Myself 29(M) and my wife 32(F) have been married almost 7 years now. We regularly get each other gifts. My wife tends to gift me clothes and collectibles. Over the last year or so I’ve noticed more and more of my clothes missing, didn’t think much of it. Might simply be misplaced or in storage. Until, one day her sister 28 came over and I couldn’t help but notice she had on a hoodie that belonged me to me. I pointed out that the hoodie was mines and asked how she got it. Naturally her response was that my wife, her sister gave it to her. I confronted my wife about giving away my hoodie and her response was “ you claimed you couldn’t fit it( untrue I wore it regularly) so I gave it to my sister. Plus, i bought it anyway “ Once again I notice her sister with an article of my clothes on. Naturally I’m livid. AITAH for telling my wife that I won’t be accepting physical gifts from her anymore since she has been giving my stuff away? I personally think it’s extremely disrespectful to do such a thing with something that you gifted someone and then mention that since you’re the one that purchased it that you can do whatever with it.
AITAH my wife has been giving away my clothes.
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Start giving away all her clothes.
I’d be giving her stuff away to goodwill .. or at the very least tell her I had, whilst hiding it
Yeah you’re not the AH. Your wife is.
That sentence about fitting in was LOW. Naaahhhh, not cool.
Also it’s weird from the POV of the sister.. Why is she OK with wearing your clothes… Something’s weird, man!
NTA
NTA; whether or not she gifted you those items does not change the fact those are YOUR items. YOURS. i’m sure if you started giving away her dresses and her jeans and cute shoes or whatever clothes she has she would hit the ceiling, the floor then the ceiling again. She has no right to decide what happens to things that belong to you
NTA your wife is older than you and thinks she’s your boss
I’m not sure how you could stay together with someone with so little respect for you. NTA.
Also, both she and her sister are super weird.
NTA, I’d be super annoyed too. You don’t mess with someone else’s hoodie.
That said, are you running out of closet/drawer space for your clothing? I had to enact a rule for me and my husband after so many years, one new item in, one old item out (did this with our kids and stuffies as those things pile up lol). After a while you just don’t need THAT much clothing, especially once something gets faded, starts to rip at the hem or whatever.
Yeah she’s rude af NTA
NTA and yeah I’m pissed at her too unless yes, you no longer fit.
About once or every other year, my wife assembled clear bags to donate. We’re all to check for agreement and I drop the lot off.
Your wife doesn’t seem to understand how gifts work.
For your next get together with friends, give all of them some of her clothes to wear to the party.
NTA, donate all her clothes
So if she buys it, that means it’s hers? That is so weird. Your wife is a dingbat. Give away her wedding rings, and anything else you bought her. It’s yours, right? NTA.
NTA. Also the fact she immediately lied when asked about it is not a great sign
NTA this is extremely disrespectful and I would be pissed.
It’s also… odd. I can’t understand why she’s going through your clothes and then instead of tossing or selling or donating- giving them to her sister.
1shirt2suckers
Your wife found a life hack. She gifts you clothes that she later on can give to her sister. Save some $$ at the same time!
You’re completely justified. Once a gift is given, it belongs to the person receiving it. Her attitude of “I bought it so I can give it away” is incredibly dismissive. You’re not wrong to set a boundary after having your things handed out like lost and found.
You know it’s become kind of an in thing to be decluttered organized, minimalist and a lot of people are going through clothing and if it hasn’t been worn in a certain length of time, they consider gifting it to someone donating it, selling it at a garage sale or throwing it away. It’s a way to make more space in your home. Have things less complicated in your life. It’s really become the in thing and personally I blame it on all of those shows on hoarding on TV. I have literally heard people say nobody needs more than five pair of pants and five shirts. I don’t know about the rest of the world but right now we’ve got such blazing hot weather. That shorts and sleeveless are the end thing. But I know come January I’m going to need warm pants and layers of shirts. So I think that five and five rule is total crap. I’m not doing laundry three times a week because I’m only allowed two pair of long pants, two pair of shorts and a pair of dress pants because you can’t have more than five. And what a shorts. It’s sure a sleeveless shirt, a lightweight long sleeve shirt, a heavy long sleeve shirt and a sweater and what wash the short sleeve stuff every single day in the summer and the long sleeve stuff every single day in the winter. It to me it’s ridiculous. I mean if you stay home all the time and you wear pretty much the same clothes a couple of days then maybe you can get away with it. But I think for most of it it is a ridiculous goal.
But the fear becoming a hoarder has caused real emotional distress in people and they try and get rid of stuff. I have a daughter who does this occasionally and then sits there and cries because she got rid of something and now realize that she needs it. It’s like the person who said every 6 months should go through your clothes and get rid of what you haven’t used in 6 months. So if you go through your clothes in March, you haven’t worn your summer stuff in 6 months. Get rid of it all and then walk by new when summer comes. I guess if you’re wealthy you can do that, but it seems like then you’re going to be getting rid of your winter clothes just before winter gets here and have to buy all new for that. I don’t usually buy a new wardrobe every 6 months and it seems ridiculous.
I would sit down and have a talk with your wife. Explain to her that if she wants to get rid of the stuff that isn’t used in the closet you will go through the closet and give her the things that you’ve decided you don’t need anymore. But do not give away stuff that you were gifted by her just because she was the original purchaser. If she gave it to you as a gift, it’s your property and she needs to respect that.
And let’s be honest if she can’t respect that. If you can’t trust her not to give away your possessions for whatever excuse at some point, you may have to consider seriously not being with her
Eek. NTA
Give away ALL her clothes.
Yeah my mom did this when I went away for six months to see my grand parents she gave some of my favorite clothes to her friend. And let her use my bike which I had bought myself with money I had saved from babysitting and birthdays the friend wrecked the bike and never fixed it.
After a life long of teaching me to respect peoples things it titally baffeled me!
People can be so weird
But definitely. Disappear some of her clothes or shoes for her… then she will learn
Grab a hand full of the wife’s clothes and hide them out the garage,when she asks where they are just say you bought them so you can give them away!!
That’s shitty fuck. That’s your stuff, she is stealing it from you and giving it away. I would not be ok with that under any circumstances.
You should do it right back to her and see how she likes it if it’s no big deal.
The advice to give away her things is perfect but I’d go about it differently. Start to take articles of her clothing and put them somewhere in a bag and hide away in attic or back of a closet where she won’t find them. If you give away her things she will just buy more. When she finally catches on that her things are missing you ask her how it feels to have your things go away
NTA
Your wife is clearly out of line. And I will bet dollars to donuts this isn’t the only crap she pulls. You deserve better and you should put your foot down now.
I Poshmark my husbands clothes pretty frequently,especially if he hasn’t worn them in a long time. The only things he would miss are his Dave Matthews tee shirts.
NTA
You are married to a woman that wants to seen as generous.
Be aware that, eventually, she’ll be giving away stuff you’ve bought yourself; she’s already at the stage of deciding for you that you don’t need or want things she gifted you. A relative was like that, I think her endorphins got going and she couldn’t stop herself.
NTA – 7 years is too long for this to be happening.
My mom and I went through and got rid of my Dad’s old clothes, because she was a SAHM and spring cleaning was part of her “job”. She would never have gotten rid of something my dad wore, only clothes he didn’t wear, had holes, or had stains.
If she was on the fence, it went into the “ask Dad” pile. Sometimes he kept crappy clothes just to garden in.
We did this with everyone’s clothes twice a year. There were also articles that got saved because they were sentimental.
When my husband and I got married and it was time to spring clean, I offered to go through his clothes, and he flipped out. I offered to do it with him. This was met with resistance. I kept assuring him he did not have to throw a single item away, he just had to acknowledge each piece of clothing and say he wanted it.
It took a lot of coaxing / fighting and he finally went through each item in his closet. We eliminated 100 gallons of stuff from his closet. He felt so much better. He has never once objected again, because I never make him throw stuff away. He’s allowed to keep every single item if he wants.
On the other hand his home office is a dumpster fire, and I would no sooner tell him what to do in his work space than fly to the moon.
So funny how woman underhandedly decide what you can wear. My wife used to spill bleach on sweatshirts or any old cloths of mine she didn’t like, when I started wearing them with bleach stains I got terrifying stories about cloths eating washers and being melted in the dryer. You just can’t win this one.
NTA!! she’s completely in the wrong here, and being very disrespectful to you. Doesn’t your opinion or choice count for anything? If she is looking to make donations she can speak to you, “hey I’m taking some stuff to goodwill this week, do you have anything to donate?” Otherwise she needs to respect your possessions!
Once something is given, it then belongs to the recipient, not the donor. I knew a woman who threw out her husband’s prized high school sports letter jacket because she didn’t like it. Nasty move. .
NTA. She is being super controlling here.
Have you given her any jewelry? Give a piece of it away. Your wife should be totally fine with it. I get it’s extreme.
Go nuclear.
I gave that dress away, you looked fat in it.
Nta
Wtf?
I wouldn’t accept anything else from her either.
I’d be telling her she better stop or you’ll start giving her stuff away and see how she likes it.
Good grief.
Empty her entire closet and drawers immediately.
Sorry i cant judge unless i see and know you 😀 you know some people wear clothes far beyond saving. Some people love clothes but never wear it. Outgrew some but hope to lose weight. I cant judge this its just your pov 😀
NTA but hey apparently everything you’ve ever bought her is still yours. Maybe pick some things out she “rarely uses” and sell them for a new hoodie and something for yourself. Ngl I wouldn’t want to be exchanging gifts anymore with them unless it’s giving each other the cash value of an item you thought they might like. That way it’s not their money anymore and have no say.
You are right. Doesn’t matter if she made the purchase. It was your property. She had no right without speaking to you, first.
Oh relax, you have plenty of other clothes to wear and aren’t going to miss a few hoodies and tees.
Nah I would recommend not to be petty. Two wrong don’t make a right. Have a convo but be prepared for it not going well.
Move your clothes in another room and lock the door
NTA
Incredibly rude for your wife to do this. I would be furious.
Disrespectful. They are yours.
1x per year each party nominates upto 5 items to dispose . Presentation of why the item needs to go is not compulsory . Experience taught me humour works better if making an argument
Each party has 2 wildcards to save items.
Each party can persuade for an item to be removed from consideration.
Have fun copywrite me