Hello everyone first time poster here. It’s gonna be a long one as well.
For some context, I (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 2 years now and have been going THROUGH it lately in our personal lives which of course has effected us in our relationship as well. I would say our biggest issue is communication and how I feel like he always tells me I am overreacting a lot so I feel not very heard.
Here’s the story. After an already stressful day from an incident I had with my mother whom I live with, and we had JUST talked about it via text so he knows I was stressed, my boyfriend switched the subject and brought up our mutual friend (she is closer to me, she was my childhood bff but we haven’t spoken since high school and he knows her through her older brother, but we both follow her on Instagram still) and how she posted a bump pic via her story about how she is ready for her baby to come. Mind you she is VERY ready to pop and that is why she posted a pic of her belly.
When my boyfriend brought her up I said “omg i know someone get that baby out her hahah” in a joking manner because she is very obviously due any day now. My boyfriend’s response was and I quote via text “that shit is disgusting”. I obviously got VERY enraged and called him out for it and how not only was it rude and disrespectful to comment on a pregnant women’s body like that, it also makes me feel like he will one day see me as “disgusting” when I am ready to give birth as we have spoken about wanting kids in the future.
His response was automatically defensive and said I am putting words into his mouth because he didn’t say anything about how I would look pregnant he had just never seen such an “abnormal pregnant belly” and that he just can’t say how he feels because I overreact too much. I stood my ground because not only did he not automatically apologize and realize what he said was horrible, he made me feel like I was the crazy one for acting how I did.
I canceled our plans we had for the next day and said I no longer wanted to talk to him and he gave me a crappy apology and said he will just “never say anything ever again”. Am I the asshole?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hello everyone first time poster here. It’s gonna be a long one as well.
For some context, I (24F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 2 years now and have been going THROUGH it lately in our personal lives which of course has effected us in our relationship as well. I would say our biggest issue is communication and how I feel like he always tells me I am overreacting a lot so I feel not very heard.
Here’s the story. After an already stressful day from an incident I had with my mother whom I live with, and we had JUST talked about it via text so he knows I was stressed, my boyfriend switched the subject and brought up our mutual friend (she is closer to me, she was my childhood bff but we haven’t spoken since high school and he knows her through her older brother, but we both follow her on Instagram still) and how she posted a bump pic via her story about how she is ready for her baby to come. Mind you she is VERY ready to pop and that is why she posted a pic of her belly.
When my boyfriend brought her up I said “omg i know someone get that baby out her hahah” in a joking manner because she is very obviously due any day now. My boyfriend’s response was and I quote via text “that shit is disgusting”. I obviously got VERY enraged and called him out for it and how not only was it rude and disrespectful to comment on a pregnant women’s body like that, it also makes me feel like he will one day see me as “disgusting” when I am ready to give birth as we have spoken about wanting kids in the future.
His response was automatically defensive and said I am putting words into his mouth because he didn’t say anything about how I would look pregnant he had just never seen such an “abnormal pregnant belly” and that he just can’t say how he feels because I overreact too much. I stood my ground because not only did he not automatically apologize and realize what he said was horrible, he made me feel like I was the crazy one for acting how I did.
I canceled our plans we had for the next day and said I no longer wanted to talk to him and he gave me a crappy apology and said he will just “never say anything ever again”. Am I the asshole?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
This isn’t about some randos belly, this is about the lack of communication and is honestly say compatibility of your relationship. You both are just finding other ways to be angry/ annoyed with each other rather than communicating your actual feelings. So if this is something you really want to save be honest with yourself. How does your partner enhance your life? Can you see a future without him? Start doing some work.
NTA
That isn’t an apology if it ended in that. He’s trying to guilt you.
And also I’m assuming he’s seen as many pregnant bellies as most men that age, which is nearing none. He’s speaking from misogyny. And that would make me run honestly if other things were already off.
It’s one thing to make a crass joke that doesn’t land. I’m a dude and I do that sometimes w my wife. It’s another to just say something disgusting like this and mean it at 27 years old. You’re entirely reasonable to worry about his long term prospects if this is how he talks about pregnant women. He’s old enough to know better, and he acted like a toddler when you called him on it. He must be handsome to have a gf at this point.
Hot take, pregnancy is gross, and does a whole load of fucked up things to your body. Wildly asshole move to tell someone they look disgusting when they’re pregnant (even if they do, they already know lol) but I guess slim silver lining is he didn’t actually say it to her?
I’d put money on him never having been near a heavily pregnant women in real life. He’s probably going off what he sees in films, which is why he thinks it’s ‘abnormal’ to look like that – it’s not, and the whole ‘pregnant glow’ thing is low-key bullshit.
He needs to grow the fuck up and realise that, as you say, that could be you in the future. Also just accept that he said something dickish and you were right to pick up on it. Embarrassing to be that immature at 27 but there we are.
Faux pas or not, if you get pregnant by this man something is gonna tick you off.
I think it’s hilarious when people say “I’m never gonna ___ again” like it’s a threat and it’s about not doing something super basic. My mother DARVOs like this with that stupid phrase and it’s like this in my head: ‘well, why can’t you just think before you speak but also, WHY do you think like this?’
Your boyfriend can’t take being called out and being held accountable. You’re not the asshole but you’re dating one. You’re 24… time for an upgrade to your life. There’s billions of men in the world, and they aren’t all jerks like this.
I love pregnant women. Even though they don’t technically “look” better, something about them turns me on. Hormones? Some ingrained genetic thing? IDK.
But pregnant women are dope 🤷🏼♂️😂
I love a pregnant woman – not in a fetish way – as they are mostly happy to be pregnant and (whether or not you find them attractive in that moment) you can’t argue that it’s peak femininity – what is more womanly than Having a baby?!
And yeah, I know some women have difficult pregnancies or got pregnant in difficult circumstances, I’m just talking generally
Probs minority here but huge pregnant bellies are fucking gross. I worked with a girl who wore bodycon dresses the last month of her pregnancy and literally got icked out every time I caught a glimpse of her.
If he wants kids, he won’t be grossed out by yours. And if he is, at least it won’t be until the end.
Some of yall cherish pregnancy to much.