My, f/29, first time ever going to a sex club or having any type of open relationship with my boyfriend, 32/m, was last Saturday night at a Portland swingers club. We were supposed to go a few weeks prior for my birthday. His idea was having a train ran on me— I thought maybe getting spit roasted would be fun. He kept making it a point to tell me this night was about me.
The night was going great.. I could tell he wanted to have sex with another female and I was fine with that. I tried a few times, he tried a few times. Most people were interested in me participating with him watching. I tried. It was mostly couples looking for unicorns that night.
Anyway. I ended up having sex with a man that had a huge penis. I’m talking XL magnum was extra tight. He tried to use one of the club condoms but I watched it shoot off the head of his penis across the bed. Then my boyfriend offered him an XL magnum to use and he put it on. At the end of it he pulled out to cum and the condom was gone.
I’m really not sure where it went or what happened to it. I was three or four drinks in surrounded by a bunch of people.. i really don’t know what happened and I feel gross about it but that’s besides the point. My boyfriend now thinks I rode him bareback on purpose and I just let him fuck me without a condom or that “I should have known” .
His business moved this week, I have my kids, and he flew to his dad’s Friday morning so we didn’t have a chance to talk much this week about it.
When we left the club he asked for a side piece.. when I told him I didn’t think I’d be comfortable with adding emotions into the mix with the people we fuck outside our relationship.. I’d rather do the hookup thing but he fought me. He was upset with my answer.
Pictures of conversation attached— We had a few phone calls between the texts but I want you guys to tell me if this is it?
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Backup of the post’s body: My, f/29, first time ever going to a sex club or having any type of open relationship with my boyfriend, 32/m, was last Saturday night at a Portland swingers club. We were supposed to go a few weeks prior for my birthday. His idea was having a train ran on me— I thought maybe getting spit roasted would be fun. He kept making it a point to tell me this night was about me.
The night was going great.. I could tell he wanted to have sex with another female and I was fine with that. I tried a few times, he tried a few times. Most people were interested in me participating with him watching. I tried. It was mostly couples looking for unicorns that night.
Anyway. I ended up having sex with a man that had a huge penis. I’m talking XL magnum was extra tight. He tried to use one of the club condoms but I watched it shoot off the head of his penis across the bed. Then my boyfriend offered him an XL magnum to use and he put it on. At the end of it he pulled out to cum and the condom was gone.
I’m really not sure where it went or what happened to it. I was three or four drinks in surrounded by a bunch of people.. i really don’t know what happened and I feel gross about it but that’s besides the point. My boyfriend now thinks I rode him bareback on purpose and I just let him fuck me without a condom or that “I should have known” .
His business moved this week, I have my kids, and he flew to his dad’s Friday morning so we didn’t have a chance to talk much this week about it.
When we left the club he asked for a side piece.. when I told him I didn’t think I’d be comfortable with adding emotions into the mix with the people we fuck outside our relationship.. I’d rather do the hookup thing but he fought me. He was upset with my answer.
Pictures of conversation attached— We had a few phone calls between the texts but I want you guys to tell me if this is it?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Just break up already
Wait, he’s fat but it’s ok because his cardio is A+ but he wants her to get in physically appealing shape for him even though she’s carrying that whole situation ship on her back??? Big yikes! Hope the next steps are to leave him and do/find better.
Dump him.
Yeah, this relationship isn’t going to survive. The only thing you’re doing is trying to keep it on life support. It’s time to go your separate ways.
What a scumbag this man is.
“build a bitch” 👌🏻🤣
Listen ,girl ,I feel for you ,but why did you even go to the swinger club with him? This is a classic “ play stupid games,win stupid prizes “ scenario
You guys both seem exhausting to be around. Just breakup and get it over with man.
a decade ago in a different relationship we frequented swingers clubs starting about a year into relationship. you quickly learn some people have jealousies, and the importance of communication. would see at a big fight about 1/2 the time we went. I wouldn’t say you are the asshole, but you guys need to talk not txt. It is rare to really resolve a fight by txt, more often you escalate. I would say you need to talk more if you are going to do this activity, give it up, or break up. There is always going to be a cuter younger, hotter guy or girl at the club. sounds like you both were drinking, and made mistakes, you have jealousy issues and he is the opposite of supportive. he is the asshole if anything. positive swinging is all about female empowerment, as the guy making sure your partner is safe, supported, and having a good time. as the guy you get a lot without being selfish.
Break up and block him. Do yourself a favor.
And I find it so amusing when the one who wants to do the open relationship thing and then they end up getting butthurt and the relationship goes to shit.
“Big booty redhead with freckles” 😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏😹😹😹😹
“this isn’t build a bitch” was genuinely hilarious.
Just break up this dude is a POS. I read shit like this and wonder how dudes like this get women while I struggle?
Why did I even bother reading all of this; I’m just throwing the last brain cells I have left right down the drain
wtf does an open bedroom mean?
Oh my god you need someone who actually appreciates you. Please break up.
Some things are fundamental in a relationship. Mutual understanding of romantic monogamy is one of them. If he wants it he’s going to seek it whether you approve or not.
Please do not ever stay with a man who wishes to control your food or your body. That’s trauma, distilled. Dump this man to the curb x100 and NEVER look back. What trash.
I only have two kids and one monogamous relationship. I don’t know how you have the energy to juggle single parenting 3 kids and a emotionally intensive and sexually complicated relationship after having a baby less than a year ago?
It’s exhausting just to read. How are you negotiating open relationship with a boyfriend? Slow down.
Jesus H C. This guy is also your boss? I know you need to have a safe place for the kiddies 🧒 but I wouldn’t be beholden or obligated to this guy. It would seem he is use to getting his way and got sulky when he was told no. You might want to take a rain check on that relationship and not go back.
I’m going to point out some red flags here.
He wants a bang nanny who will also let him do what he wants.
Please create some financial security outside of him, dump him, and go back to your therapist because you are repeating the abuse cycle.
This is a super fucked situation that there is no return from. Also, 3 kids before 30 is insane. Just take care of your 3 kids. No need to add another one.
Break up and maybe avoid fucking people if you’re in a relationship.
You need to find another job, asap!
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄.
3 texts in and i came to the conclusion you should breakup. Just do it
Just… break up…
You are too old for this nonsense.
Please don’t have any more children and please try to do better for the ones you have.
This was gross and sad to read.
On page 3 when he said he loved you, he said he loves your sex life first and your body. No mention of your character, intelligence, how nice you are, good mom or anything like that first. That’s really depressing.
Your bf already has a side piece. He’s a swinger. He wants to keep you occupied/dependent so he can screw around. You need to be single, focusing on your kids, and focusing on you- getting yourself in a better financial situation.
I always see people that do this never have lasting relationships. It was ruined before you even entered the swingers club. Idk what you expected to happen 🤷
Jfc what in the fuck did I just read?
He’s an asshole….. but also, Not showering for 4/5 days is WILD.
Yea I’m not reading through all that but skimmed it quickly… And … You’re angry with him that he wants a “side piece” for your admittedly open relationship and he asked you about it in the car on your way back from a swingers club where you were run a train on willingly …
And you’re asking IF you’re being an asshole? Yes.
Does that make him not an asshole? Nah, him getting angry at you “barebacking” when a condom fell off because you were admittedly really drunk (which………. How does that happen in a sex club where interactions are meant to be safe and consensual) … ridiculous.
Y’all should break up because you’re both way too immature for a real relationship clearly. This is beyond messy I can hardly wrap my mind around it.
I felt gross reading this 🫤, break up there is no relationship here.
Probation? All this and he was convicted or about o be convicted of a crime? What a catch.
Probation?!
heavy sigh the ghetto.
Girl, there is a better way to live life, I promise you.
You sound like a nightmare. You’re both AHs
Have some self respect. Gross
I feel sorry for your kids if this is the kind of man you are bringing home
keep your sex life out of your house
focus on your kids
and get therapy
He says he’ll stay with you forever as long as he can fuck whoever he wants, and he doesn’t even mind that you’re overweight. How very generous of him. Throw him back and let the women at his sex club fight over who gets to “ride his dick”.
What a filthy mess
Soooo what exactly is he on probation for it? Why would you want that drama on top of all of this garbage?
Have you tried cross stitch? Gardening maybe?
Focus on your kids dawg
that’s crazy that just because you can’t ride him for long periods of time that he sees as you out of shape. riding and bouncing is not fucking easy, regardless of how in shape you are.
This post makes me feel like a genius so thank you for that
You need more self respect than this.
Hun, you ARE the side piece.
What the fuck am I reading
The fuck is this
Wait? Are you sure the condom isn’t in you?
First of all, break up, he sucks. Second of all, FOUR TO FIVE DAYS WITHOUT A SHOWER?! Nah girl you’ve got 5 minutes for a shower. At least every other day.
This relationship is cooked lmfao
Jesus fuckung christ, neither of you are fit for a relationship.
Jesus Christ. What the fuck did I just read.
Look, for 99 percent of people, and basically everyone who wants a normal stable relationship…. As soon as you open a relationship up that’s the first sign that it’s dead. You two are no longer compatible, obviously, and this guy seems like an immature, manipulative idiot who thinks with their dick more than their brain. Try and move on and cut this guy out, honestly he seems dangerous so I would probably change locks etc. then you can find someone who isn’t going to do these weird manipulation tactics to try and fuck other women. And maybe you decide you are into that swinger lifestyle, that’s great, but this guy is clearly not going for that. He just wants multiple girlfriends and this was his plan to guilt you into saying yes.
You’re both batshit crazy.
Swinging will destroy most relationships. That was your first mistake.
Jesus Christ this is insane
On a different note, did you manage to.”locate” the condom inside you? Just asking as toxic shock can happen
Some peoples lives are wild
Need to bathe in bleach after reading this. Apparently not everyone is “doing their best” as a parent.
Okay so this is fucking insane – I’ve been a swinger, ENM and in an open relationship and he fucking SUCKSSSSSSS
I highly encourage you BOTH to read “The Ethical Slut”. It really lays out boundaries which is something your boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to come into agreement with you about but it is MANDATORY for any relationship like this. I hope it helps, OP.
Another successful poly experience! 🥳
I love you I want only you you are perfect for me in every way….. Now let me date other people!
The mental gymnastics here wtf. Break up.
Build a Bitch.
yall are a whole ass mess. break up.
Uggggh. What do you want from Reddit? Your boyfriend is a douche canoe and you are exhausting for entertaining him.
This is what I think of when I hear the word degenerate.
The other woman already exists. He’s asking permission because he’s not honest enough to be real with you and ask forgiveness for the transgression that already happened.
The condom might be inside you. I once had a condom magically disappear, we were both very confused, and the next day I… finally found it.
Having been in both the position of riding on top and using a strap-on, I can tell you that being on top bouncing up and down is way more exhausting. I have asked men to get on top and act it out with the roles reversed to demonstrate how tiring it is, because otherwise they just don’t get it.
He’s being very mean to you. He’s literally telling you that your body is so inadequate that he needs another relationship. Are you really going to accept that?
Not everyone can have emotionally dissociated sex with people. You might just be incompatible if you strictly want an open bedroom and he wants more connection. Swinging and polyamory are two different cups of tea.
Y’all are 30 grow the fuck up
In my opinion ,and you can take it for what it’s worth, he is still going to get a side piece. Especially if he travels alot it’s going to be very easy to do. He knew you would say no so why would he even bring it up. He’s playing games with you. That’s what abusers do, they love bomb you…tell you they love you, want to spend the rest of their life with you, that they’ve never been with anyone like you. Then they give you a back handed insult to kick you off guard and to lower your self- esteem. They alienate you from family and friends so you only have them for support. I was in “this” marriage for 11 years. My(ex) husband ran around on me, we didn’t have an open marriage. I took care of his every need and our daughter’s. I stayed exhausted. Then he started throwing his “girlfriends ” in my face saying they were prettier, that they would do things to him that I wouldn’t do. Then he would tell me he loved me and that I would be pretty if I lost weight, or if I colored my hair and did something different with it….it was always something…
Men in the end always justify getting what they want…and I had a man tell me that!! And he said they always blame you, it’s always your fault for not doing xyz…
Take care of you and those babies. They’re the most important thing right now. You don’t realize how much children understand and know until it’s too late.
Hot take but the relationship was over when you both went to the sex club
Why are people always so shocked pikachu face when they get there monogamous relationship and flush it down the swinger toilet I’ll never know
“Chunky but my cardio is A+” Jesus he’s a self absorbed asshole.
NTA. I knew where his head was at when the first compliments he could think to give you were “great energy” and “great sex” and how he loved your body. He wants a woman who he can come home and fuck but not a stripper or sex worker because he still wants to be able to show her off to his friends and he can’t do that with a stripper, in his mind. This is a man who just wants sex and to fuck around and smoke weed, but he’s telling you he wants a family because that’s what he knows you want to hear. He wants you on the phone only so he can charm you. I’ve seen dudes like this before, they’re players, and if he doesn’t understand how it’s disrespectful as hell to you to go to a strip club after being with you, and he’s already leaving you to manage the kids you have all alone? He’s not going to change. You’re gonna end up with another child to look after, just a much older one.
Move on and cut your losses. You deserve better.
Reading this literally made me stupider. I don’t know how some people live like this. “My bf wanted to have a train ran on me in the swingers club, he’s the love of my life 😍”
Honey, he’s telling you that you will be the perfect woman for him by being a doormat. That’s his fantasy. He goes out and fvcks and dates whoever he wants while you wait for him in the sidelines and show him gratitude when he deigns you with his presence.
Dump this loser.
Read Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn
1st stop having kids
2) stop taking less from men because they will give you less and less know you worth and leave that creep x
I think you made a bad decision hooking up with him in the first place if he’s your boss.
Now he’s gonna go fuck some other people and you’ll probably have to find another job.
I don’t think you’re the asshole given the text, he’s certainly a piece of shit.
Just end it…
He’s a POS. He will always make you feel not good enough. Not to mention to mention what is he going on probation for?
It’s your life, end of the day whatever the decision you make is going to impact you. So just get off from the internet for a while and think alone before you make any decisions.
Not showering for 4-5 days is wild
You’re in the wrong subreddit. This just sounds….💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩
Lol he only views you as a sexual object now if you can see that or not is all on you or if you care or not. Definitely not love. He will cheat on you and he’s gonna make you feel worse about yourself. He can’t even communicate like an adult. You’re giving him clear communication that most people beg for.
girl. why the fuck are you still with him?
r/ holyfuckjustbreakup
Is this the example you want set for your children?
He’s going to have a rough time “having his freedom”, and he’s going to crawl back to you because he’s not half the man he thinks he is. He will only be sorry because it didn’t work out for him. The simple fact is your needs aren’t compatible and he isn’t mature enough to handle an adult relationship. Especially with kids involved. He’s insecure and he’s acting out. He’s too damn old to be acting and thinking like this. Give him his “freedom”, because if he can’t handle one partner then what the hell is he gonna do with two?
I can’t believe you’re 29. This conversation seems like late teens early twenties. It’s embarrassing for both of you.
He doesn’t respect you
You deserve better and you know that
my god just leave him
This is the kind of man you’re bringing into your kids life? And you just got divorced. Aaaand he’s your boss?? You’re messy af too girl. Get your priorities strait. Ever heard the phrase, don’t shit where you eat?
What the actual fuck…that’s not normal or healthy at all.
Um, yeah, sorry, yall ain’t meant for each other. It’s clear you wanna fuck other people, and he wants an 2nd girlfriend. Now, honestly, going to swingers clubs and getting piped out by dudes with mega-cocks and fucking chicks that have had at least 5 other dudes in them that night is a disgusting thought but, to each their own. Honestly, separate yourself from the swinger lifestyle, focus on your kids, and just break up already.
God this was sad to read. Stand up girl.
This is all fucked. You both need therapy. He brings out your worst.
Everything that led up to this situation was a MISTAKE. Both of you should break up right now.
if you can’t take a shower for four to five days at a time, how about giving up trying to deal with casual sex or relationships? why not focus on your children. Jesus.
This is way too much to unpack