I’ve been listening to this podcast for a while and this seemed like the best place to talk about this, please help a girl out. A little background, I got invited to my cousin’s wedding a few months ago. My cousin and I were super close when we were younger but drifted apart as time went by. However, since we are family, I still snagged an invite to her beach wedding in the Hamptons. My cousin was marrying a rich man who had generational wealth and hung around the “snobby” crowd. I never really met her friends/bridesmaids, but they were very lively on all social media.
Here’s where the problems started… As I mentioned this was a beach wedding and the invitation gave us a Pinterest board so we could feel the “vibe”. The invitation clearly stated the attire was “Whites, blues, and natural hues”. I glanced at the Pinterest board and as you could expect, a very beachy Hamptons wedding. I was looking for dresses online and found a beautiful, beachy, flowy white chiffon maxi dress. I decided to treat myself and buy the dress ($120) because I thought it looked great on me, fit the theme, and I could re-wear.
It’s the day of the wedding and I show up with my family who stuck with blue (they didn’t go to buy a new outfit). Once we show up to the ceremony, we are the last few and sit in the back of the pews. The ceremony was beautiful and all the guests went to an outdoor cocktail hour and mingled. This is when I notice I’m the only one wearing white. There were a few people wearing white backgrounds with florals, but I was the only all-white. I felt self-conscious the entire night and felt like everyone was looking at me weirdly.
And then… the bridesmaids came up to me. Her maid of honor was telling me how it was disrespectful I wore all white and to “read the room”. I told her I “read the invite” and clearly stated that the theme was “whites, blues, and natural hues.” Apparently I should have known to not wear all white since it’s a wedding. Even after the wedding, I saw an insta story from the bridesmaid dissing me for taking a mirror selfie saying “Every wedding has that one guest haha”. bruh.
So please help me out, was it so obvious that I shouldn’t have worn all white? The bride hasn’t talked to me about it yet, should I apologize to her? Am I the asshole for wearing white to a wedding when it was on the dress code
EDIT: ok wow a lot of responses I feel like the asshole. I’m going to comment this edit to answer a few questions I’m seeing. I cant find the original board because I threw the invite away… (I don’t like putting them on my fridge. sue me) but I swear i remember seeing at least one full white dress on the board. I will admit, most were blue or beige. I honestly didn’t think to check in with family since it clearly said white on the invite. I’ll admit, I should have triple checked, I just thought it was some new trend how like how sometimes couples have guests wear all black or bridesmaids wear all white. The dress in question: dress
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’ve been listening to this podcast for a while and this seemed like the best place to talk about this, please help a girl out. A little background, I got invited to my cousin’s wedding a few months ago. My cousin and I were super close when we were younger but drifted apart as time went by. However, since we are family, I still snagged an invite to her beach wedding in the Hamptons. My cousin was marrying a rich man who had generational wealth and hung around the “snobby” crowd. I never really met her friends/bridesmaids, but they were very lively on all social media.
Here’s where the problems started… As I mentioned this was a beach wedding and the invitation gave us a Pinterest board so we could feel the “vibe”. The invitation clearly stated the attire was “Whites, blues, and natural hues”. I glanced at the Pinterest board and as you could expect, a very beachy Hamptons wedding. I was looking for dresses online and found a beautiful, beachy, flowy white chiffon maxi dress. I decided to treat myself and buy the dress ($120) because I thought it looked great on me, fit the theme, and I could re-wear.
It’s the day of the wedding and I show up with my family who stuck with blue (they didn’t go to buy a new outfit). Once we show up to the ceremony, we are the last few and sit in the back of the pews. The ceremony was beautiful and all the guests went to an outdoor cocktail hour and mingled. This is when I notice I’m the only one wearing white. There were a few people wearing white backgrounds with florals, but I was the only all-white. I felt self-conscious the entire night and felt like everyone was looking at me weirdly.
And then… the bridesmaids came up to me. Her maid of honor was telling me how it was disrespectful I wore all white and to “read the room”. I told her I “read the invite” and clearly stated that the theme was “whites, blues, and natural hues.” Apparently I should have known to not wear all white since it’s a wedding. Even after the wedding, I saw an insta story from the bridesmaid dissing me for taking a mirror selfie saying “Every wedding has that one guest haha”. bruh.
So please help me out, was it so obvious that I shouldn’t have worn all white? The bride hasn’t talked to me about it yet, should I apologize to her? Am I the asshole for wearing white to a wedding when it was on the dress code
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Yes. You are. You wore ALL white. To someone else’s wedding.
Whites and blues, as in florals or patterns! Nobody should ever wear white to a wedding.
NTA, but you should have known better. When I read “whites, blues, and natural hues” I assume that means white base with other colors involved somehow (as a pattern or florals or something). I wouldn’t take it to mean all white is okay. Even though the invitation didn’t specify that all white was off limits, it’s a common enough rule at weddings that I would’ve avoided it. Or at the very least asked and sent a photo beforehand to get the brides blessing. I don’t think “no all white dresses” is a rule that needs to be spelled out for people at this point.
But I think including “whites” in the dress code instead of something like “light natural colors” is inviting this kind of situation. Should you have known better, yeah. Should they have been smarter about how they communicated the dress code, also yeah.
Maybe the fact that it was flowy and made from chiffon made it seem more bridal than guest.
It is a poorly worded dress code though.
Common etiquette says you don’t wear all white to a wedding.
A blue ribbon belt or other color accessories would have helped, but yeah, even though the bride wrote that, I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to wear all white.
(Ideally, she’s better than this and didn’t care, and only her bridesmaids are classless twits who’d try to shame you.)
Yeah, look, I think you should have questioned it at some point before the day of the wedding and asked her or others in your family if it was ok.
The fact that you were the only one seems to indicate that no one else had an issue understanding that ‘whites’ being a part of the theme didn’t necessarily mean a person could wear an all white maxi dress.
Maybe she could have been clearer but who wants to see ‘theme includes white but still don’t wear all white lol’ on an invitation. I feel like it goes without saying these days.
To me, ‘whites’ plural already suggests that the theme is a palette/mixture of colours, not ‘you can wear white’.
Soft yta because I don’t think you meant anything bad by it. Just apologise to her, explain your mistake and learn from it.
Edit: oof just saw the edit with the dress. The description says ‘Gliding down the aisle is effortless in this chiffon dress…’ gurl. YTA
Even though the invitation said “white,” I think most people would know it doesn’t mean an all white long dress with no other colors (conventionally reserved for the bride only). You made a mistake and even if it wasn’t intentional, you were “that guest” (who always swears up and down they didn’t know better 😆.) Once you noticed, you couldn’t like… grab a colored shawl or something?
YTA! Unless the invitation specifically says “All guests must wear white!” you do NOT wear white. Why didn’t you jays wear blue?!
Soft YTA. The bride and groom could have been clearer about the dress code. However, I think that when one attends a (western) wedding as a guest, one should always avoid wearing an all white gown. That is just a common-sense rule of thumb
White.
Long.
Chiffon.
Flowy.
Every thing about it screams bridal gown.
Common sense should have told you this.
Did you bother getting your family’s or friend’s opinions?
YTA.
Is the dress still online? Super interested to see what it looked like.
Anyone going to the Hampton’s for a wedding knew better than to wear white. YTA.
YTA
Advice for anyone in the future, stick to blues for weddings if there isn’t a specific dress code. Fancy weddings, Navy Blue. Casual, pastel or any light blue.
It sounds like it was a confusing invite, but I think the bride and co assumed that most people understood not to wear all white. But, that could have been made explicit so as not to confuse when naming “whites” as an acceptable color.
Still, a maxi all white dress is a bold choice. I wouldn’t have gone that route – I would have probably gone blues or a pattern with blues / neutrals and maybe a hint of white mixed in. It’s probably hard for people to believe that you didn’t know your dress choice isn’t considered okay for a wedding.
You messed up. Contact the bride and take her out to properly explain and apologise. Considering you were the only one who wore all white, then yeah it should’ve been obvious. Not gonna sugar coat it, but it was a stupid mistake. Don’t make excuses don’t double down, and just take full responsibility that you made a stupid mistake, and hopefully this is something you guys can laugh about in the future.
Not quite an asshole but certainly clueless. It’s a no no to wear white to someone else’s wedding unless for some reason you’re asked to.
YTA. Everyone knows this. Don’t be obtuse.
You never wear white to a wedding.
A white background with floral etc print.
YTA. This isn’t rocket science. You wore a long, white gown to a wedding that wasn’t yours.
Ooof, yeah, YTA. 😬 Sorry you didn’t know the universal no-no of wearing all white to someone’s wedding. Best to take this as a lesson learned and apologize to your cousin.
YTA. You owe your cousin an apology.
YTA. You should have known better. Esh
Not wearing white to a wedding is pretty basic stuff. Now you know, I guess.
YTA honestly, even if I read that I’d still think twice/ask the bride if she truly meant all white was ok if a long white flowy chiffon gown was truly what you thought was appropriate.
I’d reach out & apologize to clear the air
You definitely should have known better than to wear what you did. Clearly it wasn’t malicious intent but it was definitely an oversight on your part.
Unless you get invited to a wedding that explicitly states please wear all white or black and white wedding etc, don’t ever wear all white. A white ground with colorful florals is totally different.
Yeah, a little bit of an AH. I assume she meant people could wear creams and off whites mixed with other colours. Not a floor length white chiffon gown. Girl? Is this your first rodeo?
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Ngl, you might be dumb. White for men’s blouses, blue for women’s dresses.
You wore a long, flowy, chiffon dress, and all white dress, not white background to florals, but solid white. What on earth made you think solid white was ever OK to wear. Apologize to your cousin.
All white MAXI dress. And chiffon on top of that.
This post has got to be a joke. No one real would do this, regardless of what the invite said.
From the dress website:
“Ready to ride off into the sunset
“Gliding down the aisle is effortless in this chiffon dress with tying straps that rest above the square neckline and figure-fitting bodice. The full A-line skirt sways with every step you take as a thigh-high side slit lends effortless movement along the sweeping maxi hem. Hidden back zipper/clasp.”
GLIDING DOWN THE AISLE!!! You bought a freaking wedding dress to wear to a wedding. The website even suggests a veil to go with the dress. come on. I hope this is rage bait cause no one is that dumb.
Yes
Girl, the website suggests a veil to complete the look. This seems to be more like a simple wedding dress vs. a guest dress. Yes you messed up, just apologize and learn from this.
YTA. I looked at the page you posted. I scrolled down to the reviews. Most of the reviews were for a wedding event from the bride. If people are using this as a bridal/engagement/rehearsal dinner dress, then it isn’t for guests to wear to a wedding. That wasn’t just a white, beachy summer dress. It was a beachy bridal gown. You could have saved yourself a lot of embarrassment if you had read the reviews and noticed they were from brides. And that the suggested accessories included a veil.
YTA. Even if I saw white in the invite, I would assume it would not mean all white.
Yeah YTA. Never ever wear white to a wedding.
Yes, YTAH. “Whites…” NOT “All white dress to look like you are the bride.”
Connotation not just literally interpretation next time you “read the invitation”.
Girl, that’s in the section for brides on the website. If a dress can be considered “bridal”in any way, you steer clear.
The dress link is to a ‘Wedding Shop’
Lmao. This dress comes with literal vail as a suggested accessory. There’s “whites” and then there is this blatantly obvious wedding dress with very little beach vibe and a helluva lot bride vibe.
My wedding gown looked almost identical to that dress just mine didn’t have a slit
YTA.
Yeah, you really should have read the room. My sister recently went to a black and white wedding where EVERYONE was only allowed to wear black or white.
Every single woman turned up in a black dress. It was still a wedding after all.
Op, you wore a long white bridal gown to a wedding. You were the only one, which further shows everyone in attendance knew this extremely common etiquette rule. You are the only one who didn’t.
You even bought the dress from a bridal store. It wasn’t a mother of the bride or a bridesmaid dress. It was a wedding dress wth a suggested accessory a veil!!
You cannot be this big of a nitwit.
You wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding.
You know YTA. Stop.
Easiest YTK
Where else are you going to wear this gown?
That is not a dress anyone but the bride should wear to a wedding.
Jesus, you are the asshole.
The description of the dress on the website implies it’s a wedding dress with “gliding down the aisle”. All the reviews are from brides.
Got a good laugh, thanks OP.
Why would you wear an all white dress to a wedding if you aren’t the bride?
I’m fucking amazed you didn’t get kicked out. What an absolute dog’s act.
That’s a wedding dress. Even if the dress code was “everyone wear white!” this would still be a bad choice because it’s a WEDDING DRESS. White suits for the guys, maybe a white flowy tunic over long flowy pants, but not a white chiffon maxi dress.
YTA big time.
Well, at least you can wear it to your own wedding.
Never wear all white as a guest to a wedding. Decades old convention. Considered disrespectful and narcissistic, taking away from the Bride. A Lt Blue and white print would have been more appropriate.
YTA – I think that most sensible people will not see white mentioned on the invite and think “I can wear a wedding dress then”.
The problem here isn’t that you wore white so much, it’s that you chose to wear a dress from a wedding shop, that is very obviously designed to be worn as a wedding dress and literally talking about “gliding down the aisle” in the description. I don’t really believe anyone with honest intentions wouldn’t think twice before buying it about whether it’s appropriate, so I am guessing you were trying to make some kind of statement.
Yta. Absolutely delulu to wear an all white dress to a western wedding, the invite meant like white background with blue pattern or florals maybe.
There are white dresses and there are wedding dresses. You wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. The link you provide has a “complete the look” with a veil and heels. YTA.
I was already convinced she messed up but when I clicked On the link it was legit a wedding dress lmfao. Like a casual beach wedding dress lmfao.
>Apparently I should have known to not wear all white since it’s a wedding.
Yes.
Girl, that dress is a wedding dress. You can’t possibly be that dim.
Girllllllllll lol you cannot be for real right now. Showing the actual dress made it even worse. You wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. YTA
You wanted a dress you could re-wear? For what, your future wedding? This has to be a troll post
You wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. YTA
Did you complete the look with a veil as suggested?
Not only did you wear a white dress, you wore a wedding dress. I cannot comprehend the mental gymnastics you would have to do to think it’s appropriate to wear a wedding dress to SOMEONE ELSES WEDDING!!!
That’s a wedding dress. This has to be rage bait.
YTA, that dress is a straight up bridal dress. I was really leaning towards a difficult NTA but when I saw the dress I was like, oh, okay, lmao, that’s a straight up 500% huuuuuuuuuuuuge asshole move.
After seeing the dress, I understand why the bridesmaids were upset; it definitely looks like something that a bride would wear to a beach wedding.
Unfortunately, you learned about this social rule the hard way.
The way the invitation was worded was confusing for anyone who doesn’t know the rule “don’t wear white to a wedding.”
You wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding (just to be clever!). You deserve all the flak you are getting.
Oh good grief.. you legit wore a wedding dress to the wedding. They actually recommend which veil looks best with it.
When the invite says “whites, blues and natural hues” it means wear stuff with those colours in it. White background with blue flowers, tan with an earthy trim… not a sold white wedding dress.
I don’t know.. this feels intentional. This isn’t an oops with a midi length eyelet sundress. It’s a wedding gown. I have a hard time believing that anyone is dumb enough to ‘accidentally’ think this would fit the dress code.
YTA. I just saw the dress and girl, you had to know that leans bridal especially at a beach. You should have gone with blue or a print.
Ok am coming after your edit, and if this is in fact the dress, you are a HUGE AH.
That is literally a wedding dress OP. There is no way you can feign ignorance or being naive.
There is literally a “complete the look with veil and shoes.
The reviews show brides who eloped, did courthouse, destination weddings and rehearsal dinners.
I am kind of shocked it took so long for anyone to approach you about the dress and you weren’t kicked out.
Send her a letter of apology. Hopefully she will accept it…
YTA.
JFC
You wore a wedding dress. Seriously.
YTA. A really big one.
You wore a wedding dress. Not cool.
If this isn’t bait, YTA.
I don’t think you’re an AH. I just think you may be a little dumb. The fact that it said white was one of the colors should’ve given you pause long enough to clarify with someone. You just assumed it would be ok, and went with it.
YTA. It looks like a simple wedding dress, you can’t be that dense
Girl be so fuckin for real right now.
That was a god damn wedding dress and she knew it.
The description of the dress: “Gliding down the aisle is effortless in this chiffon dress with tying straps that rest above the square neckline and figure-fitting bodice.”
Girl.
INFO – You brought the dress online, how did you decide to buy it because it looks great on you if you hadn’t tried it on?
I would have said NotTA because it was on the invite/inspo board, but looking at that dress… mate 😬
You messed up. “Whites” being a part of the attire are often times meant to be an accent or background color with an additional color or pattern on top of it. A solid white dress is a wedding dress. It’s not okay to wear a solid white dress as a guest unless you’ve been pre-approved by the bride or you’re part of the wedding party and that color was chosen for you. I will never understand how people do not know that you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding.
OP, if this is a real post, yes the invitation was definitely confusing but as a generally socially aware person living in the United States, I would have avoided white. That said, the bride herself doesn’t sound super smart and it’s hard to imagine what she was thinking putting that on the invitation — perhaps she envisioned the white as being, idk, some of the men’s shirts?!
I also think, y’know, you probably could/should have called another family member to double check your understanding of the attire request.
So, bride’s fault but yeah you should have known better. But you don’t sound self centered to me, just a bit naive.
I haven’t read all the comments or updates, but I’ll just add that if you want to mend fences, you can always call your cousin and say “Hey, in hindsight it’s really obvious to me that I should have asked you for clarification on the dress code before choosing that dress, but I want you to know I truly thought that I was just following your color palette request and meant no disrespect. It was a lovely night, and I was really happy to be there and wish you all the best.”
‘Whites’ to me would indicate off white hues, NOT a full white dress.
How did you get a dress online that you already knew looked good on you? I’m sure somebody’s already asked this ….
that is the most non wedding wedding dress I’ve ever seen without being a wedding dress. You really showed up in all white??. Unless you’re 12 years old, how is it that you didn’t know that you don’t wear an all white dress to a wedding ?
Can we see some pictures from the wedding I mean clearly there were plenty because other bridesmaids shared them
YTA, did you get the veil to complete the look?
Never thought I’d see discussions of clothing from where I used to work, but here we are 😂😂😂😂
Girl that’s a wedding dress and you know it. There are so many clues before purchase that indicate it’s a wedding dress. YTA.
Apologize to your family and expect that your relationships will be more strained from here on out.
This is a totally B.S. post. I did check out the picture of the dress: NO ONE would think that was okay to wear to a wedding.
Sorry girl but that dress is a wedding dress, you were that guest. YTA, but since you didn’t do it maliciously just learn to read better
I’m not buying the bs that you thought it would be ok to wear an all white dress, let alone go out of your way to buy an all white dress. You didn’t even think enough to ask the question to someone if they thought it was ok…. Yeah right
You are either as dense as a rock or you are straight up lying.
Does the bride not know people are dumb? It said white & someone showed up in white. What did she think was going to happen?
In protest of this entire misbegotten trend of brides attempting to be amateur Art Directors for their weddings, I am going to wear MacMillan tartan to every wedding from now on.
I’m not a woman, but think it was fair to wear white since the invite clearly said so. However, as a rule of thumb, you should never outshine the bride or groom. The dress in the link looked like a wedding gown. For that reason, you should have avoided it.
I think the instructions were unclear and anyone could have made this mistake.
I would have interpreted that invite to be asking guests to wear white, which has been a thing I’ve seen lately, especially with beachy weddings, although I probably would have included color with it (like a wrap or belt or something). I’m so sick of fucking color dress codes like this and people getting pissed about invitees being confused.
I always giggle at those “no white allowed” cause that’s just not my culture 😂 I would never have a problem with anyone else wearing this at my wedding but I do understand your cousin
OP wears a literal wedding dress to someone else’s wedding
Also OP aita for wearing a wedding dress to someone’s wedding?
Just apologise, admit it was a mistake and misunderstanding on your part and not something deliberate.
If the person getting married is close friend/family send them an apology gift too