Hi all, very silly post, but I am hoping for some validation, but also open to constructive criticism. So here we go.
I (30F) and my bf (31m) recently moved in together and have been sharing a car. We have a place in our kitchen that I have requested all keys (his and mine) go on. This way we don’t have to run around searching for keys or one of us doesn’t accidentally leave with both sets. He’s been struggling with this and I’ve been very patient in reminding him and even putting the keys there myself if I see them out of place but remind him, “Hey can you please start putting the keys here so we can keep track of them”.
Yesterday he used the car to run around and do somethings he needed. I was pooped so I stayed home and just hung out around the house. He gets home, says hi to me, cleans out the car, and puts all his stuff inside. Before bed I made dinner, got my lunch for the day ready, and tried to make sure I was organized and ready to start my week after a busy and fun long weekend. I didn’t check to see if the keys were on the rack because I was busy focusing on other things and also I shouldn’t have to be top of my mind to come behind my grown asked bf to make sure he’s putting things where they go.
I get up this morning, get ready to leave and am ahead of schedule, ready to walk out the door and walk to work. But I couldn’t find my keys, which have my house key on them. I search for around 10 minuets or so before I admit defeat and call my bf. He gives me some places to look. I had already looked in those places but look again with no luck. After that he just says ” well I don’t know what you want me to do, just keep looking I’m sure you’ll find them”.
At this point I am now running late and have to drive to work because I’ve spent almost 20 minuets looking for my keys so I can lock our home and get to work on time. I hang up with him, and after another 5 or so minuets of looking I call him back. This time angry and frustrated that I am having to deal with this at 7am and he is giving me nothing but patronizing, unhelpful responses. On the second phone call I was meaner and I did curse. I never called him out of his name (as I don’t like to curse when were having disagreements because it is rude and aggressive), but I did communicate how annoyed I was by the fact that his inability to put things back where I have asked him to is now causing me to be late. He then got angry with me saying he was “35 minuets away and can’t really do anything since he’s all the way at work and I can just uber or something to work and that I have no right to be berating him over this.” Finally he says to check the shoes he was wearing yesterday and low and behold there they are in the very toe of one of his shoes. A place I would have NEVER looked for keys. He didn’t apologize at all for putting them there, just made up more excuses as to why he put them there, and then told me he would never call me and speak to me like this and hung up.
I totally get I could’ve been nicer, and I was nice when I first called him. But then he offered me dismissal and no help whatsoever in solving a problem he caused. If anything he made me feel like this was a huge waste of his time to call him with and I should’ve just sucked it up and figured it out (which I tried to do). Now I’m stuck here feeling like an asshole, but also feeling like besides the cursing in frustration I really didn’t do anything wrong.
So AITAH?
TLDR: My bf lost my keys after being asked to put them in a designated spot multiple times. Offered no help in finding them or even giving an idea of where they could be. I got frustrated and lost my temper because this made me late for work. I cursed in frustration but did not name call or disrespect him. Now he’s making me feel like I’m completely in the wrong for being frustrated at his lack of consideration, understanding, and help.
Comments
To be clear, you both have your own sets of keys but you think he should leave his keys in a specific spot for you?
Why don’t you just keep track of your own keys and him his?
ETA: I think it’s annoying he forgot. I would be frustrated too. I don’t think that makes it okay for you to swear at him though.
I feel like the obvious solution here would have been to just have your own designated sets of keys. That way youll always have yours, and if he loses his then it’s his own issue.
Idk why everyone is so confused. Clearly he lost YOUR set of keys. I think you definitely have the right to be upset. NTAH
“Offered no help in finding them or even giving an idea of where they could be.”
Okay well this is actually untrue. He did give ideas and eventually suggested the VERY PLACE that you found them, which you admitted you would not have looked otherwise. More of a nitpick but just saying.
Although that does not at all excuse him for repeatedly being unable to put the keys where they need to go and not taking any accountability for putting your keys in a fucking shoe. So NTA although you’re possibily over-villifying him a bit.
Can you put a spare car key on the rack?
NTA
He intentionally put your keys in his shoe? That sounds like sabotage imo
But I’m confused why you need a designated key slot for both of you if you have your own keys?
Q: Whose car is he driving, or to whose car is he holding the keys ? Yours probably… correct?
Either you or he can spend the money to get another car key, and consider keeping YOUR keys completely separate from HIS. Problem solved.
Lastly, I’m sorry to say this but it sounds like he’s extremely immature and irresponsible. You may grow tired quickly. Just my thoughts.
Make a second car key and this will be solved NTA
NTA
BUT this is easily avoidable by getting a second car key.
We have 2 sets of keys and each keep track of our own. Mine are in my purse. You need a new method. And your boyfriend is an idiot.
He sabotaged you.
You are NTA here.
Why don’t you have the car key on it’s own ring? Also why was the keys in his shoe?
NTA, Stop letting him use your car.
NTA the solution would be to not let him use your keys and if he wants to drive the car he can buy his own set or in his own words take an Uber
F*ck that. He deserved that and more. That would be the last time he ever used my car. And probably anything else of mine. I couldn’t stay with someone like that. Call me when you grow up… No wait… don’t call me… ever.
Well he cant borrow the car anymore, he does this to make you late.
YTA. Why don’t you each have your own set of keys???? That would solve the problem! It takes at least 30 days to form a new habit and you are impatient and emotionally abusive. He DID offer you help and recommended places for you to look.
Stupid situation! Your car…you keep the keys, period! No hanging them here or there, it’s yours. Time he buys his own so there will be no more mornings like today. Got it? Stop trying to please a jerk who is USING YOU!!! Better yet, dump his ass & get someone who respects you, your things & your time. Time to take this garbage out!!!😊
He’s an idiot. Sorry. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend keeps borrowing your keys and refusing to put them back where they belong… I think you need to keep your keys somewhere you can track them, and revoke his car-borrowing privileges, since he can’t be bothered to return your belongings and it’s starting to cause actual problems.
Tell him to pay for the second key and until he gets a second key he can’t use your car. Another option is get an air tag and put it on your key ring. But it is highly suspicious that the keys were in the toes of his shoes?? It makes me wonder if this is some sort of power play.
Get the spair house key done quietly, and hide it well. Keep your car keys to yourself. You are NTA, he is out of line
why not keep your set with you. That’s what grown up do. why do you give him access to your keys
NTA
It was in his shoe? wtf! That was a dick move! Nobody does that by mistake!
Make him pay to get a duplicate car key to your car.
No more letting him use your keys.
And he can’t use your car until he pays to get his own duplicate key.
and does it on his own time so that you are not inconvenienced.
Shorty anyone that intentionally makes life harder, should not be apart of life. Good catch.
NTA, but why are guys sharing one set of keys? Ace hardware or Lowe’s can make a copy of most car keys super cheap. Cost me $20. Obviously your current system isn’t working.
Maybe he can’t borrow your car anymore…problem solved.
NTA OP put her keys where they belong and BF took them instead of searching for where he left his. OP calls wanting to know where the keys are? He has no idea because he grabbed the keys from the hook where OP put them.
My ex grabbed my set of keys and had his in his pocket so he left for work with all the keys. I couldn’t get to work or bring the kids to daycare I was livid. Needless to say my keys ended up on a hook in my purse so I knew where they were and he can do the search. Also if my keys disappeared then I knew he took them and I would make him bring them back I’m not looking for his keys.
NTA. What you could do is get a keychain that easily separates into two separate chains so you can remove the car key without giving him all your keys. But what you should do is tell him he just lost the privilege of driving your car.
NTA.
But can you just get a second set of keys?
My keychains are several with a lanyard. You aren’t putting that in your shoe.
But seriously it is annoying on purpose so I don’t misplace or lose them. I use to lose them.
We do have a key rack for the general keys and copies, but I have my car keys and house key in my purse at all times.
Get a 2nd set of keys. Respect is the cornerstone of marriage. Understand your frustration but a whole lot of marriages would last longer if spouses learned to be respectful even when angry. And don’t forget to bring it up if he gets angry and disrespectful to you some time.
ESH. Aside from his shit attitude about losing the keys, your system doesn’t work for him. You don’t seem to be absorbing that.
As easy as it would be for him to oblige, it would be just as easy to monitor your own keys and keep them in your bag or something so he doesn’t walk out with them. You came up with this system because you can’t manage to do that but it’s not working.
The two of you should come up with a third plan, that you both like. Maybe flashy keychains so they’re impossible to mix up? Each be responsible for your own set. Have a spare set in the house. The current system of trading off keys sets you up to pay for his failures every time. You should each have a complete set.
NTA…Can you not get another set of car keys so that you both have a set on your key rings? Most cars come with at least two sets of keys or now a days, fobs.
As for the house key, I have at least two or three extras as well. We not only have them on our key rings, but we have one or two inside our home in a drawer in the table by our front door.
Not to excuse your boyfriend, but getting some other keys made might help a situation like this in the future.
Wow. Talk about sabotage.
He intentionally shoved the car keys all the way into the tip of one of his shoes, and then pretended not to know where they were. Be honest: if you shoved car keys into your shoes, you’d remember doing so a day later because of the sheer absurdity of that act.
I hope you spelt ex-boyfriend wrong.