I 23 f was SA and my son is the result.The man is in jail as I write this. My family encouraged me to abort him. I broke down in my car at the clinic, I just couldnt do it. Next opinion my family pushed for him to be adopted when I refused abortion. If im honest I have to admit I was willing to adopt him out depending on how I felt when he was born.
I heard him cry for the first time and I just wanted him. I cant explain it properly. But in that moment, I didnt care how he came to be. He is my son.
My family felt differently of course, they disowned him without ever seeing him. I was naive in thinking my family would come around. They couldnt understand why I kept him. They talked about how hes going to ask questions about his sperm donor when he is older. They gave him disgusted looks when they saw him. Me and my son moved to my Grans and have been here since. I went no contact with my family.
My son 5 now. Gran died two weeks ago and my “family” was at the funeral. I wouldnt speak to them when they tried to approach me. My son asked who they were and I told him nobody worth knowing and my dad overheard and he asked to talk to me. I said no. I left not talking to anyone from my family. A close friend of my Gran visited who was at the furneral. She said my parents approached her and asked if she can have a word with me about meeting them. She said she can only pass the message on but other then that it was up to me. She handed me their number.
I texted them and told me to leave us alone.
They tried to ring but I wouldnt answer. They sent a long text explaining that they were hurting and in shock about what happened to me. I havent replied to them and they kept texting and asking for a second chance but I dont thing I can. AITAH for not wanting to forgive them?
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NTA. That’s unforgivable on their part, and you are 1000% right to never let your precious son around people so toxic who have hated him since before he was born.
Absolutely NTA. Whether or not you kept the child was entirely your choice. They have no right to treat you poorly because of your decision. Good on you for not letting them overstep your boundaries and push you into doing something you didn’t want to do
NTA. Imagine the shock and pain you went through. They made it about themselves in the absolute worst way possible. Missed 5 years of his life, they don’t get to just come back into your lives because they feel bad now.
When you are hurting and in shock because someone you love was SA’d you rally around them and support and protect them. Instead, they decided to become the next set of attackers. NTA. If you haven’t already, find a chosen family that love you and your son the way you deserve to be loved. I’m so sorry about the loss of your Gran
> they were hurting and in shock about what happened to me
Did any of them think about YOU????
NTA. Fuck them forever.
It was never your son’s fault and their behaviour then and since is unforgivable. They have had 5 years to reach out and apologise: It speaks volumes that they haven’t!
NTA
INFO: why would you want to be around someone who is a constant reminder of your trauma?
How they treated you is disgraceful. But how they treated your son is unfathomable. I couldn’t bring myself to let them near him. No child should deserves that.
As much as wanting to keep the child borne from SA is a… choice, it was your choice. You decided you would love your child, and the fact that your family could treat him like that as if he was the cause of what happened and not the effect, is just horrible behavior.
Your son did not deserve to be snubbed for merely existing, and you are NTA for sticking with your son and protecting him from your hateful family
NTA. I’d also make it clear to them that if they contacted me again I’d report them for harassment
“You chose to hate an innocent child over supporting me. I wish you nothing but the hatred and disgust you showed us. Do not contact me again, I do not allow filth in my life”
NTA
I hope you have support but block that number immediately.
I can understand family encouraging you to consider abortion and adoption because of the SA. Seeing that little face could be a reminder every day of what happened.
But when you made your decision, they should have supported and protected you, not disowned him.
They chose to disown him. You have chosen to disown them. It is your choice to make and you are NTA.
NTA They pushed you away after what you went through, they should have supported you.
It might be worth 30 minutes with them at a cafe just to see what they say and to clearly set your boundaries.
Don’t bring your child. Do it in public so the second they make you uncomfortable, make a scene.
I’m very sorry for the loss of your gran.
NTA, you needed support, not judgement. Your son does not need unpredictable people around who may cause him emotional harm. Have ypu considered therapy and how/when you will tell him? I’d be concerned about Jim hearing about it from someone who isn’t you. Condolences on the loss if your gran. I hope you have other support around you too x
ESH. Them for exiling an innocent child, and you for not understanding how judgemental most people are. But I don’t care about that. The biggest thing here is, are YOU going to be able to raise your son with love, and not see your SA’s face every time you look at him?!
NTA, times infinity. I’d personally be worried that they only want to get “close” again to traumatize your son by telling him all about how he came to be (potentially in gruesome detail) and what a monster his sperm donor is. :/
I’m so sorry bout your gran; it sounds like she was a lovely person, and both you and your son are lucky to have had her in your lives. I hope you’re in a good place, mentally and physically, and have good people around you to lean on. You have no need for your parents or anyone who threatens your son.
NTA i my opinion what they this is terrible and unforgivable
“They sent a long text explaining that they were hurting and in shock about what happened to me.”
Wow. Imagine how you felt.
They had nine months of your pregnancy to get over their “hurt and shock” and get on board with some support. They chose to punish an infant for something he had nothing to do with. They also punished their own daughter, who suffered the actual assault. You needed support. Their grandson needed support. These people are just not mentally healthy people.
I am sorry you suffered at the hands of a monster and then suffered again at the hands of your parents. Forgiving them is entirely up to you but you certainly don’t owe it and they certainly don’t deserve it.
The other concern I have is that you do forgive them and allow them into your son’s life only for them to turn around and punish you or him for some other imagined slight that actually has nothing to do with them.
If you and your son are doing well without them, I don’t know that I would invite their dysfunction into it. You should do what is best for your little family, as you always have. They are terrible but you are amazing.
Oh, what’s that? After 5 years, the family is hurt that you don’t want to speak to them, after they abandoned you and hated your child? How sad. Here’s a two-second sample of the smallest violin for them.
NTA. I could never want to spend a minute in the proximity of people who can hate an innocent child without a second thought. Your family is the “You either do everything as we like or you’re out” type of family. They’ve burned the bridge themselves.
I wouldn’t even leave the slightest possibility of forgiveness without their sincere apologies first.
Block Them
You and your son are: NTA
As a survivor of SA do not give these mf’s another chance. No one was more effected by what happened to you than you. Instead of supporting you in whatever you decided they pressured you and when they didn’t get what they wanted they turned on an innocent baby that is in no way responsible for his father’s evil act. He’s now at an age where he can understand and be effected by their words. Proof they haven’t changed you said you wanted to be left alone they got a third party to intervene again you repeated the boundary leave us alone then they called and text you. They may want another chance but they don’t respect you now any more than they did then.
NTA, I am so sorry that your family let you down when you needed them the most.
They may regret how they behaved now, but that will not change the damage caused to you. They have proved that they will not have your back when the chips are down. You are their child, but they still put their own judgement before your needs while you were going through probably the most traumatic experience of your life.
My step son was the product of a similar situation and he is the most beautiful young man. His genetics are irrelevant, it’s how he was raised and who he chose to become.
Protect your child in the ways that they did not protect you and be kind to yourself xx
NTA. Your family disowned your son AND you. Their daughter went through the traumatic experience of being SAed. It was their job to be there for you in EVERY aspect that they could be but their solution was to abandon you during the hardship of being a first-time mom. Screw them, your better off without them.
They’ve had years to get over their shock so F them.
Sounds like your Gran was supportive so that’s good. I’m cynical enough to wonder, due to their timing, if gran left you something they want though.
I’d be worried that if they ever meet your son, they’ll tell him how he was conceived.
Why send a message specifically? Now they have your number, that’s stupid… just shut up if you really didn’t care…
Forgiveness isn’t the issue. You could forgive them in your heart and mind in the next 5 minutes, completely and totally, but still decide that it was too risky for them to be around your child. You have no idea where they are mentally and even if they are sincere, they could fuck up in what they say around your son.
I am assuming you have consulted with a child psychologist in how to talk to your kiddo about all of this, and have your own therapist.
Nta I wouldn’t forgive them either. They tried to get rid of a ‘problem’ after you’d gone through a horrific thing, and then actually were mean to the innocent child. It’s not his fault what his father is.
I wouldn’t forgive them either, they just want to ease their conscience. I’d tell anyone who knows them what they did too, they shouldn’t be able to let people think they are nice.
NTA.
I am so sorry that you went through what you did. I had my attack 15 years ago. I was lucky to have my brother who supported me and helped me recover and move forward.
You are a survivor. You had something happen to you that changed your life forever in every way imaginable. You were assaulted. You had your consent stripped from you. You found out you were pregnant and made the choice to become a mother. You are the only person who could make that decision. No matter what choice you made, it had to be your choice and they should have been there holding your hand through it. Instead of trying to support you & help you heal your parents tried to back you into a corner. I can’t imagine the additional trauma that was inflicted as a result of their behavior. Your parents opted to try to bully you instead of love you.
Your parents tried to make your situation about themselves instead of looking at it from the perspective of helping you heal and move forward. As far as any relation moving forward? That’s completely up to you. On your terms, on your timeframe. If you’re in therapy or counseling/therapy I highly suggest making an appointment as I’m sure this has stirred up old wounds and bad memories. Take care of yourself, indulge in self care and remember this choices is yours, not theirs. Good luck op.
In their messages and apologies, did they change their tune regarding your son and take accountability for what they did wrong? Going NC for life with your parents seems harsh and reconcilliation shouldn’t be ruled out if they are willing to change.
NTA – your parents let you down. You were attacked and had a baby, two experiences that are scary and overwhelming and they didn’t support you. Your son is your number one priority and I think it’s harsh they turned their backs on him and you. They were thinking of themselves. It’s unforgivable.
NTA I think you need to protect your son, before he was born they were making judgements when you made an difficult decision to keep him. When he was born the looks they gave them was unforgivable as he was only an baby. I sorry but not sorry but I didn’t trust them be around him. I believe there is an bigger picture at play they hope you looking at the tree not the forest.
Also when he becomes an teenager remember that how he was conceived as some people might try use it against him.
Carry on being a great mom to your son.
“what happened to you hurt us, which matters more than how you felt.” nta. good riddance. hasta la bye bye.
Nta…
So they had 9months to process what happened to you and then additional months/years and their final decision was to cut you and your child off? They cut you off when the worse thing in your life happened (the SA)? Great parents you have there.
If they are willing to love your son like a grandson, it’s may be healthiest to forgive and try to rebuild the relationship. Yes they absolutely handled the situation wrong, but it’s a difficult situation for everyone. They may have seen his father in your son but now understand he is 100% yours. Don’t let an awful man from the past destroy your and your parents chance of future happiness and reconciliation- Dont give him that power. Wishing you, your son and family the best for the future.
NTA: They made your assault about them and how they feel about your son. Anyone that can add to the burden of their pregnant daughter who survived an assault and that can be cruel to their innocent grandson isn’t worth knowing. I don’t think your son is emotionally safe around people like that. You were hurting and pregnant when they were cruel to you and your baby. They are still making it about themselves and not you. You didn’t mention anything about them apologizing to you. They haven’t changed. You didn’t mention anything the right thing.
NTA.
NTA. It’s all so sad. A therapist could probably help you determine what to tell your son about his parentage.
Personally, I would lie (say sperm bank or one night stand) I think this is one of the only times this is acceptable. There is no shame in what happened to you (its all too common 🙁 ) and it isn’t your fault, but no one should have to carry the knowledge that one of their parents was a monster.. The exact same situation happened to a family member of mine, pregnent from SA, and she decided to tell her son the truth when he was old enough, he was never the same (turned to drugs, had a very troubled life)..
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and that you didn’t have any support. Well done for choosing love.
I get a sense that after they see you are doing well and are just fine without them, now they feel left out. If you were in need of their help and asking for something from them, they would slam the door on you. If your son ever makes a mistake, and they all do, they will probably throw his bio parentage in his face. I wouldn’t ever trust your parents not to pull the rug out from under you again. Keep your distance. They showed you who they are.