My SIL (brother’s wife) Callie is around 30 and her latest life’s mission is to convince my parents that I (27F) have mental issues.
I am a clean person. Not the type to shower 10 times/day but still I consider myself clean. Except of keeping my body clean, I like to have everything around me smelling nice and that includes me as well. I am a very big perfume lover. I always wear perfume, my clothes always smell nice, my sheets smell nice, my house smells nice and I get complimented on it a lot. I use laundry perfume, pillow perfume, house perfume, you name it. Most of the people who come near me or in my house love it and I often get asked the brands that I am using. My husband loves it as well and honestly I have never met a single person in this life to ask me why I smell like perfume and not like sweat. The only exception is Callie who is sure that I have some sorts of mental health issues. She oscilates from depression to OCD to ASD. I have none. Don’t get me wrong people who have this kind of diagnoses have nothing to be ashamed of but I don’t have any. And I am tired of years of diagnostics declared by a bored person who has no ocupation and no life.
At first my parents laughed it off. But after years of this lunatic insisting to diagnose me with something, my mom started having doubts because she wants the best for me. I asked her to stop for the same number of years. I was polite, I was less polite but still not hurtful, I talked to my brother, I talked to her. Nothing worked and yesterday I finally lost it. After yet another comment about my “disease” I started screaming at her. I called her a lunatic, I told her that just because I am not disgusting like her does not mean I have mental health issues. I asked her to leave me the fuck alone, to get a life and stop talking about mine. That washing your hands after you use the toilet, wearing perfume so you don’t stink like garbage and keeping your house clean and fresh does not mean you have a disability. I also told her she is the last person to try to diagnose anyone and asked her what gives her the impression she is smart enough to know things. She is a mediocre person, no superior education, to career, no ocupation. Nothing at all. But still she feels like she has enough knowledge to determine if someone has anything.
My father is on my side and told my brother that if his wife ever opens her mouth again to try to suggest I have any condition she will not be allowed to their house anymore. I should not be bullied in my own childhoon home and it ends now. My mom and brother however were moved by her tears and ask me to apologize to her. I refuse. I understand I was an AH but I feel like I am justified. And honestly even if I am not justified I am sick and tired of this idiot. I would not suffer if I don’t have to see her anymore. Actually my life would be better with not having to see her.
Comments
NTA
Lol this made me cackle. NTA. These kinds of people legit always try to diagnose ppl with wtv bs they think others have, over the smallest traits. Her mentioning it once or twice is one thing, but you telling her stop and her continuing? Yeah she overstepped. You’re in the right, however you should apologize for calling her names. You shouldn’t be sorry that you stood up for yourself tho.
Wait so she has no experience in the field of mental health but still thinks she’s capable of diagnosing someone
NTAH
NTA. What an insufferable jerk! You put up with her crap way too long, as did the rest of your family. She deserves no apology and owes you a huge apology for harassing you for years.
NTA – if it’s not affecting your life negatively in any way, it’s not likely to be a mental illness and whether it is or not, if not hurting anyone, is still not a good reason for someone else to meddle without consent.
Honestly, I’d be asking her if SHE has a mental illness from trying to diagnose people while not a psychiatrist/psychologist. If no degree, then she’s just a conspiracy theorist wielding pseudo-psychology. I’d be pointing out that it’s illegal to practice without an actual degree and accreditation in a whole lotta places and she’s in trouble if someone reports her. That might actually cool her jets.
NTA. Diagnose her back. Go in HARD. Inferiority complex. ASPD. OCD about other people. Google some. Get AI to write you a message to the family.
NTA good for you I would’ve snapped the 2nd time she brought it up in front of the family.
> I always wear perfume, my clothes always smell nice, my sheets smell nice, my house smells nice and I get complimented on it a lot. I use laundry perfume, pillow perfume, house perfume, you name it. Most of the people who come near me or in my house love it and I often get asked the brands that I am using.
People are asking because it’s polite to talk about things that very clearly matter to the person you’re talking to, but most people don’t like that much scent in their lives and a few of us find it actively disgusting because the chemicals involved in a lot of perfumes taste nasty (and we can taste them when there’s that much in the air).
I used to dread having to talk to a certain coworker because I could taste her perfume as soon as the elevator doors opened and it was gross. Fragrance-free environments are a godsend.
YTA for using that much perfume.
You’re not the AH, she is. This is literally harassment and like you said, she’s not board certified in anything, she doesn’t even have a job. I think she’s projecting and maybe she’s trying to diagnose herself.
NTA about this, but as someone who is immediately debilitated by migraines if I smell perfumes, YTA for forcing that shit on people in public. People like you make my life absolutely miserable. If I go to a store or a theater and someone is near me wearing a bunch of perfume, I have to leave. And sometimes I have to take the day off work, or the next day, depending on how long my migraine lasts, so you may not have ever met someone who doesn’t like it, but that’s because they’re probably some person in a movie theater who just had their day ruined by your need to force your scent preferences on everyone. Hard YTA about that but it’s not a mental illness – you’re just thoughtless.
Vacillating between NTAH and ESH. Your description of all those competing fragrances you use gave me a migraine just reading it.
NTA, and honestly it sounds like SIL is the one with the mental problem. My petty self says to start inundating her with articles/videos/blog posts about Munchausen by Proxy. It typically occurs in caregivers/parents, but everything else aligns with what it sounds like she’s doing.
NTA and I’d be bringing up the fact that it looks like she’s deflecting/projecting and should maybe focus on getting herself seen for these issues…
I hate people who couldn’t find the hole in a net that try to speak like they’re fucking experts on a subject. And they are always so wrong it’s comical. NTA you stood up for yourself, I’m proud of you.
NTA! I.. probably do have a small problem with how much I clean, but I want a clean space. It’s important for my mental health that it, and I, are clean.
Can I ask what laundry perfume you use? I’m curious as I haven’t heard of laundry, pillow or house perfume before but I’d love to know where to start.
NTA. I bet she won’t call you crazy anymore. 😂
100% pure projection
That being said, we wouldn’t be friends because I don’t like scents, but just like things to smell clean….I avoid the detergent and candle aisles
Your SIL is a bully and is using ‘mental health’ as her weapon. The old saying goes, ‘mess with the bull, get the horns’. SIL just got the horns. Good for you. Don’t take any more guff from her going forward. And absolutely do not apologize to ‘keep the peace’.
JFC…
My eyes burned and nose started to run thinking about all the allergens in your house and around you.
I need an antihistamine after reading about the exposure.
We’d not be able to share space.
Perfumes, scents, fragrances are killers for anyone with breathing issues as well.
And people who don’t wear perfume “do not smell like garbage” unless you have olfactory issues.
HOWEVER that’s your house and your way and unless your SIL’s allergic reaction is to turn into a medical professional instead of having her mucus membranes either flood or dry up, she’s out of line.
You are not wrong to want to be respected and to live as you live without someone deciding you are mentally ill.
NTA
No apology needed. This woman has crossed so many boundaries and has been bullying you for years. I’m glad you finally put her in her place.
ESH. Since YOU love perfume so much, you do have a right to enjoy it. The best place would be within your surroundings. When you extend your preference into the community, it becomes everyone else’s problem.
What if someone sits next to you and your perfume playing Viking metal on full blast and the sound spreads far and wide? Is that a you problem or a them problem or just an ESH problem?
A little common courtesy can go a long way. You don’t need a diagnosis. Just some self awareness.
NTA for your question. Wanting to be clean and smell nice doesn’t make you mentally ill.
But I do want to say, many many many people have issues with scents. It is possible to smell nice without drowning yourself and everything else in perfumes. People who have asthma or allergies sometimes have severe issues due to perfumes.
I went to my orthopedic doctors office, which is in a huge building. When I walked into the vestibule, there was a lady sitting on a bench and one sniff, and I was in a severe asthma attack from her perfume.
My point is just to be aware of how strong your scents are. And remember that you become nose blind after a while, so sometimes it’s hard to tell how much is too much.
NTA, your mom and brother are just as much a problem as your brothers idiot wife.
NTA
With all my allergies I would not be able to share space with you. That said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and they should have shut her down years ago.
You are not an asshole. You told her politely several times and she ignored you. Sometimes the brick works.
NTA. If she isn’t a medical professional and you aren’t her patient, then she shouldn’t be trying to diagnose you with anything.
Updateme!
NTA. Something something projection, I dunno. Not gonna try to diagnose anybody myself. I’m just gonna call OP’s SIL a bird-brained dingbat busybody and leave it at that.
She sounds nuts, thankfully your dad can see through her, next time if there is one, tell her to F&@€ off, walk away and tell your Dad.
NTA
Sometimes, some people won’t listen until you have to speak harshly. You tried nicely, you tried halfway, this was what was left. Don’t apologise.
If they start again, tell them it never should have taken you having to speak like that for her to listen.
Edit: are we talking about a light spritz? Or are you slathering yourself in it?
I can diagnose people too although I am not a doctor. SIL has idiotitis.
NTA – I would have lost it as well.
I do think using perfume on literally everything is weird and that thinking you need perfume to not stink is just a misconception (if you genuinely need it to not stink, there might indeed be a medical reason for it) – but none of that sounds like a mental health issue to me, just like a different lifestyle.
So because you 1. like things to be clean, 2. like things to smell nice, and 3. like to be clean, that means you have some sort of mental problem? Being a “clean freak” isn’t a disorder in the DSM-V, and it isn’t a symptom of any disorder. NTAH.
NTA even if you did have a condition, her behavior would be deeply inappropriate and harmful. You also gave all of them time to address it before you did and they decided to let it fall to you. As someone with a “nuclear” setting, it is best they not let family issues get to me to handle.