I (25F) am planning to move go to law school, and pursue my dreams. My BFF (28f) and her husband (30F) have been good to me for 5 years now. However, I won’t be living nearby and I know I won’t need help for paying law school because I scored really well on the LSAT and am already seeing I qualify for plenty of Financial Aid on top of my savings.
However, with this change, I will not be seeing my best friend as often. I also became aware that things in my life are heading in a direction where I will continually grow and she will remain at her in-laws place for the near future. (They are saving for a house.)
So a couple years ago her son, (8M) was 5, he is cute, sweet, and I enjoy spending time with him. He brightens my day and makes me realize I would like a future with kids in my life from my own body. So to thank him and make sure he is taken care of, I made a trust for him. It’s some money I put aside here and there. It’s worth over 5k currently.
So recently they had their second child, cute daughter however just as I made another savings account for the child. She began acting weird, blocking me, calling me rude, lying to me, refusing to answer any calls. Her son called one point saying he missed me and wanted me to come but his mom said no. When confronted she said she has been overwhelmed and said she needed time to heal herself to be herself again so I gave space. However, then from an outing I noticed a 200 dollar charge she forgot to tell me about. When confronted she denied at first but then came clean.
I normally do not take offense however 200 dollars is nor chump change, its money for groceries and gas. Her husband paid out the 200 for me and apologized on her behalf but this wasn’t the first time. It was the first time it was over 50 dollars. That is the issue when we hang she tries to get me to pay and then pays me after which I get but she still has not paid me back from some shopping trips. This is relevant because while she is a good listener, and will be there regardless I do not trust her with money.
I should make her husband the executor but he owes 20,000 in arrears for a crime he did not commit and I am afraid with a missed payment the local government will take the entirety of his assets so he is out.
Thinking it over and here is where I may be the asshole, I went to see her husband parents. They are older, (89M 64F) asking who would be good and they both unanimously agree it would be their youngest a mechanical engineer and teacher, who I know very well as we were college classmates (25M). So I spoke it over with Brother in law and he agreed he would lock the money in a CD account which locked the money over time until the kids turn 18. I have a contract drafted and a lawyer who will ensure nothing happens or I sue his pants off. No big deal.
However BFF and Brother in Law DO NOT GET ALONG at all. In the same room they will fight. With BFF arguing why hasn’t Brother in law moved out so she could have his room and office. And Brother in Law argues back that BFF is a neglectful mother who needs to pay attention to her kids and get off her phone. They both fight until BFF husband or other brothers distracts. So their dynamic would not change I fear over the coming years.
As I sit through looking at my finances, I wonder if I made the right choices. I know BFF is going through a rough time however, I also do not need anyone touching my money that I intend to give to her kids or act like for lack of better words, an ass. So AITAH?
Comments
NTA. Executors aren’t about closeness, they’re about trust and responsibility. Your friend has shown she struggles with money, her husband has financial baggage, and you did the smart thing by choosing someone stable and putting legal safeguards in place. At the end of the day, this is about protecting your godson’s future, not anyone’s pride.
Something you will become aware of in your legal career (if you pursue that) will be that being TA has nothing to do with legal planning – it’s what’s objectively prudent. Also, you will know that having a legal right to sue doesn’t mean you will succeed at enforcing that right.
You know your BFF is terrible with money, and if she spends it all, it’s gone. You can’t make your BFF pay back if she has nothing. Technically, even if the trust account is untouchable as it isn’t your BBF’s partner’s assets, you don’t know if he will be susceptible to being manipulated by you BFF in spending the money.
You know what needs to be done.
ESH. “I noticed a $200 charge she didn’t tell me about”. Explain!! While it’s very generous of you to be putting money aside for your BFF’s kids, the ultimate amount of money isn’t going to be exactly life changing. Have you taken into account any taxes or other expenses/charges that you, or a trustee may be liable for, and any legal liability they may have? Before setting up the trust/trusts you need to get both financial and legal advice.