My wife and I have been married for 14 years. When we met, she already had an 11-year-old son who is now 25. He has started his own family, lives on his own. Has given us 2 grandkids. We married within a year, moved out, and raised him together. His father was never in the picture, he was in and out of jail and was physically abusive to both my son and my wife so he had no custody or visitation.
Once every few years, we’d receive a check for a few hundred dollars. We’d give some to our son and use the rest towards bills. To this day he owes well over a 50k. Today, to our surprise, we received a payment for $3000.
My wife wants to give our son half, but we both know that our son will not only insist on the full amount being given to him, he’ll get very upset about it as well. His wife, knowing her for many years, will likely also tell him he deserves all of it. I believe my wife is entitled to at least half for obvious reasons.
We are considering giving him the money but not telling him where it came from. AITAH
Comments
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Your son sounds like kind of a dick if he’d really expect that money at 25.
Just keep the money. You were clearly out close to $50,000 in funds that could have helped with his upbringing. Problem solved.
NTA
Giving him money as a gift and not telling him is a pretty good option IMO if will cause stress/trauma response, but the money is for child support. I think it should go to your kid.
NTA
Your wife (and by extension you as well) is entitled to the child support as the person who raised him.
If you must tell him, then explain that by law child support is never owed to the child, always to the parent and if he complains about how much you give him then he doesn’t get any. And by you obviously I mean your wife should be the one explaining this as the mom in this situation.
That money is to pay back his mother for childhood expenses she accrued. Not for the son.
NTA. Child support payments are what they are named on the tin. They are not for the child, but to help cover the costs one party incurs to raise the child. In this case 100% of the child support payments belong to the mom, who is the party on the divorce decree.
Give him his half as a Christmas present.
Chances are he will eventually find out. If he has student debt, use the money to pay towards that. Otherwise, I suggest you deposit it in an account separate from your other money and let it ride for a while to see if there will be more.
Split the difference and put it in an education fund for the grandkids?
Isn’t he just going to wonder why you are suddenly giving him money?
Your son isn’t legally entitled to any of it. Your wife is the person entitled to it. Child support is meant to reimburse the parent for the cost of raising a child.
If youand your wife chose to give any portion to your son, it would be a gift.
You could possibly sock the funds or part of the funds away in a separate account and use them later to help him with a down payment on a house or another purchase that will actually help him in the future verses blowing it on small junk now. Your son also doesn’t need to know that you have this separate account or that you’ve been receiving back child support payments. It is quite possible you will receive additional payments in the future, too.
If your wife is entitled to half, why can’t she give her half where she wants to?
I think that not telling your son the source is doomed to failure. He’ll ask.
And I think that you are underestimating your step-son, he’s old enough to understand that mom has been covering the shortage in bio-dad’s child support and will be happy to get $1500.
NAH
You and his mom covered the costs for his dad growing up, this money pays you two back. She is entitled to 100% of it.
How did you guys raise someone so entitled they’d want money that’s owed to your wife to cover expenses she’s already paid for.
It’s really nice to want to give him half, but I absolutely wouldn’t bring it up at all if he’s going to act like a spoiled brat about a generous gift. He’s not entitled to this money – at all
Your son has no entitlement to that money. Child support means money going for support of the child. Food, Clothing, shelter, dental, medical, and any extra curricular activities that comes from raising children. He owes you 50,000 back pay from all of that. I would keep that money and invest it into your grandchildren’s college funds.
Over the years, you and your wife are the ones who made the sacrifices to raise him without the child support you were owed… Not your son.
You should be reimbursed, not him.
You and your wife are entitled to the whole thing, not half.
NTA even if you give him nothing.
What a shame. He made it to 25, but never grew up.
NTA. But I’d consider that money payback for the years that went with $0 help & wouldnt give the son anything.
NTA. Don’t give him the money.. you and your wife raised him. He didn’t raise himself. And if you know they’re going to want the full amount.. you know what kind of people they are..
Technically, the child support is the mothers because she supported the child and that’s his part of being a parent. My ex ex-husband owes me well over $$165,000 but I supported my children he had no part of raising them or any expenses that I had to pay out for babysitters, housing, food, etc. that’s technically her money
INFO: What are the obvious reasons? Does she have outstanding bills or debts accrued from childcare, or by sacrifices she made for childcare, to which that money would go?
That money is for providing quality of life for her son, it is not alimony for her. Keeping half without telling him comes across as predatory. Speak to him about it.
If he acts like that, give him 0. It’s support which you and your wife are now being compensated for.
That support was to raise the child. Food, housing, clothing. It’s was never intended for kids to spend. It’s your wife’s money. She did the raising.
That money isn’t for your son. It’s for you and your wife to cover the expenses incurred raising him. As a parent who paid child support, I wouldn’t be giving the arrears to the kids. You should use it towards things like retirement savings which were compromised by the bio dad not paying his fair share.
The money is your wife’s (and yours).
It belongs to her for covering child care expenses at the time he was a dependant child.
The dependant child is no longer dependant.
If you don’t need or want the money and don’t want to deal with it – start a college fund for his children.
Deposit the money there.
Bio can provide for future generations and make his child’s life easier down the road.
This happened to me. My youngest of 3 walked out the door at 19, going into the military and almost immediately I started getting back child support.
Their bio father had been injured on a job site and after avoiding CS for 18 years, managed to get a disability pension from the employer. His CS was deducted from those checks until he was caught up.
I received cheques monthly for a couple of years. At that time we were raising a grandchild and we used that money to pay for daycare fees.
NTA
Unless the kid was buying his own food and paying his own expenses, he isn’t entitled to a dime of that money.
The money is not for him, it is for his mother. The money is to compensate her for housing/clothing/feeding/caring for him for years and years.
Don’t give him the money if he thinks he is owed it. Go on vacation with it. Seriously, is he some kind of entitled brat?
INFO: Does your son know about these random payments? And would he know about the FULL amount or only if your wife tells him?
Frankly, it’s you and your wife’s money for raising him. IF… and big if… you decide to give him some, that’s on you. He’s not entitled to it AT ALL. That money was already “spent” raising him. It’s not just forwarded on to him because “he’s the child”. It’s child SUPPORT
Nope. That money goes to your wife and her only. If there is perhaps a gift- a family vacation perhaps- that she wants to indulge in for him to for it. But the money is for her
That 3000$ payment is trackable for life… you accepted it no?
You want problems? This is the fastest way to create tension in a household.
NTA, but get ready to find a new wife
Child support goes to the parent to assist with the cost of rearing children.
The money is for your wife, not your son.
This should all go to your wife. It was for child support which she took care of for years. It’s to pay her back for things like a coat in 9th grade. Frankly if that would be his attitude he doesn’t deserve a cent.
NTA but I wouldn’t tell them at all.. take them out for dinner or family day out, like $250 or whatever but then keep the rest
It’s called Child Support. Mom had to make do without that money and now gets about 8% of the amount she had to do without (let’s ignore interest/inflation/etc)
It’s hers, not his – don’t say a word.
If he had paid child support through the years it would go towards the child, food, clothing etc! So give some to the son and say that is what you received or don’t tell him where it came from!
NTA. That is his mother’s money. I would not give him a dime. Especially if he’s gonna be a jerk.
Who ever paid for the child’s upbringing is entitled to the money, this is money that they spent on the child, that person(s) can do whatever they desire with the money, no one else is entitled to anything, the (step)father should be commended for stepping up for this child’s .
Love these answers. Can sure tell who raised kids with no support and who didn’t.
The son is an entitled little….well. I’ll stop there.
That money belongs to your wife, not the kid, for all the things SHE paid for that the deadbeat didn’t.
NTA
It sounds like your 25 yo son feels he is entitled to child support back payments to his mom?
Got to talk to him and figure out what he is really feeling, see if that’s what it is
sounds unreasonable at face value but assumptions are being made. Always show up and get 1st hand perspective otherwise you’re just bullshitting hypotheticals
people talk about arguing and they say you have to validate someone’s feelings, that’s bullshit, instead you have to understand what they are feeling for yourself so you know who you are talking to
Your wife is entitled to the whole freaking check. Child support is not an allowance for the child. It’s for the expenses of raising a child. Your son shouldn’t even know about the money. It’s none of his business.
That technically isn’t his money to begin with. That is paying back part of the money that you and your wife spent raising him and providing for him.
Child support is to SUPPORT the child, NOT to be given to the child. Therefore, your wife is entitled to 100% of the money as it should go towards the costs associated with raising him: rent/mortgage, utilities, health insurance and medical costs, school supplies/clothes, extra curricular activities, before/after school care or summer camp, etc.
That’s money meant for his mother. She was the one who paid for everything for her son. That’s why she’s getting it. If he was still a child it would go to shoes, food, housing, etc. She already paid for all of that herself. He isn’t actually entitled to any of it, but she’s being a good enough mother to give him some.
She already gave him everything his dad didn’t. This is paying her back for her having to do it all NTA at all
The amount of kids that think back pay the mother gets belongs to them is shocking. I was a single mom of 3 kids for years, no child support. The state finally found him and started garnishing his wages. The kis we re older out of high-school when they finally started get money not even alot but better than nothing.. but they never demanded it was there’s. They knew what I did for them growing up and they also said I deserved it after all this time. The adult child that has his owne family doesn’t deserve any of it. I wouldn’t e en tell him about it.
NTA I wouldn’t give him any of it if he’s that entitled.
Child support is to help cover expenses for the child. During the time his share was supposed to be coming in you and your wife were covering HIS share of expenses. That money is yours.
I think it’s nice that you want to give him some but it’s not great that you think he and his wife would expect it ALL.
Go on vacation.
The child support doesn’t go TO the child. The child support goes towards the expenses to raise the child. The money is for food, clothing, housing, school, etc.
Even if the deadbeat father paid a lump sum of $50k, it still doesn’t go to the son, it goes to the people who raised him for 18 years and paid the expenses of having a child.
You can be generous with your son and grandkids if you want, but don’t tell them where the money came from. Even though it’s not theirs anyway.
NTA, a gift is a gift and if he asks questions, no more gifts.
NTA
Your son is not entitled to the money any more than he is responsible for his fathers (50k) debt. This 3k drops what the father owes in back payments to your wife and yourself to 47k as you (as a yeam) obviously had to cover the biological fathers lack of payments while raising your son.
I wouldn’t bother telling your son as it is none of his business.
Actually, your wife is entitled to ALL of it. Child support doesn’t go to the children, it goes to the parent who is housing, feeding and caring for the children. It’s a big misconception that kids are entitled to part of the money. They are not.
So I say, do what you want with it and if you want some to go to your son’s family, put it aside and at an opportune time, just gift it to them and don’t mention dear old dad.
Spend it on the grandkids.
NTA but that won’t belong to your wife not your son. Child support is to pay the mother for the expenses that a child a cruise while they’re raising them. That money was to help her pay for school clothes, shoes, activities, shelter, food. He is not entitled to receive a penny of that moneynor would he have been when he was a minor child. That money is not a gift like it’s Christmas or his birthday that money is to help support the child expenses growing up.
I don’t understand the not telling him part. He probably has a gigantic chip on his shoulder about his father. The fact this guy did anything might actually bring him an ounce of comfort.
If you and mom paid 6K for medical expenses or tuition or a car for him and dad was supposed to cover half… why would that money go to your son when it shows up years later? You don’t get to tell businesses and schools that you’ll only pay half retail because you’re owed child support. He already had that 3K and many thousands of dollars spent on him. If you’re in a great financial position, maybe give it to him as a gift or put away for the grandkids. But if you do decide to give it to him, that money is from YOU. No need to mention that knucklehead.
It’s hers to do with however she feels. He doesn’t even need to know the cheque arrived.
That money is for moms expenses during his childhood. Hes not entitled to the money or demanding he receives it.
If my dead beat father EVER pays the 18k+ he owes in child support I would not be hounding my mom for even a piece of it. I’m not entitled to that money, it was payback for her raising me and paying for me ALONE.
Raising children costs money. His father didn’t do his part and that’s why he owes his mother child support. Not the child.
If you want to give him half do that, but don’t say it came from child support. Maybe Ma got lucky on a scratcher ticket, who knows? Not him. NTA.
NTA I would deposit the money in my account and not say a word.
NTA. That money belongs to your wife and to you. If you want to toss some his way, that would be very kind, but not necessary. You could save it and give them some cash at Christmas.
This is your wife’s money to pay towards any costs she incurred on her own raising her son. If it had been paid when it was supposed to have been paid she would have put it towards his expenses not gifted hom a lump sum.
I may be too far in the grey area. Honestly does it matter where the money goes. If raising your son without his bio dad consistently paying has put a hole in anything financially like credit card debt or overdue payments of any sort I would understand keeping the money, but to simply keep the money because it wasnt paid to you when he was under 18 and because you “deserve it” is a tad selfish. When my mom was in this situation her and my dad (not my brothers) gave him the money because it’s child support aka meant for the child to benefit from even if they are in their 20’s and it’s late as hell
That money was to raise the son. He never contributed during the raising of the son that is all back pay owed to your wife. School cloths medical bills sports groceries anything that contributed to raising the son. It is never for the kids or the friend of court would hold it till the kids are 18 than release it to them. Its for the pare ts
I say keep all of it and don’t say a word! Yall raised him 18 year it cost yall well over $3000!
Give it to him. Tell him the truth.
Growing up knowing a parent abandoned you, sucks. That $3k is not even a dent in what is really owed to him.
Does your wife need the money? Is it to pay off some residual debt she still owes from raising him?
At this point it seems weird to keep the money from him. Maybe he has therapy bills
I wouldn’t be so quick to say how the son will react. You have no idea. You haven’t told him. I kinda get the idea there is resentment there and if I were you I would be asking myself why.
That money belongs to his mother for raising him. She doesn’t owe her son any of this sporadic child support money that she receives. She already brought up her child. The bio-dad/sperm donor owes it to the mother. It’s nice to pass along some of it to her son if she wants to. She shouldn’t disclose any amounts she’s receiving. If your wife passes away, your son can petition the court to change the payee to him. As long as she’s alive, the CS money is owed to her.
This isn’t your son’s money. This is money for his past support. Because your wife didn’t receive it when she should have, she & you had to make up the difference. If your wife is ever paid back for the remaining past child support, she should spend it as she wishes. It’s all her money – not your son’s money.
You and your wife might consider not sharing this (both money and info about receiving it) with your son given his entitled attitude. You are definitely justified not telling him that she received it.
Just playing devil’s advocate- given the CS was so sporadic, you essentially raised him without expectation that you’d see that money regularly. If it came in, it was a bonus. You spent money on him because you’re decent parents and provided for him appropriately. Your son is at an age where that $3000 could make a good amount of difference to him and his young family. Technically it is due to go to his mother to support him, but this was CHILD support and kinda morally it was for his benefit.
Why would he get any? He didn’t support himself as a child. He didn’t pay bills or buy food and clothes. NTA. Deposit the check and never mention it. Or if you feel guilty, put half in a trust for his kids education.
This money is repaying a debt he owes to your wife. Her son already received the things that money was supposed to apply towards (food, shelter, living expenses, extra curriculars, etc) he is not owed a dime. It says a lot about what kind of person he is that he would think his mother owes him.
If you choose could put the money in a savings account for the grandkids for post secondary school. Son doesn’t have to know about it. My mom and MIL gave my kids money for post secondary school. I didn’t know they were saving for all the grandchildren all those years.
Why would you say anything to your son? The back child support is his mom’s not the son’s. I wouldn’t say anything. To be frank, if you two feel the need. Get a couple of CD’s for the grandchildren.
YTA. It’s not your money anymore, it is his and should go to him, whether your wife feels “entitled” to it or not. Sorry, but that money is not meant to repay your wife for the trauma of being in a relationship with the guy, the money was originally meant to help her raise the child that she had with the guy. Now that you all are no longer raising him, you should give the child the money
Child support is paid to the parent to assist in supporting and raising the child. When the parent is in arrears, and the child is now an adult, any money paid is considered reimbursement until the back pay is paid in full. The adult child is not entitled to this money in no way. I wouldn’t even tell him you’re being reimbursed. It’s not his business.
NTA. Your wife is entitled to the whole amount. If you want to give some to your step son. Give to him at Christmas. It’s part of his present.
At this point what does your wife need it for? A young couple with 2 kids could use the $3k more then you and your wife could.
Saying that. This is monies owed to the mother to cover expenses for their child. If she keeps it you better not say anything about, if you give it to your son, full disclosure on where it came from. Honestly your story comes across as kind of weird in a I feel like I am stealing money from my son kind of way but looking for validation to keep it…
Child support at 25 when he has his own family now? In California it ends at 18, or 19 if still in highschool.
Who is the check made out to? Was there a letter stating the money goes to someone else other than the person listed on the check and if so what amount?
You and, may I say your wife, are AHs. That money belongs to the son and to the son alone. It is owed child support. You could say that until she married you, she had no choice but to use the child support money to survive because she received no spousal support. The minute she married you, she was no longer entitled to spousal support. All monies should have gone to the son. That is the law and the moral thing to do. It baffles me that your wife, his mother, feels entitled to half, why? Do the right thing, and give the son all the money.
No sir! That is money owed to your household. It was already spent on your son. It is a debt owed for the purpose of providing the things he needed. No you do not need to share those details with him. We do not burden our kids when we do not receive the owed money- why tell him now?
NTA. You should keep it all. He’s in arrears & it was to ‘support’ your son. Even if he wasn’t in arrears we all know the money (if paid on time) barely covers the expenses of raising a child.
I’m the kid of divorced parents. Whatever little my Mom got from my bio-dad, it went toward housing, food, medical – never would I have expected any of it.
No. You already funded his upbringing.
The is your wife’s money (100% if it) to pay back all the money she spent supporting the kid for years. The kid is an entitled something.
Perhaps you could go on a fun family vacation together using this money and then hopefully your wife would not feel guilty, and everybody gets something wonderful out of the money.
It’s your wifes money, not her sons. And not hers. If she wants to give it to her son she can. It’s payment towards expenses she incurred while her son was growing up, to pay for his care. if she doesn’t need it now then she can give it away. I’m more concerned your son is so demanding. He’ll expect the lot? greedy. He’s already had vastly more from his mum and you growing up.
That money is for raising him (which you’ve done), not for him personally! My ex paid child support ($75/mo 2 kids!), which i usually gave back to him so he could do something with them. Never did i think to give it to the kids, they had everything they needed and then some. You should keep all of it and prepare for retirement 🤷♀️ imho
Wow. A grown man with his own family and kids feels entitled to child support money that accrued when he was a child. Money was spent in the past for expenses to raise a child, of which he is not anymore.
You’ve gifted him money already, child support money that is not for him directly. It is for the parent. It’s your wife’s money that she is being paid back for raising a child.
I think you’ve both set him up to this way. Greedy and entitled. You went on to marry a greedy and entitled person.
It’s time to let him stand on his own two feet. He is a grown man. YTA if you don’t start raising him like an adult from now on.
NTA. If it was supposed to be for the son it’s be written out to them
YTA. Pretty crappy to talk bad about the birth dad and then not even give him any sort of credit when he does something. We dont know his story but deadbeats don’t generally send you $3k out of the blue.
Not a single penny of that is your son’s. 100% is the money for raising the child up until 18, which you guys already took care of. This would be your wife’s and probably a little of yours, I would assume. If he’s not on reddit and has already seen the post, tell him to look at what everyone is saying, grow up, and stop stealing from his mother.
The money is to owed to the mother not the now grown son! He is not involved nor privy to the arrival of a check to his mother. Not even a debate.
3K Dollars is nice, but it’s certainly not a life changing amount of money. To me, it depends on where you & your wife are at. Are you financially stable at this point? If so, you may decide to give it to your son and his family. You have two grandchildren that could benefit from this. Another move might be to start a Savings or Investment Account of some type for those kids with 1500 each. You don’t have to mention anything to your son at all, especially if, as you said, he may be demanding at times. Best of Luck!
Nta but your wife is owed that money 100%, it is for raising the child, she and you shouldered that cost, this is repayment.
Child support never goes to the child.
I would give him half and just tell him that you know how tight things must be, what with them having two little kids.
That money is for mom. Give him ‘other money.’ Book a 3 day weekend for his family or something but that 3k is none of his business.
Don’t give him any, it’s not his at all. It’s yours and your wife’s. Sad that he turned out so entitled, but if he’s that way, don’t even mention it to him.
You don’t need to give him any of it. Your wife is owed the child support not your son. He didn’t raise himself, she and you raised him.
If you want to share it with him then maybe do it in the form of college savings for his kids.
Not the asshole.
Son should be more than happy with half, and beyond thankful, seeing as his mother and I’m guessing yourself, were the ones financially taking care of the boy. If he wants all of it, well he can get none of it. Teach him a lesson in greed if he acts thinks that way as an adult.
But if you want to avoid all of those issues and fabricate a story about the origin of said money, then that’s 100% okay. Y’all are the parents, and the only ones that truly know the best route to go.
Nta Child support is reimbursement for expense spent in the child. Expenses like rent, froceries, bills etc.
The child themselves is never ‘owed’ any of it. It isn’t pocket money for a child to spend.
Why does this 25yo think he is entitled to (previously) unpaid child support? What’s that about?
Talk to your wife and reiterate that this is a reimbursement. It would make most sense to use the money for things she couldn’t use her money from when she was raising her son. Like additional pension payments or mortgage payments.
I understand why, emotionally, she feels she should be spliting or givinging him all the money. Because it’s something tangible from his dad. But again it isn’t for the child (or the grown adult) it’s to reimburse the other parent for expenses. And his dad isnt giving this willingly to ensure his child has his needs met, it’s a legal obligation being enforced because he didnt meet his kids needs for 2 decades.
If your wife doesn’t want invest the money in herself (for whatever personal reason) rather than feeding her sons entitlement, she could consider other uses paying it into college funds for the grandchildren, or maybe a family trip (you wife, son, DIL and grandchildren).
I think maybe considering that the son doesn’t need intimate details of his moms finances would help. He doesnt need to know when a child support payment comes through or for how much. Though of course there should be honesty that the dad is finally occasionally meeting his obligations. There is no need to feed a child’s dream that his dad can be an upstanding person and someone he can delop a healthy relationship with.
If the son pitches some kind of fit about not being handed his moms back child support, perhaps the best use would be some family therapy. And if his mom can’t say no to her adult sons entitlement, maybe she needs individual therapy.
Why even tell him? That money isn’t fun money. It is to raise a child. What kind of entitled man did you raise? How can he even think that is his money? You are only the AH if you enable this behavior.
NTA. Yout son is selfish, and he doesn’t get a say in money that is owed to his mother. If your wife is in a sharing mood, maybe put some money in accounts for his children. Since your grandkids are being raised by emotionally immature parents, they may need some help in the future.
NTA it’s child support, not an inheritance, and the amount is very small considering 18 yrs of your wife supporting him and 7 years of you supporting him. She’s generous giving half. Don’t say anything, add some extra cash if you want and give it to him as a Christmas gift. Avoid the drama.
NTA – That money was for your son’s needs as a minor. Your wife and you paid all of his expenses. It’s money she/you are owed. Give it to him if you want but it really isn’t due your son in my opinion.
If it is back child support, then you deserve the money to reimburse you for money you laid over the years.
If is not child support due, and just a gift for your son, then he gets the whole check.
Nta
The child support is not meant to give that child the money, it is what it’s called, to support the child. Food, housing, clothes, whatever that may be. So many “kids” nowadays think it is for them personally to use as they please, but that is not the case. Since he owes back child support this money is for your wife. Because she didn’t get help from him when you guys were raising their son. PERIOD. He shouldn’t receive any of that money. And just the fact that he would demand all of it just shows what kind of person he really is smh
Why does he need to know that there is more than $1500? If you think he’s going to insist on being selfish and taking all of it, then give him none of it. He’s a grown man.
Are you hurting for money? If not, I would give it to your son, especially if he has student loans. That money could have been used for college.
Not telling him where it came from? The fuck?
NTA. Don’t tell him, and don’t give him any either. You two earned that and lots more for raising him
NTA
The money was intended to go to his upbringing and to maintain a home for him.
The money is paid to the custodial parent not the child. He is not entitled to any of it. It’s a reimbursement for things you had to supply while not receiving the support that was ordered. If he was entitled to it they would send him the check not your wife.
If you want to give it to him do so. Don’t tell him where it came from it’s none of his business. But if he doesn’t really need it I would tuck.it away until he does or maybe even start college funds for the grandkids.
Does your son not understand that you and your wife spent thousands and thousands of dollars raising him? Keep the money this is a payback for everything you provided for him over the years. And quite frankly, I find it distressing that your son doesn’t understand this, especially now that he’s a father himself.
AH, you can’t take it with you give it to the son and grandkid
It’s not your son’s money, though. It’s backpay for support of the child, hence the term child support. Your adult son isn’t really entitled to any of it.
Give him some but don’t tell him where it came from. Your NTA
NTAH, the money is not for him, it is for mother and father to use to provide for him.
He is entitled to none of it. Its reimbursement to his mother for his expenses. He doesn’t even need to know you got the money give him none especially with that entitled attitude.
He is 25. Child support is over. It’s your wife’s now
The money wws to reimburse his parent for caring fit him. Raising him. Putting food in him. clothes on him. Housing him and keeping him cared for. That money is moms. Period. You are free to share. But its your money you are giving him. Period. He is free to kiss off if he domains.
The is back child support payment. It should go to the parents. 100% All of it.
Set up a money market or IRA
Child support is paid to the parent. Do not even introduce the idea that the kid is entitled to any of it.
Yeah child support money is to be used for the child when they’re being raised so a single parent is not bearing the whole burden of expense. It’s not money you GIVE the child especially after they’re after 18. Plus your child seems pretty entitled if he’s going to insist on getting the full amount. NTA
He doesn’t need to know you got it.
NTA Updateme
NTA- he’s not owed any of it & should be grateful you’re willing to share. This is reimbursement for all you both spent raising him.
Your son doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t belong to him. It belongs to your wife.
Child support money is not the child’s money. It goes to the custodial parent who paid for the child. I wouldn’t say a thing about it to the son. It’s not his money and never was for him to have.
Think of it as debt. She went into “debt” supporting the child. I.e. she paid the dad’s share. So this should go to make her whole again.
NTA
I feel like this is one of those questions that would go way differently if posted to fb 😂
Read the post again. I said that if the wife did not receive spousal support, it would be understandable if she used the child support money for the survival of both. She could not do this if she received spousal support. And the money now being sent is late payment of child support. The parents no longer take care of the son. It is his money. It is the law. I forgot to mention, that they should tell him the money is from his biological father. Maybe the son needs to know this for his own benefit.
NTA, keep the money. This isn’t an overdue allowance, it’s back child support, which is owed to his mother, not the child.
If you get $53,000 then give your son the $3,000 otherwise give him nothing or say it is a gift from you, which it is.
If you choose to share it, IT IS A GIFT FROM YOU.
NTA.
As you say in your post, YOU received the payment, not your son. It is meant for you, as reimbursement for the cost of raising him.
IF you chose to give him some, that would make you an amazing parent and I hope he would realise that.
Say nothing and wait for a birthday or Christmas.
NTA
>”I believe my wife is entitled to at least half for obvious reasons.”
You are absolutely 100% true. She IS entitled to half of it.
And the other half, as well.
NTA. A lot of people would scream it should go to the son since he’s an adult now. Technically the money was meant for your wife to help support the son when he was growing up. So yeah who did he make the check out to? It’s made out your wife she should keep it it’s reimbursement to her at this point maybe if he sends another $3,000 check you can give that one to the kid.
That idea of giving it to him as an anonymous gift is NOT THE ANSWER. I think you should see what I wrote below. Evidently it is a reply to someone’s comment. It’s just my thought. If mom deservedly kept half, (there’s no need for the son to know that she has/deserved half. It’s child support… not money for the child to have fun. Please see my suggestion below as a reply to another’s comment.
NTA. Your wife and you deserve it all. It isn’t for him. It is for the cost of raising him as a child.
That money belongs to your wife. Not the son. He didn’t support himself. Your wife did. And you did, I imagine. It’s reimbursement. I don’t understand why it should go to him. If anything put half in an investment for him.
Seems like that would be reimbursement to the mother, as she was covering the non payed child support with her funds.
I wouldn’t give it to him or tell him about it. However, you could save a portion of it, not half, and buy your grandchildren a Christmas gift. Maybe get your son and his wife a gift card out for a date night around the holidays.