So long story short, in the past my gf (me 27, her 26) admitted to using my razor on her coochie. I told her to never do that again and even gave her my old electric one to use. Fast forward to recent and I found out she used it again. Along with that, I have been telling her for months to stop showering without the fan on or door open a bit as it’ll cause water damage over time. Well, at the same time of finding out about the razor, she had made the bathroom walls wet with water again and I blew up a little bit. She has a hard time taking any criticism and has a hard time admitting fault so this went over not too great. Now a week or so later I was asking where something of mine was and if she possibly used it. Her response was, “why do you always assume I’m using your stuff???” I threw back, “says the person that was asked to not use my razor on her vag yet she did anyway!” Now for the first time she has decided to go spend the Saturday on her own instead of having me come with. I’m not worried we’re drifting apart, however I don’t want these things to keep happening without change.
For reference the ONLY thing we really bicker about is chores and who has done what (I really wish this would stop but we both keep on keeping track). We have also been together for about a year and 2 months. Any ladies or anyone else out there have any advice on how to get my lady to see my point of view or how to get her to be more reasonable to admitting fault/not being defensive all the time? Thanks.
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So long story short, in the past my gf (me 27, her 26) admitted to using my razor on her coochie. I told her to never do that again and even gave her my old electric one to use. Fast forward to recent and I found out she used it again. Along with that, I have been telling her for months to stop showering without the fan on or door open a bit as it’ll cause water damage over time. Well, at the same time of finding out about the razor, she had made the bathroom walls wet with water again and I blew up a little bit. She has a hard time taking any criticism and has a hard time admitting fault so this went over not too great. Now a week or so later I was asking where something of mine was and if she possibly used it. Her response was, “why do you always assume I’m using your stuff???” I threw back, “says the person that was asked to not use my razor on her vag yet she did anyway!” Now for the first time she has decided to go spend the Saturday on her own instead of having me come with. I’m not worried we’re drifting apart, however I don’t want these things to keep happening without change.
For reference the ONLY thing we really bicker about is chores and who has done what (I really wish this would stop but we both keep on keeping track). We have also been together for about a year and 2 months. Any ladies or anyone else out there have any advice on how to get my lady to see my point of view or how to get her to be more reasonable to admitting fault/not being defensive all the time? Thanks.
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> My action was blowing up about my girlfriend’s constant defiance and I might be the asshole for blowing up over something she thinks is very minuscule.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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YTA for the “ladies” and “my lady” and “coochie”. She the AH for repeatedly using the razor in this way. YouTA for your tone/attitude when correcting her. ESH
NTA. Son, why are you with her? She clearly has no respect for you. Let this one go. In time, you will meet someone better. Trust me on this.
NTA. There’s a reason they’re called “personal hygiene products.” They’re not meant to be shared.
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NTA. That’s gross, and she’s disregarding your boundaries and rules
this title will be funny on the podcast that uses an AI voice because it pronounces it vagg not vadge lol NTA
ESH
She should be using her own personal hygiene items. You sound like she isn’t perfect enough for you. Quit criticizing her and her efforts. You both need to sit down together and have an honest conversation about both of your expectations. Listen as much as you talk. I guarantee she has complaints about you that you’ve ignored.
NTA. Maybe you need to explain exactly why you hate her using your razor. Especially if your face and her coochie are not strangers. She shouldn’t need a reason, but it might help to reinforce the message.
She sounds forgetful – is there a way of setting up the bathroom with his and hers sections so she can easily put her hands on the razor you would prefer she uses?
Can you install a fan that goes on automatically when the light in the bathroom is on? Or tile the walls so it doesn’t matter if they are wet? Not everyone will feel comfortable showering with the door open.
If everything else in the relationship is good, fond workarounds for the small stuff, so you don’t have to argue.
honestly man youre at the point of the relationsip where you need to sit down and just talk. show her your point of view and why it makes you feel how you feel. personally i dont care that my girl shaves her downstairs with my razor because i put after shave on anyway and my face in face deep in her crotch half the month anyway. you sound like you both have little issues with each other and iv been there too. one day just tell her “hey tomorrow lets have a talk about any and everything that might be bothering us so write some things down” and you do the same. make a pot of tea and talk it out and remind her you love her but that youre still your own person with your own feeling. good luck boss NAH for now
I think you start by not blowing up. Unfortunately, that’s just going to make it worse.
She’s going to be defensive if you are combative. But that sounds like it’s also its own problem, so bring that up separately. Just have a calm conversation. Ask her if she feels the same way that you do: that she can’t handle criticism and doesn’t accept fault. Ask her what she thinks you should do. Does she really believe you should just accept her and ignore it? Probably not.
But by the end of this conversation, you should have a pretty good lead on whether the relationship is done for.
NTA: those are very simple, reasonable requests.
She can’t be shaving her vagina. They don’t grow hair in them. If you use correct description you might get better results.
if she uses her own razor to shave there, and then shaves other places on her body, she is unhygienic. if you or her ever gets a skin infection I think you know why.
For the most part, NTA.
It’s not unreasonable to ask for your girlfriend not to shave using a razor that is meant for/used on your face. However, your post reads like you’re more so accusing and demanding, rather than asking. Perhaps trying to have constructive, open conversations with your partner wouldn’t immediately devolve into an argument.
I can definitely understand using a men’s razor to shave, especially considering how sensitive an area it is for women. If you have the means, have you considered buying her an electric razor like yours as a gift? Granted, I understand you shouldn’t have to purchase one for her in order to expect that she not use yours, but ultimately it would be a win/win for both of you.
She’s not going to change. If she respected you she would respect your boundaries. It may seem to people a small thing, but you can’t build a relationship without respect.
NTA
Just buy her the same razor, dude. You’ve got your gf shaping things up down there and you’re crying about it. Yeah, she shouldn’t do it but sometimes you’ve got to pick and choose your battles.
Takes your stuff when you ask her not to, won’t apologize and throws crap in your face… That’s not healthy behavior. NTA
Buy her a razor. Enjoy the fruits of her labor.
Wire the fan to the light switch.
NTA
NTA. Dealing with people who can’t admit their faults is exhausting. You need to sit down and have a specific talk about this issue. Say “I just need to know why you keep violating the requests I’ve made of you, which I see as completely reasonable. If you disagree with them being reasonable, I’d really like to know why.”
I strongly suspect she’ll use something known as DARVO. It stands for “deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.” If she admits to doing it, she’ll minimize the harm. If you press that it bothers you, she’ll bring up things you do that bother her. She’ll probably start in on how you’re being mean. The important thing is to stay on topic- for instance, if she brings up your chores issue, tell her that “unless you’re doing it for revenge, the chores have nothing to do with it.”
Stay on topic, stay calm, don’t let it become a fight about every single little thing that happens in your relationship. “If you want to discuss chores, I’m willing to do that after we resolve this issue. I do care about what you have to say, but this IS an issue we need to resolve.”
I’d like to chime in about chores.
If you talk about it and each accept a reasonable amount of chores as your responsibility then there should be an ongoing power struggle about it. Also, if either of you ends up helping the other by doing some of their agreed to responsibilities then instead of falsely feeling like they do too much they will see you’re doing their job and appreciate it.
Interesting
NTA
Coat the blades in hot sauce and leave them laying around. She’ll learn the hard way if she can’t learn the decent way.
Every few months until you break up or die make jokes like “hey babe you feeling hot and bothered?”
NTA but she’s already been asked and do it anyhow. In the big scope of things, you guys haven’t been together that long. I would sit down and have a conversation with what you expect and if she is not willing to do that, then it’s time to simply move on. you don’t want your entire relationship to be resentment over having to tell her how you want things when she sees nothing wrong with how she’s currently doing them.
NTA- but here’s the deal. You cannot change another person or their behavior. You can ask for it, but you can’t demand it and in this case, I wouldn’t expect it. She may or may not have a growth moment where she starts taking more accountability for herself, but you don’t get to decide if or when that happens. So you have a couple choices. You can accept that this is one of her personality traits that you can live with, or decide it makes life too difficult and you need to be with someone who can accept fault and apologize more. Ask yourself if the things you love about her are worth dealing with this thing you don’t.
I also suggest you go out and buy another razor exactly like the one she keeps using (because obviously she likes that one). Maybe she will leave yours alone then.
NTA just because it’s your shaver and she’s not asking. That said, I’d probably go buy myself a new shaver and just let her have it. She might even let you check how close a shave she’s getting with your face.
Buy her her own shaver, wrap it up all pretty! Simplest solution!
NTA – I’m a woman and I would never use the same razor on my face if I used it on my intimate area.
Give yourself pink eye and blame the razor.
As a woman I find this hella yucky. Yes we are intimate with our partners but knowingly so we can clean ourselves properly before and after to avoid things like pink eye lol
Gross. Break up if she can’t respect simple boundaries
NTA. Start using her things that you know she will not want you to touch. Maybe do some water coloring with her makeup? She’ll get the point fast.
NTA. If she doesn’t respect you enough to follow some very basic requests, you’ve got bigger issues to address. Personally, I couldn’t deal with someone who can’t take accountability and plays the victim. I grew up with a parent like that and had a strained relationship because of it.
NTA. Eww.
NTA. I would NEVER use someone else’s razors. Just in general. But especially for that, that’s just ick.
NTA. You’re allowed (and it’s healthy) to have personal boundaries in a relationship, especially when you share a living space and need some things that are just yours.
Regarding the chores, there’re a couple good free apps for that. You can list repeat chores, pick frequency and “assign” them back and forth. Easy to use and helpful in both accountability and making sure stuff doesn’t get lost when life is hectic.
NTA. if i were you i would get her an electric one like yours and maybe put her name on it or make it a craft for her to add paint or gems or whatever to make it hers. have it be an activity you guys do together that way you’re not seeming like you’re nagging her. i would also say that even tho you guys are in a relationship you need to have your own personal hygiene items. maybe do a date night where you guys go to dollar tree or target and get some personal hygiene stuff and have a self care night! at the end of the day that’s a sanitation issue and you need to establish boundaries!
I had a roommate in college, who would do stuff like this to the guys she dated in order to make herself feel like she was dominating them. That by humiliating them a little bit on something really personal that they wouldn’t want to complain to their guy friends about, she had this upper hand in the relationship. Needless to say, this was one in a multitude of personal flaws where she would do the wrong thing on purpose.
NTA
And cut this fishy loose. You’re better off looking for another one.
NTA. Sounds exhausting that she can’t just admit it but perhaps it’s the approach that isn’t working. Sounds like she feels like you’re treating her like a child so she’s purposely doing it to rebel. Sometimes you have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on or if you can let it go. A lot of a partnership is compromise.
Also, the mens razors are elite for shaving. My bf and I share his electric one but it’s a waterproof one so we just clean it after each use.
She’s just an arsehole.
She should have stopped when you told her to stop it but she didn’t. I couldn’t imagine ever using a partners trimmer or anything to groom my genitals. It’s not ok, it’s disrespectful af. I’d be livid if a man used my razor to groom his genitals.
It’s the sort of thing you ask permission for. I’m aware some people see no problems with that scenario, but only after they get consent.