It’s my birthday today, I’m in the biggest relationship fight of my life currently. I have a tradition with myself where I see a movie on my birthday. I initially bought tickets to Superman for me and my boyfriend and when I told him he got mad that I didn’t ask first and said he refuses to see that movie (cause it looks bad). I said it would still be really fun and doesn’t matter much because it’s my birthday so anything would be fun if we were together. He didn’t let up so I refunded the tickets. I spent 5 days looking for a new movie to go to and finally decided on an older film at a speciality theater (cheaper than Superman). I let him pick between two movies to ensure he wanted to see it. I instinctually responded I’d buy the tickets (I pay for almost everything in our relationship that we do together because although when we met he had a wonderful career he has slowly been losing work ((freelance art director/fabricator) and I have a new stable job). I then asked him to buy the tickets, he had told me the night before that he didn’t have a present for me and that he’s sorry so I figured this could just be a nice thing for him to do instead. He responded with a “?” And said he can’t because he’s not working. I got really confused and asked if the dinner we planned would be paid for by me as well, he said obviously! He has about 3k in savings right now (as most New Yorkers / adults our age do). It made me so upset to realize my boyfriend didn’t want to spend a single dollar on me after all I’ve helped him with these past couple of months. I’ve stressed for a long time how badly I’ve wanted a good birthday and to feel special and he refuses to do anything to try and make that happen other than showing up and letting me pay for everything. I gave him the option of taking the plans for the day off my hands and getting crafty with what we do as even if it’s not much it will have been a plan made by him where he can control the budget entirely and still make me feel like he’s contributed effort and care. He said, “that sucks, let’s just do your plan I don’t get why we can’t do your original plan” bc bro why can’t my almost 30 year old boyfriend shell out $36-100.00 for one day on his own girlfriend??? We have spent the last 20 hours arguing as he is calling me cruel for humiliating him over this when I have tried my hardest to give him other options. It’s now my birthday and he wants me to console him and is almost refusing to see me. Am I the asshole? This seems pretty ridiculous to me. I’m not asking for much at all and it’s my 25th birthday not just some random day!
AITAH my (25f) boyfriend (29m) “doesn’t have” $36.00 to take me to the movies on my birthday
r/AITAH
Comments
You need a new boyfriend. He should go see the movie that YOU want to see when it is your birthday. And he should pay for everything.
He’s shown you what he’s like, why are you still with him?
Girl, you deserve a fun birthday! I would say prioritize yourself and go out with your friends, this may help him realize he’s not doing enough
Girl you are worth so much more than this. Yes, he should be willing to drop $36 on you for your birthday. But even if he had $0.00 in his account, I’m sure he still has access to a pencil and paper. Or he could have made you a nice birthday meal of SNAP benefits. Or he could have just accompanied you to the fucking movies.
He is being a petulant child, on YOUR birthday. It isn’t worth this. Someone who truly values you wouldn’t be throwing a bitch fit like this.
I’m pretty thrifty but $$36 outta 3k is easy , he should pay and do something special that’s free also . You’re NTA
NTA but girl, you need to really re-think this relationship. He’s showing you loud and clear who he really is and it’s not a pretty sight.
Happy birthday though, sorry he’s put such a damper on what should have been a fun day.
Yta for getting into a relationship with a loser in his 30s. Leave him and find better
Smh. It’s so sad that a 25 year old woman has such LOW standards for a boyfriend.
This post just makes me feel sorry for OP. You should treat yourself to a new partner and not a deadbeat.
His behaviour is a whole sea of red flags. He has just doesnt give a fuck about you or your feelings. Go to the movies with a good friend or close family member who loves and respects you because this guy obviously doesn’t.
NTA. Your POS boyfriend is a huge, gaping AH though
Go see Superman.
By yourself.
Surely you’d have more fun.
Do you see the red flags? Leave
NTA
Call a friend or sibling and go see Superman and have a nice dinner. Dump the 30yr old child tomorrow.
UpdateMe
Happy Birthday!
I think the saying goes, “If he wanted to, he would.” It doesn’t seem like he cares very much, even though you have made it clear that you want it to be a little special. How hard would it be to make sandwiches and picnic in the park or hike to a beautiful spot to eat? How hard would it be to make you dinner, light a few candles, and watch something on Netflix? How hard would it be to take his creative talents and make you something cool. He doesn’t want to put the effort in. He didn’t even want to put the effort in to sit through a movie you clearly wanted to see and he didn’t have to pay for. Is this a pattern? If so, would you be happy if this pattern continues throughout your relationship? I think he has been pretty clear where he stands on the subject and how much effort he is willing to put into it.
Edited to say NTA and do something with friends or family instead. He clearly doesn’t want to make you feel special or even appreciated.
Nta. Get rid of this hobosexual. Go see superman yourself. You pay for everything? Get rid of him.
it’s your birthday, not his, why are you letting him dictate the movie you want to go see (and are paying for). you deserve better, nta
I think whining about not wanting to see Superman on YOUR birthday when YOU are buying the tickets tells you everything you need to know about this man.
NTA. The fact YOU bought tickets for a movie YOU wanted to see that is something YOU always do on YOUR, a little louder for the people in the back, YOUR BIRTHDAY is wild. I personally don’t like going to the movies and I also don’t think the new Superman looks that great but if that’s what my boyfriend really wanted to do I would do it with him unless he had some friends that wanted to go then we could do dinner after – homemade pasta is under $10 if we wanna get into the money issue but you’re paying emotionally and financially for someone who isn’t even paying attention to your worth
Girl, you have me pissed when he refused to see the movie you picked for your birthday. That’s heart breaking. He doesn’t want to plan anything for you, and prefers for YOUR birthday you pay to take him to dinner and a movie of his choice. I don’t think so. Cancel these plans and go see Superman.
This seems pretty ridiculous to me
This is what is ridiculous: I’ve stressed for a long time how badly I’ve wanted a good birthday and to feel special
Getting stressed about feeling special doesn’t come from your loser bf. You make your own plans and proceed with them. Your loser bf can stay home.
NTA for being upset but you should have dumped him when you finally realized that he’s a loser.
You wanted to see Superman, but instead had to deal with your stupid man.
Whilst I appreciate that he’s not working, the ASSUMPTION that you would cover all costs in the relationship, even for your own birthday, is pretty poor, especially when he has savings. I’d not suggest he be hitting savings for day to day costs but for your birthday? He absolutely should.
Honestly I would take to heart that he is SHOWING you who he is and who he is ain’t worth keeping around.
You’re 25.
Best start looking for a new BF now!!
Don’t wait until you’re 35 with kids…
Was he always like this, or is this new since he’s been out of work? Folks in production have definitely been through a really messed up few years with the lockdown -> strikes -> Ai takeover situation. He may be so stressed about his own life that he isn’t fit for a relationship right now.
Also – I think you need at least 3K / month in NYC, so that probably doesn’t feel like any kind of savings to him if he doesn’t know the next time he’ll be paid. If I were in that situation with no guaranteed work on the horizon, I’d feel like I was on the verge of homelessness with just 3K.
He definitely should have just gone to Superman, since you’d bought the tickets – he’s being a dick about all that for sure. But if this is new behavior – I’m betting it’s because he’s currently terrified at a level he’s never been terrified before. It’s a pretty common state of being in the arts and entertainment sector right now.
New Yorkers/adults your age do NOT have $3000 saved. What a hilarious assumption!
You might have saved it, but if you read mass media, watch the news, or pay attention to social media, people your age are drowning in student loan debt! They live at home because home ownership is completely out of reach for them! They can’t afford to live on their own with their starting salaries out of college. They can only afford slumlord housing in sketchy areas of town and they refuse to live like that.
Do he might not have the $36 for your movie night or the $150 for dinner.
Stop being an entitled child. YTA.
This guy is a loser and manipulative. You need to dump him. He’s useless.
No money means no money, but he is being a dick about it.
That’s called gaslighting and you need to move on from this relationship. He is a shit, man child that can’t come up with anything to make his girlfriend’s birthday special (except squash the idea that you had and were happy with)…and somehow he’s the victim!?!?
YTA to yourself.
Why are you fighting to stay in a relationship with a man that thinks so little of you?
Do you really think you’re not worth someone better?
Personally I’d rather go to the cinema by myself than waste any more time and energy on him.
NTA. He sounds like a selfish and immature baby. Having financial stress is part of life. But….he could make up for it by being creative about how you spend your time together.
And he couldn’t be bothered to even do that small thing. Tells you a LOT about his character. Or lack thereof.
For a birthday present to yourself, get rid of this loser.
ESH you for being a door mat and supporting him financially,him for being cheap and a loser nearing 30 years of age Kick him to the curb, there are way better out there. This is more than about a birthday.
Ok, he has $3,000 in savings?! I understand not wanting to pick at that money but for him to not even take $50 or $100 for your birthday is actually insane. I’d say he’s a goof and dump his sorry ass
I’m going to suggest you make your birthday even sadder and dump this guy. Have a nice celebration next month with other people. Nta
The fuck did I just read ?
Being with someone is supposed to make you happier, be emotionally rewarded, and materialy reassuring to have a partner to back you up. When it doesn’t provide emotional joy and support AND you are bringing all the material aspects to the table so you’re not being materially supported , what are you getting out of this partnership exactly?
He’s getting the support of both, without contributing to either.
Just end it, split up, and find someone who can make you happy and feel safe.
Edit: especially when he’s gaslighting you into comforting him on your birthday, persuading you into a different film on your birthday, putting no effort in.
Honestly time to women up.q X
🚩🚩🚩 This won’t change.
Just go see the movie you wanted to see and invite a friend to go with you or go by yourself and enjoy yourself. Ditch the boyfriend… permanently. He’s not interested in putting out an inch of effort for you.
Why are you leaving with him? It’s understandable if he has a cash flow problem, but you’ve offered him alternatives. You just asked him to make the plan and you would still pay and he can’t even be bothered to make a plan. He is not worth your time or effort and is especially not worth your money. Please dump him. Your relationship is not going anywhere and you’re only going to go into debt staying with this man he’s turning into a homosexual and sees you as an ATM NTA run fast give yourself the best birthday present lose some weight by that I mean him.
Just by reading the first part of this, you chose the wrong person!
FTG, NTA
I’d have been gone a long time ago. Based upon what you wrote, it sounds like he needs professional help, but “fixing” him is not your responsibility. If you dump him (wise choice!), either he’ll fail to get a new GF or he’ll fail to keep them. Honestly, he sounds like a future incel.
Sounds like he is mooching and doesn’t care about you, but about you paying for everything.
Please dump this hobosexual and spend time with yourself, friends, family, doggies – anything but another trash boyfriend. You are too young to waste your time!
NTA. Give yourself the best present of all, dump this loser. He’s not working he’s not trying to find a job. He likes being a freelance worker which I think is crazy in this day and age cuz no benefits. But he has a lot of freedom and he can always cry for can’t he. Stop paying for everything. If I could have told my 25-year-old self something that would have been it that and dump him. I was about 27 before I finally dumped them and I was in debt cuz I paid for everything even though he had a job and made more than I did most of the time.
So, is this your life goal? Fund another person’s lifestyle because they’re not successful in their field and are not actively seeking other options? And then have to deal with him dissing on what you want to do on your birthday? Cause this is your future, forever, if you stay with this guy. He’s almost 30 and is sucking you dry, penny by penny, feeling by feeling.
NTA yet…. but if this is not the lifestyle you want, you may want to reconsider your choices.
Literally leave. NOW
Girl.
So he can’t even go to a free movie at nearly 30 for someone else’s birthday. Think about that – he would rather you stress and be hurt than spend a couple hours seeing a movie he isn’t into. That’s the equation here – your pain is less important than the potential he might not be entertained to a certain level.
NTA but girl, have higher standards.
Nah, your birthday simply isn’t important to him. Time to stop helping him at ALL.
girl get some dignity and dump this loser, he’s a leech. it will be the best present for you ever, and dont console the brat either.
“…when we met he had a wonderful career he has slowly been losing work ((freelance art director/fabricator) and I have a new stable job).”
You don’t say how long you’ve been together, or what it was like when your BF had a more steady income. But we’re all wondering if your BF was kind and generous before. Or if he was a cheapskate early on, just gaslighting you into paying for everything. If this has been the pattern, you know what you signed up for. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
First off, he should have been willing to see what you wanted to see, even if he had no interest in it. Still, frugality is fine, but did he offer anything special for your birthday (like cooking you a nice dinner)? He seemed as if he couldn’t be bothered to do anything to celebrate your birthday. NTA.
Oh, and Superman is great. If I knew you I’d have been happy to take you to see it as a friend!
Seriously? He now refuses to see the movie you wanted to see “because it looks bad”? To whom? Who would know? What a baby.
Your bf hates you, if you stay with him you hate yourself as well. Guys do this all the time. They make a big fuss around your birthday/anniversary/promotion and ruin your day so you lower your standards. if you stay with him, next year all you’re gonna want for your birthday is to not have an argument.
Take yourself to superman and give yourself the best present of making this guy an ex.
He wouldn’t see a movie YOU wanted to see with you on your birthday without paying a penny.
Why do you think you should treat him for your birthday!?
NTA
Kick him out and go see Superman. It was a bit cheesy/cringe at times, but it was fun and overall a good movie.
NTA, you said you pay for almost everything in your relationship. So you pay for everything, treat him nice, probably put out too, what does he do for you?
Honestly you sound like a catch, he should be treating you like the golden goose that you are.
Go see a movie with a friend.
Wow, he sure showed you his true colours.
He needs to get another job if he’s not bringing in any. He has a job now not a career if he doesn’t make money.
Get a new boyfriend, he’s not worth your time or energy.
Your 25th is a special milestone birthday and he should have had something planned.
Get out of this relationship and find someone worthy of you.
Happy birthday and I hope you go and spend it with others that care because he obviously doesn’t.
By his actions, WHY is he still your boyfriend? It seems he does not value you as much as you value him. I think it’s time to remove the dead weight in this relationship.
Find a new boyfriend you can do better
NTAH. Fuck him, gift yourself by dumping him and seeing your superman movie. You should be in a loving relationship, not babysitting
NTA. Happy Birthday. Go to the movies by yourself and make this the first day of a new chapter in life, without him.
This guy seems terrible. Reading between the lines why he didn’t want to see Superman and assume it is too woke for him. So that tells you a lot about his character. He dominates your plans and can’t sit through a movie he doesn’t like as a gift to you. You take care of him and he does nothing for you. And he responds to any critique of his bad behavior by acting like you’re humiliating him. This guy is a loser and worse he’s the type of man who feels insecure and humiliated by his life choices. That makes him a powder keg for what he will do when you finally “embarrass” him too much. He will offer you nothing of value but he is a real danger. Leave his broke ass.
it’s your birthday, and he gave you a fight that lasts days. dump his ass.
Tell him boy, bye.
Happy Birthday. Give yourself the best gift ever by dumping your uncaring boyfriend. He’s just using you for your money.
Really look at this – REALLY look at this.
It’s YOUR birthday, you bought tickets to a movie YOU wanted to see. He talked you out of that. Then, you found another movie but needed to clear it with him, etc., AND THEN he doesn’t want to pay for it.
Come on. He’s 29 and acting like this????
You can do better.
And if he really is THAT broke that he really can’t swing $36, there are plenty of other ways to spend your birthday that doesn’t cost any money.
Dumping this guy would be a birthday gift to yourself. Think of all the money you will save and the headaches you will avoid. You picked out and paid for the activity you wanted to do….then had to listen to him whine. Then return the tickets, then look up new options, then present the new options…more whining…another idea…more whining etc etc. Without him, I bet a friend would have paid for your movie tickets or you could’ve saved $18 and went by yourself and enjoyed a peaceful time.
He could have said, I really don’t want to see Superman so why don’t you go with your friend but before the movie, we will go to the park and have a picnic…or after I will take you for ice cream…anything.
Sounds like he is doing an ROI analysis every time…is this worth my time? Is it worth my inconvenience? Definitely not worth my money…
And it looks like your desires or needs is on the losing end of that analysis unless the benefit to him is greater.
Go see Superman with your friends. Go out for a birthday dinner and drinks with your friends. Maybe have a sleepover at one of their places. Get some time and space away from your bf. Don’t let him ruin your birthday with his toddler tantrum.
Then go home, pack up, and move out and move on. (could be you or him that needs to move out I don’t know the housing situation).
Good luck. NTA.
>he refuses to see that movie…I pay for almost everything in our relationship that we do together…he didn’t have a present for me…he’s not working…dinner we planned would be paid for by me as well…my boyfriend didn’t want to spend a single dollar on me…he refuses to do anything to try and make that happen other than showing up and letting me pay for everything…he is calling me cruel for humiliating him…
is this your boyfriend or your toddler?
NTA
This man throws a temper tantrum over seeing a movie that YOU paid for on YOUR birthday.
So you get a refund and do all the work to see another cheaper movie and now he’s whining about shelling out money to treat you on your bday.
Honey, I say this with tough love. This man does not care about you. He cares about what you can do for him and probably doesn’t want to lose that (it’s a good gig for a broke man) but he does not love you.
He could have sucked it up and went to Superman, made you a card, made a cheap picnic, borrowed money to take you to dinner… but he did the opposite.
You teach people how to treat you and by just sucking it up over fear of breaking up you teach him this is ok.
For your birthday I hope you gift yourself self love. Love enough to know that this ain’t it.
NTA
Please take yourself out to see Superman and as a final present to yourself – DUMP HIM!!
NTA. Usually when you’re the one treating, you get to make the choices. Sounds like your bf doesn’t have the skills to run a business or be in a serious relationship.
You can’t even pick the movie on your own birthday? Wow, why do people let themselves be treated this way?
Are you that desperate for a boyfriend that you’re willing to put up with this?
I’ve had people I know for a couple months splurge on a night out to celebrate my birthday with me
And the man you’re intimate with can’t EVEN pay to watch the movie you originally wanted.
He whines this much because you’ve made him the prize, you chase him, you buy his love.
He’s with you out of convenience
NTA My husband is not a professional artist, but my birthday present one year was framed sketches he’d done of me over the time we were together. Cheapest gift he’s ever given me and hands down my favourite.
Clearly you understand that being in a relationship is about supporting one another, but your boyfriend does not. He might need to mature before he can be in a functional adult relationship.
You deserve to be adored. Accept nothing less.
NTA…for now. You will be if you stick around and continue to allow him to treat you this way and then get upset about it. He is showing you exactly who he is.
NTA I would have dumped him after he said he didn’t want to see Superman. That movie was amazing! But also, this dude sounds like a total dud. Break up with him and treat yourself to Superman.
I think you need to treat yourself to an awesome day off on your own. Get to know how terrific you really are and that you don’t need a (deadbeat) boyfriend in your life for it to be fulfilling.
Girl, drop the loser and go see Superman by yourself (or bring a friend).
You’re too close to the situation to see it for what it is, but this isn’t a good relationship.
Honey this is only going to get worse. Leave him. You deserve someone who will watch what movie YOU WANT on YOUR BIRTHDAY. The fact that he doesn’t have 40 bucks to go see a movie at the age of 29 and you pay for everything?
Leave him. Break ups suck but being in a relationship where you are being treated terribly is worse
Get an adult boyfriend.
He sounds immature and a little self absorbed. Totally understand money being tight but he could take the initiative and plan something for you. You mentioned being New Yorkers, the city has tons of great places to go that you two could spend time walking around together. He could cook you a meal to save some money too…or could have planned ahead and saved for something else. You need someone who tries…like just a little bit
Hey! If by “New Yorker” you mean New York State (I’m guessing you mean NYC though), and are near Buffalo, I’ll take you for that movie tonight! I’m in Niagara Falls Canada, but I don’t think you should be paying for your own birthday date. I’m 28M, single, pretty decent looking and don’t expect anything more than just seeing the movie and buying you dinner. Serious offer
Update: he asked me what I wanted to do this morning, when I asked for him to maybe come over with toast and an avocado he said “just eat something” (I had mentioned for the past couple weeks itd be nice if he – a trained chef- made me breakfast, it’s cheap and thoughtful). I said forget it, told him to stay home and then my friend took me out to breakfast while I cried at the table. It’s over.
Also yes for clarification he’s known I like to go to the movies every year on my bday, his rent is 1k, he didnt think Superman was too woke lol he’s a leftist and many times I gave him the option to figure out a no money plan for today, he just didn’t want to I guess. I’m lucky to have a very large group of friends available to me today on my one day off. Thx everyone. It’s truly been an eye opening experience.
WOW …….you seriously need to get rid of this parasite .Exactly what does he bring to the table other than bills 🤔
Honey why are you invested in this man(?)? Take yourself to dinner and a movie.
Do you think SO little of yourself that you put up with bad treatment?
The guy could have made a nice dinner at home.
He could have made a card.
He could have found a good movie on a streaming service.
Just how did he celebrate your birth and his good fortune to be loved by you?
The $ is not the issue here, it’s the attitude to not want to go with you.
Money can, at times, be hard to come by, but not being a Dick is free.
Get a ticket to Superman, go see your movie alone and grab dinner somewhere. Leave him home. You offered to pay, and he still wouldn’t see the movie you wanted to see ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. I can understand being between jobs, but your boyfriend sounds like a child.
He should have let you pick the movie. It’s your birthday. He sounds like a tool. You should leave him. He’s incredibly selfish and that’s not going to change any time soon. Leave him so he can realise and hopefully one day he will learn.
You had a plan and fully paid for it yourself. He whined so you cancelled. Now all this drama?
Do not spend your birthday with him,for starters.
Go see Superman alone or with a friend and ha e a good time.
He’s an asshole.
Jesus, I give strangers more consideration if I hear it’s their birthday.
You’ve got a guy who is a parasite. Most parasites return something to the host, but your guy? No, he’s too important to allow what YOU would like to do be a factor on YOUR birthday, and you don’t matter enough for him to fork over a few dollars or to actually be creative for you even though creativity is what he supposedly does for a living.
He’s not working because his immense sense of self-imporant entitlement gets in the way, just like it’s getting in the way of your relationship. It doesn’t speak well for a future together unless you like being a doormat.
OP, please consider what this would look like in ANY healthy relationship:
“Of course we’ll do what you want! That sounds like a great idea!”
(Well, I hate what she wants to do, but it’s her birthday, so….) “Yeah, let’s see what you want and how would you feel about doing this other thing I had in mind for you, too?”
(UGH! I hate what she wants and I’m too broke to spend a dime right now….) “Really? You’d be ok with crafting something up together instead? Gosh, I appreciate you!”
Happy Birthday first and NTA second. Girl go take yourself to the movies and dinner. Go have an amazing day. Enjoy yourself! This is the one day out of the year where it is all about you. I think you’ll have more fun with yourself then with your boyfriend. He’s only going to drag your mood down. You already switched movies because of him don’t let him ruin anymore of your time.
I knew everything I needed to at buddy getting mad when asked to watch Superman.
If you’re mad that someone bought you tickets to see Superman, I don’t know what the fuck to tell you beyond “life is too short for your bullshit”.
The rest merely confirmed that.
Your boyfriend is a tool.
NTA.
Be single. It’s nice.
NTA, he is. He’s cheap, he’s no fun, and he doesn’t give a crap about you. Why are you with him?
Only a person who hates themselves would stay with this loser. Please dump him. He ruined your 25th birthday. Don’t let him ruin one more minute of your life. You deserve so much better. He clearly doesn’t even like you. The fact that he wouldn’t even go see Superman that you paid for. Obviously there’s a lot wrong with this loser. He is not a man. Please choose yourself.
Your birthday present to yourself is breaking up with this dead weight
Dude fuck that, I’ll go to the movies with you!
But this does say a lot about your BF..
Why is this mooch still part of your life?
Give yourself the best birthday gift and lose the loser.
NTA
NTA. My biggest issues isn’t even the money, but the fact that he threw a temper tantrum over seeing a movie you wanted to see (that YOU paid for) on YOUR birthday. He can’t suck it up and go to the movie you want to for your birthday? My husband would absolutely go, even if it wasn’t his top choice. He would say “it’s your birthday babe, you choose”. I actually dated a guy like this once, we Aways had to go to the movie he wanted to. One time, he agreed to go to the one I wanted to. Then we got there, and he changed his mind. He said he wanted to see a different movie and I could go to the one I wanted by myself. Why I didn’t dump that guy earlier is truly a mystery.
This guy sucks. Sounds like a massive loser at 29 trying to be an artist and clearly failing to make any money doing that. People like this typically have never worked a real job and blame everyone for their career in some entertainment or art field failing because it couldn’t be their motivation or skills that’s crazy to think.
Most adults do not have 3k saved up but regardless, he’s a man-child.
NTA – IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY! I would go see Superman alone and enjoy it! Also dump the dud.
You are dating a child. This is ridiculous. NTA
Why are you begging for roach covered crumbs? ….
Like you’re 25. Stand up and peel the 30 year old child off your hip and credit card.
Why are you with this person who obviously doesn’t respect or even like you at all? You deserve better.
NTA but girl he sucks. And you deserve to be treated better, why do you keep compromising your wants to suit him?
All you asked was for him to go to the movie you wanted to see, for Free.
He sounds like a jerk, NTA
NTA – He made you change the movie you wanted to see on your birthday because he wouldn’t like it?!? That’s all you needed to say.
It’s your birthday. You get to choose. You should take a serious look at this relationship. I cannot imagine my spouse acting like this.
There’s also a lot of free or low cost things he could plan for you too if money was tight for him. It’s the fact that not only did he crap all over your movie tradition but then he’s like “well yeah obviously you’re paying for everything on your birthday!” when you brought up dinner. Trust me, he’s not worth it. Find a new boyfriend who will make the effort.
My ex husband couldn’t even be bothered to buy or make me a birthday cake or really get me a card on my birthday or our anniversary. The two times he got close to getting me a card – we were at the grocery store and he hands me a card and said this is what I would get for you and then puts it back and the other time he hands me a card that’s blank, he couldn’t even be bothered enough to sign his name. My currently husband, when deployed overseas arranged for someone to make me a cake on my birthday and deliver it, and sent me a card a month before my birthday to make sure it got there. He said he wanted to make sure that my birthday was always special even if he wasn’t there. There are good men that put in the effort and think ahead even if it’s low budget. Seriously you can do better than this guy. He showed you how he feels about you. Raise your standards sis.
He is a giant asshole and if you want every birthday to go unacknowledged and get your feelings hurt on every special holiday, stay with this loser. Take it from me I know from personal experience.
I’ll just be blunt and say this guy isnt as into you as you are to him. I’ve been broke before and dating someone and I’ve made presents. He won’t even do that for you. You’re not the asshole to anybody but yourself if you stay in this thankless relationship where someone is clearly using you for financial access.
He’s shown you exactly how important you are to him. This is just a preview of how he will treat all important times in your life.
paragraphs are friends
there should be consequences for this. He sounds awful.
The biggest gift to yourself would be freedom from this man
He is acting like a petulant baby…right from the start over the Superman movie. It’s YOUR birthday, you get to pick the movie!! Girl, go out and celebrate! See the movie, get the snacks, go out to eat at your favorite place, then go home, take a relaxing bath or shower and flop down on the couch with a happy smile and say “now that was a nice birthday”. Maybe his sorry little baby ass will pack up and leave and you’ll have many more happy birthdays!!
Nta, that’s a preview to how all your birthdays and holidays will be like if you stay. You might wanna run if you dont like it
Girl. Come on. Do you really want this to be your life?
NTA he will be the exact same when you turn 35, except there will be much more resentment. don’t wait for it to happen again
not only he won’t step up to take you out, or offer a reasonable alternative he can afford that you agree with, but he also made sure you wouldn’t take yourself out with the pressure to cancel your original plans.
he doesn’t want you to be happy
When I was in grad school my boyfriend and I were earning like $5/hour at our crappy jobs and he still found the money to take me out to dinner. He bought me a pillow that I used for like 30 years until it disintegrated into dust and dust mites and I had to compost it. That pillow represented like 5 working hours and a lot of thoughtfulness. And he was still a pretty crappy boyfriend in a lot of ways. Your guy is showing you who he really is. Believe him. You deserve way more. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.
NTA. But if u stay with him u will be. First up as soon as u said he doesn’t want to see the new Superman because it looks bad I instantly got a good idea of the type of guy he is. And as I read your post it just got confirmed. Ma’am u are saying a broke/cheap pos. For YOUR birthday he decided the movie u were willing to pay for wasn’t worth it. And he can’t even take u to dinner and a movie for your birthday. And like u said he’s almost 30. Leave this bum
He has shown you repeatedly how your life would be if you remain in this relationship. I hope this made it sink in that you will always pay for everything. From your house to car to furniture and potentially kids. It is time to get rid of this dead wood
Oh honey. You’re letting him pick the movie you see on your birthday and you’re paying for everything. Give yourself the birthday gift of cutting this guy loose. He doesn’t care about you, only what he can get from you.
He’s not your person
Don’t tell me he’s a Snyder “enthusiast” (y’all know what word I’d use to describe these) and that it’s the reason he doesn’t want to go see the movie YOU want to see for YOUR birthday? Also, if everything you say is true, he’s a seems like he’s (at least financially) taking advantage of you. Since it’s Reddit, people are gonna say to leave him instantly, but I’d suggest to take into consideration his words and actions, think on if he brings something good to your life or not, THEN decide on if you want to spend years with that person AS HE IS NOW (because let’s be real, the odds of a person, especially that age, changing all of a sudden, are pretty slim).
Good luck in your next relationship.
Movie is a cheap birthday, and he needs to buck up or get out of the way of the next guy who will treat you right.
Wow – and just why are you still with him? This is a poopy relationship and he is waving red flags at you and you just can’t see them.
Happy birthday, OP!!! Leave and go out by yourself frfr. There’s no love like the love you show yourself in my experience! You’ve done your best in this relationship but this guy is a fucking dick. Leave his ass at home and enjoy your time without the selfish negative nancy. Watch that movie, and have an amazing birthday!
Give yourself the biggest gift of all by being newly single. You deserve better than this bum OP. He doesn’t care about you. Celebrate with your friends instead. NTA
He doesn’t love or even like you. You should not be begging anyone let alone your boyfriend to care for you on your birthday. This is just sad. Please dump him and spend your birthday with people who actually like you.
Why not give yourself the best birthday gift ever. Self respect and freedom from that guy.
So your b’day but he picks the movie. A movie he can’t pay for. This guy is taking advantage of you. You don’t need a guy sucking the life out of you and giving nothing in return. Run now.
Wait so you have a grown bf who is almost 30 and can’t find some temp work or sell something to get the money together to take his girl out on her BD?
To top it off it sounds like he is one of those anti-woke goons that won’t see Superman because Joe Rogan or somebody said it’s pro-immigrant. I wonder what he thinks of all the New Yorkers he sees everyday. Most of whom are immigrants.
You are not the asshole. But you are a fool if you stay with this leech.
And you’re still with him because…?
The fact that he wouldn’t go see the movie you wanted to see on your birthday is enough for me. You then proceeded to give him so many options that it’s not only confusing but also seems more like his birthday. If your birthday is this important to you, this is not your guy.
Your birthday your choice. He sounds like a man baby. You are NTA
You all already know what I’m going to say. RUN! Far and fast. He can’t be bothered to take $250 from savings to make you feel special for one night then guess what? NTA.
Find a new bf
Not reading all of this.
I really need women to stop putting up with this.
He’s a grown ass man almost 30 and can’t even buy you movie tickets? That’s fucking embarrassing and stupid. Come on.
I got the ick just reading this. NTA
You’re dating a bum who is using you for financial support. If he has 3k he has 36 dollars. End the relationship and find someone with a job. He doesn’t need to be in a relationship, he needs to start working full time lol.
NTA. Give yourself a gift and dump him. He’s twisted you inside out to the point you’re pandering to his needs and desires on your birthday! That’s a big yuck
girl I’m broke as fuck, disabled, and can’t find work, and still managed to bust my ass on doordash to pay for my boyfriend’s birthday dinner this year. I don’t usually like this phrase but dude if he wanted to, he would. lose the whole man
Jesus. This type of selfish behavior will never change. Don’t put up with it.
Give yourself the gift of freedom. Being alone and single is better than being alone in a relationship.
This man doesn’t like you.
Run. Don’t walk.
Why are you so concerned about watching a movie when the true concern should be: is he trying to improve his situation?
Is he trying to find other jobs even in other fields even if they make minimum wage? Is he just moping around and mooching off you?
Sure, stick through tough times but not if the person isn’t doing anything to improve. YTA to yourself for not focusing on the bigger issue.
It will only get worse. Even if he can’t find a job in his field- he should be doing something. And if he doesn’t care enough to do something- even cooking dinner – he won’t care later. He’s dependent on you, you need partner not a dependent.
He’s a dick, get rid of him
Please leave him! He won’t change. He’s almost 30 and can’t care enough to treat you on your birthday!?
Does he maybe not wanna see superman because the political “right” doesn’t like it?
Girl, find a friend and go see the movie YOU want on YOUR birthday. And slow way down on paying his way to things. If he wants to split while he’s broke, fine, but he’s 29. If he can’t afford a movie, he needs to change something. Maybe freelance becomes his side gig, and he gets a full-time job.
Why are you doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship? So he expects you to treat him for your birthday? He should be the one trying to set up something nice for your birthday. Dump him. Recalibrate your standards.
OP why are you with this guy?
Even if he’s pay check to pay check I’m sure he can budget a small gesture for you over time. He can sacrifice buying lunch for two days or wherever. Yeah, your bf sounds like he’s just there to be there.
NTA – You know what would make your birthday extra special? Break up with him and go see Superman. I BET a lot of men will be seeing that movie.
Why do you need to console HIM on your birthday?
Do you not read what your writing? What do you expect us to say? Just dump this bum and find someone who will appreciate you and see what you want to see on your birthday.
He sounds a very selfish person.
NTA but definitely dump this loser
You should really get rid of the trash that’s holding you back. (him, I’m talking about him) Set yourself free on your bday. You are young and need to find someone who is going to make you feel special and not be a whiner when you ask for simple couple tasks.
He’s tha A hole. He could have offered to cook you an amazing meal instead of going out. Gifts don’t need to bought. Sometimes the special and thoughtful acts are a a more meaningful present. He could have looked for a free outdoor movie in the park or some other activity to demo strate his affection. I get that not having work or a paycheck is stressful, but, he’s clearly got lots of free time
Becoming single would be a great birthday present to yourself! He is a mooch.
I think the worst about this story he didn’t try and plan anything for your birthday to make you feel special.
Someone once told make pay attention to how someone treats you on their birthday.
NAH – dump him, take a friend or family to see Superman. It was a wonderful movie and you deserve to see it for your birthday with someone who appreciates you!