, she’s here to work out and not to be stared at.”
Him putting that onus on you is a big old red flag. Dump his nasty ass.
This is your bf’s problem. If he is insecure he should go to therapy.
Your boyfriend is insecure and projecting that onto you. Dress for your own happiness not to please him. If you feel cute and confident in your matching outfits then wear them.
Letting you know that you are commanding the attention of every guy 8n the place. Fine.
Expecting you to feel bad and change something, not fine.
You do you.
Ask him if he has a favorite cheese pairing for that whine and move on.
You know I have very little confidence. So when I do go out of my way to look good and get lots of attention for it…you know what my husband does? He compliments me and smiles proud af. Cause he knows I’m with HIM and all this, is HIS, I’m going home with HIM. Lol.
You need a new bf
NTA
Also – it’s weird that men can’t control their urges to ogle women but women can resit looking at men grunting and groaning in the gym. How about your bf start calling out men for being disrespectful creeps rather than policing what you wear.
You are not the asshole but your boyfriend absolutely is. Saying “your acting like your hot now or something” was his attempt at belittling and undermining your self-esteem I hope you know that. Instead of being happy and proud of you for working hard and feeling good in your own skin he is trying to knock you down.
It’s a red flag and it stands to reason that he will continue doing this crap. Graduating with a degree you worked hard for “don’t start acting like your smart now” getting a promotion you deserve at your job “oh you think you better than me because you make more money now” is that the kind of partner you want dragging you down every step of the way?
NTA – but you do need to change something. Your confidence regarding if this is okay behavior. It is not and you deserve so much better!
You’re so young. Try googling ‘controlling men’.
The only one uncomfortable with what you’re wearing is him. Wear what you want.
Beware of boyfriends who want to limit what you do because of their insecurities! They’d rather take away everything you enjoy, rather than work on themselves and their feelings.
You’re 19, and in the process of learning about relationships, and that includes learning to spot red flags. And while this is a very small red flag, so tiny it’s hardly visible, it’s… reddish.
The only thing you should change is your super insecure, controlling boy “friend”
“You’re acting like you’re hot now or something” is such a disgusting this to.say to someone you’re in a relationship with. He sounds insecure first of all. Second, he sounds like he’s just trying to tear down your confidence in yourself. You won’t see that you deserve better than being shit on, if he keeps your confidence nice and low. This is not the kind of person you build a future with.
You kinda are since he did tell you every guy was staring at you sooo, yeah it was kinda disrespectful. No I know a lot of people are going to hate on me for this but, think about it like this.
If you had a sandwich and everyone was drooling and staring at it, would you like that? If you had a sandwich and it was somewhere where you weren’t and was surrounded by starving people would you like that? Not saying that you are a cheater or a attention whore or anything like that, just saying that most men don’t like it when their women get stared at which is disrespectful to both you and him as it’s them sexualizing you and we all know that they just wanna stare imagining how it would be to fuck you. Also like I said most men don’t like showing off their women if they really care for them, he most likely treasures you and doesn’t want to show you off like your some sexual trophy, so people be a little more understanding as many people will just go to straight hating and say that he controlling or insecure or has trust issues.
I feel that you should cover up more and that just wear baggy sweat pants and a hoodie is often more comfortable for a lot of people so I doubt it would hurt. Although the only thing I can say is that he was doing wrong is that he said if you think you’re hot now or something which is just mean, although he honestly could have just been trying to say you were showing off and that he just worded it terribly. Although if it’s too hot to wear sweats there are other baggy clothes out there that are much more breathable and I think you should have a conversation with him, you know make him apologize for the hot thing, and talk about how to work this out so you are all comfortable.
Guys it’s an only fans ad…
Wtf
NTA
He is though… a giant one.
NTAH but he most definitely is.
YWTAH to yourself if you stay with this man. HE is insecure. HE is trying to make you small so he feels big. This type of man will be jealous of every promotion you get, every good day, he will give you bad advice, and will do his best to baby trap you so you’re forced to keep him. Please consider that he should be strutting that you come home to him. He should be building you up, not trying to make you feel bad for being strong and healthy. Know.your.worth! You are not responsible for his immaturity. This is not husband material.
The only time “too confident” is said or thought about by someone, it’s because they aren’t and can’t fathom that
NTA. It’s more than his problem with your workout clothes. It’s him not complimenting you on your progress. It’s him thinking you’re embarrassing him. It’s his self-consciousness. You deserve better, girl. Let him go.
NTA but why would you stay with this boy after he said that to you?
Lawl. My husband has some insecurities but I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that if I was walking around in public confidently he would he like whatever…… but I also use to be a stripper.
I also have titties tho so I normally wear a tank to work out when I do.
Gaslighting! Dump the chump now.
Too confident?! What kind of wimpy bullshit is that? You work hard for that look. So, you deserve it!
Honestly we all know what you wore, girls dress skimpy at the gym to get attention.
He’s a complete asshole. You don’t need that. He’s trying to be controlling and literally insulted you, and implied that you weren’t attractive before going to the gym, like wtf. Dump his ass.
What a dick
He don’t want to see you happy he wants to see you down and depressed
Leave now. Don’t spend years having this man break down your self esteem and lose your shine. You will be better off shining on your own 🙂
Insecurity aside, any 23 year old man looking to date 19 year olds should be avoided at all costs.
Ditch the bitch.
Okay, it’s a Reddit cliché that people always say “Dump him” but seriously, do you want to spend the rest of your life with such an insecure manchild? When my beloved and I were first dating everyone was looking at them, wanting them and do you know how it made me feel? Not insecure, it made me smug. This amazing person who could have had anyone they wanted, wanted me.
We’ve been together over 20 years now. Life has changed, we’ve changed but the love and respect are still there. Find someone who respects you strong enough for life.
He sounds insecure and he’s worried about the attention you’re either getting or he thinks you’ll get.
Absolutely NTA
But I can’t understand why you’re still with a guy that literally implied that you’re not hot to hin
Twat. Fuck him.
“You’re acting like you’re hot now or something”. 😒😒🥹
No good guy would say this to his partner. This also says he doesn’t think you’re attractive, OR he’s saying it solely to make you feel unattractive so that you’ll “dress down” and not get attention from others. He wants you to look unattractive in public, but speaks to you like he’d still dress nicely for other women’s attention.
Ditch him.
Clearly he wants you stay a certain way so people don’t look at you he doesn’t like that your doing right for yourself. Insecure asf and said you think you got now. Ye he gotta go
Wait, what? Don’t you mean EX-boyfriend? Seriously, pull your self-esteem out of the gutter. “acting like you’re hot now”? dump his ass. And get better standards, because a 23 year old does not date someone who is just barely out of HS (ARE you out of high school?) and can’t even legally drink. When they DO, it’s because they’re complete manipulative jerks and no woman their age will touch them, so they go after ones too young and inexperienced to realize they’re dating a worthless piece of scum.
You’re dating a worthless piece of scum.
Dump his ass yesterday, and for the love of God, don’t date anyone for a minimum of several months while you figure out WHY you EVER tolerated him saying that, AND THEN STAYED WITH HIM.
Every guy is looking at you and you’re with him? Why is he not proud of that? He should be strutting like the cock of the walk instead of trying to hide you.
Don’t tone anything down except the amount of time you spend with this idiot.
NTA. He sounds like he is hoping to bring you down a peg and ruin your confidence. What an asshole.
>You’re acting like you’re hot now or something.
Wow. How sad. Instead of complimenting you, he decides to denigrate your success on your journey to better health. How small of him! He sounds insecure and controlling. A partner should lift you up, not drag you down.
If you stay together (why???), next time tell him, “You’re acting like your opinion matters.”
NTA
Insecure little prick.
His thought process about anyone looking should be “Keep on dreaming guys, because she goes home with me.”
Oh, and yes, continue doing what you want.
Acting like you’re hot NOW? So he didn’t think you were hot before? What a douchenozzle. He isn’t right for you. He’s disrespectful, controlling and jealous.
why are these posts always the exact same barely legal young woman with a man in his early to mid 20s?
A mans insecurity is never your problem. Dump him, because he will make it your problem.
I had an insecure ex. I didnt let him project his insecurities on me and it pissed him off. All they want is control. Do NOT give it to him. Its manipulation and can spiral into abuse.
Everytime I would shut him down he got even more ridiculous, at one point he tried to tell me a mid-calf skirt was too long. I said “Okay buddy” then left his house.
I’d be singing my favorite song while painting on a video call, and he said “Oh my fucking god. Can you shut the fuck up? You and that song are so fucking annoying!” I looked at him and said “You did not just talk to me like that.” Mfer already knew what was going to happen, he said “Noo, babyyyy, I’m sorryyy.” I hung up and didn’t answer until I finished painting.
He was an inch shorter than me and insisted I wear flats 24/7. I had a pair of doc marten sandals, maybe an inch high? He always tried to belittle me when I wore them because they made our height difference obvious.
He also threatened to kill himself everytime he felt I was going to dump him. It was around that time a girl caught charges for her ex offing himself. So I gaslit the mfer into telling his mom he was suicidal, going to therapy, having a couple of sessions, then dumped him. Never. Again. I wasted 9 months with that asshat.
Your bf is pathetic, jealous, and controlling. He doesn’t respect you and views you as his property. Girl, you’re young. Don’t make excuses for his behaviour. Go find a man who actually respects you and treats you with consideration.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong, if he has an issue with it, that is his.problem, but the snarky comment about “youre acting like.youre hot now” nah, fuck that dude, you’re allowed to feel confident and you.didnt even notice any eyes on you until he pointed it out. Again, his problem,.not yours. You are allowed to wear, what you want, where you want and do what you want. You are not the AH, for this situation. He’s got jealous, we’ve likely all been jealous in our lives, but how he spoke to you is not okay.
A man being upset that his girlfriend is confident and wanting her to be less so is a huge red flag.
NTA You are not responsible for other peoples insecurities. He also intentionally tried to make you feel insecure by saying you’re not hot. Negging is a form of abuse used to make you feel less confident and therefore less likely to leave your toxic relationship. If you’re feeling guilty about what you were wearing or thinking you’re not attractive enough to wear certain clothes, then his abuse is working. Don’t fall for it and don’t date guys who call you ugly.
This is not to say that you should change anything. Wear what you feel good in and confident, it’s your choice. I just wanted to see if anybody else has noticed that the skinnier/less curvy a woman is the less noticeable a skimpy outfit will be. I feel like if your butt and breasts don’t really protrude much then nobody cares, but if a woman has an hour glass figure then there will be a lot of stares.
It’s not an invitation for anything though. People should wear what they want and everybody else should behave/mind their own business.
Also, your bf is in the wrong. He should trust you.
Onlyfans promo lol
He’s negging you because he’s insecure and afraid you’ll realize you’re too good for him and dump him.
Prove him right. The reality is you are too good for him, so dump him! 😁😁
What sets do you wear? I’m looking for some cute stuff.
What an insecure little pea. Leave him in the dust, keep working out and live your best life.