So the title basically says what happened. Basically I’m in Alaska for a travel job which my bf didn’t want to do with me and one night I got drunk w a female friend and I was walking back to my cabin and a guy grabbed me and raped me and he is now in police custody. I called him and told him later that day after I tried to pretend everything was okay and he hung up and started saying that I was strong enough to push him off (I’m a 19F 160 lbs and the guy was a 35M 300lbs) and saying that if I just told the truth he might forgive me? And that I was “drunk but still conscious “
AITAH my bf accuses me of giving consent when I got raped
r/AITAH
Comments
Fuck both of those guys.
NTA. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please reach out to the people who are there for you 100% right now. You need to surround yourself with those people. You don’t have any time to deal with his narrow view of the world right now. Again, I’m so sorry this happened to you
NTA. Your bf is.
Omg, break up with that monster before it eats you. That is insane and your bf never cared for you. Why is he acting like you are a body builder or sum that could fight off a grown man
Your boyfriend’s an absolute creep and he just showed you what’s inside him. Deeply misogynistic and insecure in a narcissistic sort of way. His concern here is for his own pride and his own feelings, he couldn’t give a shit about what you’re going through. I’m so sorry, nobody should have to go through this. I hope you’ll leave this scrote behind.
This all sux so bad!! Your bf needs to be an exbf. I’m so sorry this happened to you!
You need to leave him. You did nothing wrong. You need to find a trauma response therapist
Sorry if this post is true, but i find it hard to believe you were raped and are coming to aitah to ask if you are the ah. It makes no sense.
This should no longer be your BF, but an Ex. I am so sorry this happened to you. Get therapy if you can, I didn’t and wish I did even 35 years later.
There is no excuse or substitutes for consent. Its not implied, assumed or hinted at. It is a clear and understandable conversation of what TWO people want to happen and TWO people agree to do.
The red flags your BF is waving are so so so so so so sooooo bad. You shouldn’t invest your time into someone that’s going to be that demonstrative to you.
And really, the whole boyfriend paradigm is to be different than all the other potential suitors you could entertain and for him, ideally, to show why he is better for you or different in positive ways than other guys you could date.
A man being insensitive to a woman who has been raped (whether they are proven or unproven) is being insensitive to something that is a very big deal to you. If a man loves his partner, their deep rooted issues become the couples deeprooted issues. Because you want to help the person you love adjust through trauma experienced.
Someone like that you shouldn’t even take to meet your parents. Super mega cringe AF. And yea young men say stupid shit, but there is somethings that people shouldn’t fuck with.
Okay I have questions first… Does your bf have trust issues with you? Did you cheat before or have history lying to him? It sounds like you already hesitated to tell him originally.
There’s some reason he’s not believing your story, but it ain’t clear why yet.
Girl, you’ve been the victim of a crime and your (I hope EX) boyfriend is victimizing you again by basically calling you a cheater when you, in fact, have been raped.
>and saying that if I just told the truth he might forgive me?
You don’t need his forgiveness because you did nothing wrong! He hasn’t said one kind word to you since it happened. Has he even asked if you are okay? Does he even care? You don’t need him, you just need to get rid of him. He will punish you again and again for something that was done to you.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP, and I hope you have friends/family who can be there for you the way you deserve. And of course NTA!
No one is coming on here to ask if they’re an asshole for getting raped. Making up stories like this is sick
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NTAH, break up with him as he is not supporting you and he’s almost as bad as your attacker. Please get therapy for yourself and I am sorry this happened and hope you are able to eventually find your peace.
NTA, but your boyfriend is. Make him an ex. There’s nothing for him to “forgive you” for; you were raped. What a absolute AH. Being conscious is not the same as giving consent. He’s such an idiot.
I’m sorry that happened to you and that you don’t have a partner that’s decent enough to support you. I hope your friends and family are better and that you’ve reached out to rainn.org to find a local SA agency to advocate for you.
Get rid of the boyfriend. Anyone who implied that you deserved it should be kicked out of your life. And for him to assume you’re a big enough girl to fight off the guy is an asshole. Dump him! No ifs, ands or buts about it.
Here comes Momma Bear – I don’t usually spell out the entire curse and I hope I won’t get flagged or in trouble but here goes:
What. The. Actual. Fuck. Times a million.
Anyone, anyone who has the audacity to be flippant about an assault, let alone a rape! – needs to be thrown into a gulag in Siberia. I’m assuming that you have agreed to prosecute this rapist – that takes a lot of courage to do and if your “boyfriend” (using that super loosely) is saying you should have fought this monster off, he should fuck off. OMG, I am furious – yes, I typically curse a lot but I try to keep it clean on here. DROP THE UNSUPPORTIVE, UNSYMPATHETIC LOSER. Girl, you don’t deserve his BS.
If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to a rape crisis line (National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673, available 24/7) or even me – just don’t ever, ever blame yourself. You survived, that’s most important.
Fuck him! What an inconsiderate, unsupportive jerk! I’d dump him over this!
Your ex boyfriend is disgusting. I’m so sorry you were assaulted and I hope the rapist is prosecuted. I also hope you never speak to your scumbag ex again. Except to tell him that he’s a piece of shit.
NTA but please make this douchecanoe your ex.
I am so sorry this happened to you!!
Gentle cyber hugs
NTA in any way at all. Your soon-to-be-ex bf is a colossal AH. Mean, immature, thoughtless and not too bright. In the words of inimitable Ray Charles, tell him to “hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more no more.”
leave him. if he doesn’t believe you, do you think he gives a damn about other women? this is an emotional infant– an adult child– that you are dealing with.
300lbs? Could he even find it?
Break up with this monster NOW. You deserve better.
I’m sorry this happened, OP. I hope your rapist goes to jail for a very long time, and that your STBX never knows a night of peace.
ETA: please find a therapist who specializes in trauma
Obviously not the AH. Also just like everyone else is saying your “bf” is a monster and you need to leave him. There is absolutely NO excuse for a reaction like that. Get yourself into therapy asap. Surround yourself with positive family and friends who have your back. And honestly, if you can’t do it yourself cause of everything you are going through, you have 100% permission to break up with that Troll via text or through a friend and never talk to that jacka$$ ever again.
You mean your EX boyfriend right?
Dump that boyfriend now. He will make your recovery from trauma much harder as he sits around and gives voice to your deepest fears while blaming you and probably wanting to punish you because he doesn’t understand how to be a real partner
You mean your ex BF….
NTA
NTA, I hope your attacker rots in prison. Your bf should be the person by your side and supporting you through this time.
All recent movies suggest you should have beaten him up.
Your boyfriend sounds very possessive. It feels like he thinks since another man played with my toy, I don’t want it anymore. You are not a possession, you are human and I wish you could work through this. The support system is incredibly important at this point, so surround yourself with people who support and cherish you. You deserve the best
I must have read that wrong. Because I’m certain it actually said ex-bf
Shouldn’t that be your EX boyfriend?
Dump him and expose him. Like expose him, tell his family, tell his friends, heck name and shame on social media. What he said was disgusting and people should know.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
please, slap some sense into him once you see him again, and never see him again.
Honestly i’m surprised you weren’t SA by your bf givin’ how he responded to you literally getting raped flush that loser like the piece of shit he is stay strong and don’t let this break you
Your boyfriend should be your ex boyfriend. What you went through is horrific and for your “boyfriend” to shame you, traumatizing you again, is freaking disgusting. It does not matter if you were drunk, were 300lbs and a linebacker. You were forced into sex when you clearly did not want it. Nothing else matters, your consent was not given and you were assaulted. Anyone that blames you I would never speak to again.
I am so sorry this happened and I highly suggest talking to mental health professionals for helping you through this and to acknowledge your strength.
You should find someone that won’t kick you while you are down, and just went through one of the most traumatic experiences ever. Your Bf is a piece of shit.
My ex once used force on me for just 10 seconds… and I still feel terrible about it. It hunts me! I can’t imagine what you are going through!! I’m very sorry, be strong and throw out the trash in your life, like this individual that you’ve called bf.
BF is dangerously toxic. Anyone who defends a rapist is not a person you should be around. Establish no contact ASAP, please.
I am truly sorry you went through this terrible experience. Your bf is making what happened to you about him. It’s not about you being raped, it’s about how he feels about another guy being with you. He doesn’t look at what happened to you as rape, and he isn’t concerned with you at all. I NEVER say this, but in this instance, you have to leave him. You’ll never be safe with him.
What an asshole bf…
That reaction from him goes right in the unforgivable book if you ask me.
I am so sorry that happened to you, there really is people that are truly evil out there. I wish you the best.
Your bf sounds like a jealous controlling misogynistic AH with low self-esteem who doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you. Totally unhinged. PLEASE know that you deserve to be with someone who . . . well, FFS, someone who a decent human being. Please break up and stay away from him.
I’m so sorry you were raped. Please look into getting counseling if it is at all possible for you to do so.
If this is true, what the fuck did your parents do while raising you? Did you have a father in the home? How the hell could you think any of this is acceptable, without input from a bunch of basement dwellers on Reddit?
Seriously… Get some therapy.
all i can say is there is a special place in hell for both of them.
This sounds like a classic case of I got drunk cheated on the boyfriend and had to cover my tracks and ruin another guy‘s life at the same time, I’m sorry I can’t believe this story the way it’s written out, and your boyfriend doesn’t even believe you that says a lot there is either there’s a lot of stuff being left out of this story 100% because boyfriends don’t just react like that you’re not telling the truth here
Your BF is not the pillar you need him to be. You were assaulted and he’s thinking with his ego.
You’re so NTA that this barely qualifies as an AITAH post. Your boyfriend is scum. The rapist is scum. You were drunk and overpowered. Literally none of this is your fault.
Omg break up with him immediately