My husband and I are in a fight right now about this. I recently found out that I’m pregnant and my MIL thinks it’s okay to touch my pregnant belly. Before we got pregnant (a year ago and a few months ago before we were pregnant). I told her that I will not let anyone besides my husband touch my belly because it honestly makes me super uncomfortable. She acted like she understood. Twice since I’ve seen her she has gone out of her way to touch my belly. I even try to hold something in front of it so it’s not like an accident or anything.
She did it again recently and I feel like I just want to scream because I feel like she doesn’t care about what I said. I told my husband that he should be the one to tell her to stop because it’s obvious that she isn’t listening to me and he thinks I should. So Am I Really the AHole?
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NTA. U already told her ur boundary n she’s ignoring it. Ur husband should back u up, esp since it’s his mom. This ain’t just about touching, it’s about respect
? Have you reminded her of this since telling her you were pregnant?
NTA but you’re also wrong. Your husband should not be the one to tell her. You should do it more firmly. You’re going to be a mom soon so you’re going to have to learn how to redirect and correct a toddler who keeps trying to touch things they’re not allowed to.
Tell her no. Remind her that you’ve talked about this and she knows it’s a no-no. If she does it again, she’s getting a time out. That’s sitting in the quiet chair for one minute per year of age. If she starts to throw a fit, the time starts over.
I wouldn’t remember what someone randomly told me over a year ago. Maybe remind her that it makes you super uncomfortable? If you have a good relationship with your MIL don’t have your husband tell her, this could be a genuine mistake and having your husband deal with it could make it a bigger situation than it needs to be.
Doesn’t make you an asshole if you do ask your husband to speak with your MIL though.
When her hand moves toward you, put up your hand and say Stop. Every time. Don’t explain or apologize.
NTA, remind her right when she sees you that you’re not comfortable being touched, After that, if she’s approaching your belly for a touch, lightly but firmly slap her hand away and say in a serious tone, ” I said no.”
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NTA – building a new life form doesn’t make your body community property
Your husband is already bailing on his job to protect you and his family from his “family of origin”.
Let him know that if he doesn’t tell her to stop – you will MAKE her stop.
You will not be polite and you will not care about her feelings. Does he understand?
This is his time to jump in and do it his way, be nice and coddle her.
It is his LAST CHANCE to do it nicely.
Then….
Next time she touches you slap her hand.
Or scream.
Or both.
Or tell her “if you do that again – you will never see me again, do you understand?”
Everyone will tell you that you are over reacting etc.
Yes. SO WHAT?
Keeping your hands to yourself isn’t a violation of your rights.
NTA
Walk her over to your husband take her hand and cup his nuts. Tell her from now on when she feels all giddy and touchy to walk over and just cup his nuts instead because it’s basically the same thing. Nta.
My go-to move when I was pregnant was, if somebody non-consensually touched my belly, I’d make direct, uncomfortable eye contact with them, and reach out and touch their belly.
NTA, your husband should be your Ally and helping enforce your bodily boundaries.
Not the asshole at all
NOPE. No one touches you without your permission. She is so out of bounds.
NTA but in this case you are more than equally allowed to speak up. This is your body.
But one thing, have you reminded her since you originally said it more than a year ago. Something mentioned in casual conversation does not always stick. She may have truly forgot. If you haven’t kindly remind her first.
If you have already reminded her since becoming pregnant (not at any time before – still goes under casual conversation/half listening) then be adamant about it next time she comes near your belly and yes make your husband back you up.
Do it back to her. With prolonged eye contact.
Do it every single time she touches your belly until she gets the hint.
Or tell her yourself to stop being a creep and touching you without your consent.
Looks like your MIL is going to want a lot of input when your child is born. Best to set up some ground rules with your husband now and not wait for the inevitable.
It is your body and she has no right to touch it, pregnant or not. If it gets really bad, it’s called assault. I think you need to explain to MIL that if she doesn’t knock it off you will call the cops, and then do so. They won’t arrest her the first time, but will be less than patient with her the second. Enough is enough. NTA
Lightly slap her hand away, laugh and say Remember! no touching!!
then next time slap her hand harder.
And harder.
If she’s still doing it, make it hurt.
NTA, like, at all. Your husband is the asshole if he doesn’t defend you. It’s absolutely his job and not yours to keep his family in line.
Protect your boundaries with him, and if he can’t ensure your safety and comfort are respected by his family, then there will be changes that affect him.
Nope. NTA. I didn’t let anyone touch my belly either. It’s weird. I had a coworker who kept doing it even after I told her not to. So the last time she reached over and rubbed my belly; I too reached over and rubbed HER belly. She backed up and said that was weird.
Me: Now you know how I feel. Keep your hands to yourself.
It’s your mom….contrary to what these toxic redditors will tell you, YES, YOU are the AH. Your mother is excited that you’re pregnant and wants to touch your belly, not for you but for the child. Get over yourself. Toughen up. Your “comfort” is not end all be all…it’s actually disgusting you’d find your mother’s excitement for your child “uncomfortable”. That you even have an issue with your own blood mother touching your belly…..get over yourself. But, hey, what goes around comes around. You’ll surely be treated the same way you do your mother one day. Soft shells smh
honestly she may just be super excited & happy, remind her again & stay firm with your boundaries.
I hate when people do that!!
One time someone came up to me (MILs neighbor/friend) and just started touching my belly. I looked her dead in the eyes and said “I’m only 6 weeks ago, so babys much lower don’t think you want to rub there” She turned bright red – I smirked and walked away.
People are so fucking rude and obnoxious
NTAH.
Tell her in a firm, controlled manner, loud enough for anyone within 6 feet can hear, “(MIL), remove your hand from my stomach or I will do it for you. I have not given you permission to touch my body, nor will I.”
When your husband gets upset for how you spoke to her, tell him, “I gave you a chance to handle it instead. Don’t get upset at me. I’m enforcing an appropriate boundary, one your mom knows about and has refused to accept. If she does it again I will have no choice but to defend myself. I suggest you have a conversation with your mother beforehand so she can act correctly & not cause me to have to defend myself.”
Just tell her yourself – it’s your body your belly not your husbands and you are not a child
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I’d scream if she touched me. If anyone thought I was crazy I’d respond with I feel like I’m being molested. They’d leave you alone…
Stop being a weenie and just tell her yourself. It’s really not a big deal. “I know we’re all so excited, but honestly any belly touching makes me uncomfortable. Would you mind please not doing that?”. Why would your husband need to tell her this?
No need to do any of this weird passive aggressive shit either that people are suggesting. Literally just kindly tell her.
I had plenty problem with that when I was pregnant.. get a tee shirt that’s say keep your hands to yourself and wear it around mummy dearest. 😁🫡🤭 bet you she’ll understand.
Stand up for yourself as a woman. Nobody is allowed to touch you without your consent..you can tell ANYONE “no” at ANY time. You do not need a reason to assert your physical boundaries. It does not matter who they are to you, or what the situation is.
“MIL, a year ago, I told you that I didn’t like the idea of people touching me stomach except for my husband. I appreciate that you are excited about the baby, but I have not changed my discomfort on being touched. Moving forward, please do not touch my stomach.”
If she tries again after sending her something like the text above, firmly shout “No!”
Return the favor. NTA
I read a post a while back, either here or FB where the DIL reached out and grabbed MILs boobs, when MIL decided it was her right to rub the belly 🤣 MIL never did it again.
I think you both should. NTA. My philosophy is, always show a united front. Be it family, friends or kids.
I’d just tell her, this is a rule for us, don’t let her try to argue, just state this isn’t up for debate or argument. And then leave. Because the minute you let her, you’ll be there for hours.
NTA, personal space is important. Your MIL may be trying to see how many boundaries you will allow her to break, especially regarding your child. Enforcing your boundaries is really important at this stage. I also recommend talking more to your husband and asking him to back you up when you tell your MIL. I do think you should be the one to tell her, but it’s also important for him to have your back. Good luck!
If she wants to act like a toddler, treat her like one. Smack her hand away and say, “NO touching!”
Nta but she’s probably so excited & most likely doesn’t even remember the conversation (or maybe thinks you couldn’t have been talking about her). I would give her one chance- next time she reaches for your belly, tell her “it makes you uncomfortable. You know she’s excited but the baby will be here soon enough”. If she does after that, your husband either speaks up or gets to be the one to tell her she doesn’t get time w the baby once it is here (or whatever consequence you decide to set).
Oh hell no. I absolutely hated people randomly touching my stomach.
By the way those are the same people that will touch your newborn without permission.
First say “NO, I do not want you to touch me.” If that does not work get loud and nasty. Some people do not understand polite, reasonable requests.
And your husband is the AH for not backing you up. Tell him you are going to be harsh if he does not handle it.
Have you told her since getting pregnant? She may have forgotten and just be excited. If it were me I’d just tell my MIL I’m not comfortable with it but that you will gladly share ultrasound pics when you get them. Or maybe suggest she make one of the book where grandparents recorded themselves reading it so shes still feeling the connection. Definitely NTA for holding boundaries, but you’ve got to be able to speak up for yourself.
It actually is pretty weird that she does that.
I wouldn’t even just put my hands on my own daughters baby bump unless she invited me to. If I was a weirdo though and was doing that, how would I like to be told to stop by my DIL?
hmmm. a text would do the job. Hey MIL, I am sending out a group message just to let everyone know that I am finding this stage of pregnancy challenging because now that I have a baby bump, everyone is touching me and to be honest, touch makes me feel uncomfortable unless it’s husband touching me. I love that everyone is excited to meet baby though. Just asking that everyone support me and this pregnancy by holding back all the excitement for when baby is born.
Youre an adult so you need to tell her- just be clear and firm about your boundaries. Making your husband speak to her on your behalf is just going to drive a wedge between you and her.
“Stop! Don’t touch my body”.
She is not entitled to touch you, anywhere, ever. Your husband shouldn’t have to speak to her (though always appreciated).
You are not being rude by stating your boundary. She is being rude for ignoring a clear instruction.
NTA. Reach and grab her boobs. Want to play the game? Give that prize. Your husband is an absolute issue here
NTA that shit is WEIRD!!!
Everyone in my family at least asked. But not even until I was huge and you could feel a kick. I rarely allowed it when comfortable.
But if it makes yo feel weird and he won’t do it, then you just put your hands up and say “sorry I don’t like my belly being touched.
If he won’t protect you from his mom now, I would go to counseling BEFORE baby is here, because bitchy MILs tend to come out once you have a baby.
I’d be the b saying if MIL touches me again she will never touch or see the resulting child, but I know that is overkill.
It sounds like you are only early in the pregnancy too, people will want to touch when baby is big and moving, but to do it early, that’s just a violation, especially when you told her no already.
I agree with telling her no again and then just not be around her if she refuses to listen.
Let your husband explain why you’re not turning up anymore.
“Costs a dollar to touch the pregnant ladiy’s belly. Goes to the kid’s college fund.”
I said it and meant it. You’re not a lucky Buddha statue. If she’s going to make you uncomfortable, make her pay. A dollar may not be enough. Charge her and tell your husband up front that you mean it and you insist on getting cash.
Grab a boob.
You have a husband problem.
One of his responsibilities is to back you up, first and foremost with his family.
Unfortunately, as you progress with the pregnancy, your MIL will likely not be the last one to touch you without your consent. Get comfortable with saying ‘No!’ as loud as you need to. Especially since your husband can’t do it for you and even if he could, he won’t always be around.
NTA
Get really loud and ask if she needs memory care since she can’t seem to stop touching you against your will. I said no! Embarrass her every single time she comes for you.
Your husband needs to have your back. You can tell her and have, but now he as her son needs to reinforce the message. NTA
it sounds like she may have forgotten?
NTA. Everytime someone tries to touch mine, I tell them I will throw up lol 😆
I never understood why people think it’s okay to touch a pregnant woman’s belly. It’s still your personal space bubble and they need to stay out of it.
You told her a year ago and again a few months before you got pregnant. It’s still prime in your mind but not in hers. She is doing what comes naturally. (Ugh!)
It’s time to tell her again. Softly, over tea. “I really can’t stand being touched and being pregnant makes it worse. I really need my personal space.” If that doesn’t do it, ramp it up with a direct statement. “It really bothers me when you—or anyone else—touches me.” If that doesn’t work, it’s time to resort to harsher tactics and enlist your husband. And to keep your distance or make an abrupt turn so her reaching out still doesn’t reach you.
This is not fight-worthy material. But pregnancy turns emotions upside down so you deserve some grace for the situation. Your husband should be backing you but there’s no reason you shouldn’t handle this yourself now that you’ve gotten great ideas. You need to stand up to your MIL now because there are likely to be many more events you’ll need to handle. This one is a good way to establish boundaries from the get-go.
You both should tell her. He should remind her before she shows up. You should both remind her, together, once she arrives. If she tries to do it anyway, at any point, then you’ve found a moment where the proverbial “slap on the wrist” is fully warranted. Literally, and then metaphorically, if you think she hasn’t gotten the message. Your boundaries are not negotiable just because you’re pregnant.
Rub her belly back. Every time. Right then and there in that moment. With awkward eye contact. Do not say a word and don’t make your husband say anything. Just return the favor.
No. It doesn’t matter who it is, no one gets to touch you without your permission. Period. You have every right and reason to be upset and if she already didn’t listen when you were kind about it then you don’t need to be kind about it. Tell her to stop touching you however you need to for her to stop.
Your body = your responsibility. Leave nothing to be misunderstood here. Clearly and succinctly tell her to stop. You’re an adult and soon to be a mother. The sooner you learn to set your own boundaries the better. No matter if it’s your husband or not it’s still your responsibility to communicate your own boundaries to other people. I would have a huge problem if my husband asked me to do something like this for him. We are not children who need to be protected. Protect yourself!
ETA: I would expect his support in my decision, but I would not expect him to fight my personal battles for me.
I think anyone should always ask if they can touch you. You can respond with no. But I always said yes to loved family cause it’s such a short period in life. If it makes them happy I don’t care. But if someone doesn’t ask and just does I would have slapped the shit out of there hand. Your not an asshole. The only people who get belly touching passes are kids under 6 cause they don’t know any better.
Just say again- ” I really don’t like people touching my belly”. I respect your need for your personal space but what’s the big deal? She’s excited for you and her grandchild. I mean is it really a big deal????
You’re NTA but your
husbandmommys boy sure af is.as soon as she gets close enough to touch, turn around real fast, fart in her outstretched hand then force her hand over her own mouth. cup of cheese!
you could use a friendly approach and say you understand why grandma wants to touch your belly BUT you aren’t comfortable with that and please don’t do it unless invited. at late stage pregnancy you might feel ok with letting her witness a kick—it is exciting. just concentrate on how you feel now. this is a good time to establish a friendly, kind relationship with your inlaws (not sure how long you’ve been married..) as they will be in your baby’s life. best get on with kindness now. i know it’s hard—been there. i am a grandma and these relationships can be stressful. best wishes on your wonderful pregnancy!
Nta
Smack her hand away the next time and tell her if she touches you again you’ll be going no contact
If she can’t listen to this then she’s definitely NOT going to listen to you about your baby
NTA
Also, this is why every person intending to get pregnant should develop a good front snap kick.
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get over it. if this is the worst thing in your life youre golden.
Ask MIL how far along she is and rub her belly and say “ you’ve gained some weight MIL, how far along are you ? “
Correct her when it happens.
NTAH. But you need to be the one to place the boundary.
Next time she starts to touch your belly, grab her hand and stop her. Remind her firmly that you do not want anyone other than your husband touching your belly.
If she continues, then your husband will need to get involved and tell his mother to stop invading your private space.
You need to hold your boundaries firm or she will trample them when the baby arrives. She needs to fully understand that boundaries need to be respected even if she doesn’t like them or agree with them.
Updateme
Just slap her hand. Some situations call for clarity.
First of all, your body and your right to say something about this. Sure, your husband should step up and set effing boundaries with HIS Mom. But, you can do that as well since at any given moment he may not be right there to stop it. However…
I have said this in other subs and will repeat as necessary. Next time, look her dead in the eye and reach out to touch whatever body part is accessible. (Bonus points if you are confident enough to grab her boob!) When (because there will not be an “if”) she freaks out just say, “OH! My bad! I thought we were playing the game where you just randomly touch people in an intimate manner without their permission!” And then of course…shocked Pikachu face.
Sure, there will be some kind of explosion of omgs and some how dare you thrown in but if you want to win this fight, now is the time. The thing to keep in mind is that you must begin where you intend to continue. E.g. No, MIL, you may NOT just reach out and touch my tummy any ole time you want to. Just because you can’t wait to meet your grandbaby doesn’t mean you get to attempt to grope ME.
OP? If you don’t stop this now, she’ll be contagious with pink eye, the flu and (insert name of any random contagious disease) trying to kiss your baby as it effing exits the womb. No, Ma’am you may NOT be in my baby’s face w/o some consideration for my brand-new-to-this-world child’s immunity anymore than you were welcome to grope my pregnant self before our baby’s entry into the world.
Come on! Please know that if she disrespects boundaries now, she will forever continue. Begin as you intend to continue. “Stop touching my body NOW and I may let you hold your grandchild at a time that WE deem acceptable.”
NTA. I once saw, when I was a teen in the late 90s, a very pregnant woman at a community dance. Someone came up and put his hand on her belly. She didn’t flinch – she just reached out and put her hand on his face. Right on his face. He backed right up.
Your body. Your choice. She’s not touching the baby, she’s touching your body. Your husband is absolutely right to support you and talk to her to make her stop.
I’m gonna side with your husband on this.
But don’t be nice about it. Don’t say “Please don’t do that”
Say “I know that I have already told you not to touch my belly, I’m telling you again. DO NOT TOUCH ME”
As loudly as possible. And do that every time she tries to do it. Push her hands away too.
This is your body. You stick up for yourself.
Lemon water spray bottle
If she’s acting like this and stomping your boundaries with no backup for you from her partner, think of what she’ll be like when your baby gets here.
No means no. It’s not a debate. You were clear. He needs to help reinforce the boundaries, not make you feel bad for them.
I’d frame it: I said a year and a half ago that I didn’t want anyone aside from husband touching my stomach when I was pregnant. You’ve done it twice since we told you. If you attempt to do it again, I’ll press charges for assault. No touching means no touching.
Or something like that.
Or a sign with just NO! when she’s around.
Also, I’d refuse to be around her until she and your husband could respect boundaries.
I would have slapped her hand away. No one has the right to touch you, without approval, including your husband.
MIL has baby rabies; this is only going to get worse if hubby doesn’t stand up and support you.
Just wait until she thinks she will be in the delivery room. Honey, learn to set boundaries and put MIL in a timeout!
He absolutely should, but if he won’t, you need to
The rule is, you deal with your family, and he deals with his family
NTA.
I have never understood why people feel the need to touch a pregnant womans belly or someones hair. It’s obnoxious and nasty. I used to waitress and I’ve slapped peoples hands away when they thought they were being cute and tried to grab my hand, touch my ass, rub my arm etc. NTA.
Buy a belt like this and slap it on when she comes by
NTA. When I was pregnant, people touching me was one of my morning sickness triggers. One of my acquaintances had a wife who was pregnant at the time and had no morning sickness, so when I told him to stop, he didn’t believe me. I threw up on his shoes.
If you can? Throw up on her and explain that people touching you triggers your morning sickness. Or just pretend that you’re trying not to heave in her face. It’s TERRIBLY effective.
Nta
I’d say, loud enough for anyone in the vicinity to hear: “WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?!”
Every. Single. time.
Make it awkward
Why aren’t you stopping her in the moment? It’s your body, use your voice. Don’t wait on him to save you as she keeps touching you for the next 3/4s of a year.
The problem is that your husband doesn’t see a problem. If he did, he would defend you. Hopefully.
Just scream “Stop groping me!” At the top of your lungs.
You should not have gotten pregnant by a little momma’s boy.
You just need to say something. She probably doesn’t even remember a convo from 2 years ago. Nah
I’d keep a spray bottle around and spray ANYONE who touches your belly in the face
Smack her hand away and say firmly ‘I have told you not to touch me, are you having problems understanding me?’
It she keeps it up just whack her hand HARD and scream ‘STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME, ARE YOU DEAF OR JUST STUPID?’
Then very loudly in front of other family members start acting concerned that MIL may have the first signs of dementia as she can’t remember that you told her not to touch you.
Your husband WBTA if she didn’t tell his mother to keep her hands to herself.
Let her know in no uncertain terms that if she can’t stop touching you then she will absolutely not be touching the baby
Fucking people think that once someone gets pregnant that their body is a free for all!
NTA – prior to being pregnant, it was pretty well known to everyone in my and my husband’s families that I do not like to be touched. My MIL has 100% respected it, but my own mother seems to struggle with it. Thank god she’s my own mom so I can tell her to back off without worrying about backlash (after nearly 30 years of being her kid, her behavior rarely shocks me). Your husband needs to be on your side.