I 25F and My ex 27M was in a relationship for 4 years, I got pregnant with our daughter now 1year and 10months.
I was an accountant and he was a bartender. He didn’t make money as much as I did so that became a problem since I was breastfeeding and working.
While I was pregnant he became very abusive, calling me names, abusing my financial income etc. when I gave birth he always shouts at a 4month old baby that’s the reason I broke up with him. Moved in back with my parents and never looked back.
Then when gave birth he didn’t helped with the expenses at all, saying I just “tricked” him into getting me pregnant. He doesn’t once buy diapers, clothes etc. I bought it all, paid everything check ups, helps everything.
Mind you guys we had a good relationship up to the time I was pregnant. But after our break up we didn’t communicate at all.
Now I learned from our friends that he is inviting people for my daughter’s birthday even though he is not invited.
So AITAH if I don’t invite him at all?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
He can throw a separate party and invite his friends. He can also pay for it. Tell him neither he nor his friends will be allowed at the party you’re throwing.
If he is abusive, he should not be near your child.
It sounds like you have no formal arrangement with him for visitation or child support. Since you have no communication, how does he even know of the birthday party? If he is inviting people, then I would expect him to be there. He may be just showing to others that he is a good parent, so he will have these moments in your child’s life.
If you don’t want him there, then you may have to change your plans. I also suggest that you speak to an attorney, as you are leaving your daughter vulnerable – to have forced visits with him, which would be horrific if he abused her. You need to have a forward vision.
Why would you invite him- as a dad he can do his own celebration with his child and his family. He can organise it.
If he’s inviting people to a party you’re organising – cancel that date and do it on another and don’t tell him. He’s expecting you to pay for him and his friends and then will take all the credit for your organising.
I’m sorry but it’s time to lawyer up. It’s been far too long.
The fact he’s not safe to share custody and pays no child support needs to be a finding of fact in court.
You need to get a formal letter sent that he is to cease and desist inviting people to a private event that he, himself, is not invited to attend. This is harassment and it is escalating. Youre a mom now, you need to protect your child.
NTA. Have a big burly male friend serve as bouncer. Also I hope you have court ordered full custody and court ordered child support. Just because you make more than him doesn’t mean he gets away without financial support of his child.
When you have children and are not together it’s his responsibility to provide his own birthday party for her if he wants to celebrate not expect to piggyback on yours.
How did he even find out about this he details to the party to invite people?
Time to lock down the social media, so that he has less access to your life and information.
Given his history of abuse, I would communicate with him only through the courts. He should be paying you child support too. BE CAREFUL- he sounds exactly like the sort of AH who would try to get custody and get you to pay him child support even though he is a bad father.
NTA. Co-parenting doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. You deserve to protect your peace.
Honestly it sounds as though he is unlikely to attend even if he was invited.
I would not, you are hosting the party and it’s up to you who you invite
Your daughter can’t talk so she can’t tell him that you had a party and he wasn’t invited. So just tell him you’re not doing a party and limit who you do invite to your party to only close trusted friends and family.
I wouldn’t have even told him there was a party. It sounds like he’s literally just a sperm donor. You need to take him to court.