Okay going to try to make a long story short – a little over 2 years ago I reconnected with a couple I had been friends with for about 26 years. The guy and I were hooking up on and off when we were teens and the woman had been my closest friend. They started dating and life went a different way for me. We stayed in touch but they lived in another state for a long time. When they moved back we started to hang out again and very quickly they opened up their relationship and I got involved. At this point they had been together for 18 years. The three of us were dating and things were great for the first 6 months. Then she decided she didn’t want to be part of it anymore so he and I decided to pursue a relationship separately (with her knowledge and consent). So he was dating her and me at the same time. Our relationship became pretty serious and he realized that things weren’t great between him and her anymore and things between them fell apart in January.
She became venomous towards both of us. He has been sleeping on the couch and says that she's just pretty much abusive to him every time she sees him and I'm no longer allowed to go over there anymore. While she is on the lease, he had been paying all of her bills up until recently. He also does work on the house every month and gets portion of his rent taken off. He has done so much work on that house including work on his pond and his garden and he has chickens. She's never contributed anything. I am tired of dating someone whose house I can't go over to. I'm tired of not being able to see his dog, who I love, or his chickens or his pond or his garden which is one of the main things we reconnected over - our love of gardening. At first I figured things would just run their course and she would end up leaving but it's been 7 months and I have finally gotten tired of all of it and asked him today when he's going to ask her to move out. I said give her a time line, I figure 3 months is more than sufficient. He got really mad at me and said that he won't do that. I asked him what his reasonings were and he said that moving is hard and he doesn't want to put her through that and that because she doesn't have a real job and no credit that it would be hard for her to find a place. I got mad and said that she is a whole ass adult who can find a real job and get roommates if she has to. He still said absolutely not. I told him he should move out then and find a place and he said he doesn't want to lose everything that he's worked for which I completely understand.
He insists he is serious about us and has even insinuated about having a future but I'm not okay with him living with his ex-girlfriend anymore or how she treats him or basically the whole situation so I broke up with him. I don't want to be broken up. I don't want to lose him, I love him, but this whole situation has been eating away at my soul and he really put me in a position of where I had no other choice. AITAH?
- Edited to add something important – their lease is up at the end of August so she would be free and clear.
Comments
It’s totally reasonable to feel uncomfortable in this situation. She chose to leave the relationship, and now she’s actively creating tension. You have every right to ask for a living situation that reflects your relationship’s direction.
Getting into this was risky as a whole .
NTA. Like it’s super reasonable to ask him to have her move out. They’re not together anymore and it’s definitely not your job to just deal with that weird set up, kinda weird she’s still there tbh like hello??! what’s the point of breaking up??!!