My husband (33M) and I (27F) have been together for 5 years, and we got married several months ago. For a couple of years I was thinking about baby names for our future children. I had my mind set on these 2 specific names for a while just in case I had 2 daughters. My husband is Latin and these names were of Latin origin and beautiful and I felt like they were the perfect names.
My sister (19M) and her husband (23M) just got married. A couple months before she was throwing a wedding shower and we were talking about babies because I mentioned that me and my husband were thinking about trying soon. She said she was going to wait a couple of years before having any and she asked me what baby names I had in mind. (I know, you should never mention future baby names to anyone but I didn’t think I should tell my sister.)
I told her the 2 baby names I was thinking for my daughters and she gasped. Apparently she had a baby names list that was “10 years old” (So when she was 9?) and these exact baby names were listed on that list. She freaked out and said it’s been her dream to have these baby names for years and if I took them she would be very upset and feel disrespected.
Well turns out I got pregnant. So now I was frantically looking up baby names and even tho my heart was really set on these 2 specific names. I found a different name. Found out my baby is a girl and will be using a different name from the 2 I had originally had my heart set on.
But now I am thinking. She isn’t even trying for kids in this moment, she doesn’t even know if she will have 2 daughters in her life. It’s not like I knew of her list beforehand. We both just happened to have our hearts set on these 2 names.
My question is. WIBTAH if I took one of these names for my second daughter? I had to compromise on the names I had my heart set on in respect for my sister. But she has 2 names on her list. Shouldn’t she compromise and let me have one of the names on the list since we both had our hearts set on these names and we call it even? She isn’t trying for kids for a couple of years and I am planning on having a couple more after this first. I just find this whole situation childish.
Am I in the wrong?
Side Note: Yes the list actually existed, she showed me the list on her notes app as soon as I mentioned them. Those 2 names were the only ones listed on list for girls names. So the list isn’t fake.
Update: I knew this was all very childish and I appreciate all the comments! I really like the new name I have for my current daughter now so I will keep that name but I will definitely be taking one of the 2 names if I have a second daughter. I knew I wasn’t crazy in this situation.
Comments
Wait a second, she only said that is her name after you told her you were maybe going to use it?
Baby names aren’t NFTs.. no one owns them because they wrote them in glitter gel pen at age 9.
You didn’t “steal” anything. You both love the same names, and you’re the one actually having a baby now, not hypothetically 5 years from now. If she wants dibs, she can beat you to the delivery room, Until then? Name your kid what you love.
Did she mention other names beside the 2 you told her about? seems fishy… regardless no you’re not in the wrong and shouldn’t be as dramatic as she is making it to be, kids share names all the time
IMO, it’s facts that we should be putting mental health on a pedestal, just as important as physical health. Ain’t nobody perfect, we all got our demons. Let’s normalize talking ’bout our struggles, not sweep them under the rug. ❤️💪💯🔥
Name your baby what you want. No one owns a name. This is childish.
NTA. You take one she takes one. Problem solved.
You’re pregnant, she’s not. She can’t call dibs on a baby name, particularly one you yourself came up with independently of her.
Use the name you want.
Don’t be silly, she may never have kids, and if she does, they may be boys. Ignore her.
This whole “baby name” subreddit is so insane. NTA
NTA. I don’t understand the whole gatekeeping of baby names, like them names are so rare nobody in the world has them? Strange.
Stealing would have been if she told you her list and you used them, but you were the one sharing.
Also, I had two names in my mind for a male and a female child, I used the male one and 6 years later he vetoed the female for his sister because his schoolmate from hell had that name. I love the girl names I came up with. And I have several of my first cousins with the same name. It is so common in my family tradition that you simply add a nick to each.
Nobody owns the rights to a particular name. You got knocked up first, so it’s your choice.
Besides, she had a “list”, so presumably there are other names on there she can choose when/if the time comes.
NTA. You’re not stealing it from her, you had picked it before discussing it with her.
If she told you about the names first I would say it would be rude to use them. However, you told her the names you wanted first and they so happened to be on her “list” including several more. Too bad for her. Just because she said this after the fact, does not allow her the grace of calling dibs.
Use the names. You will forever regret it otherwise and if you didn’t use them and she has boys or picked another girl’s name completely, you would resent her for holding the names ransom.
I mean NTA but be prepared for her to be upset and possibly go NC.
My sisters are racing to have the first boy because they both want the same name. Us older siblings told them first boy wins so good luck🤷🏼♀️🤣 they both have had only girls. I told them they should name them longer versions of the name and call them that when we are together and the short name when we are not as a compromise.
No one owns names. Anyone can choose the name they would like for their baby. No ‘list’ makes any difference to this. Choose the names you love and which suit your children.
No. You told her first. It’s not like you stole them. If anything you should tell her YOU told her the names and if SHE used them YOU would be upset with her. Take your power back
She not even pregnant or know when she will become pregnant, use the names smh
You came up with this name out of the blue, so you get to use it. Plain and simple. I had a relative that claimed my son’s name was her chosen kids name for her future son, if she ever had one. I used the name I wanted (after a deceased relative of mine). She punished me by giving her kid my very unique name (that my mom actually made up).
I don’t understand this whole reserving baby names. Most people, even if they have names picked, would need their partner to weigh in. What if her husband hates them? What if she has infertility issues? Please don’t deviate from your plans for hypothetical children…. That will only cause resentment.
Name your child exactly what you wish to name her. First come, first serve
You wouldn’t be. Btw, there are other girls out there with the same name. Just curious, is it a cultural thing to be writing down baby names for future kids at 10 yrs old? I only ask because I see very similar posts like yours. At that age kids/marriage was no where in my orbit. Just fun. 🤷♀️
NTA if you both like the same names there’s nothing to stop you from both using them pretty sure if my sister’s kids had names I had picked for my own I’d still use them.
No one owns a name. It would be different if she was pregnant at the same time as you and told you then name and then you decided to use it before she could. But she isn’t even pregnant. NTA
Youre only taking one of the names. She can name her baby the other, or both. Who cares. They won’t be in the same class, and they’ll have different last names.
NTA why is her love of the names more important than your love of the names? Why should she have rights to them when she claims to have loved them since age 9, but never even mentioned it in over 10 years? I think she just wants what is yours.
My husband has four first cousins with the same first name as him. They all have a different nickname. It’s not a big deal. NTA
YWNBTA, but if you want to be amicable about this why not take one name each?
NTA
Use the names. You didn’t take them from her, that would be rude, you both just happened to have those names on your list.
What if she never have kids, or only boys. You would regret not using the names you love.
If she gets mad, too bad. She doesn’t own the names and you didn’t steal them.
You guys are weird.
Honestly the question here is what your husband thinks of the names.
What 9 year old has and keeps a list of baby names?
Regardless,name your child whatever you want. Dont share until after th baby is born and the birth certificate is filled out.
Names aren’t exclusive. Here’s the best name for a girl.
Jane Doe.
If you don’t use the name you want… girl!!
I have 2 cousins the same age, named Ethan. Your sister is dumb
Well, no one owns a name, if you’re pregnant first and she didnt tell you before you picked them, you can use them.
If you really want to find a middle ground, tell her you will be using one of the names and she can use the other one. Theres no need for you to have to go out of your way to find a different name to love.
If she throws a fuss, just say your husband had one of those names picked out years ago and he would feel very upset and disrespected if she didnt allow you two to use one of those names.
But it’s up to you in the end, I still say for you to use one name at least.
When I was a boy my mother had 2 slices of pie. One was sugar pie and the other was apple.
My brother being younger was given his choice of which slice he wanted. He took some time before asking me which one I wanted.
“I’ll take the apple” I said.
“No.” he replied “I want the apple”
Fine I replied. “I’ll take the sugar pie.”
“No.” he replied “I want the sugar pie”
“Okay” i replied “I’ll take the apple.”
and so on and so forth.
It was pretty obvious to me that this was a game to him, and the goal here wasn’t to get the pie he wanted, but to deny me the pie I wanted regardless of whichever pie that was.
So I beat him up and ate his pie. My parents had a very strict FAFO policy when it came the boys fucking with each other. If you’re gonna FA with your brothers, you’re gonna FO from your brothers.
“Well what did you think was going to happen when you decided to….”
OP – Any 2 names you gave your sister would miraculously and retroactively ended up on her baby name list. It’s not that she wants them. It’s that she wants to keep YOU from using them. Give the child whatever name you want and use the second option as the middle name. If they’re gendered names, go get a cat and name it the other name. Then when your sister tells her the next baby name, go buy a hamster and give it that name. Then the next time, give that name to your car, or the squirrel in your back yard. Burn the names faster than she can come up with them. Get real petty with it. It’s the only way she’ll ever learn.
Is she also gonna commit to not using the names?? Because I feel like just given your age difference and the fact that you are actually pregnant with a girl gives you seniority! Why would you sacrifice giving your child names you love because your little sister MIGHT one day have a little girl. What if you give that up and then years from now she has a little girl and names her something completely different bc at that time she has changed her mind??
Have you ever seen the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Every family has at least one Nick. You can both use the names. Maybe spell them differently if possible. I can’t see getting upset over using a name someone else likes. Use your favorites and tell your sister, she can do the same.
NTA
My mother and her sister both were pregnant at the same time. They noticed, that they both wanted to name her kids “Fabian”. My aunt got her son first and used another name, so my mother can use it. When my mother got her kid some months later: surprise, the doctor told her the wrong gender and it was a girl (me).
So nobody used the name in the end.
If she told you and then you used it. You would be an asshole but under the circumstances NTA
NTA. If she told you about the names and you went “oh those are cool” and decided to name your baby that, you’d be the AH. But you didn’t. You thought of the names on your own. You can name your baby whatever name you love.
Also, you and your sister could still use the same name if you both really love it but choose different nicknames, or even just both have a kid with that name outright. There’s no rule against it and really no reason it needs to be weird.
This is so stupid. You can’t call dibs on a name. Just use the name. You’re the one having a baby.
You seem sure she’s telling the truth about the list
Take 1 each. Tell her too
Well you’re the pregnant one so…
It is possible for cousins to have the same name. Just saying.
I had my son 26 years ago. I wanted to use my dads name which is also my brothers name. I didn’t because I thought it was unfair, in case my brother wanted to use it. His son is 5. He has a different name.
Use the name you want.
NTA
When my sister was pregnant with her first child, I was only 13. My mom thought it would be a fun idea for us both to write down what names we liked and/or would want to use for future babies. She would keep these lists and when the day came, she’d pull them back out. (my mom saved any and all things like this) well fast forward a few months and my sister has my niece, it was such a surreal experience and I loved her so unconditionally. (Even now, while I have my 2 children and my niece in her 20s) Well my sister was in the hospital a couple days after birth and everyone was making light fun at her for not picking a name, every nurse called her “no-name baby.” So she was really cutting it down to the wire, she called me at my middle school office phone (2000s and no one had a cell phone) to ask if she could use my number 1 name. I had picked a name based around our great-grandmothers name, who had passed when my sister was first pregnant. I had a very close relationship to her and always wanted to honor her in this way. My 13yo self was like, fine take the name, but I get to tell people I picked it!🤣 she agreed and now I have a little bestie with a name I picked, and 2 little minis. My first daughter was named after the second name I had in that original list (written 25 yrs prior) and my second was a name I was able to incorporate my late great-grandmothers name into. So take the damn name YOU like, your sister is not going to hate you forever for it! Besides, she’d probably end up having boys anyways and think of how annoyed that would make you🤣
If you both have 2 names, it’s only fair one of you takes one name, and the other one takes the 2nd name. It’s a good compromise, it could be really cute for each of you to use the other name as your daughters middle name too! So if the names were lilly and rose for example, 1 would be named lily rose, one would be named rose lily! I cpuld see cousins giggling at how they have the same names!
NTA, your sister can’t expect you to get nothing while she gets everything
NTAH. I have a cousin and a brother who are a few months apart with the same name. They just would add in the different middle name when they were around eachother or eventually my brother’s friends started calling him by his initials as a nickname. My son goes to school with a kid who has the exact same first and last name as him and it’s never a problem cause they use middle initials (like can you please send John M White to the office or I need to see John E at the nurse station). If you’re worried about it tell her you also have had your heart set on these names so you figured you would compromise and let her keep one and you have one or if she doesn’t like that and won’t compromise you can just go on a first come first serve basis. Either way name your baby what feels right to you. My youngest we had a middle name picked out for and when he was born I just felt a different name suited him and changed it before we did his paperwork. In all fairness hubby was deployed si I got whatever I wanted with naming that one and he didn’t even argue lol.
Two sisters having the same taste? Nothing unusual lol.
You two should talk it out and take a middle ground.
I know siblings who all named their daughters the same first name because it’s a family name and they all wanted to use it. No one has ever commented anything negativity about the family having a bunch a girls named the same thing. A name is a name and you have the right to name your child whatever you want. Just because you are expecting first, doesn’t mean you have to forgo using the names for fear your sister may have a daughter in the future. She may only have sons and you may not have another daughter and the opportunity to use one of the names in the future. Name your daughter whatever you choose and if your sister has a daughter, she can use the alternate name or the same name, it’s her choice. You mentioned, out of respect for your sister, well you deserve respect also; therefore, you can politely explain this to your sister and her reaction is on her, not you.
you are pregnant right now, she is not. there are two names. take one. your sister does not own a name
Yes. You’re a major A.
What a bizarre thing to get worked up about.
We had 4 men with the same name because they all got the family name. Nope use it and tell her they can both have the name it will be nice.
NTA – but this is silly. Names aren’t ‘one and done’. You can both use the same name and the world won’t end.
Her being salty isn’t your problem.
Please don’t share names before the baby is born. It allows for disagreements where there need not be any!
You did not take the names off her list and she might have all boys. If she has a list, then she can pick some of the other names on said list. You already told her your list and it only had 2 names on it. You can’t call dibs from a list written at 9. As a teenager, I just knew my daughter’s name would be DiAnni. That name never felt right during either of my pregnancies. Their names are Bella and Jade. Nothing even close to what I thought. My boy’s name was Giovanni as a teen. During my pregnancies, I ended up with Tristan and Eban as the… if it’s a boy, names.
All I’m saying is… wait until you find out if you’re even having a girl. Then wait and see if your names still feel right. If they do, then it’s meant to be. First come first served, as you both picked the same names on your own time. No one is taking anything from anyone.
If the 2 of you had this discussion as kids it would be different.
As she is only saying this now no. NTAH
Choose the name you want. I have 3 first cousins with the same first and last names. Two even ended up in the same college course without knowing the other was in it until the first day of classes. Imagine the professor’s confusion.
Edit to add – you’ll both have one dream name IF she even had any girls. My aunt had 5 boys, no girls.
NTA. Names aren’t reserved, especially years in advance. You both liked them independently, and she’s not even pregnant. Use the name you love.
Sorry, but your sister is an entitled brat! Use the name you want and don’t think about it again.
The way you tell it, NTA. You told her the names first, so you’ve not “stolen” them. If she’d shared the list with you and you decided you liked them, that might have made you an asshole.
Your solution, each take one name, isn’t a bad one. Discuss it with your sister, maybe.